THE PREVIOUS HISTORY OF MR. ST. JOHN.
The Reverend Cecil St. John started in life, not so much under a false
impression himself, as conveying one right and left wherever he moved.
With such a name it seemed certain that he must be a man of good family,
well-connected to the highest level of good connections; but he was not.
I cannot tell how this happened, or where he got his name. When he was
questioned about his family he declared himself to have no relations at
all. He was his father's only child, and his father had been some one
else's only child; and the result was that he had nobody belonging to
him. The people at Weston-on-Weir, which was his first curacy, had a
tradition that his grandfather had been disowned and disinherited by
his family on account of a romantic marriage; but this, I fear, was pure
fable invented by some parish authority with a lively imagination. All
the years he spent at Weston nobody, except an old pupil, ever asked for
him; he possessed no family possessions, not even an old seal, or bit of
china. His father had been a curate before him, and was dead and gone,
leaving no ties in the world to his only boy. This had happened so long
ago that Mr. St. John had long ceased to be sad about it before he came
to Weston, and though the ladies there were very sorry for his
loneliness, I am not sure that it occurred to himself to be sorry. He
was used to it. He had stayed in Oxford for some years after he took his
degree, working with pupils; so that he was about five and thirty when
he took his first curacy, moved, I suppose, by some sense of the
monotony of an unprogressive life. At five and thirty one has ceased to
feel certain that everything must go well with one, and probably it
occurred to him that the Church would bring repose and quiet, which he
loved, and possibly some quiet promotion. Therefore he accepted the
curacy of Weston-on-Weir, and got lodgings in Mrs. Joyce's, and settled
there. The parish was somewhat excited about his coming, and many people
at first entertained the notion that his proper title was Honourable and
Reverend. But, alas! that turned out, as I have said, a delusion. Still,
without the honourable, such a name as that of Cecil St. John was enough
to flutter a parish, and did so. Even the sight of him did not dissipate
the charm, for he was handsome, very tall, slight, serious, and
interesting. "Like a young widower," some of the ladies thought; others,
more romantic, felt that he must have a history, must have sustained a
blight; but if he had, he never said anything about it, and settled down
to his duties in a calm matter-of-fact sort of way, as if his name had
been John Smith.
Everybody who knows Weston-on-Weir is aware that Mrs. Joyce's cottage is
very near the vicarage. The vicar, Mr. Maydew, was an old man, and all
but incapable of work, which was the reason why he kept a curate. He was
a popular vicar, but a selfish man, whose family had always been swayed
despotically by his will, though scarcely any of them were aware of it,
for his iron hand was hidden in the velvetest of gloves, and all the
Maydews were devoted to their father. He had sent one son to India,
where he died, and another to Australia, where he had been lost for
years. His eldest daughter had married a wealthy person in Manchester,
but had died too, at an early age, for none of them were strong; thus
his youngest daughter, Hester, was the only one left to him. Her he
could not spare; almost from her cradle he had seen that this was the
one to be his companion in his old age, and inexorably he had guarded
her for this fate. No man had ever been allowed to approach Hester, in
whose eyes any gleam of admiration or kindness for her had appeared. It
had been tacitly understood all along that she was never to leave her
father, and as he was very kind in manner, Hester accepted the lot with
enthusiasm, and thought it was her own choice, and that nothing could
ever tempt her to abandon him. What was to become of her when her father
had left her, Hester never asked herself, and neither did the old man,
who was less innocent in his thoughtlessness. "Something will turn up
for Hester," he said in his cheerful moods, "and the Lord will provide
for so good a daughter," he said in his solemn ones. But he acted as if
it were no concern of his, and so, firm in doing the duty that lay
nearest her hand, did she, which was less wonderful. Hester had lived to
be thirty when Mr. St. John came to Weston. She was already called an
old maid by the young and gay, and even by the elder people about. She
was almost pretty in a quiet way, though many people thought her _quite_
plain. She had a transparent, soft complexion, not brilliant, but pure;
soft brown eyes, very kind and tender; fine silky brown hair, and a trim
figure; but no features to speak of, and no style, and lived contented
in the old rotten tumble-down vicarage, doing the same thing every day
at the same hour year after year, serving her father and the parish,
attending all the church services, visiting the schools and the sick
people. I hope good women who live in this dutiful routine get to like
it, and find a happiness in the thought of so much humble handmaiden's
work performed so steadily; but to the profane and the busy it seems
hard thus to wear away a life.
When Mr. St. John came to the parish it was avowedly to relieve old Mr.
Maydew of the duty, not to help him in it. Now and then the old vicar
would show on a fine day, and preach one of his old sermons; but, except
for this, everything was left to Mr. St. John. He was not, however,
allowed on that account to rule the parish. He had to go and come
constantly to the vicarage to receive directions, or advice which was as
imperative; and many a day walked to church or into the village with
Miss Hester, whom nobody ever called Miss Maydew, though she had for
years had a right to the name. The result, which some people thought
very natural, and some people quite absurd, soon followed. Quietly,
gradually, the two fell in love with each other. There were people in
the parish who were quite philanthropically indignant when they heard of
it, and very anxious that Mr. St. John should be undeceived, if any idea
of Hester Maydew having money was in his thoughts. But they might have
spared themselves the trouble. Mr. St. John was not thinking of money.
He was not even thinking of marriage. It never occurred to him to make
any violent opposition, when Hester informed him, timidly, fearing I
know not what demonstration of lover-like impatience, of her promise
never to leave her father. He was willing to wait. To spend every
evening in the vicarage, so see her two or three times a day, going and
coming; to consult her on everything, and inform her of everything that
happened to him, was quite enough for the curate. He used to tell her
so; while Hester's heart, wrung with pleasure and pain together, half
stood still with wonder, not knowing how a man could bear it, yet glad
he should. How much there is in the hearts of such good women which
never can come into words! She had in her still soul a whole world of
ideal people--the ideal man as well as the ideal woman--and her ideal
man would not have been content. Yet _he_ was, and she was glad; or
rather I should say thankful, which is a different feeling. And thus
they went on for ten years. Ten years! an eternity to look forward to--a
lifetime to look back upon; yet slipping away so softly, day upon day,
that Mr. St. John at least never realized the passage of time. He was a
very good clergyman, very kind to the poor people and to the children,
very ready to be of service to any one who wanted his services, seeking
no diversion or ease except to go down to the vicarage in the evening
by that path which his patient feet had made, to play backgammon with
the vicar and talk to Hester. I cannot see, for my part, why they should
not have married, and occupied the vicarage together; but such an
arrangement would not have suited Mr. Maydew, and Hester was well aware
of the impossibility of serving two masters. So year came after year,
and hour after hour, as if there were no changes in human existence, but
everything was as steady and immovable as the surface of that tranquil
rural world.
When Mr. Maydew died at last it was quite a shock to the curate; and
then it was evident that something must be done. They hoped for a little
while that Lord Weston might have given the living to Mr. St. John, who
was so much beloved in the parish; but it had been promised years before
to his old tutor, and there was an end of that expectation. I think
Hester had almost come to doubt whether her curate had energy to marry
her when she was thus set free; but there she did him injustice. Though
he had not a notion how they were to live, he would have married her on
the spot had decorum permitted. It was some time, however, before he
heard of anything which would justify them in marrying. He had little
interest out of the parish, and was shy of asking anything from the few
people he did know. When they were told of Brentburn, and the rector's
bad health, they both felt it a special providence that Mr. Chester's
lungs should be weak. There was the rectory to live in, and two hundred
pounds a year, which seemed a fortune to them both; and they married
upon it with as much confidence as if it had been two thousand. They
were almost old people when they set off from the little church at
Weston bride and bride-groom; yet very young in the tranquillity of
their souls. Mr. St. John was thoroughly happy--not much more happy
indeed than when he had walked down across the grass to the
vicarage--but not less so; and if Hester felt a thrill of disappointment
deep down in her heart at his calm, she loved him all the same, and knew
his goodness, and was happy too. She was a woman of genius in her
way--not poetical or literary genius--but that which is as good, perhaps
better. She managed to live upon her two hundred a year as few of us
can do upon three or four times the sum. Waste was impossible to her;
and want appeared as impossible. She guided her house as--well, as only
genius can--without any pitiful economies, without any undue sparing,
making a kind, warm, beneficent, living house of it, and yet keeping
within her income. I don't pretend to know how she did it, any more than
I can tell you how Shakespeare wrote _Hamlet_. It was quite easy to
him--and to her; but if one knew how, one would be as great a poet as he
was, as great an economist as she. Mr. St. John was perfectly happy;
perhaps even a little more happy than when he used to walk nightly to
her father's vicarage. The thought that he was only curate in charge,
and that his rector might get better and come back, or get worse and
die, never troubled his peace. Why should not life always go as it was
doing? why should anything ever happen? Now and then he would speak of
the vicissitudes of mortal existence in his placid little sermons; but
he knew nothing of them, and believed still less. It seemed to him as if
this soft tranquillity, this sober happiness was fixed like the pillars
of the earth, and would never come to an end.
Nor is it possible to tell how it was, that to this quiet pair two such
restless atoms of humanity as the two girls whose story is to be told
here should have been born. Hester's old nurse, indeed, had often been
heard to tell fabulous stories of the energy and animation of her young
mistress in the days of her youth, but these had always been believed in
Weston to be apocryphal. The appearance of her children, however, gave
some semblance of truth to the tale. They were the most living creatures
in all the parish of Brentburn. These two children, from the time they
were born, were ready for anything--nothing daunted them or stilled
them--they did not know what fear was. Sometimes there passed through
the mind of their mother a regret that they were not boys: but then she
would think of her husband and the regret was never expressed. Their
very vitality and activity made them easy to train, and she taught them,
poor soul, and spent her strength upon them as if she knew what was
coming. She taught them her own household ways, and her economy as far
as children could learn it, and to read and write, and their notes on
the old piano. This was all she had time for. She died when Cicely was
twelve and Mab eleven. God help us! what it must be when a woman has to
consent to die and leave her little children to fight their own way
through this hard world, who can venture to tell? For my part, I cannot
so much as think of it. Something comes choking in one's throat,
climbing like Lear's _hysterica passio_. Ah, God help us indeed! to
think of it is terrible, to do it---- Poor Hester had to accept this lot
and cover her face and go away, leaving those two to make what they
could of their life. Her death stupefied Mr. St. John. He could not
believe it, could not understand it. It came upon him like a
thunderbolt, incredible, impossible; yet, to be sure, he had to put up
with it like other men. And so tranquil was his soul that by-and-by he
quite learned to put up with it, and grew calm again, and made himself a
path across the common to the churchyard gate which led to her grave,
just as he had made himself a path to her father's door. Everything
passes away except human character and individuality, which outlive all
convulsions. The parish of Brentburn, which like him was stupefied for
the moment, could not contain its admiration when it was seen how
beautifully he bore it--"Like a true Christian," the people said--like
himself I think; and he was a good Christian, besides being so placid a
man.
The two children got over it too in the course of nature; they had
passions of childish anguish, unspeakable dumb longings which no words
could utter; and then were hushed and stilled, and after a while were
happy again; life must defend itself with this natural insensibility or
it could not be life at all. And Mr. St. John's friends and parishioners
were very kind to him, especially in the matter of advice, of which he
stood much in need. His "plans" and what he should do were debated in
every house in the parish before poor Hester was cold in her grave; and
the general conclusion which was almost unanimously arrived at was--a
governess. A governess was the right thing for him, a respectable,
middle-aged person who would have no scheme for marrying in her
head--not a person of great pretensions, but one who would take entire
charge of the girls (whom their mother, poor soul, had left too much to
themselves), and would not object to give an eye to the housekeeping--of
ladylike manners, yet perhaps not _quite_ a lady either, lest she might
object to the homelier offices cast upon her. Mrs. Ascott, of the Heath,
happened to know exactly the right person, the very thing for poor Mr.
St. John and his girls. And Mr. St. John accepted the advice of the
ladies of the parish with gratitude, confessing piteously that he did
not at all know what to do. So Miss Brown arrived six months after Mrs.
St. John's death. She was not too much of a lady. She was neither old
nor young, she was subject to neuralgia; her complexion and her eyes
were grey, like her dress, and she had no pretensions to good looks. But
with these little drawbacks, which in her position everybody argued were
no drawbacks at all, but rather advantages, she was a good woman, and
though she did not understand them, she was kind to the girls. Miss
Brown, however, was not in any respect a woman of genius, and even had
she been so her gifts would have been neutralized by the fact that she
was not the mistress of the house, but only the governess. The maid who
had worked so well under Hester set up pretensions to be housekeeper
too, and called herself the cook, and assumed airs which Miss Brown got
the better of with great difficulty; and the aspect of the house
changed. Now and then indeed a crisis arrived which troubled Mr. St.
John's peace of mind very much, when he was appealed to one side or the
other. But yet the life of the household had been so well organized that
it went on _tant bien que mal_ for several years. And the two girls grew
healthy, and handsome, and strong. Miss Brown did her very best for
them. She kept them down as much as she could, which she thought was her
duty, and as what she could do in this way was but small, the control
she attained to was an unmixed advantage to them. Poor Hester had called
her eldest child Cecil, after her father, with a touch of tender
sentiment; but use and fondness, and perhaps a sense that the more
romantic appellation sounded somewhat weak-minded, had long ago improved
it into Cicely. Mabel got her name from a similar motive, because it was
pretty. It was the period when names of this class came into fashion,
throwing the old-fashioned Janes and Elizabeths into temporary eclipse;
but as the girls grew up and it came to be impossible to connect her
with any two-syllabled or dignified word, the name lent itself to
abbreviation and she became Mab. They were both pretty girls. Cicely had
her mother's softness, Mab her father's more regular beauty. They spent
their lives in the pure air, in the woods, which were so close at hand,
in the old-fashioned garden which they partly cultivated, or, when they
could get so far, on those bleaker commons and pine forests, where the
breezes went to their young heads like wine. Miss Brown's friends in the
parish "felt for her" with two such wild creatures to manage; and she
occasionally "felt for" herself, and sighed with a gentle complacency to
think of the "good work" she was doing. But I don't think she found her
task so hard as she said. The girls did not look up to her, but they
looked very kindly down upon her, which came to much the same thing,
taking care with youthful generosity not to let her see how much insight
they had, or how they laughed between themselves at her mild little
affectations. Children are terribly sharp-sighted, and see through
these innocent pretences better than we ourselves do. They took care of
her often when she thought she was taking care of them; and yet they
learned the simple lessons she gave them with something like pleasure;
for their natures were so vigorous and wholesome that even the little
tedium was agreeable as a change. And for their father they entertained
a kind of half-contemptuous--nay, the word is too hard--a kind of
condescending worship. He was a god to them, but a god who was very
helpless, who could do little for himself, who was inferior to them in
all practical things, though more good, more kind, more handsome, more
elevated than any other mortal. This was, on the whole, rather safe
ground for two such active-minded young persons. They were prepared to
see him do foolish things now and then. It was "papa's way," which they
accepted without criticism, smiling to one another, but in their minds
he was enveloped in a sort of feeble divinity, a being in whom certain
weaknesses were understood, but whose pedestal of superiority no other
human creature could approach. Thus things went on till Cicely was
fifteen, when important changes took place in their lives, and still
more especially in their father's life.