_THE DAILY WALK WITH OTHERS_ (ii.).
_If Jesus Christ thou serve, take heed,
Whate'er the hour may be;
His brethren are obliged indeed
By their nobility._
In the present chapter I follow the general principles of the last into
some further details. And I place before me as a sort of motto those
twice-repeated words of the Apostle, TAKE HEED UNTO THYSELF.
These words, it will be remembered, are addressed in both places to the
Christian Minister. [Acts xx. 28; 1 Tim. iv. 6.] At Miletus St Paul
gathers round him the Presbyters of Ephesus, and implores them to take
heed to themselves, and to the flock. A few years later he writes to
Timothy, commissioned (whether permanently or not) to be Pastor of
Pastors in that same Ephesus, and lays it on his soul to take heed to
himself, and to the doctrine. In each case the appeal to attend to
"self" comes first, as the vital preliminary to the other. And in each
case it takes the form of a solemn warning; not only "remember" but
"TAKE HEED."
TAKE HEED UNTO THYSELF.
I have already tried to emphasize the duty of "heed-taking," in several
directions. But I come in this chapter to some important matters which
seem specially to fall under such a heading; matters in which the lack
of prayerful heed may, and often does, work great and even fatal
mischief in the lives of Clergymen.
RELATIONS WITH WOMAN.
i. Let me first say a little, in brotherly confidence and candour, about
the young Clergyman's _relations with Woman_ in ordinary intercourse.
It would be waste of words to talk about the delicacy of the subject; it
is self-evident. And it is obvious also that in a book like this the
subject can be treated only in the way of general suggestion; no vain
attempt shall I make to state and discuss possible exceptional cases of
social difficulty. But it is quite necessary to say something on this
matter, for it is indeed a pressing and important thing in ministerial
life.
I will begin, then, with the assumption that the young Clergyman
recognizes, and seeks to practise, the great Gospel principle of a
sanctified chivalry. "To the feminine vessel, as to the weaker, give
honour," writes St Peter [1 Pet iii. 7.]; words which must be cut large
and deep into our ministerial hearts if we are to live as true Ministers
and true men. They have a particular reference to married life, I know;
but their full scope is far wider. And they are among the most wonderful
utterances of the apostolic Gospel, when we read them in the light, or
rather under the contrasted darkness, of the contemporary
_anti_-chivalry of the Rabbinic teaching about woman. They are the
utterance of Peter, the married man, after his discipleship in the
Spirit at the feet of Jesus, the Mother's Son. "_Giving honour_;" do not
forget the phrase. It lifts us into a higher and far healthier region
than that of either mere fondness or mere admiration. Indeed, it is
all-important to remember what a deep gulph lies between two things
which at first sight may be mistaken for one another--Admiration for
Women, Reverence for Woman.
So let apostolic chivalry, unaffected, but watchful and practical,
govern your life, by the grace of God. Let it be quite impartial as a
principle. You may possibly have to speak with a princess; you are sure
to have to speak and deal with very poor and ignorant women. But each
and all they are WOMAN, and you must remember the Apostle's word.
Courtesy and consideration are due to them all, as you are a man, a
Christian, a Minister of God. The expression may vary, and within limits
it must, but the principle must be always there. To the poorest woman
give the wall in the street, offer the best seat in the train.
WE ARE TRUSTED.
I must here so far anticipate a future chapter as to point out how
constantly this call to "give honour" must be remembered in pastoral
visitation. We Clergy are _trusted_ to an extraordinary degree in
personal intercourse with female parishioners. How often a pastoral call
is paid, whether at mansion or cottage, when no man is at home! "Take
heed unto thyself" _then_. The call under those circumstances should be
as brief as possible. And the whole interview should be ruled by a
heedful while unobtrusive respect and self-respect. Do not think a
strong word of caution in this matter out of place and out of scale.
Carelessness of even appearances here may wreck a life; it may certainly
blight an influence.
WHEN AND HOW TO TAKE HEED.
But I do not forget that we are not yet concerned directly with pastoral
visitation as such; we are thinking of incidental social intercourse.
The young Clergyman will sometimes, however seldom, find himself
visiting in not exactly the pastoral sense of the word. Courteous
hospitality will be shown him by neighbours; and while he will very
often decline these calls, because his Master's work in other and more
obvious forms claims him, sometimes he will accept them, as his Master
did. Or his needful holiday has come, and he is staying at a friend's
house, or is thrown into new intercourse at some health-resort. And we
will suppose that he is a bachelor, and not engaged. In what particular
directions shall he take heed?
"KNOW THYSELF."
Below and above all details, he will take heed to remember his always
present Lord and Friend, and to live and talk as knowing that "HE is the
unseen Listener to every conversation"; a recollection which ought to
banish from our talk, whether we talk with man or woman, alike
frivolity, unkindness, untruthfulness, and dulness. Then, to come to a
few details under that great principle--the man will need to watch and
be heedful in one or more quite different directions, according to his
character. And God grant us all such honesty and simplicity before Him
as shall teach us to know at least something of our own characters,
especially in their weak points. There ought to be no surer prescription
for a true [Greek: gnÙthi seauton] than to "walk in the light" [1 John
i. 7.] of the presence of Him who sees everything just as it is, and in
that light to look at ourselves, and the world, and His Word; aiming
every day, not to be thought "nice," or to be thought remarkable, but to
let Him shine out of our lives.
THE DUTY OF RESERVE.
One man, then, will need more than another to cultivate a quiet reserve
and restraint of manner in social intercourse with young ladies. It is
the way of some men, without thinking about it, to be too
demonstratively attentive. It is the way of others to forget that they
are not everywhere at home, and to be far too familiarly friendly. "I
look on every girl I meet as if she were my sister;" so said one young
Clergyman, a very fine fellow indeed, but certainly in this sentiment
very much and very dangerously mistaken. Attentions and confidences may
be meant as honestly as possible. But if they go beyond a certain line
(soon reached) they may most naturally be thought to mean something
more; to be a preliminary, however distant, to an offer. And just
possibly such a thought may not be unwelcome to the other person
concerned. And if so, and if all the while nothing but courtesy was
meant, you, my friend and Brother, without knowing it, perhaps without
ever knowing it, may _spoil the life_ of one who cannot possibly, as a
woman, express herself to you. I have known such a case in clerical
life. The man was a true man, but he allowed himself, for the
pleasantness of it, to be very agreeable where he meant no more than
friendship. Great, while silent, was the sorrow that resulted. Take heed
unto thyself.
SPECIAL RISKS.
There are some parochial circumstances where even unusual caution is
needed in this direction; for reasons which I allude to with pain. It
is a fact, I fear, that in some parishes the Curate is in danger of
being rather actively pursued, by here and there a parent, as a possibly
desirable son-in-law. I have even heard of a certain Incumbent who was
given not indistinctly to understand that the coming Curate would be
less welcome if he was a man already married. Such a state of things is
of course one of exceptional social risk and difficulty for a Curate,
and for a young single Rector or Vicar still more so. Nothing will do
but a very real "heed-taking," beginning always in secret with God, and
then quietly carried out with sanctified common-sense. Fatal mistakes,
really fatal to future usefulness in the Ministry, may very easily be
made otherwise.
But then there is an opposite side to the question. Some young men, not
all certainly but a good many, are in great danger of a rather
exaggerated estimate of their own attractions and importance. There are
some junior Clergymen who are, if I do not mistake, prone to think that
most young ladies whom they meet are fascinated by them, or are at least
in imminent peril. Such delusions meet sometimes with not very gentle
corrections. But it is better to be forearmed against the delusion--as
it most probably _is_ a delusion in the given case. And the best
prophylactic is the old one; a secret walk with God "in the light," and
a recollection of the constant need of self-knowledge exactly where such
knowledge is least pleasant. I repeat it; may the Lord grant us each and
every one His true [Greek: gnÙthi seauton]. By a blessed paradox it is
sure to prove the secret of a true self-oblivion; for it means for
certain, among other things, a truer and fuller sight of HIM.
MATRIMONY OR CELIBACY?
The subject thus before us is a very large one. It connects itself with
the whole question whether marriage or celibacy is the will of God in
the man's ministerial life. Happily I have no need, in the Church of
England, to defend "the holy estate of matrimony" as if it were in the
slightest measure incompatible with the fullest sanctification of life
and of ministry. Personally my belief is that, in the immense majority
of cases, the married Clergyman is the more useful Clergyman _if_ (an
"if" of extreme importance) his wife is _altogether one with him in the
Lord_. But I distinctly think that there are very many exceptions to the
matrimonial rule. There are branches of ministerial work, particularly
in parts of the sacred _missionary_ field, where the single man seems to
make the better Minister. And no true servant of God will allow himself
to think first of an opening for marriage and then of an opening for
ministry.
"ONE IN THE LORD."
Here I pause to say what it lies much on my heart to say somewhere. Let
the true man, who is at present free in respect of marriage-engagements,
resolve that in the whole question of seeking or not seeking a wife he
will consider first, midst, and last his Master's work, his Master's
Ministry. Better a thousand times be the most solitary of human beings
than choose with your eyes open a married life in which you will not
find positive help (not merely no positive hindrance) in your work for
the Lord Jesus Christ. Beware of the temptation to seek the mere pretty
face, or the mere fortune large or small, or mere accomplishments, or
indeed anything short of the truly converted believing heart and
dedicated will.
*MARRIED LIFE AS IT SHOULD BE.
The Clergyman and his Wife are sacredly bound to live their united life
wholly for Christ. They are to help one another on in Him, to stimulate
one another in work for others in Him, to give each other always mutual
aid towards a constant growth in faith, hope, and love; towards an ever
better use of means, and time, and tongue, and everything. If their Lord
gives them children to train for Him, those children are to see their
parents so living, not only individually but together, as to glorify and
commend the Gospel _to them_, from the very first. And the wider family
of the parish, sure to be observant, is to see the same sight in
measure. Happy the married Pastor whose home and its life respond to
such a description. Alas for the man whose passion, blindness, hurry,
self-will, or whatever else it is, has betrayed him into a condition of
things which cannot be so described.
I may be writing for some readers to whom such a "take heed unto
thyself" may be in point even as they read. If so, let me seize the
occasion. With not a few very sorrowful illustrations in my mind I lay
all emphasis on this earnest word of affectionate warning. And let me
add to it another word, as in duty bound, and with the utmost solemnity,
knowing that the thing is vitally important. I appeal to you not lightly
to seek marriage, not lightly to make engagement, even where you have
good assurance that all would be spiritually well, if there is a real
probability of a married life _clogged with pecuniary perplexities_.
You observe that I do not speak absolutely on this point; I dare not. I
do not say, Do not do it; I say, Do not _lightly_ do it. Faith is one
thing; "light-heartedness" is another. And sometimes light-heartedness
means nothing better than a vague expectation that "something will turn
up." Perhaps what does turn up is a weary and distracting struggle with
debt, and a gradual habituation to a not very creditable life upon the
means of others, who very likely can spare only with difficulty what
comes at length to be taken without gratitude. I beseech my Brother to
"suffer the word of exhortation."
RISKS OF DEBT.
ii. I touch thus already on the second point about which I would fain
cry, Take heed unto thyself. That matter is _Money_. A few words here
will sufficiently convey my appeal, but those few must be pressing. I
appeal to my younger Brethren to be watchful day by day in the matter of
money. At this moment there rises in my memory the face and name of a
Clergyman with whom, long years ago, I became acquainted about the time
of his ordination. He was unquestionably in earnest; I believe that he
truly knew his Lord and Master, and was truly desirous to serve Him in
His flock. But I am perfectly sure that he must have forgotten, almost
from the first, to take heed unto himself in the matter of money. [SN:
PECUNIARY INTEMPERANCE.] Perhaps he had brought with him from the
University that fatal habit of _pecuniary intemperance_ which sometimes
gets a hold upon a man second in its grasp only to that of intemperance
commonly so called. Unhappily the ways of modern college life too easily
generate such a habit, as University men are led more and more by their
surroundings into a dread of appearing to be poor, and are almost
expected to cost their fathers more for the academical year of eight or
nine months than they will earn in the clerical year of twelve. But
however it was, my poor dear friend _had_ about him the tendency to
debt. And not all his earnestness and his devoutness could maintain his
influence when that tendency began to tell. One post of duty had to be
soon quitted for another, and so again and again, under this
ever-recurring failure. Let us take heed unto ourselves.
PUBLIC AND PRIVATE MONEY.
In dealing with money which in any sense is public, no care can be too
great. In a case well known to me, a Clergyman imperilled his whole
influence, to the verge of ruin, by the simple but effectual process of
allowing money collected for a church-object to be mixed and "muddled"
with his private funds. He was not business-like, and he was not at all
well off. And somehow, when the time of reckoning came, the money had
melted, he knew not whither. Strenuous exertions on the part of friends
replaced privately the missing collection; but it was only just in time.
I have often heard our Indian Missionaries say how great and frequent is
the difficulty raised by the apparent incapacity of some otherwise
excellent native Pastors to keep public and private money apart. They
mean all that is honourable; but a friend comes in begging for a loan,
and there is the church fund at hand, and of course the sum taken shall
be soon repaid, and of course it is _not_ repaid. But such difficulties
are not confined to India. The native Pastors of England have great need
to take heed unto themselves.
THE ACCOUNTS IN GOOD ORDER.
If possible, let us make our lay parochial friends our secretaries, and
above all our treasurers. But if it must be otherwise, and often it must
be, let us take heed, at any cost of pains. To do so may be overruled to
win a positive influence for the Clergyman. I well remember a dear
friend of mine telling me, with loyal pleasure, of his holy and devoted
Vicar's care in this direction, and its power over the keen-sighted and
not always friendly members of the school-committee in his great parish.
Every item of the books was accurate; every halfpenny of receipts
accounted for. Men could find no fault in that Clergyman save concerning
the Law--and the Gospel--of his God.
INVESTMENT-CIRCULARS.
Perhaps I need only allude in passing to that crude sort of temptation
put so freely before us Clergy, the circular advertisement of the mine
which is to pay twenty per cent., or of the company just formed (I have
such a circular in my possession, and keep it sacredly,) to promote the
construction of a new projectile which shall make war more horrible than
ever; one condition to the success of the Clergyman's investment being,
of course, that war, thus made more horrible than ever, shall also be as
frequent and continuous as possible. But the schemes announced in these
circulars are very various in character; good, indifferent, and bad.
Need I say that, as a very safe rule, they must all be viewed as bad
from the point of view of the young Clergyman's (or indeed of the
Clergyman's) purse? It is a truism to remark that high interest means
low security; but even a truism can bear occasional repetition when it
has to do with a good man's whole life and work, and when the oblivion
may mean acute or chronic misery. Such investments are for us a form of
gambling, almost as much so as the shameless circulars which we
sometimes receive from foreign cities, announcing the possibility of
clearing a fortune at one stroke by a turn of the lottery machine. Does
the sending of such missives to the English Clergy mean that English
Clergymen sometimes answer them? If so, I say that it is strictly
impossible that the man who so answers, whether he loses or wins, can
also be walking with God, and so working that the Lord works with him.
So far as such acts go, he is acting an awfully untrue part, and his
Master knows it. Let us take heed unto ourselves.
OTHER MONEY-PERILS.
In conclusion, I turn another way. The whole question of the increase
and investment of money is a very solemn and searching one for the
Christian, clerical or lay. There are holy men who say that we ought in
no degree to "lay up." While I reverence their meaning, I do not agree
with them. Yet I do most deeply feel that their warnings raise a
danger-signal in a direction opposite to that which we have been
viewing, but equally important. Some of my younger Brethren have already
a private competency; others may be expecting one.
*"WHEN RICHES INCREASE."
To others, gifted in one way or another for marked acceptance in the
Church, posts are, or will be, offered which even in these days bring a
good income, perhaps a growing one. Take heed unto thyself. It is with
deep significance that the Word of God bids us not set our heart upon
riches _when they increase_. [Ps. lxii. 10.] It is often observed, I
fear, that a man's readiness to give diminishes in proportion to his
power for giving. There is a subtle fascination for many minds, and
among them for minds generous at first, in an access of possessions; the
thirst for more sets in, however imperceptibly, and perhaps the
Christian, perhaps the Pastor, has become--before he knows it--covetous;
caring a good deal for money. Let us take heed unto ourselves.[13]
[13] I cannot help relating a pathetically amusing remark I once heard
in a Dorsetshire cottage. I had looked in on the good housewife in the
course of a long walk, and she was telling me about the needs and
straits of a recent time of illness. The aged Vicar of the large and
thinly-peopled parish was a well-to-do man, and not at all unkind in
meaning and manner. But he never gave alms, or indeed material help of
any kind. "Poor Mr ----," said the cottager, with the kindliest
_naÔvetÈ_, "he never _do_ give away anything. There, _I suppose it be
his affliction_."
"LAY NOT UP FOR YOURSELVES."
I am sure that the Gospel has no censure for modest comforts and for
simple refinements. I am sure that it bids the Christian, whether Pastor
or not, "_provide_," look beforehand, with a view to save needless
anxiety and disadvantage both for himself and yet more "for them of his
own house." [1 Tim. v. 8.] But I am equally sure that it commands us
even more emphatically not to lay up treasure upon earth; not to make
the sad mistake of thinking that the work of life is to get. Rather may
ours be the spirit of a noble-hearted friend of mine, now at rest for
ever, early called away from heroic Missionary work. He had found
himself rapidly getting richer in a successful school-enterprize; and
recognized _in this_ a summons to give it up, and volunteer for the
foreign field.
But I say no more. Probably to the great majority of my readers these
last paragraphs seem little to the purpose, at least at present. But
there are few lives in which, sooner _or later_, such reflections may
not find a corner for application.
THE MOTIVE.
Meanwhile, whether our call is to avoid debt or to avoid gathering, we
will look up for new motive power into our Master's face. Him we love;
Him we long to commend; and to Him we belong with all we have. In His
Name, and for His sake, we will take heed unto ourselves.