I was too much taken aback to do better than stammer out helplessly,
hopelessly, almost unintelligibly, a few words striving to remind her
of her own admission. Nothing, indeed, could take the sting out of
this, and yet it was all but impossible to accuse her, to blame her
even for what she had done.
She read that in my eyes, in my abashed face, my hands held out
deprecating her wrath, and her next words had a note of conciliation
in them.
"There are degrees of wrong-doing, shades of guilt," she said.
"Crimes, offences, misdeeds, call them as you please, are not
absolutely unpardonable; in some respects they are excusable, if not
justifiable. Do you believe that?"
"I should like to do so in your case," I replied gently. "You know I
am still quite in the dark."
"And you must remain so, for the present at any rate," she said
firmly and sharply. "I can tell you nothing, I am not called upon to
do it indeed. We are absolute strangers, I owe you no explanation, and
I would give you none, even if you asked."
"I have not asked and shall not ask anything."
"Then you are willing to take it so, to put the best construction on
what you have heard, to forget my words, to surrender your
suspicions?"
"If you will tell me only this: that I may have confidence in you,
that I may trust you, some day, to enlighten me and explain what seems
so incomprehensible to-day."
"I am sorely tempted to do so now," she paused, lost for a time in
deep and anxious thought; and then, after subjecting me to a long and
intent scrutiny, she shook her head. "No, it cannot be, not yet. You
must earn the right to my confidence, you must prove to me that you
will not misuse it. There are others concerned; I am not speaking for
myself alone. You must have faith in me, believe in me or let it be."
She had beaten me, conquered me. I was ready to be her slave with
blind, unquestioning obedience.
"As you think best. I will abide by your decision. Tell me all or
nothing. If the first I will help you, if the latter I will also help
you as far as lies in my power."
"Without conditions?" And when I nodded assent such a smile lit up her
face that more than repaid me, and stifled the doubts and qualms that
still oppressed me. But, bewitched by the sorcery of her bright eyes,
I said bravely:
"I accept service--I am yours to command. Do with me what you please."
"Will you give me your hand on it?" She held out hers, gloveless,
white and warm, and it lay in mine just a second while I pressed it to
my lips in token of fealty and submission.
"You shall be my knight and champion, and I say it seriously. I may
call you to fight for me, at least to defend and protect me in my
present undertaking. The way is by no means clear. I cannot foresee
what may happen on this journey. There are risks, dangers before me. I
may ask you to share them. Do you repent already?"
She had been watching me closely for any sign of wavering, but I
showed none, whatever I might feel in my inmost heart.
"I shall not disappoint you," was what I said, and, in a firm assured
voice, added, "You have resolved then to travel forward in this
train?"
"I must, I have no choice. I dare not tarry by the way. But I no
longer feel quite alone and unprotected. If trouble arises, I tell you
candidly I shall try to throw it on you."
"From what quarter do you anticipate it?" I asked innocently enough.
"You expect to be pursued, I presume?"
She held up a warning finger.
"That is not in the compact. You are not to be inquisitive. Ask me no
questions, please, but wait on events. For the present you must be
satisfied so, and there is nothing more to be said."
"I shall see you again, I trust," I pleaded, as she rose to leave me.
"If you wish, by all means. Why should we not dine together in the
dining-car by and by?" she proposed with charming frankness, in the
lighter mood that sat so well upon her. "The waiters will be there to
play propriety, and no Mrs. Grundy within miles."
"Or your maid might be chaperon at an adjoining table."
"Philpotts? Impossible! She cannot leave--she must remain on duty; one
of us must be in charge always. Who knows what might happen when our
backs were turned? We might lose it--it might be abstracted. Horrible
thought after all it has cost us."
"'It' has evidently an extraordinary value in your eyes. If only I
might be allowed to--" know more, I would have said, but she chose to
put other words into my mouth.
"To join us in the watching? Take your turn of 'sentry go'--isn't that
your military term? Become one of us, belong to a gang of thieves,
liable like the rest of us to the law? Ah, that would be trying you
too far. I see your face fall."
"I am ready to do much to serve you. I would gladly help you, see you
through any difficulty by the way, but I'm afraid I must draw the line
at active partnership," I answered a little lamely under her mocking
eyes. Once more, as suddenly as before, she veered round.
"There is a limit, then, to your devotion?" She was coldly sarcastic
now, and I realized painfully that I had receded in her favour. "I
must not expect unhesitating self-sacrifice? So be it; it is well to
know how far I may go. I sincerely hope I may have no need of you at
all. How thankful I am that I never let you into my secrets! Good
afternoon," and with a contemptuous whisk of her skirts and a laugh,
she was gone.
"I'll have nothing more to say to her," I cried in great heat, vexed
and irritated beyond measure at her capricious temper. I should only
be dragged into some pitfall, some snare, some dire unpleasantness.
But what did I know of her real character? What of my first doubts and
suspicions? She had by no means dispelled them. She had only
bamboozled me by her insinuating ways, had drawn me on by her guileful
cleverness to pity and promises to befriend her. I had accorded her an
active sympathy which in my more sober moments I felt she did not,
could not, deserve; if I were not careful she would yet involve me in
some inextricable mess.
So for half an hour I abused her fiercely; I swore at myself hotly as
an ass, a hopeless and unmitigated ass, ever ready to be betrayed and
beguiled by woman's wiles, the too easy victim of the first pretty
face I saw. The fit lasted for quite half an hour, and then came the
reaction. I heard her rich deep voice singing in my ears, I felt the
haunting glamour of her eyes, remembered her gracious presence, and my
heart went out to her. I was so sorry for her: how could I cast her
off? How could I withhold my countenance if she were in real distress?
She was a woman--a weak, helpless woman; I could not desert and
abandon her. However reprehensible her conduct might have been, she
had a claim to my protection from ill-usage, and I knew in my heart
that she might count upon a good deal more. I knew, of course, that I
ought not to stand between her and the inevitable Nemesis that awaits
upon misdeeds, but what if I helped her to avoid or escape it?
The opportunity was nearer at hand than I thought. My kindly
intentions, bred of my latest sentiments towards Mrs. Blair, were soon
to be put to the test.