IN WHICH RESOLUTIONS ARE ENTERED INTO IN ALL QUARTERS, AND JEMMY DUCKS
IS ACCUSED OF MUTINY FOR SINGING A SONG IN A SNOW-STORM.
What were the adventures of Snarleyyow after this awkward interference
with his master's speculations upon the widow, until he jumped into the
beef boat to go on board of the cutter, are lost for ever; but it is to
be supposed that he could not have remained the whole night without
making himself disagreeable in some quarter or another. But, as we
before observed, we know nothing about it; and, therefore, may be
excused if we do not tell.
The widow Vandersloosh slept but little that night: her soul was full of
vengeance; but although smarting with the imprints of the our's teeth,
still she had an eye to business; the Custom of the crew of the cutter
was not to be despised, and, as she thought of this, she gradually
cooled down. It was not till four o'clock in the morning that she came
to her decision; and it was a very prudent one, which was to demand the
dead body of the dog to be laid at her door before Mr Vanslyperken
should be allowed admittance. This was her right, and if he was
sincere, he would not refuse; if he did refuse, it was not at all clear
that she should lose the custom of the seamen, over the major part of
whom Vanslyperken then appeared to have very little control; and all of
whom, she knew, detested him most cordially, as well as his dog. After
which resolution the widow Vandersloosh fell fast asleep.
But we must return on board, where there was almost as much confusion as
there had been on shore. The reappearance of Snarleyyow was considered
supernatural, for Smallbones had distinctly told in what manner he had
tied him up in the bread-bags, and thrown him into the canal.
Whisperings and murmurings were heard all round the cutter's decks.
Obadiah Coble shrugged up his shoulders, as he took an extra quid.--Dick
Short walked about with lips compressed, more taciturn than ever--Jansen
shook his head, muttering, "Te tog is no tog."--Bill Spurey had to
repeat to the ship's company the legend of his coming on board over and
over again. The only persons who appeared not to have lost their
courage were Jemmy Ducks and poor Smallbones, who had been put in his
hammock to recover him from his refrigeration. The former said, "that
if they were to sail with the devil, it could not be helped, pay and
prize-money would still go on;" and the latter, who had quite recovered
his self-possession, "vowed that dog or devil, he would never cease his
attempts to destroy him--if he was the devil, or one of his imps, it was
his duty as a Christian to oppose him, and he had no chance of better
treatment if he were to remain quiet." The snow-storm continued, and
the men remained below, all but Jemmy Ducks, who leaned against the lee
side of the cutter's mast, and as the snow fell, sang, to a slow air,
the following ditty, it probably being called to his recollection by the
state of the weather.
'Twas at the landing-place that's just below Mount Wyse,
Poll lean'd against the sentry's box, a tear in both her eyes;
Her apron twisted round her arms, all for to keep them warm,
Being a windy Christmas-day, and also a snow-storm.
And Bet and Sue
Both stood there too,
A shivering by her side,
They both were dumb,
And both look'd glum,
As they watch'd the ebbing tide.
Poll put her arms a-kimbo,
At the admiral's house look'd she,
To thoughts before in limbo,
She now a vent gave free.
You have sent the ship in a gale to work,
On a lee shore to be jamm'd,
I'll give you a piece of my mind, old Turk,
Port Admiral, you be damned.
_Chorus_.--We'll give you a piece of our mind, old Turk,
Port Admiral, you be damned.
Who ever heard in the sarvice of a frigate made to sail
On Christmas-day, it blowing hard, with sleet, and snow, and hail?
I wish I had the fishing of your back that is so bent,
I'd use the galley poker hot unto your heart's content.
Here Bet and Sue
Are with me too,
A shivering by my side,
They both are dumb,
And both look glum,
And watch the ebbing tide.
Poll put her arms a-kimbo,
At the admiral's house look'd she,
To thoughts that were in limbo,
She now a vent gave free.
You've got a roaring fire I'll bet,
In it your toes are jamm'd:
Let's give him a piece of our mind, my Bet,
Port Admiral, you be damned.
_Chorus_.--Let's give him a piece of our mind, my Bet,
Port Admiral, you be damned.
I had the flour and plums all pick'd, and suet all chopp'd fine,
To mix into a pudding rich for all the mess to dine;
I pawn'd my ear-rings for the beef, it weigh'd at least a stone,
Now my fancy man is sent to sea, and I am left alone.
Here's Bet and Sue
Who stand here too,
A shivering by my side;
They both are dumb,
They both look glum,
And watch the ebbing tide.
Poll put her arms a-kimbo,
At the admiral's house look'd she,
To thoughts that were in limbo,
She now a vent gave free.
You've got a turkey, I'll be bound,
With which you will be cramm'd;
I'll give you a bit of my mind, old hound,
Port Admiral, you be damned.
_Chorus_.--I'll give you a bit of my mind, old hound,
Port Admiral, you be damned.
I'm sure that in this weather they cannot cook their meat,
To eat it raw on Christmas-day will be a pleasant treat;
But let us all go home, girls; it's no use waiting here,
We'll hope that Christmas-day to come they will have better cheer.
So, Bet and Sue,
Don't stand here too,
A shivering by my side;
Don't keep so dumb,
Don't look so glum,
Nor watch the ebbing tide.
Poll put her arms a-kimbo,
At the admiral's house look'd she,
To thoughts that were in limbo,
She now a vent gave free.
So while they cut their raw salt junks,
With dainties you'll be cramm'd;
Here's once for all my mind, old hunks,
Port Admiral, you be damned.
_Chorus_.--So once for all our mind, old hunks,
Port Admiral, you be damned.
"Mein Gott! but dat is rank mutiny, Mynheer Shemmy Tucks," observed
Corporal Van Spitter, who had come upon the deck unperceived by Jemmy,
and had listened to the song.
"Mutiny, is it?" replied Jemmy; "and report this also--
"I'll give you a bit of my mind, fat thief;
You, corporal, may be damned."
"Dat is better and better--I mean to say, worser and worser," replied
the corporal.
"Take care I don't pitch you overboard," replied Jemmy, in wrath.
"Pat is most worse still," said the corporal, stalking aft, and leaving
Jemmy Ducks to follow up the train of his own thoughts.
Jemmy, who had been roused by the corporal, and felt the snow
insinuating itself into the nape of his neck, thought he might as well
go down below.
The corporal made his report, and Mr Vanslyperken made his comments,
but he did no more, for he was aware that a mere trifle would cause a
general mutiny. The recovery of Snarleyyow consoled him, and little
thinking what had been the events of the preceding night, he thought he
might as well prove his devotion to the widow, by paying his respects in
a snow-storm--but not in the attire of the day before--Mr Vanslyperken
was too economical for that; so he remained in his loose thread-bare
great-coat and foul-weather hat. Having first locked up his dog in the
cabin, and entrusted the key to the corporal, he went on shore, and
presented himself at the widow's door, which was opened by Babette, who
with her person barred entrance: she did not wait for Vanslyperken to
speak first.
"Mynheer Vanslyperken, you can't come in. Frau Vandersloosh is very ill
in bed--the doctor says it's a bad case--she cannot be seen."
"Ill!" exclaimed Vanslyperken; "your dear, charming mistress ill! Good
heavens! what is the matter, my dear Babette?" replied Vanslyperken,
with all the pretended interest of a devoted lover.
"All through you, Mr Vanslyperken," replied Babette.
"Me!" exclaimed Vanslyperken.
"Well, all through your nasty cur, which is the same thing."
"My dog! I little thought that he was left here," replied the
lieutenant; "but, Babette, let me in, if you please, for the snow falls
fast, and--"
"And you must not come in, Mr Vanslyperken," replied Babette, pushing
him back.
"Good heavens! what is the matter?"
Babette then narrated what had passed, and as she was very prolix, Mr
Vanslyperken was a mass of snow on the windward side of him before she
had finished, which she did, by pulling down her worsted stockings, and
showing the wounds which she had received as her portion in the last
night's affray. Having thus given ocular evidence of the truth of what
she had asserted, Babette then delivered the message of her mistress; to
wit, "that until the dead body of Snarleyyow was laid at the porch where
they now stood, he, Mr Vanslyperken, would never gain re-admission."
So saying, and not feeling it very pleasant to continue a conversation
in a snow-storm, Babette very unceremoniously slammed the door in Mr
Vanslyperken's face, and left him to digest the communication with what
appetite he might. Mr Vanslyperken, notwithstanding the cold weather,
hastened from the door in a towering passion. The perspiration actually
ran down his face, and mingled with the melting snow. "To be or not to
be"--give up the widow or give up his darling Snarleyyow--a dog whom he
loved the more, the more he was, through him, entangled in scrapes and
vexations--a dog whom every one hated, and therefore he loved--a dog
which had not a single recommendation, and therefore was highly prized--
a dog assailed by all, and especially by that scarecrow Smallbones, to
whom his death would be a victory--it was impossible. But then the
widow--with such lots of guilders in the bank, and such a good income
from the Lust Haus, he had long made up his mind to settle in
possession. It was the haven which, in the vista of his mind, he had
been so long, accustomed to dwell upon, and he could not give up the
hope.
Yet one must be sacrificed. No, he could part with neither. "I have
it," thought he; "I will make the widow believe that I have sacrificed
the dog, and then, when I am once in possession, the dog shall come back
again, and let her say a word if she dares: I'll tame her, and pay her
off for old scores."
Such was the determination of Mr Vanslyperken, as he walked back to the
boat. His reverie was, however, broken by his breaking his nose against
a lamp-post, which did not contribute to his good-humour. "Yes, yes,
Frau Vandersloosh, we will see," muttered Vanslyperken; "you would kill
my dog, would you? It's a dog's life I'll lead you when I'm once secure
of you, Madame Vandersloosh. You cheated me out of my biscuit--we shall
see;" and Mr Vanslyperken stepped into his boat and pulled on board.
On his arrival he found that a messenger had come on board during his
absence, with the letters of thanks from the king's loving cousins, and
with directions that he should return with them forthwith. This suited
the views of Vanslyperken; he wrote a long letter to the widow, in which
he expressed his willingness to sacrifice everything for her, not only
to hang his dog, but to hang himself if she wished it--lamented his
immediate orders for sailing, and hinted that, on his return, he ought
to find her more favourable. The widow read the letter, and tossed it
into the grate with a "Pish! I was not born yesterday, as the saying
is," cried the widow Vandersloosh.