Any inmate can contribute articles to the Mirror, which, if found
satisfactory upon being carefully examined by the editor, are published.
Quite a number of the inmates are very competent writers, contributing
regularly to the columns of their home paper.
This bright little publication was founded in 1887 by the prisoners.
For the benefit of those who have never seen this paper, we select at
random the following extracts written by prisoners:
“It makes a batsman hot to have the pitcher fan him.”
“The only prisoners in this place who have a pull are the barbers.”
“A New Year’s resolution will not keep by preserving it in alcohol.”
“The wife of a big‐mitt politician always wears imported kid gloves.”
“When a mouse hoves in sight, a woman acts as if she had rats in her
garret.”
“Sometimes the lady pickpocket will faint in your arms in order to pull
your leg.”
“It makes a man awful hot under the collar to accuse him of having cold
feet.”
“A Stillwater girl is so modest that she cannot take the pajamas off a
murphy without blushing.”
“A boose fighter usually continues to take his little drop until the big
drop of—five feet or more.”
“In a game of freeze out Thanksgiving afternoon I got cold feet when some
one raised six windows.”
“When a woman becomes afflicted with St. Vitus dance it generally goes to
her tongue instead of her feet.”
“Just because a boy can grow a baseball mustache is no reason why a saloon
keeper should sell him a highball.”
“I do not know whether there are any lady ‘bugs’ in here or not, but there
are quite a number of the other sex.”
“ ‘Y is the Fourth of July. J is the first, u is the second, l is the
third and y is the fourth—of July.’ Marvelous!”
“Count Boni has taken part in many duels, but the only thing he ever
killed was the goose that laid the golden egg.”
“The trial judge hit me so hard that I not only saw stars, but have been
seeing stripes ever since he landed on me.”
“A writer says that there is no room in this country for anarchists. But I
think we could find room for a few in here.”
“The one who cherishes the picture of his or her mother is scarcely beyond
hope, no matter how far from the narrow path.”
“It is admitted that the tariff is the mother of trusts, but their papa,
like the father of John D. Rockefeller, is clouded in mystery.”
“The people of Pennsylvania are now convinced that the contractor who
built the bootblack stand in the capitol is a polished rascal.”
“When the courts register a fine against Standard oil, John D. chalks it
down on a piece of ice and then places the ice where the sun will strike
it.”
“With a few expert trainers and Governor Johnson for jockey the meek‐eyed
mule is apt to show his heels to all competitors in the presidential race
of 1912.”
“Throw a few ponies of whiskey into a young man who does not possess horse
sense, then arm him with a Colt pistol, and he will make an ass out of
himself.”
“A French count, who is not throwing his feet under the dining room table
as often as he would like to, will soon sail for this country where he
expects to cop out another meal ticket.”
“In pleading his own case a prisoner in a western state quoted from
Shakespeare and was rapped down by his honor who said that no eastern boo‐
gang talk would be tolerated in his court.”
“It is not near so disgusting to see a man with a little streamlet of
tobacco juice wending its way through his chinwoodlets, as to see a woman
chewing snuff and the rag at the same time.”
“When I went to sharpen my knife the other day in the cutting room I
noticed a big mosquito on the frame of the grinding stone. He was
evidently getting his proboscis in shape for the peek‐a‐boo season.”
“Eddie Foy, the famous comedian, used to sing, ‘There are Moments When One
Wants to be Alone.’ This is the place for that Eddie. You need not look
any farther or advertise Morning Telegra(w)ph.”
“Out of of a total number of one hundred and twenty‐six tramps arrested in
Philadelphia the other day, eighty‐seven of them were baby carriage
mechanics. The new woman has put this industry on the bum.”
“One of the inmates who is doing time for horse stealing, had a serious
case of nightmare the other evening, Evidently he imagined he was again
handling horses on the range and sheriff was gaining on him.”
“ ‘I am pleased to note,’ said Tailor Nelson, ‘The Mirror is keeping in
touch with the latest sartorial fashions in this institution through this
department. Coats will be worn longer by some than others is all I can say
at this time.’ ”
“Uncle Sam is not seeking trouble, but he is something like the Irishman
who threw his bonnet on a barroom floor and shouted, I am not looking for
a fight, but there is going to be one if there is a man in the house who
dares to jump on that old hat.”
“A big longshoreman in New Orleans by the name of Tim O’Keefe has
challenged Jack Johnson to a rough and tumble fight. Tim has a hand as big
as a ham and when unloading a vessel he uses a three hundred pound bale of
cotton for a shoulder pad.”
“A woman in the east recently made her pet dog a present of a diamond
collar that cost two thousand, five hundred dollars. Now I have reformed,
still if I were hungry and did not have the price of a meal, I would be
tempted to sandbag Fido for his sparks.”
“Cal, the sorter in shop H, who is an old sea dog himself, says that the
only practical experience Sin Bad and other local fishermen ever had in
the whaling line was throwing the harpoon into one of these miniature
whales that are habitats of Liver Brown’s free lunch counter.”
“One of the villagers here who has been accustomed to having a liquid
nightcap before entering upon his nocturnal visits to Morpheus says he is
compelled to have a nightcap here just before retiring—and therefore he
wears one—made up of a towel. His imagination does the rest.”
There are six men employed in the print shop the year around. This
includes the editor, the pressman, job man and three compositors. At
times, when printers are rather scarce, it is necessary to break in a new
man. Some of the men who learned the printing business in this shop have
followed up and are successful at the trade. The mechanical work is
performed entirely by prisoners, but the printing itself is sent to a
downtown press. It is expected that a first‐class press will be installed
in this department in the near future, which will prove highly economical.
The Mirror department prints all the stationery used at the prison. This
item alone contributes a large saving to the state each year. The job work
is all of a superior quality and in as good form as could be done in any
outside first‐class office. All the press work is done on an eight‐by‐
twelve Gordon press, but it is now entirely too small for the size and
amount of work performed.