The names of Indians are sometimes so peculiar that people are made to
wonder how the red men became possessed of them. That of “Sitting Bull,”
“Crazy Horse,” “Man Afraid of his Horses,” “Red Cloud,” etc., cause a
good deal of thought to those who do not know how the names are given.
The fact of the matter is that after a child of the forest is born the
medicine man goes to the door and looks out and the first object that
attracts his attention is made use of to name the child. When the mother
of that great warrior gave birth to her child the medicine man looked
out and saw a bull seated on its haunches; hence the name “Sitting
Bull.” It is an evidence of our superior civilization that we name
children on a different plan, taking the name of some eminent man or
woman, some uncle or aunt to fasten on to the unsuspecting stranger.
Suppose that the custom that is in vogue among the Indians should be in
use among us, we would have, instead of “George Washington” and “Hanner
Jane,” and such beautiful names, some of the worst jaw-breakers that
ever was. Suppose the attending physician should go the door after a
child was born and name it after the first object he saw. We might have
some future statesman named “Red Headed Servant Girl with a Rubber Bag
of Hot Water” or “Bald-headed Husband Walking Up and Down the Alley with
His Hands in His Pockets swearing this thing shall never Happen Again.”
If the doctor happened to go the door when the grocery delivery wagon
was there he would name the child “Boy from Dixon's Grocery with a
Codfish by the Tail and a Bag of Oatmeal,” or if the ice man was the
first object the doctor saw some beautiful girl might go down to history
with the name, “Pirate with a Lump of Ice About as Big as a Solitaire
Diamond.” Or suppose it was about election time, and the doctor should
look out, he might name a child that had a right to grow up a minister,
“Candidate for office so Full of Bug Juice that His Back Teeth are
Afloat;” or suppose he should look out and see a woman crossing a muddy
street, he might name a child “Woman with a Sealskin Cloak and a Hole in
Her Stocking going Down Town to Buy a Red Hat.” It wouldn't do at all
to name children the way Indians do, because the doctors would have the
whole business in their hands, and the directories are big enough now.