_From Miss Helen Jelliffe to Miss Jane Van Zandt_
_Aunt Jennie_, _darling_:
Isn't the world just the most wonderful place? No one knows it at all
until after it has played battledore and shuttlecock with them, and they
have been tossed to and fro for a long time. Weren't those old Persians
wonderful people? Of course they had no means of knowing the real truth
but it surely was the next thing to it to worship the dear sun. It goes
away and leaves things dark and dismal, and there may be hail and sleet
and rain, and the outlook is all dark, but presently the clouds move and
the fog blows away and the path of light twinkles over the big ocean and
the very grasses of the hillsides perk up and the birds try to split
their little throats with song. They are all sun-worshippers.
Of course you want to know at once how it all came about. I am still
shaky and uncertain, as if I had just been awakened. Sometimes I hardly
believe that it is the real truth that I behold, but merely some vision
that must pass away like the gold and the crimson of the fading day.
John is getting well! I feel that I want to shout it farther than the
voice of man ever carried before. I wish that wonderful Marconi could set
all these little waves he makes in the air to vibrating at once and carry
over the whole world the tidings that my John is going to live! Of course
there were a few very dreadful days, and some nights that were agony, and
that nice little doctor lost his red cheeks and looked pale and wan, and
of course I was very, very tired. That dear Mrs. Barnett or her husband
were always with me, and no one could ever make Frenchy leave the place
for a minute, and old Sammy hovered around constantly. The people walked
about the tiny village as if it had been a town smitten by a great
pestilence, as used to happen in those old dark ages. There have been no
more cases, because the doctor has injected some of that stuff in the
arms of all who had been in the slightest degree exposed, and it doesn't
hurt very much, Aunt Jennie.
But the amazing day was the one upon which I arose, before dawn, because
they had just forced me to go to bed the night before, and I hurried down
to Frenchy's, in the keen cold air, and met Dr. Johnson who was quietly
pacing the road and smoking his pipe, which must have been very bad for
him so early in the morning. But then I think we have all lost count of
hours. When he heard my steps he turned quickly, and his cheeks looked
quite pink again, perhaps owing to the cold, and his eyes were just as
bright as bright could be, and he just ran towards me. I think my hands
began to shake, for I had lost all memory of what a happy face looked
like, I think, and the sight of his was like something that strikes one
full in the chest and takes one's breath away.
He just grabbed both my hands, because he is such a nice friendly boy.
"Do you mean to tell me...." I began, but he interrupted me.
"Indeed I certainly do," he answered, speaking ever so quickly. "You had
not been gone for more than a couple of hours when he opened his eyes and
looked at me, very much puzzled, and made a little effort to rise, which
of course I checked at once, though his pulse and temperature had gone
down, and he looked a lot better.
"'You just keep still, old man,' I told him. 'Now is just the time to
look out for sudden heart failure, so you must keep still, and have a
good swig of this stuff, and try and have a nap. You've given us a proper
scare, I can tell you, but now you're right side up.'
"And would you believe it, Miss Jelliffe, that big Frenchman jumped off
his bunk and stared at him, and then he grabbed me and kissed me on both
cheeks as if I'd been another blessed frog-eater, and I wanted to punch
his nose but compromised by shaking hands instead. I could just have
danced a hornpipe. And by this time Dr. Grant has taken a whole lot of
nourishment, and got a good deal of real sleep during the night, and now
he's behaving first-rate. I left Frenchy sitting near him, a short time
ago, and came out to smoke the pipe of peace with all the world."
"You have saved him!" I cried.
"Well, we've all helped," he said. "It really looks now as if he were
quite out of danger, because there is an immense change for the better,
and that's a whole lot. I'll just take a peep in now to see if he's
awake, because we mustn't disturb him if he isn't."
He left me standing in front of the poor little building, within whose
walls we all had spent such terrible hours, and went in on tiptoe.
Frenchy came out in his stocking-feet, the most disheveled man you ever
saw, and suddenly I felt as if I were about to fall, in spite of the joy
his eyes betrayed, and I grasped his big, hairy arm. But I felt better in
a moment. The immense newborn sun was rising out of the waters, a huge,
great, blood-hued thing, and the sky was aflame at last--after the awful,
somber days, and seemed to burst out with tidings of great joy, like that
wondrous star in the East.
And then the little parson came trotting down the road, for he is the
most active little man you ever saw, and when he looked into our faces he
stretched out his hands, and we grasped them happily.
"Oh! Mr. Barnett," I told him. "Indeed, it seems too good to be true."
"Dear young lady," he said, "nothing is ever too good to be true."
He was looking far away at the flaming sky, as if beyond it he had been
able to discern some wonderful vision. He surely believes in infinite
goodness, Aunt Jennie. His whole life is based upon his trust in it, and
it is very beautiful. His words carried with them a world of hope, and
suddenly I felt as if some great blessing were perhaps hovering above,
like the big, circling sea-birds, and might descend to me.
Then Dr. Johnson came out and greeted the little parson, who has taken a
great liking to him. Despite the great, dark circles around his eyes,
strained as they had been by so many weary hours of watching, the young
man's face was merry and boyish, for all that it gives promise of
splendid manliness, and it was good to see. As he came to us his steps
showed no signs of the fatigue he must have felt.
"He's awake," he announced. "He must have a great deal of rest and quiet
just now, but I am sure your presence would give him pleasure, Miss
Jelliffe. You won't let him talk very much, will you?"
"No," I promised, and could find no other words.
I moved towards the door, slowly, expecting the others to follow me, but
they never stirred. It was as if by some common consent they had
acknowledged some right of mine to enter alone. Suddenly my limbs began
to drag under me, as if I had been a tottering, old woman. I wondered
what his first look would say to me, what the first word from his lips
would portend? It seemed as if I were going in there like one who sought
some hidden treasure, knowing which door it lay behind but stricken with
fear lest some unseen Cerberus might be crouching in wait for the rash
seeker after happiness. Oh! Aunt Jennie! The tenseness of that moment!
The feeling that, like the _Snowbird_ a few days ago, I was moving
through a fog-hidden world of peril!
My nails were dug into the palms of my hands as I entered the shack, and
his head turned slowly as I came in, and in his eyes I saw the confession
his babbling had revealed to me. But then an expression of pain came
also, that made me involuntarily look at Frenchy's little crucifix on the
wall.
So I just kneeled down by him, and once more took that poor thin hand
within my own. I spoke very low, and in such a shaky voice, but very
quick, for fear I might not be able to continue.
"Don't give up hope," I said. "We despaired for so many long days, and
now you are getting well again, and the dear sun is rising from the
mists, and the world is very beautiful, and I long to make it more
beautiful for you."
I saw two big tears gathering in the corners of the poor sunken eyes, and
the long white hand pressed mine, weakly, and that mark of the pangs of
the crucified passed away.
"You must lie very still," I continued, "and let us make you well and
strong again, for you've made dear Sweetapple Cove now, after being
nearly 'ketched' by those dreadful seas, and I know that our little ship
is coming safely to port."
For a moment he could only close his eyes, as if the poor, little,
dawning light that was beginning to come through the windows had been too
bright for him, but his hand pressed mine again. Then he looked at me
once more, eagerly, as if he longed for other words of mine.
"No," I said. "One mustn't talk too much to people who have been so
dreadfully ill, and really I can say nothing more now. Indeed I have said
all I could, because a woman can't let her happiness fly away on account
of--of people who are too proud to speak, but--but you can whisper a word
or two."
There were three of them that came from his lips, those three thrilling
words I had despaired of ever hearing from him.
"And I also love you, John, with all my heart and soul," I answered.
Then we were very still for some time, and presently some one coughed
rather hard outside, and fumbled with the door, and the nice doctor boy
came in.
"I mustn't allow you people to talk too long," he said. "It is time he
had a good drink of milk, and after that he must have some more sleep,
and we'll have him topside up in no time."
Then Mr. Barnett came in too, but he never said a word. There was just a
glance, a pressure of hands, and that was all, but it seemed to mean ever
so much to them.
So after a short time I went away, and the bright sun was streaming down
upon our poor, little, smelly Sweetapple Cove, that was really like a
corner of Paradise.
And now, Aunt Jennie, several more days have gone by, and John is getting
stronger and stronger every hour.
Yesterday, for the first time, he sat up in a long deck chair that had
been brought up from the _Snowbird_, and I sat beside him, with my
knitting, which was only a pretence, for it lay on my lap, idly. It
seemed to me that I had a million things to talk about, but when I spoke
he answered in brief little weary words, so that I became afraid I might
tire him. There is no porch to the little house, so he sat indoors in
front of the widely opened door, whence he could see the cove, glittering
in the sunshine, and the flakes covered with the silver-grey fish that
were drying.
We remained in silence for a long time, and my hand rested on his, that
was stretched out on the arm of the chair. Then he turned to me.
"Dearest," he said, "I am but sorry company for you, after all these days
of devoted attention on your part."
"You are my own dear John," I answered. "I wish--I wish I knew that you
were as happy as I."
"Listen, Helen," he said. "There is something that you must know."
And then, slowly, he told me a tale that began with his boyhood. There
was a little girl, and he was very fond of her, and many times he told
her she must be his little wife. And always she assented, so that
gradually, as the years went by, it had become a habit of his mind to
think of the days to come, when they would be married. Then he had gone
away to a little college. When he returned for the holidays he always saw
her again, but when he spoke of marrying her she blushed, and was timid,
for she was passing away from childhood. In later days he saw less of
her, but he always wrote long letters to his little comrade. After a few
years he went abroad to study, but they corresponded often, telling of
their plans and ambitions. One day he heard that she was going to New
York to become a trained nurse, and he had finished his work abroad, so
he took a steamer and went there too. On the days when she was at liberty
for a few hours he met her, and those ideas of his boyhood became
stronger than ever, and he asked her to marry him. Her reply was that
they were too young yet and that they must wait, for she had no idea of
becoming married for the present, because there were many things she
wanted to do, and while she was ever so fond of him as a friend she did
not think she loved him, though some day she might. But he had always
thought it would be just a matter of time, for he had considered it a
settled thing. Then he had come to Sweetapple Cove, and written to her
often, for he expected her to return to Newfoundland soon. Her letters
came rather seldom, for she was working very hard.
"And now, when she comes," he continued, "I shall have to tell her it was
all a ghastly mistake on my part. I shall have to tell her the truth,
brutally, frankly. I will have to say that I really never loved her; that
it was a boy's idea that continued into a man's thoughts, until one day
he realized that he loved another woman."
"But she really never loved you, John," I exclaimed. "If she had she
never would have allowed you to go away."
"I hope to God she never did!" he exclaimed. "But in those old days I
asked her to be my wife, and I told her I would wait for her. And she
has always been very fond of me, at least as a good friend, and--and--who
knows? I hate the idea that I must perhaps inflict pain upon her, some
day."
But I shook my head, obstinately.
"No, she never loved you," I insisted. "I know now how people love. It is
a desire to cling to one, to be ever with him, to share with him toil,
and pain, and hunger, joyfully, happily, for all the days and days to
come. And when you have to leave me I shall be restless and nervous, like
that poor dear Mrs. Barnett, until you come back and I can be glad again.
Oh! John! That girl never loved you!"
Just then the little parson's wife came up, smilingly as ever.
"Are you two having lover's quarrels already?" she asked.
"No," I answered, "I was explaining to him that no other woman ever
could--or--or ever would...."
"Oh! My dear," she interrupted, "the explanation of obvious things is one
of the most delightful privileges of the engaged state, and I won't
interrupt you any more. I'm going to see the new Burton baby, and, by the
way, here is a lot of stuff for Dr. Grant, that has been accumulating.
I suppose he may be allowed to show a faint interest in his mail, at
least after his nurse leaves him. Good-by, you dear children."
She put a large bundle of papers and letters in John's lap, and went
away, waving her hand cheerily. John didn't pay the slightest attention
to his correspondence at first, for we began to discuss some plans we
were making for a little house, but after a few moments he idly turned
over the medical papers, and the pamphlets and circulars, and suddenly
his eyes fell on a letter, that was addressed in big bold characters.
I knew at once that it was from that girl, and a little shudder came over
me. I rose and walked away towards Frenchy's child, who was now well and
playing with a long-suffering woolly pup, and began to talk to him. But
all the time I was watching and listening. I suppose one can't help doing
such things. Then I heard him calling me, and I hurried back.
He held the letter out to me.
"Read it, Helen?" he asked me.
"Please," I said, "just tell me about it. It is her own letter, John, and
meant for you only."
"She tells me I have been the best friend a girl ever had, and that if
she gives me pain it will not be without a pang on her own part. She says
that the object of her being on earth is now revealed to her."
"Yes," I answered, "and then...."
"Then she announces her coming marriage with Dr. Farquhar, the man who
has been in charge of the medical work of the Settlement."
"You must write and tell her how happy you are to hear the good news,
John, and you must tell her our plans. And I want to talk very seriously
to you, John."
"What is it, dear?" he asked.
"Well," I said, "I want to say that you have been very bad, because you
didn't believe me, or you only believed a little bit, when I told you she
didn't love you. Now I expect you to have a great deal of respect for my
opinions, in future."
He promised, and said I was perfectly wonderful, and that he was the
happiest man in the world. And then, Aunt Jennie, we sat again ever so
long without saying more than a few words. And the stillness was like
bars of a wonderful music whose notes one can't remember but which
leaves in one's heart an impression of glorious melody. One can't write
of such things, for I am sure that ink never flowed from a pen able
really to describe that which lies in the hearts of men and women at such
times.
And then Daddy came, smiling all over, for he spoke the truth indeed when
he said my happiness was his only concern. He's the dearest Daddy in
all the world.