A CASE OF CONSCIENCE.
Mr. Brown remained in a peaceful slumber during the afternoon. Mrs.
Dubois aroused him occasionally, in order to moisten his parched lips,
and with her husband's aid and Mr. Norton's to change his position in
the bed. At such times he opened his eyes, gazed at them inquiringly,
feebly assented to their arrangements, then sank away into sleep
again.
The members of the family felt a peculiar interest in the stranger.
Mr. Dubois had described him, as a man of intelligence, refined and
elegant in his deportment and tastes. He had noticed in him, an air of
melancholy, which even ludicrous events on the journey had dissipated,
but for the moment. The wild words he had uttered on the night of his
arrival, revealed some deep disquiet of mind. Away from home, hovering
between life and death, and thrown on the tender mercies of strangers,
Mrs. Dubois was filled with compassion and solicitude in his behalf.
Having confidence in Mrs. McNab's skill as a nurse, she had not
suspected that her partiality for a hot dose at night, would
interfere with her faithfulness to her charge. Not having communicated
with Adèle, she did not yet know why it had been deemed important to
dispose of her so summarily, and she secretly wondered how it had been
accomplished with so little ado. When informed, she approved Adèle's
decisive action.
Mr. Norton had fully shared the interest felt by the family in the
stranger, and was happy to relieve Mrs. Dubois in the evening and to
remain by his bedside during the night. Since his first interview with
Mr. Brown, on the day of his arrival, he had felt that, in
accordance-with the vows by which he had bound himself to the great
Master, the unfortunate stranger had a claim on him, which he resolved
to fulfil at the earliest moment possible. He had had no opportunity
as yet, of executing his purpose, Mrs. McNab having guarded the door
of the sick-room like a lioness watching her cubs. When she had by
chance permitted him to enter, he had found her patient wandering in
mind and entirely incapable of coherent conversation.
Meantime, he had prayed earnestly for his recovery and secretly
felicitated himself with the hope of leading him to a rock of
refuge,--a tower of defence, which would secure him from sin and
sorrow.
Mr. Brown continued to sleep so peacefully during the night, that Mr.
Norton, whose hopes for his recovery had been increasing every hour,
was not surprised at the dawn of day to perceive his eyes open,
examining the objects in the room, with the air of a person just
awakened from a bewildering dream.
He gazed curiously at the heavy, carved bureau of dark wood, at the
grotesque little table, covered with vials and cups, at the cabinet
filled with specimens of foreign skill and art, at the Venetian carpet
and at last, his eyes remained fixed upon a black crucifix, placed in
the centre of the mantle. He uttered a deep sigh.
Mr. Norton, convinced that he had fully collected his scattered
thoughts and become aware of the realities of his situation, stepped
gently forward from his station behind the bed and taking Mr. Brown's
hand, said, in a cheerful tone, "How do you find yourself, my dear
sir?"
After a momentary surprise, Mr. Brown replied--
"Better, I think, sir, better".
"Yes sir. You _are_ better. I thank God for it. And also for this
hospitable roof and the kind care these people have taken of you in
your illness. The Lord's angel must have guided your steps to this
house, and mine also".
"This house, sir! whose is it?"
"It belongs to Mr. Dubois".
"Ah! I recollect. I came here with him and have been ill several days.
And the country is--"
"Miramichi", said Mr. Norton. "A desperate region sir. A land where
the darkness may be _felt_".
Just then a ray of red, burning sunshine shot into the room. The good
man modified his remark, exclaiming, "Morally, sir, morally".
Observing a cloud of anxiety stealing over Mr. Brown's face, he went
on.
"Now, my dear sir, let me tell you--you have been very ill for two
weeks. The danger in your case is now over, but you are extremely
weak, and need, for a time, the attention of the two lovely nurses,
who watched over you yesterday and are ready to bestow kind care upon
you again to-day. You must lay aside, for the present, all troubles of
mind and estate, and devote yourself to getting well. When you are
somewhat stronger, I have excellent things to tell you".
"Excellent things!" exclaimed Mr. Brown, excitedly,--a flush
overspreading his wan features. "Has the traitor been found?" Then
with a profound sigh of disappointment, he uttered feebly--
"Ah! you do not know".
"I do not know what your particular trouble is, my dear sir, but I
know of a way to relieve you of that, or any other burden that weighs
on your spirits. I will inform you when you get stronger. What you
need now, is a cup of oatmeal gruel, mingled with a tea-spoonful of
wine, which shall immediately be presented to you by the youthful
queen of this mansion".
He turned to go and call Adèle. But Mr. Brown motioned him to remain.
"Do you reside here, sir?" he asked, in accents indicating great
prostration and despondency.
"No, sir. I arrived here only a few hours before you. I am from the
State of ----. You are also from that region, and I shall not leave you
until I see you with your face set towards your native soil. Now, my
dear sir, be quiet. Perhaps your life depends on it".
"My life is not worth a penny to anybody".
"It is worth ten thousand pounds and more to your friends. Be quiet, I
say".
And Mr. Norton went out of the room, gently but decisively. Mr.
Brown's eyes followed him as he closed the door.
Already he felt the magnetic power of that good and sympathizing
heart, of that honest, upright soul, which inspired by heavenly love
and zeal, cast rays of life and happiness wherever it moved.
Moreover, he was too much prostrated in mind and body, vigorously to
grasp the circumstances of his situation, whatever they might be. Pain
and debility had dulled his faculties and the sharpness of his sorrow
also. The good missionary's cheery voice and heartfelt smile soothed,
for the time, his wounded spirit. It was as if he had taken a sip of
Lethe and had come into the land in which it always seemeth afternoon.
Soon Adèle opened the door and approaching the table gently, placed
upon it the gruel. When she turned her eyes full of sympathy and
kindness upon him and inquired for his health, he started with a
remembrance that gave him both pain and pleasure. She reminded him
strangely of the being he loved more than any other on earth--his
sister. He answered her question confusedly.
She then raised his head upon the pillow with one hand and presented
the cup to his lips with the other. He drank its contents,
mechanically.
Adèle proceeded noiselessly to arrange the somewhat disordered room,
and after placing a screen between it and the bed, raised a window,
through winch the warm September atmosphere wandered in, indolently
bathing his weary brow. As he felt its soft undulations on his face,
and looking around the pleasant apartment observed the graceful
motions of his youthful nurse, the scenes through which he had
recently passed, appeared like those of an ugly nightmare, and floated
away from his memory. The old flow of his life seemed to come back
again and he gave himself up to pleasant dreams.
Mr. Brown continued thenceforward to improve in health, though slowly.
Mr. Norton slept on a cot in his room every night and spent a part of
every day with him, assisting in his toilet, conversing with him of
the affairs, business and political, of their native State, and
reading to him occasionally from books furnished by Mr. Dubois's
library.
He informed Mr. Brown of his mission to this wild region of Miramichi,
and the motives that induced it. That gentleman admired the purity and
singleness of purpose which had led this man, unfavored indeed by a
careful classical culture, but possessing many gifts and much
practical knowledge, thus to sacrifice himself in this abyss of
ignorance and sin. He was drawn to him daily by the magnetism which a
strong, yet heroic and genial soul always exercises upon those who
approach it.
In a few days he had, without any effort of the good man and
involuntarily on his own part, confided to him the heavy weight that
troubled his conscience.
"Ah!" said Mr. Norton, his eyes full of profound sorrow, and probing
the wound now laid open to the quick, "it was a terrible weakness to
have yielded thus to the wiles of that artful foreigner. May Heaven
forgive you!"
Surprised and shocked at this reception of his confession, Mr. Brown,
who had hoped-for consolation or counsel from his sympathizing
companion, felt cut to the heart. His countenance settled into an
expression of utter despair.
"Why have you sought so diligently to restore me to health,--to a
disgraced and miserable existence? You must have known, from the
delirous words of my illness, of which you have told me, that life
would be a worthless thing to me. You should have permitted me the
privilege of death", said he bitterly.
"The privilege of death!" said Mr. Norton. "Don't you know, my dear
sir, that a man unprepared to live, is also unprepared to die? Every
effort I have put forth during your illness has been for the purpose
of saving you for a happy life here, and for a blissful immortality".
"A happy life here! For me, who have deeply offended and disgraced my
friends and my pure and unstained ancestry!"
"It is true, in an hour of weakness and irresolution, you have sinned
against your friends. But you have sinned all your life against a
Being infinitely higher that earthly friends. Your conduct has
disturbed family pride and honor, and thereby destroyed your peace.
But, do you never think of your transgressions against God? For a
world, I would not have had you present yourself before His just
tribunal, with your sins against Him unrepented of. Is there no other
thought in your heart, than to escape the misery of the present?"
Mr. Brown was silent. Mr. Norton continued.
"It is utter weakness and cowardice, in order to escape present
discomfort and wretchedness, to rush from this world into another,
without knowing what we are to meet there".
A flush of resentment at these words covered the invalid's face. Just
then Adèle knocked on the door, and said a poor woman below wished to
see Mr. Norton.
He rose instantly, went towards Mr. Brown, and taking his thin hand
between his own and pressing it affectionately, said, "Look back upon
your past life,--look into your heart. Believe me, my dear sir, I am
your friend".
Then he went to obey the summons, and Mr. Brown was left alone.
The emotion of anger towards his benefactor soon passed away. He had
been trained early in life to religious truth, and he knew that Mr.
Norton presented to him the stern requisitions of that truth, only in
friendliness and love. The good man was absent several hours, and the
time was employed, as well as the solitude of several subsequent days,
by Mr. Brown, in looking into his heart and into his past life. He
found there many things he had not even suspected. He saw clearly,
that he had hitherto held himself amenable only to the judgment of
the world. Its standard of propriety, taste, honor, had been his. He
had not looked higher.
His friend Mr. Norton, on the contrary, held himself accountable to
God's tribunal. His whole conversation, conduct, and spirit, showed
the ennobling effect which that sublime test of character had upon
him. In fine, he perceived that the basis of his own character had
been false and therefore frail. The superstructure he had raised upon
it, had been fair and imposing to the world, but, when its strength
came to be tried, it had given way and fallen. He felt that he had
neglected his true interests, and had been wholly indifferent to the
just claims of the only Being, who could have sustained him in the
hour of temptation. He saw his past errors, he moaned over them, but
alas! he considered it too late to repair them. His life, he believed
to be irretrievably lost, and he wished only to commit himself to the
mercy of God, and die.
For a few days, he remained reserved and sunk in a deep melancholy.
At length, Mr. Norton said to him, "I trust you are not offended with
me, my dear sir, for those plain words I addressed to you the other
day. Be assured that though stern, they were dictated by my friendship
for you and my duty towards God".
"Offended! my good friend. O no. What you said, is true. But it is too
late for me to know it. Through the merits of Christ, I hope for the
pardon of my sins. I am willing to live and suffer, if it is His
behest. But you perceive my power to act for the cause of truth is
gone. My past has taken away all good influence from my future course.
Who will accept my testimony now? I have probably lost caste in my own
circle, and have, doubtless, lost my power to influence it, even
should I be received back to its ties. In society, I am a dishonored
man. I cannot have the happiness of working for the truth,--for
Christ. My power is destroyed".
"You are wrong, entirely wrong, my dear sir. Have courage. Shall not
that man walk erect and joyous before the whole world, whatever his
past may have been, whose sins have been washed away in the blood of
Christ and whose soul is inspired by a determination to abide by faith
in Him forever? I say, yes. Do the work of God. He will take care of
you. Live, with your eye fixed on Him, ready to obey His will, seeking
His heavenly aid, and you can face the frowns of men, while serene
peace fills your heart".
Thus cheered and strengthened from day to day, Mr. Brown gained
gradually in health and hope. Especially did Mr. Norton strive to
invigorate his faith. He justly thought, it was only a strong grasp on
eternal realities, that could supply the place of those granite
qualities of the soul, so lacking in this lovable, fascinating young
man.