Boyce left Wellingsford that afternoon, and for many months I heard
little about him. His astonishing avowal had once more turned
topsy-turvy my conception of his real nature. I had to reconstruct the
man, a very complicated task. I had to reconcile in him all kinds of
opposites--the lusty brute and the sentimental lover; the physical
coward and the baresark hero; the man with hell in his soul and the
debonair gentleman. After a vast deal of pondering, I arrived not very
much nearer a solution of the problem. The fact remained, however, that
I found myself in far closer sympathy with him than ever before. After
all that he had said, I should have had a heart of stone if it had not
been stirred to profound pity. I had seen an instance both of his
spell-bound cowardice and of his almost degrading craft in extrication.
That in itself repelled me. But it lost its value in the light that he
had cast on the never-ceasing torment that consumed him. At any rate he
was at death-grips with himself, strangling the devils of fear and
dishonour with a hand relentlessly certain. He appeared to me a tragic
figure warring against a doom.
At first I expected every day to receive an agonised message from Mrs.
Boyce announcing his death. Then, as is the way of humans, the keenness
of my apprehension grew blunted, until, at last, I took his continued
existence as a matter of course. I wrote him a few friendly letters, to
which he replied in the same strain. And so the months went on.
Looking over my diary I find that these months were singularly
uneventful as far as the lives of those dealt with in this chronicle
were concerned. In the depths of our souls we felt the long-drawn-out
agony of the war, with its bitter humiliations, its heartrending
disappointments. In our daily meetings one with another we cried aloud
for a great voice to awaken the little folk in Great Britain from their
selfish lethargy--the little folk in high office, in smug burgessdom,
in seditious factory and shipyard. They were months of sordid
bargaining between all sections of our national life, in the murk of
which the glow of patriotism seemed to be eclipsed. And in the
meantime, the heroic millions from all corners of our far-flung Empire
were giving their lives on land and sea, gaily and gallantly, too often
in tragic futility, for the ideals to which the damnable little folk at
home were blind. The little traitorous folk who gambled for their own
hands in politics, the little traitorous folk who put the outworn
shibboleths of a party before the war-cry of an Empire, the little
traitorous folk who strove with all their power to starve our navy of
ships, our ships of coal, our men in the trenches of munitions, our
armies of men, our country of honour--all these will one day be
mercilessly arraigned at the bar of history. The plains of France, the
steeps of Gallipoli, the swamps of Mesopotamia, the Seven Seas will
give up their dead as witnesses.
We spoke bitterly of all these things and thought of them with raging
impotence; but the even tenor of our life went on. We continued to do
our obscure and undistinguished work for the country. It became a
habit, part of the day's routine. We almost forgot why we were doing
it. The war seemed to make little real difference in our social life.
The small town was pitch black at night. Prices rose. Small economies
were practised. Labour was scarce. Fewer young men out of uniform were
seen in the streets and neighbouring roads and lanes. Groups of wounded
from the hospital in their uniform of deep blue jean with red ties and
khaki caps gave a note of actuality to the streets. Otherwise, there
were few signs of war. Even the troops who hitherto swarmed about the
town had gradually been removed from billets to a vast camp of huts
some miles away, and appeared only sporadically about the place. I
missed them and the stimulus of their presence. They brought me into
closer touch with things. Marigold, too, pined for more occupation for
his one critical eye than was afforded by the local volunteers. He grew
morose, sick of a surfeit of newspapers. If he could have gone to
France and got through to the firing-line, I am sure he would have dug
a little trench all to himself and defied the Germans on his own
account.
In November Colonel Dacre was brought home gravely wounded, to a
hospital for officers in London. A nurse gave me the news in a letter
in which she said that he had asked to see me before an impending
hazardous operation. I went up to town and found him wrecked almost
beyond recognition. As we were the merest of acquaintances with nothing
between us save our common link with Boyce, I feared lest he should
desire to tell me of some shameful discovery. But his gay greeting and
the brave smile, pathetically grotesque through the bandages in which
his head was wrapped, reassured me. Only his eyes and mouth were
visible.
"It's worth while being done in," said he. "It makes one feel like a
Sultan. You have just to clap your hands and say 'I want this,' and
you've got it. I've a good mind to say to this dear lady, 'Fetch their
gracious Majesties from Buckingham Palace,' and I'm sure they'd be here
in a tick. It's awfully good of you to come, Meredyth."
I signed to Marigold, who had carried me into the ward and set me down
on a chair, and to the Sister, the "dear lady" of Dacre's reference, to
withdraw, and after a few sympathetic words I asked him why he had sent
for me.
"I'm broken to bits all over," he replied. "The doctors here say they
never saw such a blooming mess-up of flesh pretending to be alive. And
as for talking, they'd just as soon expect speech from a jellyfish
squashed by a steam-roller. If I do get through, I'll be a helpless
crock all my days. I funked it till I thought of you. I thought the
sight of another fellow who has gone through it and stuck it out might
give me courage. I've had my wife here. We're rather fond of one
another, you know ... My God! what brave things women are! If she had
broken down all over me I could have risen to the occasion. But she
didn't, and I felt a cowardly worm."
"I had a brave wife, too," said I, and for a few moments we talked
shyly about the women who had played sacred parts in our lives. Whether
he was comforted by what I said I don't know. Probably he only listened
politely. But I think he found comfort in a sympathetic ear.
Presently he turned on to Boyce, the real motive of his summons. He
repented much that he had told and written to me. His long defamation
of the character of a brother-officer had lain on his conscience. And
lately he had, at last, met Boyce personally, and his generous heart
had gone out to the man's soldierly charm.
"I never felt such a slanderous brute in my life as when I shook him by
the hand. You know the feeling--how one wants to get behind a hedge and
kick oneself. Kick oneself," he repeated faintly. Then he closed his
eyes and his lips contracted in pain.
The Sister, who had been watching him from a distance, came up. He had
talked enough. It was time to go. But at the announcement he opened his
eyes again and with an effort recovered his gaiety.
"The whole gist of the matter lies in the postscript. Like a woman's
letter. I must have my postscript."
"Very well. Two more minutes."
"Merciless dragon," said he.
She smiled and left us.
"The dearest angel, bar one, in the world." said he. "What were we
talking about?"
"Colonel Boyce."
"Oh, yes. Forgive me. My head goes FUT now and then. It's idiotic not
to be able to control one's brain.... The point is this. I may peg out.
I know this operation they're going to perform is just touch and go. I
want to face things with a clear conscience. I've convinced you,
haven't I, that there wasn't a word of truth in that South-African
story? If ever it crops up you'll scotch it like a venomous snake?"
The ethics of my answer I leave to the casuist. I am an old-fashioned
Church of England person. As I am so mentally constituted that I am
unable to believe cheerfully in nothing. I believe in God and Jesus
Christ, and accept the details of doctrine as laid down in the
Thirty-nine Articles. For liars I have the Apocryphal condemnation. Yet
I lied without the faintest rippling qualm of conscience.
"My dear fellow," said I, stoutly, "there's not the remotest speck of
truth in it. You haven't a second's occasion to worry."
"That's all right," he said.
The Sister approached again. Instinctively I stretched out my hand. He
laughed.
"No good. You must take it as gripped. Goodbye, old chap."
I bade him good-bye and Marigold wheeled me away.
A few days afterwards they told me that this gay, gallant, honourable,
sensitive gentleman was dead. Although I had known him so little, it
seemed that I knew him very intimately, and I deeply mourned his loss.
I think this episode was the most striking of what I may term personal
events during those autumn months.
Of Randall Holmes we continued to hear in the same mysterious manner.
His mother visited the firm of solicitors in London through whom his
correspondence passed. They pleaded ignorance of his doings and
professional secrecy as to the disclosure of his whereabouts. In
December he ceased writing altogether, and twice a week Mrs. Holmes
received a formal communication from the lawyers to the effect that
they had been instructed by her son to inform her that he was in
perfect health and sent her his affectionate greetings. Such news of
this kind as I received I gave to Betty, who passed it on to Phyllis
Gedge.
Of course my intimacy with my dear Betty continued unbroken. If the
unmarried Betty had a fault, it was a certain sweet truculence, a
pretty self-assertiveness which sometimes betrayed intolerance of human
foibles. Her widowhood had, in a subtle way, softened these little
angularities of her spiritual contour. And bodily, the curves of her
slim figure had become more rounded. She was no longer the young Diana
of a year ago. The change into the gracious woman who had passed
through the joy and the sorrow of life was obvious even to me, to whom
it had been all but imperceptibly gradual. After a while she rarely
spoke of her husband. The name of Leonard Boyce was never mentioned
between us. With her as with me, the weeks ate up the uneventful days
and the months the uneventful weeks. In her humdrum life the falling
away of Mrs. Tufton loomed catastrophic.
For four months Mrs. Tufton shone splendid as the wife of the British
warrior. The Wellingsford Hospital rang with her praises and glistened
with her scrubbing brush. She was the Admirable Crichton of the
institution. What with men going off to the war and women going off to
make munitions, there were never-ending temporary gaps in the staff.
And there was never a gap that Mrs. Tufton did not triumphantly fill.
The pride of Betty, who had wrought this reformation, was simply
monstrous. If she had created a real live angel, wings and all, out of
the dust-bin, she could not have boasted more arrogantly. Being a
member of the Hospital Committee, I must confess to a bemused share in
the popular enthusiasm. And was I not one of the original discoverers
of Mrs. Tufton? When Marigold, inspired doubtless by his wife, from
time to time suggested disparagement of the incomparable woman, I
rebuked him for an arrant scandal-monger. There had been a case or two
of drunkenness at the hospital. Wounded soldiers had returned the worse
for liquor, an almost unforgivable offence.... Not that the poor
fellows desired to get drunk. A couple of pints of ale or a couple of
glasses of whisky will set swimming the head of any man who has not
tasted alcohol for months. But to a man with a septic wound or trench
nephritis or smashed up skull, alcohol is poison and poison is death,
and so it is sternly forbidden to our wounded soldiers. They cannot be
served in public houses. Where, then, did the hospital defaulters get
their drink?
"If I was you, sir," said Marigold, "I'd keep an eye on that there Mrs.
Tufton."
I instantly annihilated him--or should have done so had his
expressionless face not been made of non-inflammable timber. He said:
"Very good, sir." But there was a damnably ironical and insubordinate
look in his one eye.
Gradually the lady lapsed from grace. She got up late and complained of
spasms. She left dustpan and brush on a patient's bed. She wrongfully
interfered with the cook, insisting, until she was forcibly ejected
from the kitchen, on throwing lettuces into the Irish stew. Finally,
one Sunday afternoon, a policeman wandering through some waste ground,
a deserted brickfield behind Flowery End, came upon an unedifying
spectacle. There were madam and an elderly Irish soldier sprawling
blissfully comatose with an empty flask of gin and an empty bottle of
whisky lying between them. They were taken to the hospital and put to
bed. The next morning, the lady, being sober, was summarily dismissed
by the matron. Late at night she rang and battered at the door,
clamouring for admittance, which was refused. Then she went away,
apparently composed herself to slumber in the roadway of the
pitch-black High Street, and was killed by a motor-car. And that, bar
the funeral, was the end of Mrs. Tufton.
From her bereaved husband, with whom I at once communicated, I received
the following reply:
"Dear Sir,
"Yours to hand announcing the accidental death of my wife, which I need
not say I deeply regret. You will be interested to hear that I have
been offered a commission in the Royal Fusiliers, which I am now able
to accept. In view of the same, any expense to which you may be put to
give my late wife honourable burial, I shall be most ready to defray.
"With many thanks for your kindness in informing me of this unfortunate
circumstance,
"I am,
"Yours faithfully,
"JOHN P. TUFTON."
"I think he's a horrid, callous, cold-blooded fellow!" cried Betty when
I showed her this epistle.
"After all," said I, "she wasn't a model wife. If the fatal motor-car
hadn't come along, the probability is that she would have received poor
Tufton on his next leave with something even more deadly than a poker.
Now and again the Fates have brilliant inspirations. This was one of
them. Now, you see the virago-clogged Tufton is a free man, able to
accept a commission and start a new life as an officer and a gentleman."
"I think you're perfectly odious. Odious and cynical," she exclaimed
wrathfully.
"I think," said I, "that a living warrior is better than a dead--
Disappointment."
"You don't understand," she stormed. "If I didn't love you, I could
rend you to pieces."
"It is because I do understand, my dear," said I, enjoying the flashing
beauty of her return to Artemisian attitudes, "that I particularly
characterised the dear lady as a disappointment."
"I think," she said, in dejected generalisation, "the working out of
the whole scheme of the universe is a disappointment."
"The High Originators of the scheme seem to bear it pretty
philosophically," I rejoined; "so why shouldn't we?"
"They're gods and we're human," said Betty.
"Precisely," said I. "And oughtn't it to be our ideal to approximate to
the divine attitude?"
Again Betty declared that I was odious. From her point of view--No.
That is an abuse of language. There are mental states in which a woman
has no point of view at all. She wanders over an ill-defined circular
area of vision. That is why, in such conditions, you can never pin a
woman down with a shaft of logic and compel her surrender, as you can
compel that of a mere man. We went on arguing, and after a time I
really did not know what I was arguing about. I advanced and tried to
support the theory that on the whole the progress of humanity as
represented by the British Empire in general and the about-to-be
Lieutenant Tufton in particular, was advanced by the opportune demise
of an unfortunately balanced lady. From her point--or rather her
circular area of vision--perhaps my dear Betty was right in declaring
me odious. She hated to be reminded of the intolerable goosiness of her
swan. She longed for comforting, corroborative evidence of essential
swaniness for her own justification. In a word, the poor dear girl was
sore all over with mortification, and wherever one touched her, no
matter with how gentle a finger, one hurt.
"I would have trusted that woman," she cried tragically, "with a
gold-mine or a distillery."
"We trusted her with something more valuable, my dear," said I. "Our
guileless faith in human nature. Anyhow we'll keep the faith undamaged."
She smiled. "That's considerably less odious."
Nothing more could be said. We let the unfortunate subject rest in
peace for ever after.
These two episodes, the death of poor Reggie Dacre and the Tufton
catastrophe, are the only incidents in my diary that are worth
recording here. Christmas came and went and we entered on the new year
of 1916. It was only at a date in the middle of February, a year since
I had driven to Wellings Park to hear the tragic news of Oswald
Fenimore's death, that I find an important entry in my diary.