Great results are expected from an experiment recently tried by the
American Missionary Society. Last fall they sent as missionary to the
cannibal Islands a brother who had lost both arms and both legs in a
railroad accident. He was provided with cork limbs, and his voice being,
in good condition it was believed he could get in his work with the
heathen as well as though he was a whole man. The idea was to allow the
cannibals to kill him and eat him, believing that the heathen would see
the error of their ways and swear off on human flesh.
A report has been received which is very encouraging. It seems that the
cannibals killed the good missionary, and cut off his arms and legs for
a sort of stew, or “boyaw,” thus falling directly into the trap set for
them by the missionary society. The missionary stationed at the next
town, who furnishes the society with the data, says it was the most
laughable thing he ever witnessed, to see the heathen chew on those
cork limbs. They boiled them all day and night, keeping up a sort of a
go-as-you-please walk around, or fresh meat dance, and giving a sacred
concert about like our national “Whoop it up, Liza Jane,” and when they
stuck a fork into the boiling limbs, and found that the “meat” seemed
water soaked, they set the table and sounded the loud timbrel for
breakfast.
The surviving missionary says he shall never forget the look of pain on
the face of a buck cannibal as he bit into the elbow joint of the late
lamented and struck a brass hinge. He picked it out as an American would
pick a buckshot out of a piece of venison, and laid it beside his plate
in an abstracted manner, and began to chew on the cork elbow. Any person
who has ever tried to draw a cork out of a beer bottle with his teeth
can realize the feelings of these cannibals as they tried to draw
sustenance from the remains of the cork man. They were saddened, and it
is safe to say they are incensed against the missionary society.
Whether they will conclude that all Americans have become tough, and
quit trying to masticate them, is not known, though that is the object
sought to be attained by the society. One of the cannibals said he
knew, when those legs and arms would not stay under water when they were
boiling, and had to be loaded down with stones, that the meat wasn't
right, but his wife told him “some pork _would_ bile so.”
The experiment is worth following up, and we suppose hereafter there
will be a great demand for men with cork arms and legs to be sent as
missionaries. After a few such experiences the cannibals may see the
error of their ways and become Christians, and eat dog sausage and
Limberg cheese.