“Not Cæsar’s empress would I deign to prove;—
No! make me _mistress_ to the man I _love_:
And if there be another name more free,
More fond, than _mistress_, make me _that_ to _thee_!”
I think what renders ladies quarrelsome after they are tied, who were
so sweet and conciliatory before, is, the natural and inherent spirit
of contradiction of which the fair sex are accused. This they are
privileged to exercise to its full extent during _courtship_; and the
_abrupt transfer_ of it immediately after the honey-moon might ruffle
the temper of an angel!
-----
So it was with my Lord and Lady T.; and every hour added fresh fuel to
the flame. She had been Lady Tyrawly only in _remainder_ and
_expectancy_; but _possession_ alters matters extremely in the humour of
most people. At length (to continue my pretty simile) the chain became
_red-hot_,—neither of them could bear it longer, and the whole affair
ended in a voluntary and most uncomfortable _separation_! However, it
was only for a short time: death, always fond of doing mischief in
families, very soon brought them together again; and if such a thing can
be conceived as possible in the other world, it is no bad conjecture,
that at this very moment my Lord T., the two Ladies T., and Lord
Clonmel, are, among a group of other ghosts, thinking what fools men are
to give themselves so much uneasiness upon subjects which only pass like
shadows, instead of turning their minds to what might be much more
material—namely, how to get over their _sins_ when the _last assizes_
come round.
I recollect one of Lord Clonmel’s maxims was, “whatever must be done in
the course of the week, always do it on _Monday morning_:” and in truth,
whoever practises that rule, will find it in no slight degree
convenient. I never did.
Immediately after I was married, I resided next door to Lord Clonmel, in
Harcourt-street. He called on me most kindly, and took me to walk over
his fine gardens and lawn; and was so humorous and entertaining, that
his condescension (as I then felt it) quite delighted me; but I
afterward found out that he made a point of discovering every young man
likely to succeed in public life, and took the earliest moment possible
of being _so civil_ as to ensure a friend, if not a _partisan_; and no
man wanted the latter more than his lordship.
“Barrington,” said he to me, “you are married?”
“No doubt,” said I, laughingly, “as tight as any person on the face of
the earth, my lord.”
“All women in the world,” rejoined his lordship, “are fond of having
their own way.”
“I am firmly of your opinion, my lord,” said I.
“Now,” pursued he, “the manner in which all wives are spoiled, is by
giving them their own way at first; for whatever you accustom them to at
the beginning, they will expect _ever after_: so, mind me! I’ll tell you
the secret of ruling a wife, if known in time:—never do _any_ thing _for
peace-sake_: if you do, you’ll never have one hour’s tranquillity but by
_concession_—mind that!”
“I firmly believe it,” exclaimed I.
“Well,” said he, “_practise_ it, Barrington!”
Some time after, I met his lordship at Lamberton, Queen’s county, the
seat of Sir John Tydd. He related the above story with much humour, and
asked me if I had taken his advice.—“No,” said I.
“No! why not?” inquired his lordship.
“Because,” replied I, “a _philosopher_ has an easier life of it than a
_soldier_.”
I had the laugh against him, and the more particularly as his lordship
had married a second wife, Miss Lawless (the present dowager); and I
believe no husband in Ireland adhered less to his own maxim than did
Lord Clonmel after that union. My own opinion on the subject ever was,
that contradicting a woman never pays for the trouble of the operation:
if she is a fool, it makes her _worse_; if a sensible woman, she does
not require it; and if of an _epicene_ temper, _coaxing_ will do more in
half an hour, than _bullyragging_ (a _vulgar_ but expressive Irish
idiom) in a fortnight.