THE
MAD PRANKS
OF
TOM TRAM,
SON-IN-LAW TO MOTHER WINTER.
TO WHICH ARE ADDED
HIS MERRY JESTS, ODD CONCEITS,
AND
PLEASANT TALES:
BEING VERY DELIGHTFUL TO READ.
[Illustration]
GLASGOW,
Printed by J. & M. ROBERTSON, SALTMARKET,
MDCCCII
THE
MAD PRANKS
OF
TOM TRAM.
CHAP. I.
_A merry Jest betwixt old Mother Winter, and her Son-in-law Tom._
There was an old woman, named Mother Winter, that had but one
son-in-law, and his name was Tom; and though he was at man's estate,
yet would do nothing but what he listed, which grieved his old
mother to the heart. Upon a time being in the market, she heard a
proclamation, _That those that would not work should be whipped_. At
which the old woman leap'd, and with great joy home she comes, meets
with her son, and tells him the mayor of the town had made a decree,
which was, _That all those that would not work should be whipped_. Has
he so, says he, marry, my blessing on his heart; for my part, I'll not
break the decree. So the old woman left her son, and went again to the
market; she was no sooner gone but her son looks into the stone pots,
which she kept small beer in: and when he saw that the beer did not
work, he takes the pot, strips off his doublet, and with a carter's
whip he lays on them as hard as he could drive. The people who saw him
do it, told his mother what he had done; which made the old woman cry
out, O! that young knave will be hanged. So in that tone home she goes.
Her son seeing her, came running and foaming at the mouth to meet her,
and told her, that he had broke both the pots; which made the old woman
to say, O thou villain! what hast thou done? O mother, quoth he, you
told me it was proclaimed, That all those that would not work, must be
whipp'd; and I have often seen our pots work so hard, that they have
foamed so much at the mouth, that they befouled all the house where
they stood; but these two lazy knaves, said he, told me; That they did
never work, nor never meant to work; and therefore, quoth he, I have
whipped them to death, to teach the rest of their fellow's to work, or
never look me in the face again.