THE FAMILY JAR.
"If a man and woman love each other and are every way suited to marry
should they yield to the opposition of his grown daughter?" M.A.
This question in varying forms comes to me often. It always stirs within
me something I used to call "righteous indignation." And incidentally it
makes me smile. Translate the question into Plain English and anybody
can answer it without hesitancy. Put it this way: When two Individuals
know what they want and the whole world approves, should they go away
back and sit down because a third Individual tries to interfere with
their inherent right to the pursuit of happiness?
Of course _not_. A man or woman old enough to have a grown daughter is
old enough to know whether he wants to marry again. Not even the most
precocious daughter is a better judge than her father as to what is best
for his own happiness.
Ah, there's the rub! It is not _his_ happiness she is concerned about.
It is her own. A new marriage would interfere with the daughter's plans.
She would have to give the chief place to the new wife. She would have
to give up a share of the prospective inheritance she has more or less
consciously been counting upon. So she opposes her father's re-marrying.
But apparently not on these grounds--dear, no! Her father is "too old,"
or "too weakly," or the intended wife is "not nice." The daughter
conjures up a dozen excuses, but never the _real_ one; of which she is
not fully conscious herself,--and _doesn't want to be_.
The parent's "duty" to children is great; far greater than the child's
duty to parent; but parental self-sacrifice should certainly _not_ be
continued for life. A grown daughter is an Individual, who should stand
on her own feet and make her own happiness _without_ curtailing the
happiness of parents.
Let her leave her father to a renewal of youth and happiness; or let her
gracefully and kindly accept her rightful second place and use her
loving energies in helping to make bright the home.
A sensible, well trained, loving daughter will do one of these two
things.
A sensible, well trained, loving parent will consider his daughter's
feelings and will do all he can to gain her _willingness_ before he
marries; but he will not make a lasting sacrifice of his own and the
other woman's happiness simply to please a selfish girl.
If daughter and parent are not sensible, well trained and loving, it
will be a case of frying pan or fire either way.
The recognition of individual rights to the pursuit of happiness
according to individual desire, is the only basis of happiness in family
relations.
The daughter who _helps_ her father do as he desires will find _him_
ready to help _her_ do as _she_ desires. And _vice versa_.
The daughter who "opposes" her father's marriage is quite apt to be the
daughter who has _been opposed by her father_; he reaps as he has sown.
Or else she is the daughter who has been brought up with the idea that
parents are a mere convenience for her use.
The way out of the Family Jar is often labyrinthine; but the Loving
Individual can always thread it.