MARIAN'S DIARY
"JUNE 20.--It is hard to begin a diary. You don't know what to say
first. Bernice Jones says a diary is a book to put the weather in.
She ought to know on account of her grandmother keeping one. Leonore
Whiting, the girl that sits behind me and wears the prettiest ribbons
in school, says a diary is to put your feelings in. Leonore thinks she
ought to know because her sister is a poetry writer.
"When I asked Uncle George for an empty diary and what you write in
it, he laughed and said he would give me all the paper I wanted to
write things in and I had better put down everything. He said it would
be a good thing for me to write more and talk less, so I guess I will
have the fullest diary of any of the Diary Club. That's our name. Maud
Brown was the one that got up the name. She says everybody belongs to
a Club. Her mother does and her father and her brothers too. Maud says
she has got to be in a Club or she never will be happy. She is only
going to keep weather because she doesn't like to write. Leonore and a
lot of the other girls are just going to keep a few feelings, but I am
going to write down weather and feelings and everything.
"The weather is all right to-day.
"It is too bad about vacation. It is almost here and then I won't have
anybody to play with. Uncle George says he never saw a little girl like
to go to school as well as I do. It really isn't school I like to go
to, it is recesses. I guess he had some other boys to play with when he
was little or he would know. I would like to play with Dolly Russel but
my aunt never will let me go over there and she tells Dolly's mother
'No,' about everything she wants me to do. She did let Ella go, only
they don't invite Ella any more. I wonder if she talked too much, or
broke anything, or why? Lala works over there now, but my aunt told me
not to talk to Lala so I don't dare.
"I found out something to-day at school. The children that live in
houses don't all go to bed in the dark. I cried and cried when I first
had to go to bed in the dark because where I used to live, we didn't
have to. I wish I could sit up late at night.
"Another thing about a diary is how nice it will be for your
grandchildren to know what you used to think about and what you used
to do. I can hardly believe that I am the grandmother of my own
grandchildren, but of course it is so.
"June 21.--We took our diaries to school. I had the most written of
anybody, but I don't think it is nice to read your diary out loud
because they ask questions. The girls wanted to know where I used to
live and I wanted to tell them but I didn't dare to, and now I wonder
about things. Louise Fisher said that Dolly Russel's mother told her
mother that my aunt is not good to me, and a good many more things,
and they are all sorry for me and they say it is too bad I can't have
pretty clothes like Ella. I didn't say much because I don't want
everybody in school to know how bad I am and that nobody can love me,
and about the cookies. I guess I would die if they knew it all. Their
mothers wouldn't let them play with me at recess.
"I wish I had a white dress to wear the last day of school when I sing
a song alone and speak my piece. I don't like to sing and speak pieces
because I am afraid. I am not going to take my diary to school any more.
"June 22.--I don't know what to think. I heard some more things about
me at school to-day. Folks wonder who I am and where I came from, and
Louise Fisher says she knows Uncle George is not my own uncle and if
she was me she would run away. I can't run away because I don't know
where to run to and I am afraid. Ella knows things about me and if she
ever gets a chance I guess she will tell me, but her mother won't let
her speak to me if she can help it. I guess her mother doesn't know how
hard I try to set Ella a good example of being polite and not slamming
doors and speak when you're spoken to, and children should be seen and
not heard, and if you behave as well as you look you'll be all right.
"I know it was bad about the cookies, but Ella never can do a cooky
sin because her mother always says to her, 'Help yourself, darling,'
and that's different. Besides that, Ella thinks a tramp did take the
cookies. I will tell her some time because she cried and was sorry I
had so much trouble. Then she will never speak to me again, but it is
better to tell the truth than to do any other way. When I think I am
going to die, sure, then I will tell my aunt if it kills me.
"I wonder if Uncle George is my uncle or what?
"June 23.--It was the last day of school to-day. I sung my song and
spoke my piece and Dolly Russel's mother kissed me. I wish she was my
mother. I wish I had a mother. I am glad she kissed me. Aunt Amelia
wasn't there. Ella cried because she couldn't go. It didn't rain. You
don't think about weather when it is nice.
"September 5.--The queerest thing happened. I thought I would be the
one that would write the most in my diary this summer, but I wasn't,
and good reason why. It was just a little after daylight the day after
the last day of school, that Aunt Amelia came and called me and told me
to get dressed quick, and she gave me all clean clothes to put on and I
was frightened. I said what had I done and she said I had done enough.
I was scared worse than ever. She told me to go down in the kitchen and
I would find some breakfast ready. I thought I couldn't eat, everything
was so queer and early, but I did, and then I had to put on my hat and
Uncle George said, 'Are you ready?' I said where am I going, is it
reform school, and Aunt Amelia said it ought to be, and then I got in
a carriage with Uncle George and the driver put a little new trunk on
behind and we drove to the depot.
"It was awful early and the grass and the trees looked queer and the
birds were singing like everything. Uncle George told me to cheer up, I
was going to a nice place where I would have a good time, and he told
me to write to him every week and he would write to me. He said I
mustn't tell the folks where I was going that I was ever bad. He said
he thought I was a pretty good little girl, and when he put me on the
train and told the conductor where I was going and to take care of me,
because I was his little girl, I put my arms around his neck and kissed
him good-bye. He is a good man. I hope he is my uncle, but I don't know.
"Well, I had a nice time in that village where I went and Uncle George
came after me yesterday. I was glad to see him, but I didn't want to
come home. I wanted to stay and go to the country school, but he said
that my grandchildren would want their grandmother to know something.
"Then he told me he found my diary and that he put it away where nobody
could see it until I got back. He said he thought he had better tell
me to keep my diary out of sight, because that was the style among
diary-writing folks. So I will hide my diary now. I wonder if he read
it. Anyway, I know Aunt Amelia didn't get a chance, because he told me
most particular about how he found it first thing and put it where
it wouldn't get dusty. He says he is my Uncle George. I was afraid
maybe I was just adopted for a niece, and I am not sure yet. He didn't
say he wasn't my adopted Uncle George, and maybe he thought I was his
brother's little girl when I wasn't. The folks I stayed with told Uncle
George I am a lovely child. He didn't look surprised, only glad.
"September 6.--All the girls had new dresses at school. I am in the
fourth grade this term. I am in fractions and on the map of South
America. We played London Bridge and King William at recess.
"September 7.--Too many things to play after school. Can't write. Aunt
Amelia makes me get straight to bed after I come to my room at night.
It doesn't seem like night, though. I don't like to go to bed in the
afternoon very well, but after all, I am glad it doesn't get dark
early. I go to sleep in the daytime and wake up in the daytime and the
birds are always singing.
"September 8.--Nothing happened in school to-day. It rains and I can't
go out in the orchard. I was going to play 'Landing of the Pilgrims,'
but I guess I will write in my diary. Where I was this summer they had
a library, not a big one like the one down-stairs, but the shelves were
low so I could reach the books, and the folks let me read all I wanted
to. I was pretty glad of it, rainy days and Sundays.
"The book I liked best was full of stories about the Norsemen. They
gave me the book to keep. I take it way up in the top of my favorite
apple-tree and read and read. Sometimes I play I'm Odin and sometimes
I am Thor. I am not so afraid of thunder since I read about Thor. When
it thunders and lightens I play I am an old Norseman and that I really
believe Thor is pounding with his big hammer and that he is scaring
the bad frost giants. I am glad Aunt Amelia says she never read Norse
stories. If she had, she would call me Loki, so there's somebody that's
bad she can't say I am.
"What I like best is to sit in the top of the apple-tree and shut the
book and think about the Rainbow Bridge that stretched from earth to
heaven. Every one couldn't cross, but if my father and my mother were
on the other side of the shining bridge, I would look straight towards
them and I wouldn't look down and my mother would hold out her arms and
I wouldn't be afraid. May be the Rainbow Bridge is wide. I am sure it
is when I stop to think, because the gods used to drive over it when
they came to visit the earth. Perhaps they would let me cross if they
saw me coming because it was only the bad giants they tried to keep
out of heaven. Oh, dear, I guess I am a bad giant myself, even if I am
little, because the book says, 'The giants in old Norse times were not
easy to conquer: but generally it was when they hid themselves behind
lies and appeared to be what they were not that they succeeded for a
time.' I hid myself behind lies.
"September 9.--One sure thing, I will always tell the truth as long as
I live. I didn't come straight home from school to-night. A lot of us
girls went in the old cemetery and read what's on the tombstones, and
I didn't get home early. I tried to get through the gate when my aunt
wasn't looking, but that would have been what you call good luck. She
took me in and said, 'Where have you been?' I said, 'In the graveyard.'
She said, 'Why didn't you stay there?' I didn't know what to answer so
I kept still. Then my aunt said, 'You can't go out to play,' and that
was all. So I am always going to tell the truth and feel comfortable
inside, no matter what happens. I was more afraid of how I would feel
when it was time to say my prayers if I told a lie, than I was of my
aunt.
"September 10.--I didn't get home early to-night because I walked
around the pond with Louise Fisher and Maud Brown. I owned up when I
got home. I am not going to write down what happened, but it was worse
than just being sent to your room. I don't want my little grandchildren
to read about it. I am coming straight home next Monday night.
"September 11.--Aunt Amelia says I act worse all the time. I don't know
what I did that was bad to-day, but I got scolded all the time.
"September 12.--Went to church and Sunday-school and the boys made fun
of my shoes. They couldn't make me cry. I should think I would get used
to being made fun of because I have to wear a sunbonnet to school and
all the other little girls wear hats. I wear my sunbonnet as far as my
aunt can see and then I take it off and swing it by the strings. She
would be angry if she knew. I would almost rather be baldheaded than
wear a sunbonnet when all the other girls wear hats. I wish I could
have pretty shoes for Sundays, but I won't let the boys know I care.
"September 13.--I came straight home to-night. I wish school began at
daylight and didn't let out till dark, there is so much trouble at
home. Uncle George says it is all on account of me.
"September 14.--I came straight home and got scolded.
"September 15.--Got scolded again.
"September 16.--Got scolded some more.
"September 17.--Got put to bed without any supper on account of sitting
down by the side of the pond to watch a frog. It was a funny frog and
when I had to go to bed, I went to sleep thinking about it. When it was
almost dark Uncle George came and woke me up to give me something to
eat. He didn't scold. I am writing this the next morning for yesterday.
"September 18.--It was a beautiful Saturday. My aunt had company and
I played out in the orchard all day long. Ella and my aunt and the
company went to drive in the afternoon so there wasn't anybody to scold
me. I saw the mole to-day. He came out and walked around a little. I
guess he knew my aunt was gone. Everything was happy in the orchard. I
watched a caterpillar a long time. He went so fast he made me laugh. I
guess he was going home from school and wanted to get there in time.
"September 19.--This is Sunday. Uncle George called me in the parlor to
sing for the company and some other folks that came. Aunt Amelia played
on the piano and when she couldn't play any more on account of a cramp
in her wrist, they told me to sing without any music and I did. The
company wiped away some tears, and she said I could sing just the way
my father did when he was a little boy, and then she took me in her lap
and said she thought I looked like my mother. I was going to ask some
questions, but my aunt said not to talk about some things, and then
the company said it was going to rain, she guessed, and would I sing
another song. I did and then my aunt sent me to my room, cross. I mean
she was cross. I felt pretty bad at first but I got over it.
"September 20.--Ella says there is a picture of my father in the album,
and she will show it to me first chance she gets.
"September 21.--My aunt was away when I got home from school so Ella
said, 'Now's your chance,' and we went into the parlor and she showed
me the picture. I smiled back at the face because it smiled at me. My
father is pleasant and kind.
"September 22.--I went in the parlor and looked at the picture again. I
was afraid my aunt would come in and find me.
"September 23.--It happened to-day. I was looking at the picture and
my aunt came in still and caught me. She said dreadful things, and I
cried and I don't know what I did, but she said I was saucy and she
didn't know what to do with me. Uncle George heard the noise and came
in and he scolded, too. I never saw him so cross. I almost thought he
was angry with Aunt Amelia, but of course that was not so. At last he
took my father's picture out of the album and gave it to me, and told
me to keep it, and he told me not to go in my aunt's parlor because
she didn't want me there. I knew that before, because I wanted to take
lessons on the piano same as Ella, and she wouldn't let me.
"I am so glad I have my father's picture. It is like having folks of
your own to have a picture of somebody that was yours. I haven't missed
a single question in school on the map of South America. I guess that
is one map I can't forget. I wish I knew where my father went in South
America. I don't dare ask Uncle George. He says I am the trial of his
life, and he doesn't see why I don't behave like other children.
"October 1.--I am getting so I don't care what happens to me. I don't
come straight home from school any more. I always think I will until I
get started home, and then I dread to come because nobody loves me and
I will get scoldings and things anyway, so I stop and look at toads and
frogs and have a good time before I get home, and sometimes nothing
happens. My aunt says I tell things, but I don't. What would I tell
for? I don't even write sad things in my diary because I don't want to
make my grandchildren cry. It would make me feel pretty bad if I found
out that nobody loved my grandmother.
"October 2.--Had a lovely time playing Pocahontas in the grove.
"October 3.--I tried to count the stars last night, but I couldn't. I
wonder why we don't fall off the earth when China's on top? Aunt Amelia
says I ought to know better than to ask her questions. I do.
"October 20.--I listened to what the minister said to-day. It was about
heaven. I've got to try to be awful good on earth so I can surely go
there. Then I guess somebody will love me and when I walk in through
one of the pearly gates, the angels won't look cross.
"October 21.--You get tired of keeping your diary. I am going to write
a book. Its name will be 'The Little Daughter of Thor.' I guess Thor
never had a little girl, but I am going to write it in a book that he
did, and one day when the little girl was a baby and she was playing
with the golden apples, she fell right through the sky on to the earth.
Then I am going to write about how the little girl watched for the
Rainbow Bridge. She was a little stray child on earth, and even the
giants were kind to her. Of course Thor's little daughter would know
enough to know that the only way home was over the blue and golden
Rainbow Bridge that she couldn't see only sometimes.
"At the end of the story, Thor himself will find the little girl and
will take her in his chariot across the Rainbow Bridge to the shining
bright city in the clouds where her mother will hug her pretty near to
pieces. Maybe when I get the book done, I will write another about what
Thor's little daughter did when she got home. About the songs she used
to sing with her mother, and the flowers they used to pick and about
everything that is happiness. It will be nicer to do than keeping an
old diary about real things.
"The nicest looking man's picture I ever saw is my father, so I am
going to have him for Thor. My father looks kind and smiling, but he
looks, too, as if he would know how to use Thor's big hammer if the bad
giants tried to cross the Rainbow Bridge. I think it is queer that I
like the god of thunder so well that I will let him have my father's
face in my book.
"October 22.--I am going to put some last words in my diary, just
to say that it is a good thing to write a book. Something dreadful
happened after school to-night. I felt dreadful, nobody knows. I got
over it though, and then because I had to stay in my room and have dry
bread and water for my supper, I started my book and it was lots of
fun. It is the best thing there is to do when you want to forget you
are a little girl that nobody loves. If I live here until I am an old
lady I presume I will turn into an author.
"If it wasn't for the orchard and the locust grove and the way home
from school, and recesses and my doll and my books, and the birds and
the wild flowers and the lovely blue sky I can see from my window this
minute, and a good many other things, I would wish I had died when I
was a baby. That makes me laugh. It is a nice world to live in after
all. A beautiful world."