“Well, Heffernan,” said Lord Castlereagh, as they sat over their wine
alone in a small dining-room of the Secretary's Lodge,--“well, even with
Hackett, we shall be run close. I don't fancy the thought of another
division so nearly matched; our fellows don't see the honor of a
Thermopylae.”
“Very true, my Lord; and the desertions are numerous, as they always
will be when men receive the bounty before they are enlisted.”
“Yes; but what would you do? We make a man a Commissioner or a
sinecurist for his vote,--he vacates his seat on taking office; and,
instead of standing the brunt of another election, coolly says, 'That,
differing as he must do from his constituents on an important measure,
he restores the trust they had committed into his hands--'”
“'He hopes unsullied,'--don't forget that, my Lord.”
“Yes,--'he hopes unsullied,--and prefers to retire from the active
career of politics, carrying with him the esteem and regard of his
former friends, rather than endanger their good opinion by supporting
measures to which they are conscientiously opposed.'”
“Felicitous conjuncture, that unites patriotism and profit!” exclaimed
Heffernan. “Happy man, that can draw tears from the Mob, and two
thousand a year from the Treasury!”
“And yet I see no remedy for it,” sighed the Secretary.
“There is one, notwithstanding; but it demands considerable address and
skill. You have always been too solicitous about the estimation of the
men you bought were held in,--always thinking of what would be said
and thought of them. You pushed the system so far that the fellows
themselves caught up the delusion, and began to fancy they had
characters to lose. All this was wrong,--radically, thoroughly wrong.
When the butcher smears a red streak round a lamb's neck,--we call it
'raddling' in Ireland, my Lord,--any child knows he 's destined for
the knife; now, when you 'raddled' your flock, you wanted the world to
believe you were going to make pets of them, and you said as much, and
so often that the beasts themselves believed it, and began cutting their
gambols accordingly. Why not have paraded them openly to the shambles?
It was their bleating you wanted, and nothing else.”
“You forget, Heffernan, how many men would have refused our offers if we
had not made a show, at least, of respect for their scruples.”
“I don't think so, my Lord; you offered a bonus on prudery, and hence
you met nothing but coyness. I'd have taken another line with them.”
“And what might that be?” asked Lord Castlereagh, eagerly.
“Compromise them,” said Heffernan, sternly. “I never knew the man
yet, nor woman either, that you could n't place in such a position of
entanglement that every effort to go right should seem a struggle to do
wrong; and _vice versa_. You don't agree with me! Well, my Lord, I ask
you if, in your experience of public men, you have ever met one less
likely to be captured in this way than my friend Darcy?”
“From what I have seen and heard of the Knight of Gwynne, I acknowledge
his character has all those elements of frankness and candor which
should except him from such an embarrassment.”
“Well, he 's in the net already,” said Heffernan, rubbing his hands
gleefully.
“Why, you told me he refused to join us, and actually saw through your
negotiation.”
“So he did, and, in return for his keen-sightedness, I 've compromised
him with his party,--you did n't perceive it, but the trick succeeded to
perfection. When the Knight told me that he would not vote on the Union,
or any measure pertaining to it, I waited for Ponsonby's motion, and
made Holmes and Dawson spread the rumor at Daly's and through town that
Darcy was to speak on the division, well knowing he would not rise.
About eleven o'clock, just as Toler sat down, Prendergast got up to
reply, but there was a shout of 'Darcy! Darcy!' and Prendergast resumed
his seat amid great confusion. At that moment I left the bench beside
you, and walked over to Darcy's side of the House, and whispered a few
words in his ear--an invitation to sup, I believe it was; but while he
was answering me, I nodded towards you, and, as I went down the steps,
muttered loud enough to be heard, 'All right!' Every eye was turned at
once towards him, and he, having no intention of speaking, nor having
made any preparation, felt both confused and amazed, and left the House
about five minutes afterwards, while Prendergast was bungling out his
tiresome reply. Before Darcy reached the Club House, the report was
current that he was bought, and old Gillespie was circumstantially
recounting how that his title was 'Lord Darcy in England,'--'Baron
Gwynne in that part of the United Kingdom called Ireland.'”
“Not even success, Heffernan,” said the Secretary, with an air of
severity,--“not even success will excuse a trick of this kind.”
Heffernan looked steadily towards him, as if he half doubted the
sincerity of the speech; it seemed something above or beyond his
comprehension.
“Yes,” said Lord Castlereagh, “you heard me quite correctly. I repeat
it, advantages obtained in this fashion are too dearly purchased.”
“What an admirable actor John Kemble is, my Lord,” said Heffernan, with
a quiet smile; “don't you think so?”
Lord Castlereagh nodded his assent: the transition was too abrupt to
please him, and he appeared to suspect that it concealed some other
object than that of changing the topic.
“Kemble,” continued Heffernan, while he sipped his wine carelessly,--”
Kemble is, I suspect strongly, the greatest actor we have ever had on
the English stage. Have you seen him in 'Macbeth'?”
“Several times, and always with renewed pleasure,” said the Secretary,
gradually recovering from his reserve.
“What a force of passion he throws into the part! How terrible he makes
the conflict between a great purpose and a weak nature! Do you remember
his horror at the murderers who come to tell of Banquo's death? The
sight of their bloody hands shocks him as though they were not the
evidences of his own success.”
Lord Castlereagh's calm countenance became for a second crimson, and his
lip trembled with struggling indignation; and then, as if subduing
the temptation of anger, he broke into a low, easy laugh, and with
an imitation at Kemble's manner, called out, “There 's blood upon thy
face!”
“Talking of a bloody hand, my Lord,” said Heffernan, at once resuming
his former easy jocularity, “reminds me of that Mr. Hickman, or Hickman
O'Reilly, as the fashion is to call him: is he to have the baronetcy?”
“Not, certainly, if we can secure him without it.”
“And I think we ought. It should be quite sufficient remuneration for a
man like him to vote with the Government; his father became a Protestant
because it was the gentlemanly faith; and I don't see why the son should
not choose his politics on the same principle. Have you ever asked him
to dinner, my Lord?”
“Yes, and his father, too. I have had the three generations, but I
rather fear the party did not go off well. I had not in those days,
Heffernan, the benefit of your admirable counsels, and picked my company
unwisely.”
“A great mistake with such men as these,” said Heffernan, oracularly;
“the guests should have been the cream of your Lordship's noble
acquaintance. I 'd have had an Earl and a Marquis at either side of each
of them; I 'd have turned their heads with noble names, and pelted them
with the Peerage the whole time of dinner; when he had taken wine with
a chamberlain and some lords-in-waiting, if your Lordship would
only address him, in a voice loud enough to be heard, as 'O'Reilly,'
referring to him on a point of sporting etiquette or country gentleman's
life, I think you might spare the baronetage the honor of his alliance.
Do you think, on a proper representation, and with due securities
against the repetition of the offence, the chancellor would let himself
be called 'Clare'? only for once, remember,--because I 'm satisfied, if
this could be arranged, O'Reilly is yours.”
“I 'd rather depute you to ask the question,” said Lord Castlereagh,
laughing; “assuredly I 'll not do so myself. But when do these people
come to town?--to-morrow or next day, I suppose.”
“On Friday next they will all be here. Old Hickman comes up to receive
something like two hundred and twenty thousand pounds,--for Darcy has
raised the money to pay off the incumbrances,--the son is coming for the
debate, and the grandson is to be balloted for at Daly's.”
“You have made yourself master of all their arrangements, Heffernan: may
I ask if they afford you any clew to assisting us in our object?”
“When can you give a dinner, my Lord?” said the other.
“Any day after Wednesday,--nay, Wednesday itself; I might easily get off
Brooke's dinner for that day.”
“The sooner the better; time is of great consequence now. Shall we say
Wednesday?”
“Be it so; now for the party.”
“A small one: selectness is the type of cordiality. The invitation must
be verbal, done in your own admirable way: 'Don't be late, gentlemen,
for Beerhaven and Drogheda are to meet you, and you know they scold if
the soup suffers,'--something in that style. Now let us see who are our
men.”
“Begin with Beerhaven and Drogheda, they are sure cards.”
“Well, then, Massey Hamilton,--but he's only a commoner,--to be sure his
uncle's a Duke, but, confound him, he never talks of him! I might draw
him out about the Highlands and deer-stalking, and the Christmas revels
at Clanchattagan; he 's three--Kilgoff four; he 's first-rate, and will
discuss his noble descent till his carriage is announced. Loughdooner,
five--”
“He's another bore, Heffernan.”
“I know he is, my Lord; but he has seven daughters, and will
consequently make up to young Beecham, who is a great prize in the wheel
matrimonial. We shall want a Bishop to say grace; I think Dunmore is the
man: he is the last of your Lordship's making, and can't refuse a short
invitation.”
“Six, and the three Hickmans nine, and ourselves eleven; now for the
twelfth--”
“Darcy, of course,” said Heffernan; “he must be asked, and, if possible,
induced to come; Hickman O'Reilly will be far more easily managed if we
make him suppose that we have already secured Darcy ourselves.”
“He'll decline, Heffernan; depend upon it, he'll not come.”
“You think he saw through my _ruse_ in the House,--not a bit of it;
he is the least suspecting man in Ireland, and I 'll make that very
circumstance the reason of his coming. Hint to him that rumor says he
is coquetting with the Government, and he 'll go any lengths to brave
public opinion by confronting it,--that's Darcy, or I 'm much mistaken
in my man; and, to say truth, my Lord, it's an error I rarely fall
into.” A smile of self-satisfaction lit up Heffernan's features as he
spoke; for, like many cunning people, his weak point was vanity.
“You may call me as a witness to character whenever you please,” said
Lord Castlereagh, who, in indulging the self-glorification of the other,
was now taking his own revenge; “you certainly knew Upton better than I
did.”
“Depend upon it,” said Heffernan, as he leaned back in his chair and
delivered his words in a tone of authority,--“depend upon it, the great
events of life never betray the man, it is the small, every-day dropping
occurrences both make and mar him. I made Upton my friend for life by
missing a woodcock he aimed at; _he_ brought down the bird, and I bagged
the sportsman. Ah, my Lord, the real science of life is knowing how to
be gracefully in the wrong; how to make those slips that reflect on your
own prudence, by exhibiting the superior wisdom of your acquaintances.
Of the men who compassionate your folly or deplore your weakness, you
may borrow money, from the fellows who envy your abilities and extol
your capacity, you 'll never get sixpence.”
“How came it, Heffernan, that you never took office?” said Lord
Castlereagh, suddenly, as if the idea forced itself abruptly upon him.
“I'll tell you, my Lord,” replied Heffernan, speaking in a lower tone,
and as if imparting a deep secret, “they could not spare me--that's the
real fact--they could not spare me. Reflect, for a moment, what kind
of thing the Government of Ireland is; see the difficulty, nay, the
impossibility, of any set of men arriving here fresh from England being
able to find out their way, or make any guess at the leading
characters about them: every retiring official likes to embarrass his
successor,--that's all natural and fair; then, what a mass of blunders
and mistakes await the newly come Viceroy or Secretary! In the midst
of the bleak expanse of pathless waste I was the sign-post. The new
players, who took up the cards when the game was half over, could know
nothing of what trumps were in, or what tricks were taken. I was there
to tell them all; they soon saw that I could do this; and they also saw
that I wanted nothing from any party.”
“That must be confessed on every hand, Heffernan. Never was support more
generous and independent than yours! and the subject reminds me of
a namesake, and, as I hear, a nephew of yours, the Reverend Joshua
Heffernan,--is not that the name?”
“It is, my Lord, my nephew; but I'm not aware of having asked anything
for him; I never--”
“But I did, Heffernan, and I do. He shall have the living of Drumslade;
I spoke to the Lord-Lieutenant about it yesterday. There is a hitch
somewhere, but we'll get over it.”
“What may be the obstacle you allude to?” said Heffernan, with more
anxiety than he wished to evince.
“Lord Killgobbin says the presentation was promised to his brother, for
his influence over Rochfort.”
“Not a bit of it, my Lord. It was I secured Rochfort. The case was
this. He is separated from his wife, Lady Mary, who had a life annuity
chargeable on Rochfort's pension from the Ordnance. Cook enabled me to
get him twelve thousand pounds on the secret service list, provided he
surrendered the pension. Rochfort was only too happy to do so, because
it would spite his wife; and the next Gazette announced 'that the member
for Dun raven had declared his intention of voting with the Government,
but, to prevent even the breath of slander on his motives, had
surrendered his retiring pension as a Store-keeper-General.' There never
was a finer theme for editorial panegyric, and in good sooth your
Lordship's press made the most of it. What a patriot!”
“What a scoundrel!” muttered Lord Castlereagh; and it would have
puzzled a listener, had there been one, to say on whom the epithet was
conferred.
“As for Killgobbin or his brother having influence over Rochfort, it's
all absurd. Why, my Lord, it was that same brother married Rochfort to
Lady Mary.”
“That is conclusive,” said Lord Castlereagh, laughing.
“Faith, I think so,” rejoined Heffernan; “if you do recover after being
hanged, I don't see that you want to make a friend of the fellow that
pinioned your hands in the 'press-room.' If there's no other reason
against Jos's promotion than this--”
“If there were, I 'd endeavor to overcome it,” said Lord Castlereagh.
“Won't you take more wine? Pray let's have another bottle.”
“No more, my Lord; it's only in such safe company I ever drink so
freely,” said Heffernan, laughing, as he rose to say, “Good-night.”
“You 'll take measures for Wednesday, then; that is agreed upon?”
“All settled,” said Heffernan, as he left the room. “Good-bye.”
“There's a building debt on that same living of seventeen hundred
pounds,” said Lord Castlereagh, musing; “I'll easily satisfy Killgobbin
that we mean to do better for his brother.”
“Take office, indeed!” muttered Heffernan, as he lay back in his
carriage; “there 's something better than that,--governing the men that
hold office, holding the reins, pocketing the fare, and never paying the
breakage when the coach upsets. No, no, my Lord, you are a clever
fellow for your years, but you must live longer before you measure Con
Heffernan.”