Nobody knows who is to blame for bringing the first Guinea pig to this
country, but certainly he didn't do anything very creditable. A Guinea
pig does not know anything, and never-learns anything. It is quite a
neat little plaything for children, and if it had any sense would become
a pet, but it never learns a thing.
A lady living near a theatre in this city bought a Guinea pig in Chicago
recently and brought it home, and it has been in the family ever since,
and it has never learned anything except when it is hungry it goes to
the lady and nibbles her foot, and how it learned that nobody knows.
One day it got away and strayed into the theatre, where it ran around
until the audience got seated for the evening performance, when the pig
began to fool around under the seats, probably looking for the lady that
owned it. On the front row in the dress circle was a young man and woman
from Waukesha. Whether the Guinea pig mistook the girl for its owner
or not is not positively known, but the animal was seen to go under the
seat occupied by the young woman.
Her attendant was leaning over her shoulder whispering in her ear, when
suddenly she jumped about two feet high, and grabbed her dress with both
hands. Her feller had his chin scratched by a pin that held a bow on her
shoulder, and as he wiped it off he asked her, as she came down into
the seat again, if she had them often.
A bald-headed citizen who sat next to her looked around at the woman in
astonishment, and took up his overcoat and moved to another seat. She
looked sassy at the bald-headed man, and told her escort the man had
insulted her. He said he would attend to the man after the show was out.
About three seats further down toward the stage there was a girl
from the West Side, with a young fellow, and they were very sociable.
Suddenly he leaned over to pick up a programme he had dropped, just
as the Guinea pig nibbled her instep. She drew herself away from her
escort, blushing, and indignation depicted on every feature, looked the
other way, and would not speak to him again during the whole evening.
He thought she was flirting with somebody else, and he was mad, and they
sat there all the evening looking as though they were married.
The Guinea pig went on down the row, and presently another woman hopped
up clear out of the seat, said, “For heaven's sake what was that?” and
looked around at a man who sat in the seat behind her as though she
could eat him raw.
Just before the curtain rose the pig got into a lady's rubber and went
to sleep, and when the performance was over and she went to put on
the shoe, she screamed a little and jumped up on the seat, and said
something about rats, which brought an usher to her assistance, and he
took the Guinea pig and sent it to its owner. For a few minutes there
was almost as much commotion as there would be at a picnic if a boy
should break up a nest of hornets.