IT is impossible for a lady or gentleman to act with perfect ease
and graceful manner at table when in company, at a hotel or any
public place, unless they habitually pay attention to those minor
points of etiquette, which form so distinctive a mark of perfectly
good breeding. Habitual neglect of the courtesies and etiquette of
the table will make them appear awkward restraints upon occasions
when they are important. If the father or mother of a family
accustom the children, by example as well as precept, to be
attentive and polite to each other at every meal, they need never
fear that they will shame them by rudeness or awkwardness when
they go abroad.
Even when a person habitually eats alone, it is better to do so
gracefully and with attention to the rules of etiquette, that
habits of awkwardness may not be formed, which it will be
difficult to shake off when in company.
To make noises when eating, sucking soup with a gurgling sound,
chewing meat noisily, swallowing as if with an effort, smacking
the lips, or breathing heavily while masticating food, are all
marks of low breeding.
It is a bad habit to put large pieces of food into the mouth. If
you are addressed suddenly with your mouth so filled, you are
obliged to make an awkward pause before answering, or to run the
risk of choking by swallowing the great mouthful too hastily.
Never open the napkin entirely, but let it lie on the lap, partly
folded.
Sit neither very near nor very far from the table.
It is rude to move your arms at table so as to incommode those on
either side of you.
Ladies should, after seating themselves, endeavor to draw their
skirts into a space that will not crowd those seated beside them.
To lean back in the chair is rude, and surely no gentleman would
ever be guilty of tipping his chair at table. Sit erect, not
stiffly, but in an easy position.
Bread must always be broken, never cut, and certainly never
bitten.
If a plate is sent to you filled with the food you have selected,
keep it, as others may not have the same choice; if the plate
contain one dish, such as pie or pudding, you may pass it on to
those beside you, and wait till others above you are served before
reserving a plate for yourself.
To eat very fast is inelegant; to eat very slowly bears an air of
affectation. Try to preserve the happy medium.
It is a good plan to accustom yourself to eat with the left hand,
and thus avoid shifting your knife and fork from one hand to the
other.
A gentleman will always see that ladies are served before eating
himself,
Avoid making any noise on your plate with your knife and fork.
It is against all rules of etiquette to soak up gravy with bread,
to scrape up sauce with a spoon, or to take up bones with the
fingers.
Never cross the knife and fork on a plate until you have finished
eating. Never hold your knife and fork erect in your hands at each
side of your plate, when conversing at the table.
Never ask for a second helping. It is the duty of those at the
head and foot of the table to offer it.
To blow soup to cool it, or to pour tea or coffee into a saucer
for the same purpose, are acts of awkwardness never seen in polite
society. Wait until they are cool enough to be pleasant.
Use the salt-spoon, butter-knife, and sugar-tongs even when you
are alone.
If you want to cough, sneeze, or blow your nose, leave the table.
If you have not time, turn away your head, and lean back in your
chair.
To pass a plate with a knife or fork upon it, or a cup with a
spoon in it, are acts of rudeness. Put your spoon in the saucer,
and your knife and fork on the table, until you are served.
Never hurry away from the table as soon as you finish eating, if
others remain to converse. If you are obliged to leave before a
meal is finished or immediately after, ask to be excused for so
doing, and apologize for the necessity.
Never mention at the table any subject that is likely to disgust
others. It is a piece of rudeness only too common, and is to be
severely censured. Many who are utterly without affectation are
really sensitive on such points, and their meal and comfort are
both spoiled if disgusting associations are suggested at table.
At home, if you use a napkin-ring, fold your napkin and replace it
in the ring when you have done with it. If you are dining out,
never fold your napkin, but place it beside your plate.
None but a clown would use the table-cloth for a napkin, pick his
teeth with his fork, put his fingers in his plate, or wipe his
face with his napkin.
If you are unfortunate enough to find anything disgusting in your
food--a hair in the soup, a coal in the bread, a worm in the
fruit, or a fly in your coffee--do not loudly exclaim, or disturb
the appetite of others by mention of your mishap. Remove the
disgusting object quietly, or change your cup or plate without
remark.
The French poet, Delille, tells of an interview between himself
and Marmoutel, which rather humorously points out how table
etiquette may change.
Delille and Marmoutel were dining together, in the month of April,
1786; and the conversation happened to turn upon dinner table
customs. Marmoutel observed how many little things a well-bred man
was obliged to know, if he would avoid being ridiculous at the
table of his friends.
"They are, indeed, innumerable," said Delille, "and the most
annoying fact of all is, that not all the wit and good sense in
the world can help one to divine them untaught. A little while
ago, for instance, the Abbe Cosson, who is Professor of Literature
at College Mazarin, was describing to me a grand dinner to which
he had been invited at Versailles, and to which he had sat down in
the company of peers, princes, and marshals of France.
"'I'll wager now,' said I,'that you committed a hundred blunders
in the etiquette of the table.'
"'How so?' replied the Abbe, somewhat nettled. 'What blunders
could I make? It seems to me that I did precisely as others did.'
"'And I, on the contrary, would stake my life that you did nothing
as others did. But let us begin at the beginning, and see which is
right. In the first place, there was your table napkin--what did
you do with that when you sat down to table?'
"'What did I do with my table napkin? Why, I did like the rest of
the guests: I shook it out of the folds, spread it before me, and
fastened one corner to my button-hole.'
"'Very well, _mon cher_, you were the only person who did so. No
one shakes, spreads, and fastens a table napkin in that manner.
You should have only laid it across your knees. What soup had
you?'
"'Turtle.'
"'And how did you eat it ?'
"'Like every one else, I suppose. I took my spoon in one hand and
my fork in the other.'
"'Your fork? Good heavens! None but a savage eats soup with a
fork. But go on. What did you take next?'
"'A boiled egg.'
"'Good. And what did you do with the shell?'
"'Not eat it, certainly. I left it, of course, in the egg-cup.'
"'Without breaking it through with your spoon?'
"'Without breaking it.'
"'Then, my dear fellow, permit me to tell you that no one eats an
egg without breaking the shell, and leaving the spoon standing in
it. And after your egg?'
"'I asked for some _boulli_.'
"'For _boulli_!' It is a term that no one uses. You should have
asked for beef; never for _bouilli_. Well, and after the
_bouilli_?'
"'I asked the Abbe de Badenvillais for some fowl.'
"'Wretched man! Fowl indeed! You should have asked for chicken or
capon. The word "fowl" is never heard out of the kitchen. But all
this applies only to what you ate; tell me something of what you
drank, and how you asked for it.'
"'I asked for Champagne and Bordeaux from those who had the
bottles before them.'
"'Know, then, my good friend, that only a waiter, who has no time
or breath to spare, asks for Champagne or Bordeaux. A gentleman
asks for Vin de Champagne and Vin de Bordeaux. But now inform me
how you ate your bread.'
"'Undoubtedly like all the rest of the world: I cut it up into
small square pieces with my knife.'
"'Then let me tell you that no one cuts bread; you should always
break it. Let us go on to the coffee. How did you drink yours?'
"'Pshaw! At least, I could make no mistake in that. It was boiling
hot; so I poured it, a little at a time, in the saucer, and drank
it as it cooled.'
"'_Eh bien_! Then you assuredly acted as no other gentleman in the
room. Nothing can be more vulgar than to pour tea or coffee into a
saucer. You should have waited till it cooled, and then have drunk
it from the cup. And now you see, my dear cousin, that so far from
doing precisely as the others did, you acted in no one respect
according to the laws prescribed by etiquette.'"