The Sage who above a Greek signature nightly
Emits a succession of eloquent screeds,
Instructing us firmly but also politely
How best to supply our material needs,
Has specially urged us of late, in a shining
Example of zeal for his frivolous flock,
With the object of "speed" and "precision" combining
To "work with our eye on the clock."
The precept is sound, and its due application
Is fraught with undoubted advantage to some,
But I'm free to remark that my own situation
Represents a recalcitrant re-sidu-um;
Clocks I cannot abide with their truculent ticking--
A nuisance I always have striven to scotch--
And I gain very little assistance in sticking
To work, if I'm watching my watch.
For my watch, which I treasure with ardent affection--
'Twas given to me in my juvenile prime--
Exhibits a truly uncanny objection
To keeping an accurate count of the time;
In the matter of speed it's a regular sprinter;
Repairs are a farce; it invariably gains;
And in Spring and in Autumn, in Summer and Winter
Precision it never attains.
Mathematics to me are a terrible trial,
They plague me in age as they floored me in youth,
Or I might, when observing the hour on my dial,
Allow for the error and guess at the truth.
Then why do I keep it? Because it's a mascot,
And none of its vices can alter the fact
That the very first day that I wore it, at Ascot,
Three winners I happily backed.
* * * * *
"The annual meeting of the Court of Governors of the University of
Birmingham was held yesterday at the University, Edmund Street. The
Pro-Vice-Chancellor said the University had done its share in the
present awful state of Europe."--_Birmingham Daily Post_.
We are sorry to hear this.
* * * * *
"The Government have apparently taken infinite pains to so 'cut their
coast according to their cloth' as to provide for the least possible
inconvenience and suffering to the people of these islands."--_Cork
Constitution._
Thanks to this wise provision there is still just enough coast to go round.
* * * * *