WEDDING EXPENSES
=The Responsibilities of a Bridegroom= from a pecuniary point of view
commence from the moment of his engagement. He must at once present the
bride-elect with an engagement ring. A man of even moderate wealth finds
no difficulty in choosing and purchasing a handsome ring costing from
L50 to L100; but a poor man, possessing but a small income, is often put
to more expense than he can conveniently afford in the matter of an
engagement ring. He knows all the members of the bride's family will sit
in judgment upon it if it is but a modest gift worth about L10, which is
quite as much as he feels he is justified in spending; he knows that
both it and himself will be regarded as very mean, or as conveying a not
very inspiriting prospect of days to come. The engagement ring worn on
the bride's finger after marriage is a lasting memento, and if a poor
one she will not be proud of it--neither will he. Rich men take the
brides to choose engagement rings, expense being no object to them; but
poor men cannot do this, as the choice might fall on gems beyond their
means, therefore they make the choice themselves, according to the
position of the families they are about to enter. If the standing is
above their own, from a money point of view, the engagement rings have
to be chosen in accordance with the jewels worn by members of such
families, and a bridegroom would thus spend L40 at least on an
engagement ring suitable to a lady so placed. On the other hand, when
men with small incomes marry the daughters of parents of a similar
position to their own, the engagement rings given are not costly ones,
and a ten-pound note, or even less, would cover the cost of these
binding tokens. The wedding rings are within the means of all
bridegrooms, be they ever so poor.
=During the Engagement= the question of presents to the brides-elect is
never absent from the thoughts of their bridegrooms. The wealthy please
themselves and their brides by giving costly jewels, which are often
chosen by the brides themselves in company with their bridegrooms. This
is very delightful shopping, but it does not fall to the lot of the
great majority. Men of moderate means give presents of moderate value
and few in number; they are not bound by etiquette during their
engagements to give any jewellery if their incomes do not warrant this
outlay; but a man must have very little money to go upon if he cannot
contrive to give a bracelet or necklet or some such trinket to the girl
he is about to marry.
=To give Presents to the Bridesmaids= is another of the obligations of
bridegrooms. Here again, the wealthy exercise their generosity and good
taste with the concurrence of their brides, who assist them in the
choice of suitable presents in articles of jewellery. These average L5
and upwards for each bridesmaid, which bring it to a good total when the
bridesmaids are numerous. The point that affects the generosity of
bridegrooms, however, is not how much they ought to spend on these
presents, but rather, how little may be spent upon them with due
consideration for the fitness of things, viz. the position of the
bridesmaids. Two sovereigns would be a reasonable sum for a man of small
means to spend on each gift to the bridesmaid.
=The Bridal Bouquet and the Bridesmaids' Bouquets= come next on the list
of expenses a bridegroom defrays. Rich men spend liberally in this
direction, but average sums to give to meet ordinary incomes are two
guineas to one guinea for a bride's bouquet, and five and twenty to
fifteen shillings each for the bridesmaids' bouquets.
=The Fees connected with the Ceremony= are strictly the province of the
bridegroom to defray. If a marriage is by licence, he pays the cost,
which in town amounts to L2 2_s._ 6_d._, and in the country from L2
12_s._ 6_d._ to L3 3_s._ The fee to the vicar of the church where the
marriage is to be solemnised varies from L1 1_s._ to L5 5_s._, oftener
L1 1_s._ than not with the majority of bridegrooms with moderate
incomes, the exception being L5 5_s._ The minor fees are very trifling
that a bridegroom is expected to pay. He pays the organist for playing a
wedding march at the conclusion of the service, if it is not a choral
one; the bell-ringers look to him for their fee, as do the vergers, etc.
Thus a bridegroom pays for what is absolutely necessary at the marriage
ceremony only, and very little besides.
=When a Friend of the Bride or Bridegroom performs the Ceremony= or
assists at it a fee is not given to him by the bridegroom, but a present
of some kind is made to him, either in silver plate or by a small
cheque, as circumstances dictate, for railway expenses or otherwise. It
is usual for the bridegroom to do this unless the clergyman in question
is a relative of the bride, when a joint present is usually given by
bride and bridegroom.
=The Bride's Parents bear a Large Share of the Wedding Expenses=,
foremost of which is the bride's trousseau, the cost of this being
entirely dependent on position and income. The dinners and "at homes"
given before the marriage to introduce the bridegroom to the members of
the bride's family are given by the bride's parents. The wedding
reception is given by them, either at their own residence or at an
hotel. As concerns their share of the expenses connected with the
ceremony, it depends upon whether the wedding is to be a smart one or a
quiet one. If the former, the expenses that fall to them are somewhat
considerable; if the latter, they are almost nil. A choral service, for
instance, is paid for by the bride's parents, the organist, choirmaster,
and choir all being severally paid by them. If the hymns sung are
printed on leaflets this trifling expense also is included. All floral
decorations are paid for by the bride's parents, as is the hire of the
awning and the red felt at the church doors. When wedding favours or
button-holes are given it is by them also.
=For whom the Bride's Family are expected to provide Conveyances is
invariably a Misunderstood Detail.=--The bride's father has only to
provide carriages or cars to convey himself and bride to the church, and
for those members of his family residing under his roof, and for
visitors staying with him for the wedding. He is not required to provide
them for any other of the guests, save in the country, and then only for
those who arrive by train at a roadside station and cannot obtain
conveyances for themselves. In town the bridegroom has to provide the
motor-car to convey himself and bride from the church to her father's
house, and afterwards to the station. In the country the reverse is the
case, and the bride's father does this by lending one of his own
carriages or cars for the purpose.
=The Bridegroom is expected to provide the Furniture= and all household
effects for the new home, including plate and linen, which latter
naturally form very important items. Many of the bridal presents,
however are made to lighten these expenses, and consist of plate to a
great extent, and occasionally of linen also, from the members of the
bride's family; still, the rule in England is that the bridegroom should
provide it as part of the necessaries of the home, and the gift of it by
relatives is altogether optional.