“The next advantage
Will we take thoroughly.”
SHAKSPEARE.
That very same worthy magistrate before whom the Hon. Philip Martindale
was obliged, as above recorded, to enter into an engagement to keep
the peace towards Mr. Isaac Solomons, junior, of St. Mary Axe, in the
county of Middlesex, did again cast magisterial eyes on the same person
under the style and title of the Right Hon. the Earl of Trimmerstone.
Before his lordship and his companions made their appearance before
the magistrate, they were perfectly sober, and of course completely
mortified. They could not escape without betraying their names, and they
hoped, by means of a private hearing, to escape a public exhibition; but
as soon as they made their appearance, and the complaint was exhibited
against them, the magistrate uttered an exclamation of surprise, and
addressed his lordship by name. The secret being thus published, the
Right Honorable and his two companions made their peace with justice
as soon as possible, and retired. Now, as soon as this event was made
public, the Earl of Trimmerstone expected a visit from his caustic and
opulent relative, Mr. John Martindale. Nor was he disappointed in the
expectation.
His lordship’s town mansion was magnificently furnished: this was owing
to the taste of the Countess. Mr. Martindale, who waited some minutes in
the drawing-room before his cousin made his appearance, was, when his
lordship entered, surveying the apartment with a sneer of contempt.
“Good morrow; I greet you well;” said the old gentleman. “I have called
to pay my compliments, and to offer my cordial congratulations on your
very providential escape from Bridewell, of which I think that your
lordship has been recently in very imminent danger.”
His lordship could not afford to quarrel with his wealthy relative; and
therefore, though most deeply mortified by this salutation, he was under
the absolute necessity of putting up with it, and preparing himself
to expect as much more. It is very painful for a man of rank, who has
passed some years beyond the age of boyhood, to be snubbed, schooled, and
lectured. There is not one man in a thousand who would put up with it.
But so it was that, step by step, this Hon. Earl of Trimmerstone had been
entangled in the snares of dependence, and was now unable to extricate
himself. He was caught in a net which he had not strength to break or
patience to untie.
In a subdued and sheepish tone, he replied to his cousin’s taunts: “I am
very sorry, sir, that I was so much off my guard.”
“Oh! yes, no doubt, you are very sorry; but I think if I had such a
fine drawing-room as this, I should not leave it so much as you do, nor
endanger its decorations by the dice-box. For I suppose you have been at
your usual amusements. Oh! Philip, Philip--I beg pardon--I mean, my lord;
if your lordship spends all your lordship’s means in gambling, pray what
do you intend to do in order to keep up your dignity. You are too great a
man to earn a living for yourself. Your lordship has nothing before you
but beggary and dependence.”
His lordship was not quite such a simpleton as to fly out into a violent
passion; nor was he so far sunk in self-esteem as to bear this language
with unreplying patience. He replied, with a little more firmness:
“I hope, sir, I have some better prospect than this, which you are
pleased to lay out for me. There do exist many men who were giddy in
youth, and are respectable in age.”
“Very likely, very likely,” replied the old gentleman. “I understand you,
my lord.”
“My remark, sir, was not designed to be of any particular application. I
only spoke generally.”
“Oh, oh! then you disclaim all reference to me, when you speak of
respectability in age.”
“Indeed, sir, you put a very unfavorable construction on my words as well
as on my actions.”
“Unfavorable construction! Now, pray, my lord, as you are so very
ingenious a personage, will you be so kind as to enlighten my ignorance
so far as to tell me what you would call a favorable construction of
such an elegant and accomplished feat as that which you performed last
night, in company with that paragon of wit and elegance, Mr. Singleton
Sloper? Only suppose that you wished to communicate that truly noble and
gentleman-like transaction to the world through the medium of the press,
and suppose the very kind and accommodating reporters were to give you
leave to use your own language, how would you express yourself? In the
first place, perhaps, you would think it an unfavorable construction to
say that you were in company with Mr. Singleton Sloper. Or, perhaps,
if you could not conscientiously suppress the fact, you would attribute
the same to your most humane and kind consideration in taking notice of
a vulgar blockhead, whom nobody else would deign to honor with their
company and countenance. And pray, my lord, what is the most favorable
construction your lordship would put upon the simple and silly fact of
reeling about the streets in a state of intoxication? I suppose you
would take credit to yourself for being above the milksop system now so
fashionable; and magnanimously reverting to the practice of the good
old times, by making a beast of yourself. And your knocking and ringing
at the doors you no doubt designed as a gentle admonition to your
neighbours, that they should not spend so much of their precious time in
slothful sleep. There, my lord, is that construction favorable enough?”
His lordship smiled, and said: “Perfectly so, sir; perhaps rather too
flattering.”
The old gentleman smiled not when his lordship smiled; but changing
a sneer for a frown, he said: “And what construction, my lord, is
favorable enough to your taste to be put on the fact of your money, or
rather your wife’s money, lost at the gaming-table?”
His lordship started, and looked pale; and the amount of his loss came
over him like a dream.
“Yes,” continued the old gentleman, “I will totally acquit you of any
intention of losing your money; but can you acquit yourself of a mean
and contemptible design of plundering a simple and untutored boy, by the
assistance of that contemptible fellow, Singleton Sloper?”
“Mr. Singleton Sloper, sir,” replied the Earl, “is a gentleman of good
family.”
“So much the worse for his family, for they have reason to be ashamed
of him; and you, my lord, would never have taken notice of him, or
associated with him, but for purposes of gaming. I know the whole
transaction. I know that you had encouraged Sloper to induce that simple
boy to sit down and play with you, and that you made yourself sure of
repaying yourself by his means for the losses which you had yourself
sustained. You cannot deny the fact; and I think you cannot put a very
favorable construction upon it.”
All that the old gentleman said was perfectly true, and the Right Hon.
Earl knew it to be so; and though he had not been ashamed to act thus, he
did feel ashamed at the mention of it.
It is very unpleasant to have a serious accusation brought home so
pointedly; but it is more unpleasant still not to be able to say a single
word by way of extenuation. His lordship, not caring to be speechless and
self-convicted, replied:
“There was nothing but fair play, sir, used or intended; as is manifest
from the fact of my having been loser.”
“Whatever was intended, I know not; but I cannot call it fair play to
take advantage of youth and inexperience: that, I know, you designed
to do; and I am very happy the design was frustrated. My Lord of
Trimmerstone, you and I must come to a better understanding. I will not
suffer you to suppose that my property is to be made answerable for your
gambling-debts. I have once told you the condition on which my will was
made; and on that condition I am well assured you are never likely to
receive a shilling of my property. But as I have no design to leave you
without some legacy, I will tell you now that I will make one more, and
that a final alteration. A legacy of thirty thousand pounds you will find
in my last will and testament. You know best how much of that is already
anticipated; and as a friend, I would advise you to make the best of what
remains. It must be a miracle of reformation that will make any change in
this disposal.”
Without waiting for a word in answer, the old gentleman rung for his
carriage and departed, leaving the Right Hon. the Earl of Trimmerstone in
a very disagreeable position.
As soon as Mr. Martindale had departed, the Right Honorable began
to think again most soberly and seriously of his perplexities and
embarrassments. He made a great variety of calculations, but none of them
were definite or satisfactory. The figures and the sums whirled round
and round in his head, and all was confusion. He scarcely knew, nor could
he by any means make out, whether or not he was solvent. He knew nothing
more of his own affairs than that he was solicited for money which he
could not pay; and when by any contrivance he could put off the time of
payment, that postponement set him at rest for the time being.
There was no one with whom he could consult. He had not a single friend
in the world on whose good counsel he could rely. As for Sir Gilbert
Sampson, he was afraid or ashamed to mention to him a word on the
subject; and indeed there had been lately a great coolness between
them, arising from the very negligent behaviour of his Lordship to
the Countess. And she, who should have been his best friend and most
confidential adviser, had very little capacity or inclination for
prudential and deliberate thought.
When noblemen and gentlemen marry for the sake of money, they ought
always to take especial care that they have money enough: for it is
much better to suffer many disadvantages from pecuniary deficiency,
and to remain unmarried, than to marry one who has not money enough to
answer all purposes. Ladies with small fortunes may not thank us for this
remark; but they will, on second thoughts, consider that such a husband
as the Right Hon. the Earl of Trimmerstone is not worth having. It is not
unlikely that his lordship would, had the law allowed him so to do, have
married another wife for the sake of pecuniary aid, and have deserted the
daughter of Sir Gilbert Sampson. Perhaps it might be an improvement in
the system of accommodating legislation, if hereditary legislators would
allow themselves the privilege of marrying two or more wives, provided
these wives were all of plebeian extraction; by such means a greater
number of city people might purchase nobility for their daughters, and
the estates of the titled be relieved from many of their embarrassments.
But legislation is not our present subject; so to proceed.
The Earl of Trimmerstone finding that thinking was a disagreeable and
unpleasant occupation, and not being much allured to stay at home by the
magnificent decorations of his drawing-room, which Mr. Martindale had so
much admired, took his departure without any inquiries after the health
or even existence of the Countess. He sauntered about the streets, and
looked at the shop-windows, and looked at the people as they passed, and
at the carriages; and he looked among those on foot, and among those in
carriages, for some one to speak or move to; but his friends were not to
be met with that morning. He wondered what had become of Sloper; for he
used to be almost always sure of meeting him in St. James’s Street at a
certain hour of the day. He strolled into Pall Mall, and was very sleepy;
and he stood so long rubbing his eyes and stretching his arms at the gate
of St. James’s Palace, that he positively set the sentinels yawning. He
smiled at the effect of sympathy; and the sentinels also smiled modestly,
and with appearance of great gratification: for it is a high honor to be
smiled at by a man of rank and consequence; and they knew that he must
be a man of rank and consequence, because he was very sleepy, and did not
know what to do with himself.
To keep himself awake he walked along Pall Mall, but not very fast, lest
he might have too much time on his hands when he should arrive at the
other end. Then he threw the contents of his snuff-box into the street,
that he might have the amusement of getting it filled again at Pontet’s.
When he had, by dint of great exertion to walk slow, and make the most of
his expedition, arrived, after a quarter of an hour’s sauntering, at the
little snuff-shop at the corner of the street, he felt almost fatigued
enough to enjoy the pleasure of sitting down; and he accordingly took
his seat, and was for a time exceedingly happy, enjoying the pleasure of
kicking his heels against the frames of the high shop-stool, and gazing
at the passengers.
Not long had he been thus occupied, when two persons passed the shop-door
in apparently close and earnest conversation, and seemingly on very
good terms with each other. One of them, turning a side glance towards
the snuff-shop, caught the eye of Lord Trimmerstone, and turned away
his head again in great haste, as if to avoid being recognised. This
movement excited his lordship’s curiosity; and a few seconds after they
had passed, he cautiously stepped to the door and looked after them. He
was certain that one of the two was Singleton Sloper. He knew by the
broad shoulders, short neck, and shuffling gait, that it could be no
other. As to Sloper’s companion, who was the one that had so suddenly
withdrawn from his eye in passing the shop-door, his lordship could not
form the slightest conjecture. Curiosity induced him to follow them at a
considerable distance, and without being discerned by them, he watched
them into a coffee-house; where, soon after they had entered, he followed
them.
Before he entered the room, he looked through the glass of the inner
door, and saw that the two persons who had attracted his attention
were Mr. Singleton Sloper and the young gentleman to whom his lordship
and Mr. Sloper had lost their money the preceding evening. This was a
strange sight; and the very good understanding between the two led his
lordship into strong and unpleasant suspicions concerning the purity and
integrity of Mr. Singleton Sloper. He determined, however, not to make
any sudden interruption; but as he was unseen by them, he watched their
proceedings, and saw a pocket-book produced and opened; and he saw some
of the contents of that pocket-book handed over by the young gentleman to
Mr. Singleton Sloper.
Lord Trimmerstone was greatly astonished at what he saw; and though the
mere fact of something being thus transferred to Sloper was no proof of
fraud on his part, yet the looks and smiles of the two gentlemen were
so very significant and expressive of collusion, that could these looks
have been sworn to and properly described to an honest and discerning
jury, there would have been in them very powerful evidence to convict the
parties of conspiracy.
Lord Trimmerstone was in doubt how to proceed; and after a few moments’
hesitation, he thought it best to walk into the coffee-room as if not
having seen the gentlemen, and to give them an opportunity to part, or
at least to lay aside their confidential looks, before he fixed his eyes
upon them.
The opening of the door soon excited their attention, and they presently
assumed a different complexion towards each other; so that by the time
that his lordship thought proper to see and recognise them, there was so
great a change of look as to corroborate his suspicion. He knew, however,
that it would not answer his purpose to manifest the slightest symptom
of what was passing in his mind; he therefore greeted them carelessly,
and received their careless reply. Attentively as he could, he watched
the countenance of the young gentleman, and thought he saw in that face
symptoms of more advanced age than he had given him credit for. He was
very sure that it was not the face of an inexperienced simpleton.
There was, notwithstanding all efforts to the contrary, a feeling of
embarrassment between the parties; and much common-place talk was
uttered at awkward little intervals, before any allusion was made to the
transaction of the preceding evening. Sloper at length said:
“Trimmerstone, I have been endeavouring to make an arrangement with our
young friend to let us have our revenge. When will it suit you to meet
us? Will to-morrow night be convenient?”
Now it happened that his lordship had already written his name on
several inconvenient pieces of paper and in connexion with certain ugly
figures, and he was not very desirous of multiplying and enlarging these
perplexities. He would have been happy to have his revenge; but it
appeared very probable that the only revenge which he should be likely
to obtain, would be to inflict on the person of Mr. Singleton Sloper the
castigation of a horsewhip.
“I cannot say this moment; but if you will step home with me, Sloper, I
will see how my engagements stand, and give you an answer; which you may
communicate to our friend.”
Mr. Singleton Sloper did not much approve of this arrangement, but
was, nevertheless, unwilling to exhibit any strong symptoms of
disapprobation. He only said:
“I will follow you in half an hour.”
This, however, would not answer his lordship’s purpose, for he was very
desirous of ascertaining the nature of those papers which Sloper had just
received from the young gentleman.
“Oh no, come with me now, for I have an engagement an hour hence.”
Thus saying, his lordship took Singleton by the arm and led him away,
saying to the young stranger, “You shall hear by my friend Mr. Sloper,
when it will be convenient to have another meeting.”
Sloper had very little suspicion that his lordship entertained any
ideas unfavorable to his integrity. But though he had little suspicion,
he was not altogether free from such unpleasant thoughts. As the two
worthies therefore walked together, there was much constraint in their
manners, and every effort to get rid of it only made the matter worse.
His lordship felt more and more convinced that all was not right; but he
had some difficulty in making his decision how to act, so as to ensure
conviction if he was right, and to avoid an awkward quarrel if he was
wrong.