(_It is rumoured that Mr. BALFOUR is shortly going to the House of
Lords_.)
When BALFOUR goes to the Lords--
For the Upper Chamber's adorning--
The Lower House, if it has any _nous_,
Will have solid reason for mourning;
For he has no axes to grind;
His strategy injures no man,
And his keen sword play in the thick of the fray
Is a joy to friend and foeman.
When BALFOUR goes to the Lords,
To strengthen that gilded muster,
'Twill be sad and strange if he has to change
The name he has crowned with lustre;
For already there's "B. of B.,"
A baron of old creation;
And Whittingehame is an uncouth name
For daily pronunciation.
If BALFOUR goes to the Lords,
Will the atmosphere, I wonder,
With the placid balm of its dreamful calm
Bring his nimble spirit under?
Or will he act on the Peers
Like an intellectual cat-fish,
Or startle their sleep with the flying leap
Of a Caribbean bat-fish?
If BALFOUR goes to the Lords--
But can the Commons spare him?
Besides I'm sure that a coronet's lure
Is the very last thing to ensnare him;
And I'd rather see him undecked
With the gauds that merely glister,
In the selfsame box with PITT and FOX
And GLADSTONE--a simple Mister.
Still if he goes to the Lords,
Whatever, his style and title,
For the part he has played in his country's aid
'Twill be but a poor requital;
For he never once lost his nerve
When the outlook was most alarming,
And always remained, with shield unstained,
Prince ARTHUR, the good Prince Charming.
* * * * *
"Mrs. Hawke would be glad to employ a Wren for domestic work."
_Advt. in Daily Paper_.
Will she have to "live in"?
* * * * *
"If it be true, as SHELLEY said, that 'a thing of beauty is
a joy for ever,' the good people of Roydon are to be
congratulated on the new bridge over the River Stort."
_Local Paper_.
But, supposing KEATS, for instance, said it, will that make any
difference?
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Enlightened Minister_. "I CANNA UNDERSTAND YOUR
OBJECTION TO DANCING, MR. MCTAVISH. WE HAVE BIBLICAL AUTHORITY FOR IT.
DAVID HIMSELF DANCED."
_Elder_. "AY, BUT NO WI' A PAIRTNER."]
* * * * *