EXPLANATIONS.
A few explanations are required before we go further.
_Explanation First. The Different Methodist Bodies._
The Methodist Body to which my parents belonged, and to which I myself
belonged till I was twenty-one years of age, was the Old Connexion or
Wesleyan Body. I was a local preacher in that Body, and was expected and
requested to go out as a travelling preacher. But insurmountable
difficulties lay in the way. In the first place, none could be received
as travelling preachers, unless they were willing to go to whatever part
of the world the conference or the missionary committee might think fit
to send them, and unless they could _express_ their willingness to be so
disposed of before they went out. This I could not do. It was my
conviction that God had called me to labor in my own country, and to do
good amongst my own people. I did not believe myself called to go to any
foreign country to preach the gospel, and I did not therefore feel at
liberty to offer to go out on the terms required. I felt as if I should
do wrong to expose myself to unseen dangers and unknown trials and
difficulties in foreign lands, without a conviction that God required it
at my hands. And I could not think that I should be likely to succeed in
missionary labors, unless I could enter on them with a belief that those
were the labors for which God designed me.
There was another difficulty. Conference had made a new law,
establishing a new test of orthodoxy, and no one could be taken out as a
travelling preacher now, who could not subscribe to the doctrine of the
Eternal Sonship, as taught by Richard Watson and Jabez Bunting, in
opposition to Adam Clarke. This test I could not subscribe. I cannot say
that I altogether disbelieved the doctrine of the Eternal Sonship; but I
was not in a state of mind to justify me in subscribing the doctrine.
Whether the doctrine of the Eternal Sonship was right or not, I had not
a firm belief in it: and that was reason enough why I should refuse to
subscribe it.
About this time Conference passed laws forbidding the teaching of
writing in all the Sunday Schools. I disapproved of these laws, and was
unable to bind myself to enforce them. I was obliged therefore to give
up all thoughts of becoming a travelling preacher in the Old Connexion.
Not long after this, disturbances took place in the Methodist society in
Leeds, respecting the introduction of an organ into Brunswick Chapel.
Conference, through the importunities of some rich people, had broken
through its own laws, and given authority for the introduction of an
organ into Brunswick Chapel contrary to the wishes of a great part of
the members, trustees, local preachers, and leaders. I of coarse
disapproved of this proceeding on the part of Conference. I had heard
the Rev. Joseph Suttcliffe speak very seriously and with great and
sorrowful dissatisfaction of the proceedings of those who were then at
the head of Methodistical affairs, and though I did not, at the time,
rightly understand him, events that took place afterwards, both brought
his words to my mind, and showed me their meaning. In consequence of
what I saw, I began to be greatly dissatisfied with the manner in which
things were carried on in the society.
A division took place in Leeds, and in several other places, and the
seceders formed a new body, called the Protestant Methodists. I left the
old Body at the same time, but having heard favorable accounts of the
Methodist New Connexion, I joined that community. This Body had seceded
from the Old Connexion some thirty years before, under the Leadership of
Alexander Kilham. Kilham was a great reformer both in religion and
politics. He sympathized with the French revolutionists, and with the
English religious Latitudinarians. He was a great admirer of Robert
Robinson of Cambridge, and reprinted, in his periodical, _the Methodist
Monitor_, his writings on religious liberty. He denounced all human
creeds, and proclaimed the Bible the one sole authority in the church
both in matters of doctrine and matters of duty. The conference of the
Body was to consist of one-half preachers and the other half laymen. In
the circuit and society meetings the power was to be divided in the same
way. A list of doctrines generally held in the Body was afterwards drawn
up and published, but was not put forward as an authoritative creed. The
writings of Wesley and Fletcher were referred to, but not as
authorities, but only as works to be consulted. I found on looking
through the rules, that there was nothing to hinder me from becoming a
travelling preacher in this Body. I offered myself as a member, and was
received. I was then sent out as a travelling preacher; and it is to
this Body chiefly that I refer in this work.
I entered the ministry with the full understanding that I should have
perfect Christian liberty both of thought and speech,--that nothing was
required of any minister but a belief in the New Testament, a life in
accordance with its teachings, and the abilities necessary to fit him
for his work. The perfection of the Scriptures, both as a rule of faith
and a rule of life, was one of the first articles in the connexional
list of doctrines, and each preacher was left to interpret the
Scriptures for himself.
To show that the liberty I took in revising my creed was in full
agreement with the principles on which the Body to which I belonged was
founded, I will give a quotation or two from the Founder's works.
"Subscription to all human creeds implies two dispositions contrary to
true religion, love of dominion over conscience in the imposer, and
slavery in the subscribers. The first usurps the right of Christ; the
last implies allegiance to a pretender." Vol. I, page 77.
"The revelation itself is infallible, and the Author of it has given it
me to examine; but the establishment of a given meaning of it renders
examination needless, and perhaps dangerous." P. 78.
"I have no patience with those who cover their own stupidity, pride, or
laziness, with a pretended acquiescence in the unexamined opinions of
men who very probably never examined their own opinions themselves, but
professed those which lay nearest at hand, and which best suited their
base secular interest." Vol. II, p. 340.
"I am seriously of opinion, and I wish all my readers would seriously
consider it, _that real Christianity will never thoroughly prevail and
flourish in the world, till the professors of it are brought to be upon
better terms with one another; lay aside their mutual jealousies and
animosities, and live as brethren in sincere harmony and love; but which
will, I apprehend, never be, till conscience is left entirely free; and
the plain BIBLE become in FACT, as it is in PROFESSION, the ONLY rule of
their religious faith and practice_." P. 271.
Such were the sentiments which Alexander Kilham thought proper to
publish on the subject of creeds.
He adds, that he did so for the purpose of "giving to our people and
others _suitable views of religious liberty in general_, AND OF WHAT
OUGHT TO BE ESTABLISHED AMONG US IN PARTICULAR."
In all I did, then, both in endeavoring to bring my views into harmony
with the teachings of Christ, and in suggesting reforms in the laws and
institutions of the Body, I acted in perfect accordance with the
principles on which the Connexion was founded. Whether the principle was
a good one or not may be questioned: all I say is, it sanctioned my
course.
_Explanation Second. Immoralities._
What I say of immoralities in ministers and members of the Church refers
chiefly to ministers and members of the New Connexion. I must not
however be understood as saying that the ministers and members of the
Old Connexion were free from such vices. They were not. James Etchells,
the minister who drank sixteen glasses of intoxicating drinks on one
round of pastoral calls, and John Farrar, his superintendent, whom he
got suspended for drunkenness, and Richard Wilson, who opened the first
spirit shop in my native town, and corrupted the people all round the
country, and Timothy Bentley, the great Brewer and Poisoner-General of
the bodies and souls of the Yorkshire people, and John Falkener, of New
Castle-on-Tyne, the wholesale Beershop-Keeper, &c., were all members and
high officials in the Wesleyan Body. And I never heard of a man being
either kept out or put out of the Wesleyan Connexion either for being a
Brewer, a Distiller, a Spirit Merchant, a Ginshop Keeper, a Publican, a
Pawnbroker, or a Beershop-keeper. And I never heard of the Conference
doing anything to promote teetotalism, or the suppression of the liquor
trade. The rules and teachings of Wesley, and the principles of Christ
on this subject, were as little cared for in the Old as in the New
Connexion.
There were points though in which the Old Connexion seemed to me
superior to the New. There seemed more hearty religiousness in the Old
Connexion than in the New. The preachers in the Old Connexion seemed to
be a higher order of men, both in piety and intelligence. They seemed to
be kinder too to each other, less jealous, less envious, and less
disposed to annoy and persecute one another. And they worked harder.
They had more of the spirit of Wesley. They were less anxious to steal
sheep from other folds, and more disposed to go out into the wilderness
to bring in those which were astray. With many of the New Connexion
members religion was too much of a form and a name: with an immense
number in the Old Connexion it was a life and a power. Hence the Old
Connexion prospered, while the New Connexion languished and declined.
The New Connexion trusted to their democratic principles of church
government for additions, and were disappointed. The Old Connexion
trusted to honest, zealous, Christian work, and succeeded. The Old
Connexion, bred great and mighty men, the New Connexion bred weak and
little ones. The New Connexion was afraid of superior men, and if any
made their appearance, drove them away, as in the case of Richard Watson
and others; the Old Connexion welcomed such men, and used them, and
reaped from their labors rich harvests of blessing. I might myself
perhaps, if my way into its ministry had not been blocked up, have been
much more happy and useful in the Old Connexion than in the New, and
have had a very different story to tell in my old age, from that which I
am telling you now. I don't know.
No; I don't know. It is quite possible that I was so formed,--that
religious freedom was so essential to the soul God had given me,--that I
should have broken through the enclosures of any sect, and made for
myself a history like that which I am now writing. But speculations on
such subjects are all vain. A man can live but once, and in one way, and
all we can do now is to live well for the future,--as well as we can.
God help us.
God will help us. And we must not suppose that because we have not had
the lot which imagination pictures as most desirable, we have lived in
vain. Let us look on matters in a more cheerful light. The world, and
all our affairs, are in the hands of an all-perfect God, and always have
been, and I am inclined to believe, that with regard to myself, He has
done all things well. I meant to do right from the first. I never
wickedly departed from God. I erred unintentionally and unexpectedly. I
erred seeking for the truth. I erred praying to God to lead me right.
And I am inclined to believe that my course was not entirely of myself,
but was a discipline appointed me by a higher power, and meant to
further some desirable end. So I will go on hoping and rejoicing,
interpreting God's doings as favorably as I can, and believing, that
what I know not now, I shall know hereafter. And all the time I will
rejoice in God's love, and sing Glory, Hallelujah.
_Explanation Third. Christianity and Methodism not to Blame._
Do not let any one judge of Christianity or Methodism, nor even of the
whole body of the Methodist Church, from the cases of immorality which I
have found it necessary to name. Christianity and real Wesleyan
Methodism are as opposed to bad trades and bad deeds as light is to
darkness. And bad as things were in the churches to which I have
referred, a large portion, if not the great bulk of the members, were
sincere Christians, fearing God and working righteousness. Nor were all
the preachers bad-hearted or cruel men. It often happens that a few
control the many. And the ruling few are often worse than the many whom
they rule. The least worthy members of the church are often, like
Diotrephes, eager for the pre-eminence, while the best are modest and
retiring. It is not always the cream that comes to the top, either in
civil or religious society; it is sometimes the scum. And my readers
must take these things into account while reading my story. The early
Methodist churches were blessed organizations, bitterly as Wesley and
Fletcher lamented their shortcomings and backslidings. With all their
faults they were the lights of the world, and the salt of the earth.
They are so still. They were so in the days of which I write. And the
same may be said of other churches. They fall very far short of the
perfection of Christian knowledge and holiness, but they are as far in
advance of a godless world, as Christianity is in advance of them. I
think it no objection to Christians or to Christian churches that they
do not at once embody and exemplify Christian truth and virtue in all
their fullness, any more than I think it an objection to men of science
and scientific associations that they do not know and set forth all the
laws of the material universe. Men are finite, while Nature and
Christianity are infinite. Christianity will always be ahead of
churches, and nature will always be ahead of science, as God will always
be ahead of man. I would have churches and ministers improve, and I
would tell them of their faults and shortcomings that they may see where
improvement is wanted, but I would not on any account do them injustice,
or give countenance to the infidel slander that the church is worse than
the godless world, or a twentieth part as bad.
And though I would explain how unhappily I was influenced by the errors
and misdoings of my brethren, that I may make my apostacy from Christ
intelligible, I have no desire to make the impression that all with whom
I came in uncomfortable collision were great sinners, while I was a meek
and faultless saint. I know the contrary. There were errors and failings
on both sides. I may sometimes think 'I was more sinned against than
sinning,' but at other times I am ashamed and confounded at my great and
grievous errors. God forgive me. I was dreadfully tried at times by my
brethren; but my brethren were tried by me at other times past all
endurance. God only knows which was most to blame; but I was bad enough.
If either I or my brethren had been as wise and good as men should
strive to be, both they and I might have had a very different story to
tell; a story much more agreeable to our readers and much more
creditable to ourselves. But the past is past, and my brethren, most of
them, have gone to judgment, and I am hastening after; and it behooves
me to tell as fair a story, and to tell it in as meek and lowly and
loving a spirit as possible. And I here declare, that if any expression
of bitterness, or any statement savoring of harshness or injustice,
escapes my lips, I wish it softened, and brought into harmony with
perfect truth and charity.
It is very difficult, when a man is giving an account of his life, to be
strictly just and impartial. Perhaps it is impossible. It is very
difficult, when he is telling of his trials, to keep from all
expressions of strong and unpleasant feeling towards those whom he
regards as the causes of his trials. Perhaps this also is impossible. My
readers must consider this, and make allowances both for me and my
brethren.
And both my readers and I must try to bear in mind, that men are not the
sole actors in the pitiable blunders and melancholy tragedies of their
lives. God had to do with the descent of Joseph into Egypt. His brethren
were the visible actors, but a Great Invisible Actor directed and
controlled their doings. Our ignorance and our vices are our own, but
the form they take in action, and the effects they produce, are God's.
Shimei's wickedness was his own, but it was God that caused it to show
itself in throwing stones at David. All our trials are, in truth, from
God, and it would be well for us to regard them in that light. And we
ought no more to be malignantly resentful towards the men whom God makes
use of to try us, than we ought to murmur against God. We should try to
go through all with the meek and quiet spirit with which Jesus went
through the still greater trials that lay in His path. And in speaking
of our trials, we should try to exhibit the sweet forgiving temper that
shines out so gloriously in the life and death of the Redeemer. And if
we can go a step farther, and rejoice in tribulation, and smile in
peaceful tranquility at the erring but divinely guided actors in our
trials, so much the better. And if we can believe that all things work
together for good not only to them that love God, but even to those who
for a time are unwittingly separated from God, why should we not
'rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks?' My gracious God, I
know that there are expressions in this book that might have been
better,--that feelings sometimes show themselves that are not the
perfection of Christian love and meekness; and I ask Thee in Thy mercy
to forgive them all: And I pray Thee so to influence my soul for the
time to come, and to enable me so to use my tongue and pen, that all I
say and write may savor of Jesus, be in agreement with my Christian
profession, and tend to the instruction and spiritual improvement of my
hearers and readers.
_Explanation Fourth. My Own Defects._
My character was very defective in my early days. I have felt this a
hundred times while I have been writing and revising the foregoing
pages. I was wanting in humility. There were some kinds of pride from
which I was probably free; but there were others of which I had more
than my share. And I was lacking in meekness. I could control myself and
keep quite calm in a public debate; but could be angry and resentful in
other cases. I was not sufficiently forbearing. I was not sufficiently
forgiving.
And I was too critical, too pugnacious, too controversial. I was too
much in the habit of looking for defects in what I heard and read;
defects in style; errors in thought; mistakes in reasoning; faults in
arrangement; and improprieties in manner and spirit.
Considering that I was to a great extent self-taught, that much that I
learned I learned after I had become almost a man, this perhaps was
natural; but it was a disadvantage. It would have been better if I had
sought only for the true, the good, the beautiful in what I heard, and
read, and saw. I ought, perhaps, instead of exercising my critical
powers on others, to have contented myself with exercising them on my
own character and performances, and with endeavoring in all things to
set an example of what was worthy of imitation. It may be that I was
_naturally_, _constitutionally_ critical; but that does not make it
right or wise. I ought to have warred with my constitutional
propensities, and to have kept my critical tendencies within the bounds
of prudence and charity.
But this wisdom was too high for me in my early days, and I fear that
while I was pressing attention to practical matters on others, I was
myself too much busied in doctrinal matters. I was too zealous _against_
certain doctrines while rebuking others for being too zealous _for_
them. While they were too doctrinal and controversial positively, I was
too doctrinal and controversial negatively. They erred in going too far;
I was too zealous in pushing them back.
In many things my enemies were wrong: but there were other things in
which I was not right. They were very foolish; and I was far from wise.
I see it, I feel it all, and I lament it too. And still I feel the
remains of my old defects and vices clinging to me. I have still great
need of the mercy of God, and of the forbearance and kind consideration
of my brethren. God help me, if it be not too late, to improve both in
wisdom and in Christian virtue. My Gracious God, it is Thy wish that Thy
people 'should be conformed to the image of Thy Son, that He might be
the first-born among many brethren.' Oh, if I could but approach that
point, and be worthy to take some humble place as a brother of that
glorious embodiment of all moral and spiritual excellence, what would I
not give,--what would I not do! If it be possible,
Make me, by thy transforming love,
Dear Saviour, daily more like Thee.
And while the blessed process of transformation is going on, keep me, O
Thou Friend and Saviour of mankind, from every evil word and deed, and
from every great and grievous error.
_Explanation Fifth. Theology and Theologians._
If any think I have been too severe in my remarks on theology and
theologians, and on the preachers who mock their hearers with
theological vanities, and puzzle them with their senseless theological
dialect, let them read the remarks of the Rev. Joseph Parker, D. D., G.
Gilfillan, Albert Barnes, John Wesley, Richard Baxter, and others on
this subject. Quotations from their writings may be found farther on in
the volume. We would give a few of their remarks here, but we must now
hasten on with our story.