"It's like a shadow following me always," muttered North, "and it is
hopeless for me to try longer. I've fought and battled with it as
bravely as a man could fight, and for what? I have failed; there is
nothing to keep me here. Why should I stay?"
"Yes," he repeated, "I have failed--failed in my daring attempt--failed
in my love--and I want rest. I can bear it no longer; what I want is
rest. Ah!"
He drew a long breath and then sighed, and went straight to the window,
drew aside the curtain, and for the first time for many days spent about
half-an-hour at his toilet, to stand at last, weak and ghastly pale, but
looking, otherwise, more like the frank, manly young doctor of the past.
By this time his eyes had grown more accustomed to the light, and he
went and stood gazing out of the window at the pleasant woodland
landscape spread before him, thinking of his future, and ignorant of the
fact that the sight was soothing to his troubled brain.
It seemed to him that his shadow slept, and turning from the window,
after a final look across the meadows, where now and again he could see
the sun glancing from the stream in the direction of the Rectory, he
walked, with a fair amount of steadiness, across the floor, just as the
figure of a woman appeared in the lower meadow walking hurriedly and
keeping close to the hedges and clumps of trees, which gave the place
the aspect of a park.
As North opened the door and made for the stairs he could see that the
baize door at the foot, which cut off communication with the rest of the
house, was ajar, and then it moved slightly and closed.
"Watched," he said to himself; "poor old Milt! I must not forget her."
He went slowly down into the hall, and as he reached it the dining-room
door, which was also ajar, closed softly, and North knit his brow and
bit his lip as he turned his back to it and entered the study.
He closed and locked the door after him; and, as he did so, the
housekeeper's face appeared at the baize door, and Cousin Thompson's at
that of the dining-room.
Mrs Milt noticed the movement of the dining-room door, and stole softly
back with a sigh, while, after waiting for a few minutes, with a
peculiarly low cunning expression of countenance, Cousin Thompson took a
little brass wedge from his pocket, and stuck it beneath the door, so as
to hold it a few inches open, sufficiently to enable him to hear when
the study was opened again, and then seated himself watchfully by the
window, where he could command a good view of the principal gate.
As soon as he was in the study, North looked sadly round at his books
and tables, where everything was methodically arranged, and scrupulously
neat and clean, the old housekeeper's hand being visible on every side.
"Poor old woman!" muttered the doctor. "As if she felt sure that I
should not be ill long."
He walked to the French window, which looked out upon the green lawn
with its shrubbery surroundings, beyond which were the meadows and the
purling stream.
It was a scene of peace and beauty that should have been welcome to the
most exacting, and it was not without its effect upon the doctor, who
carefully closed and fastened the window before crossing to the door
leading into his surgery, which he opened, and looked in to see that the
outer door was closed.
Returning to the study table, the baize communication swung to, and
North sat down, quite calm and collected now, and began to write.
He paused to think several times, but only to go on more earnestly, till
he had done, when he read that which he had written, made a slight
alteration or two, and then carefully folded and placed the papers in
large envelopes, one of which he directed, "To my executors," and laid
in a prominent place upon the table, where it could not fail to be seen;
the other to his London medical friend.
Apparently not satisfied, he took up the envelope, and placed it in
another, after which he wrote upon a sheet of paper:
"Mrs Milt. Place this enclosure in my executors' hands yourself."
Then directing the outer envelope to the housekeeper, he smiled with
satisfaction, and had just laid it upon the table, duly fastened down,
when a faint _chink_ made him turn his head in the direction of the
surgery.
North listened, and the faint sound of a bottle touching another was
repeated.
He rose and went softly to the door, which was not latched, opened it,
and saw a hand dart down that was extended, as he stood face to face
with Dally Watlock.
In his surprise North did not speak, for he had been under the
impression that he had fastened the door, and this gave the girl time to
recover herself.
"Oh, I beg your pardon, sir," she said, with a smile; "I only pushed
that bottle back in its place. It was nearly off the shelf."
"What do you want?" said North sharply.
"Gran'fa, please sir, said I was to come on and tell you he wanted you."
"Tell him I can't come," said North shortly. "Why did you come here,
and not to the front?"
"Oh, wasn't this right, sir?" said Dally apologetically. "I am so
sorry, sir. But gran'fa said: `Go to Dr North's surgery,' and I came
here. Please, sir, he says you're to send him some of that same stuff
you gave him before."
North stood with his brows knit for a moment, and then went to a
cupboard, took out a bottle of brandy, half full, and handed it to the
girl.
"Take that," he said, "and tell him to use it discreetly. I cannot
come."
"Oh, thank you, sir. Gran'fa 'll be so pleased, sir; and master 'll be
so glad when I tell him you're so much better; and Miss Mary, too."
North winced, and then frowned, as he passed the girl to open the outer
door, and feign her to go.
She smiled and curtsied as she passed out, the door being closed sharply
behind her, and she heard a bolt shoot.
"Yes," she muttered, with her countenance changing as she thrust the
bottle carefully into her dress-pocket, with the result that there was
another faint _chink_; "you may lock it now. I don't care. But wasn't
it near?"
She hesitated for a moment, as if about to go out by the front, but
Cousin Thompson was not puzzled by seeing her pass, for she returned by
the way she came, down the kitchen garden to the meadows, and through
them and down by the river till she reached the nearest point to the
Rectory garden, through which she passed, after stopping to pick a
handful of parsley to carry into the house.
Volume 3, Chapter XVII.