SHAKING HANDS
The etiquette with regard to shaking hands is not an open question, it
is distinct enough and simple enough for all exigencies, but yet there
is individual temperament to be taken into account which in many drives
etiquette out of the field, if by etiquette is understood not merely
stiff propriety of action, but politeness in the truest sense of the
word, and doing that which is exactly the right thing to do. Etiquette
rules when to shake hands and when not to do so, when to bow and when
not to bow; but in spite of this knowledge, which is within every one's
reach, there are many mistakes made on this head.
For instance, one does not offer to shake hands when expected to do so;
another offers to shake hands three times; one displays unwarrantable
warmth in shaking hands; another extends two fingers only; one shakes
hands in a limp and uncomfortable manner, and takes the extended hand
merely to drop it; another literally pumps the extended hand, or crushes
the rings into a lady's fingers when shaking hands with her.
=A lady who does not shake hands= when expected to do so is actuated by
one or other of the following reasons--she did not wish to shake hands
with a certain acquaintance, and preferred to bow only, or she was not
aware whether she should have shaken hands or not.
The gentlemen who shake hands with great warmth and _empressement_ are
two distinct individuals; the one is cordial and large-hearted, and has
a friendly grasp for every one--a grasp indicative of kindliness,
geniality, and good fellowship--the other wishes to ingratiate himself
in certain quarters, and loses no opportunity of demonstratively shaking
hands, but no one is deceived by this spurious imitation of the real
thing.
=When a lady gives but two fingers= to people whom she does not care
about, she is always a person who fancies herself, and who feels very
fine; she doubtless is, but her good breeding and her good feeling are
both in question when she takes this method of showing the superiority
of herself and her position over that of other people.
There are other eccentricities indulged in by different people who shake
hands when they should not, and people who do not shake hands when they
should.
It depends upon whom a lady is introduced to, or upon who is introduced
to her, whether she should or should not shake hands. She should not
shake hands on being casually introduced to a person altogether a
stranger to her; but yet there are so many occasions when it is both
proper and correct to shake hands on being introduced, that the rule on
this head is a very elastic one.
For instance, a host and hostess should shake hands with every stranger
introduced to them at their house.
A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the relations of her
intended husband.
A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the friend of an
intimate friend.
When a lady has entered into conversation to any extent with some one to
whom she has been introduced, and finds she has much in common with her,
she should shake hands on taking leave; but if she has only exchanged a
few commonplace sentences, a bow would be all that is necessary.
A lady usually takes the initiative with regard to shaking hands as with
bowing; but in reality it is a spontaneous movement, made by both lady
and gentleman at the same moment, as the hand ought not to be extended
or the bow given unless expected and instantaneously reciprocated.
A young lady should not offer to shake hands with one not expectant of
the honour.
=Shaking hands on taking leave is=, with some few people, a graceful and
pleasant fashion of saying good-bye; intimate friends hold the hand
while the last words are being said. Women hold each other's hands thus
on parting, and some few men take each other's hands; but with them it
is rather a foreign fashion, and is principally followed by those who
have lived much on the Continent; for, as a rule, an Englishman prefers
the hearty English shake of the hand.
A lady having once shaken hands with another, should continue to do so
at subsequent meetings, unless a coolness of manner warns her that a bow
would be more acceptable.
With regard to shaking hands at a dinner-party with acquaintances: if
the dinner-party is a small one, and there is time to shake hands, it is
correct to do so; but when there is little time before dinner, and no
good opportunity for shaking hands, bows to acquaintances at distant
parts of the room, or when seated at the dinner-table, are sufficient
recognition for the time being.
At an evening-party it depends upon opportunity whether acquaintances
shake hands or not.
=The fashion of raising the arm= when shaking hands is followed by very
few in the exaggerated style in which it was first introduced, but a
modification of it has distinctly become the fashion in general society.
The hand, instead of being extended straight out, is now offered on a
line or parallel with the chest, a trifle higher than the old-fashioned
style, and the fingers of the hand are held and gently shaken, but the
palm is not grasped or even touched.