SERVANTS.

IT would be difficult to express the sense of etiquette on this

subject better than by quoting Lord Chesterfield's words:

"I am more upon my guard," he writes, "as to my behavior to my

servants and to others who are called my inferiors than I am

towards my equals, for fear of being suspected of that mean and

ungenerous sentiment of desiring to make others feel that

difference which fortune has, and perhaps too undeservedly, made

between us."

Conduct towards servants should be always equal, never violent,

never familiar. Speak to them always with civility, but keep them

in their proper places.

Give no occasion for them to complain of you; but never suffer

yourself to complain of them without first ascertaining that your

complaint is just, seeing that it has attention, and that the

fault complained of is remedied.

Beware of giving servants the inch; there is no class so prone,

under such circumstances, to take the ell.

If staying in a friend's house, you may assume, to a certain

extent, that your friend's servants are your servants. But this

must be only so far as you are yourself concerned. You must not,

on any account, give directions respecting the general conduct of

the _menage_. For all your own personal wants, however, you are

free to command their services. Ask for anything, under their

control, that may be lacking in your own room; for whatever you

need at meal times; let them call you in the morning if you sleep

soundly; do not send them on errands, however, without first

ascertaining that it will not interfere with their regular routine

of household duty; but do anything and everything required for

your own personal convenience and comfort through the servants. It

is contrary to all laws of etiquette to trouble your host or

hostess with all your petty wants.

Never apologize for the trouble you give them; but if you should,

through illness or other cause, occasion more work than a visitor

ordinarily brings to a household, let the gift, which, in any

case, you would make to the servants on leaving the house, be

somewhat heavier than would otherwise have been necessary.

This question of fees to servants is a very important one. Many

people are disposed to regard it as an imposition which is

tolerated only through the force of custom. Others view it in the

light of paying for an extra burden, which their presence has laid

upon the servant's shoulders. The latter view, if not entirely the

correct one, is, at least, as reasonable as the former, and a

generous nature will probably adopt it. The opposition will say,

"But all cannot afford to make these presents," and "The servants

are hired on the express understanding that they will have to

serve their employer's guests, as part of the work they are

engaged to do." There is something in this; but, on the other

hand, it might be asked, "Do any of you who complain of having to

make these involuntary gifts for extra service on the part of the

servants, rest satisfied in your own mind when your profession,

business, or the service from which you draw your source of

living, requires extra exertions from you? You are, perhaps, the

manager of the greatest bank that ever was opened, or the director

of the largest department under the control of the State. Do you

not, when anything more than usual is required of you, look for,

if you do not get, extra remuneration, in the shape of promotion,

money, or testimonials? I am sure you do, if you would speak

honestly, and, if so, how can you suppose servants should expect

otherwise? Whether they get all they look for, or think they ought

to have, is a separate affair. Perhaps you, too, do not get all

you deem yourself to merit. The system of fees is, no doubt, like

all other human institutions, liable to considerable abuse. At one

time it was considered beneath the dignity of a gentleman to give

anything but gold, and whilst that superstition prevailed, it must

doubtless have pressed very hard upon poor people, to whom to go

into society was to be ruinously fined, without the privilege of

appeal. Even at the present day, there are certain classes of

servants who are "as death, and cannot be satisfied," unless their

"'itching palms" are heavily laden with their fee; but they are

but rarely approached by poorer people."

With regard to the amount of fees to servants in a household, it

is not possible to lay down any precise rule. Much must depend on

the length of the visit, the position of the master of the house,

and the position in which you are supposed to stand toward him;

and on each of these points you must exercise your own discretion,

and consult your own means or generosity.

Gentlemen give fees to the men servants only, as a general rule,

and ladies give to the female servants only; and though the strict

observance of this rule may seem at times to work injustice, it is

better to adhere to it than to mar the comfort and position of

those who come after you, and who may not have the means of being

liberal over and above the prescribed standard. Under no

circumstances is a lady called upon by the rules of etiquette to

give fees to men servants; the lady's-maid and the housemaid are

the only ones she is expected to remember; but if a gentleman

visit where only female servants are employed, he should make them

a present on his departure.

Feeing the servants in a hotel is open to many objections, as it

is apt to influence them unduly in second or third arrivals at the

same house; but it is a custom so fixed that it has become second

nature to them to look for it. It is certainly a person's own

fault if he submits to being fleeced by the servants ill a hotel.

Attendance is certainly included in the high prices charged, yet

the custom prevails in spite of it, and those who do not comply

with it will soon find the difference, although there may be

nothing sufficiently impertinent or negligent for positive

complaint.

Fees to railway porters and others are certainly not required by

the rules of etiquette to be paid. The payment of them is indeed

forbidden by many of the railway companies; but the receiving of

them is winked at, the result being that travellers who want

attendance are, for the most part, obliged to pay for it. The

system is, however, a pernicious one, and travellers should

discourage it as much as possible, if only for the sake of those

who cannot afford to sustain it.

"I am sorry," said a gentleman to a porter (need we say an

Irishman?) who had looked after a number of parcels, and stowed

them conveniently away in the car, "that the regulations of the

company do not allow me to give you a shilling." "If your honor,"

replied the porter, with a grin, "were to lose _two_, I should

know where to find them."

At a dinner party, an evening company, a ball, or like occasions,

it is customary, on coming away, to give a trifle, the gentleman

to the waiter who hands him his hat, etc., the lady to the

attendant in the dressing-room; but you are not called upon to

remember every servant in attendance. There is a story told of an

old English gentleman, rich enough to be above the suggestion of

poverty, and notoriously liberal enough to be above the imputation

of meanness, who, being at a dinner party, was presented by one

servant with his hat. To this man he gave a shilling. Another

advanced, and helped him into his coat, and to him the old

gentleman also gave a shilling. A third gave him his cane, and

received in exchange a shilling; but when a fourth approached,

bearing his gloves, the old gentleman gazed upon him for a moment,

and then said, quietly: "You may keep them, my good man; it'll be

cheaper for me than to receive them," and then walked out. This

was, however, an abuse of advantage on the part of the servants,

which, if repeated, others would do well to rebuke in a similar

manner.

An English writer on this subject gives some hints that would be

equally conducive to regularity and comfort if adopted in this

country, saying:

"There is no question but that we should seek to perform all our

duties without hope of recompense; and yet, as regards our

treatment of servants, we should be especially careful that, in

endeavoring to make their bodily comfort and mental improvement an

object of consideration, we do not allow ourselves to dwell upon

the hope of gratitude or affection from them in return. Many have

done so, and having, with that view, been tempted to accord unwise

indulgences and to overlook serious faults, they have found that,

far from gaining the love of their servants, they have incurred

their contempt; and when they have perceived that their favors,

unappreciated, have led but to new encroachments, they have

hardened their hearts, and rushed into an opposite extreme. Then

they have considered their servants as mere machines, from which

labor must be extorted by all available means.

"A man-servant is rarely grateful, and seldom attached. He is

generally incapable of appreciating those advantages which, with

your cultivated judgment, you know to be most conducive to his

welfare. Do you accord to him regular hours, and a stated

allowance of work; do you refrain from sending him out because it

is wet, and he is unwell; do you serve yourself rather than ring

for him at dinner time, he will rarely have the grace to thank you

in his heart for your constant consideration. Hear him. He will

thus describe a comfortable place:' There were very few in the

family; when they went out of a night, we made it up in the

morning; we had nice hot suppers, and the cook made a good hash

for breakfast, and we always get luncheon between that and dinner;

and we were all very comfortable together, and had a friend in

when we liked. Master swore at us sometimes, but often made us a

present for it when he had been very violent; a good-hearted man

as ever lived, and mistress was quite the lady, and never meddled

with servants. It was a capital place.'

"Servants' sympathies are with their equals. They feel for a poor

servant run off his legs, and moped to death; they have no feeling

for a painstaking mistress, economical both from principle and

scanty means; they would (most of them) see her property wasted,

and her confidence abused without compunction. It is the last

effort of virtue in a servant if, without any _private reason_, he

should discharge his duty by informing you of the injury which you

are enduring at the hands of his fellow-servant. It is an effort

of virtue; for it will bring down many a bitter taunt and hard

word upon his faithful head.

"'I never got a servant out of a place by telling tales on him,'

will be said to him. Directly a servant departs, we all know,

tongues tied before are loosened to gain our favor by apparent

candor. When it can avail us nothing, we are told. We all know

this, and have said:'Be silent now; you should have mentioned this

to me at the time it occurred.'"

Supposing, then, you have the _rara avis_, the servant that

'speaks at the time,' be chary of him--or let me say _her_ (the

best servants are women). Oh! as you value her, let her not

suppose you cannot part with her. Treat her with confidence, but

with strict impartiality; reprove where necessary, mildly, but

decidedly, lest she should presume (power is so tempting), and

compel you, if you would retain your freedom, to let her go.

There is one thing a man-servant values beyond all that your

kindness and consideration can do for him--his liberty; liberty to

eat, drink, and be merry, with your things, in the company of his

own friends; liberty to get the housemaid to clean his

candlesticks and bring up his coals; and the housemaid wishes for

liberty to lie in bed in the morning, because she was up so late

talking to John in the pantry; liberty to wear flounces and

flowers. The cook desires liberty too. For this liberty, if you

grant it, they will despise you; if you deny it, they will respect

you. Aim at their esteem; despair of their love or gratitude; make

your place what the best class of servants will value, and, though

in their heart they may not thank you for it, you will gain,

perhaps, one servant out of twenty who will keep gross imposition

and gross immorality at bay.

"These remarks can never be intended to deny the warm attachment

of female servants to the children of their employers. Deep love,

no doubt, is lavished by many a woman on the babe she has nursed.

There is a great deal to be said on the chapter of nurses; which

would require to be dealt with by itself. Much wisdom is required

in the administration of a nursery, to which but few general rules

would apply. Cruel is the tyranny the nurse frequently practises

on the parent, who often refrains from entering her nursery, not

from want of love for her children, but positive dread of the sour

looks which greet her. Let her be firm; let no shrinking from

grieving her darling, who would 'break his heart if his Nana

went,' deter her from discharging the encroaching servant.

"On the choice of servants much of the comfort of the young

housekeeper depends. It often happens that her choice has been

determined by appearance rather than the value of character. If

such be the case, she will have many difficulties to encounter. It

is, in the present day, hardly safe to take a servant if there be

a single objection to character, however it may be glossed over by

the person referred to on this point; for there is now an

unhealthy disposition to pass over the failings of servants who

have left their places, and to make them perfect in the eyes of

others. In respect to sobriety, many people will not acknowledge

that a servant had had the vice of drinking, but will cover the

unpleasant truth with such gentle and plausible terms that it

becomes difficult to comprehend how far the hint is grounded, or

not. Be assured when a lady or gentleman hesitates on this point,

or on that of honesty, it is wiser not to engage a servant. Nor

are you deviating from Christian charity in not overlooking a

dereliction of so material a sort. The kindest plan to the vast

community of domestic servants is to be rigid in all important

points, and, having, after a due experience, a just confidence in

them, to be somewhat more indulgent to errors of a more trivial

nature.

"It is always desirable to have, if possible, servants of one

faith But if it so happens that you have a Roman Catholic servant

and a Protestant in your service, you are bound to allow each the

free exercise of her religion, and you ought not to respect them

if, out of interest, they will conform to yours. An exercise of

authority on this point amounts, in my opinion, to an act of

tyranny, and it can only tend to promote insincerity, and,

perhaps, engender skepticism in its object. Nothing is, indeed, so

dangerous as to unsettle the faith of the lower classes, who have

neither time nor opportunity of fairly considering subjects of

religious controversy.

"While on the subject of servants, I must deprecate the over

indulgence of the present system towards them. Formerly they were

treated with real kindness; but it was the kindness that exacted

duty in return, and took a real interest in the welfare of each

servant. The reciprocal tie in former times between servant and

master was strong; now it is wholly gone. The easy rule of masters

and mistresses proceeds far more from indifference than from

kindness of heart; for the real charity is to keep servants

steadily to their duties. They are a class of persons to whom much

leisure is destruction; the pursuits of their idle hours are

seldom advantageous to them, and theirs are not minds, generally,

which can thrive in repose. Idleness, to them, is peculiarly the

root of all evil; for if their time is not spent in vicious

amusements, it is often passed in scandal, discontent, and vanity.

In writing thus, I do not recommend a hard or inconsiderate system

to servants. They require, and in many instances they merit, all

that can be done to alleviate a situation of servitude. They ought

not to be the slaves of caprice or the victims of temper. Their

work should be measured out with a just hand; but it should be

regularly exacted in as much perfection as can be expected in

variable and erring human nature.

"Another point on which I would recommend firmness is that of

early hours. In this respect, example is as important as precept;

but, however uncertain you may be yourself, I would not relax a

rule of this kind; for every comfort during the day depends on the

early rising of your servants. Without this, all their several

departments are hurried through or neglected in some important

respect.

"Your mode of address to servants must be decisive, yet mild. The

authoritative tone I do not recommend. It is very unbecoming to

any young person, and it rarely attains the end desired; but there

is a quiet dignity of deportment which few servants ever can

resist. This should be tempered with kindness, when circumstances

call it forth, but should never descend to familiarity; for no

caution is more truly kind than that which confines servants

strictly to their own sphere.

"Much evil results from the tendency, more especially of the very

young or of very old mistresses of families, to partiality.

Commonly, one servant becomes the almost avowed favorite; and it

is difficult to say whether that display of partiality is the more

pernicious to the servant who is the object of it, or to the

rankling and jealous minds of the rest of the household. It is

true that it is quite impossible to avoid entertaining a greater

degree of confidence in some servants than in others; but it

should be shown with a due regard to the feelings of all. It is,

of course, allowable towards those who take a decidedly

responsible and confidential situation in a household. Still,

never let such persons assume the reins of government; let them

act the part of helmsmen to the vessel, but not aspire to the

control of the captain.

"It is generally wise and right, after a due experience of the

principles and intentions of servants, to place confidence in

their honesty, and to let them have the comfort of knowing that

you do so. At the same time, never cease to exercise a system of

supervision. The great principle of housekeeping is regularity,

and without this (one of the most difficult of the minor virtues

to practise), all efforts to promote order must be ineffectual. I

have seen energetic women, clever and well-intentioned, fail in

attaining a good method, owing to their being uncertain in hours,

governed by impulse, and capricious. I have seen women, inferior

in capacity, slow, and apathetic, make excellent heads of

families, as far as their household was concerned, from their

steadiness and regularity. Their very power of enduring monotony

has been favorable to their success in this way, especially if

they are not called upon to act in peculiar and difficult cases,

in which their actual inferiority is traceable. But these are not

the ordinary circumstances of life."

In this country, servants are proverbially more troublesome than

in Europe, where service is often transmitted through generations

in one family. Here, the housekeeper is obliged to change often,

taking frequently the most ignorant of the lower classes of

foreigners to train into good and useful servants, only to have

them become dissatisfied as soon as they become acquainted with

others, who instill the republican doctrine of perfect equality

into their minds, ruining them for good servants. There are some

points of etiquette, however, upon which every lady should insist:

Never allow a servant to keep people waiting upon the door step.

Never allow servants to treat any one disrespectfully.

Never allow servants to turn their own proper duties over to the

children or other servants by a bribe. Many fond parents would be

amazed if they knew how much running and actual work was performed

by little Nellie or Charlie, and how many fits of mysterious

indigestion were caused by the rich cake, candy, or half-ripe

fruit that paid for the service and bribed the silence.

Never allow a servant to keep a visitor standing parleying on the

door-step, while she holds the door ajar. Train the door-servant

to admit any caller promptly, show them to the parlor, bring up

their cards at once, and return with your answer or message.

There are two occasions in a man's lifetime when may he make his

account with liberality to servants, whether he will or whether he

will not. These two are the occasions of his marriage and his

funeral.

On his marriage, the bridegroom is expected to make presents to

all the servants of his father-in-law or mother-in-law, rather

according to their expectations than according to his means. To

old servants, who have been attached to the bride, the bridegroom

will naturally wish to give some token of the value he sets upon

their devotion. New dresses, new shawls, money, or a handsome

equivalent of it, are expected. Money is usually given to the

other servants; The amounts must, of course, depend, in a great

degree, upon the means of the bridegroom; but he must be prepared

for a heavy outlay on the occasion, if the servants be numerous.