_How Tom sold his mother's Trevot, and
cozened an Aquavitæ Man that sold hot water._
In a winter night, coming home very late, Tom Tram fell with his arms
before him, and at the last run his nose against a post; what, quoth
Tom, is my nose longer than my arms? And afterwards he dropped into a
well that was in the yard, and crying out, help, help, all is not well
that is in the well, the neighbours came and pulled him out, and he
dropp'd like a pig that had been roasted on a spit; but he was then in
a cold condition, so he went to bed, and covered himself; but before
morning, having a looseness in his belly, Tom had beshit the sheets;
and when some, by the quick scent of their noses, had discovered the
fault, he told them, it was nothing but the clear mud of the well that
came away from him; and if he died of that sickness, he would be buried
by torch-light, because none should see him go to his grave. Just as he
had so said, in came a hot water man, of whom he requested to give him
a sup; which having tasted, he feigned himself to be in a hot fever,
and rose up in his clothes, ran away with the aquavitæ man's bottle
of hot water, and took his mother's trevot, and sold it for a long
hawking pole, and a falconer's bag? which being tied to his side; and
having drank up the poor man's hot water, he came reeling home with an
owl upon his fist, saying, It is gentleman-like to be betwixt hawk and
buzzard; and he told the aquavitæ man, that he had sent the trevot with
three legs, to the next town to fill your bottles again.