The first opportunity he had he took. The Palazzo Bagnacavallo was
thrown open to all worthy citizens, the rooms (since no one in those
courting days was held unworthy) were crowded. Ladies, soldiers,
churchmen, humanists in brocade, poets in velvet, a Cardinal, a
cross-eyed Greek who had forsaken usury at Trebizond for moral
philosophy at Nona; Madonna Diamante, too receptive wife of the Count of
Cornuto; Madonna Smeralda, her discreet friend; Madonna Saphira; Madonna
Rubina; frizzed young nobles in parti-coloured hose; humble abbates,
uncured and incurable; a monk crowned with laurel for a sonnet; and a
Knight of the Holy Ghost in retirement;--these were some of the company
among whom Duchess Molly was paraded by her discerning lord, to carry
her smiles of welcome and her pretty ways. Grifone, grave, attentive, in
black, was there, be sure, waiting his turn. It came, and with it Molly,
blushing and overwrought, new from the very kindly salutations of the
Greek. To Grifone she proffered a greeting which was no less kind
because her heart was troubled. Her well of trust in mankind was not yet
dry. Grifone took her hand and bent over it; it was as much as he did to
brush it with his lips. Molly wondered at him.
"You should be Messer Grifone, my Lord's secretary," she said,
faltering.
"Alas, I have that misfortune," replied the youth, with averted eyes.
"Why, I know you very well," said Molly, "but see now that I have
offended you. What is my injury, Signore? What have I done?"
"Madonna," said Grifone (but so low that no other could hear him),
"believe me that the offence is none of your wilful making. It is,
however, irremediable. Nothing but misfortune could overcome such
misfortune as mine; and that I pray Heaven to keep far from you."
"Alack! good Grifone, what sayings are these for a day that should be
happy?" urged the warm-hearted girl, with eyes ready to fill.
"Madonna, let me endure the thought of them alone, I entreat your
Grace."
"Never, while I live, Grifone. You make me most unhappy. Will you not
kiss me?"
"Never, while I live, Madonna, if I am to live honest."
Molly went white and red, and stood hesitating, uncertain whether to cry
or be angry. Either might have been a vent for her distress, which was
real. Commanding herself with pains--
"I will require you to speak with me after supper," she said, after a
pause for the struggle.
Grifone bowed his head and backed away from her. She, being boundless in
capacity for the affections of her kind, spent the interval with an
aching heart.
Directly supper was done she hunted for the Secretary. The affair had
by now throbbed itself into a question of her physical ease. Her
heartstrings were at a dangerous stretch, she quivering at the point of
tears. Master Grifone, for his part, had taken very good care that the
Duke of Nona should be occupied, and himself not hard to find. Molly
came upon him in a gallery of arras; caught him crouching there with his
face hidden in his hands. She went to him at once, full of the trouble
he showed her, sat by him, put her arm round his neck, and tried to draw
his head up. Grifone turned her a white, miserable face.
"Ah!" he said, husky with reproach, "ah! you have come with the ardours
of an angel leaping in you; yet no cruelty could in truth be sharper."
"Cruel? Cruel? Oh, Grifone, nobody has ever said this of me before!"
whimpered poor Molly. She was swirling in wilder water than she knew.
"The cruelty is unconscious, yet none the less bitter for that," he
complained; and then, all at once, he turned fiercely to rend her.
"What! When I throb for your footfall, or when I lean swooning to the
wall for the scent of your hair as you pass; when I urge against your
chamber door that I may feed upon the sound of your breath, or hunt for
broken bread under your table that I may grow drunk on what your fingers
have touched! When I go raving at night, weeping by day, with a knife in
my heart, tears that scald my eyes! When with these pains to endure,
these perils to skirt, heights to fly, you will speak, touch me, breathe
upon me, tempt me to greet you with kissing of the lips--ah, heaven and
hell! it is over-much. I would be an honest man, look you. I have a
master to serve, I bid you remember. It is true enough that I love you
out of all measure; there is no sin in that which I cannot help; but
misery there is, by our Saviour. The sin is gaping all about me, itching
here, aching there, gnawing and groping without cease, or stint, or
allay. Yes, yes, I know this is true--God help me! I love you
deplorably; but I will not touch you. You are the ever-blessed thing to
me; but I will make you the ever-abhorred thing, _anathema maranatha_. I
love you, I worship you, I adore you; you are my saint, my church, my
altar, my soul's peculiar food; you shall be my devil, his hell, his
cauldron, my venomous offence. And all this you shall be that I may love
you yet more, yet incomprehensibly more, and (withal) live honest. I
will hate you because I adore you. Ah! and I will prove whether by
hating you most of all I cannot drown myself in love." He threw himself
out of her reach, and rocked with hidden face.
Here was pretty hearing for a pretty bride. Molly, with heaving bosom,
stood abashed and dumb, and troubled profoundly. Not only had she never
tried to stem so fierce a torrent of love, nor ever shuddered under such
dry heat in men's words--she had never yet dreamed of so much passion in
men created. And glorious passion, too, it seemed, so stern and
repressed--a passion which hugged a fetter, a splendid misery of denial.
Of course she had nothing to say; she never had anything to say; yet she
longed to say or do something. Her interest in all these fine things
was painful, if delicious; and it never occurred to her for a moment
that it could be a sin to listen where it was evidently such a virtue to
declare. She was conscious of no disloyalty to Amilcare in so listening,
in being so troubled, in displaying her trouble so unaffectedly. Poor,
poor, good Grifone! So very noble, so white and miserable; Heaven knows
she would have satisfied him if she could. With her, to feel was to
touch (if I may so put it); quite instinctively she stretched out her
arms to draw him home; the good fool would have kissed his tears away if
he had had any, giving him for comfort what he had screamed upon as a
torment. But that was a talent denied to Grifone: he could not cry. All
the same, she was at the point to kiss him, when he once more prevented
her--this time without violence.
"Ah, my lady, my lady," he said, with a smile whimsically sad, "have a
little pity on a torturing wretch!"
Molly now covered her face and freely sobbed. The scene was
heartrending, and Grifone judged that he might give the finishing
stroke. He stood over her where she was flung (the poor humble soul),
and laid his fingers lightly on her silken shoulder.
"Love makes a good reader of a man," he said slowly, drawling his words.
"Long ago I discerned the clear stream of truth which is the issue of
your love. Henceforward there is a secret pact between us two, a secret
wholly honourable, since I have only told it that you might be won over
not to dare me too far. Being honourable, you (who are the fountain of
honour) will keep it. We go our two ways, we look not on each other, we
greet not, neither speak what either knows. Chance will throw us much
together; yet this law we will punctually observe. To me the hour will
say--'Guard thee, Grifone, thy sweet enemy draws near.' To you--'Now
goodness be thy guide, Molly, lest thou art a cause of stumbling to thy
brother.' So let it always be."
He left her then, knowing very well that he had sworn the good girl to
faith inviolable, and given her the subject of perennial thought.
And so he had. Molly kept his secret, honoured it, honoured him. She
came by tortuous ways of her hoodblind heart to glory and exult in both;
nor had she the wit to discern how or by what stealthy degrees the pain
and longing she pitied in him grew to be more pitiable in herself. She
watched him wonderfully in those crowded days of court life which
followed, and when she was blinded by her tears, held him as a martyr
who, for her sake, lay quivering under the knife. It shows the length of
her road, that she was never aware how much more in her sight he was
than Amilcare, the man of her election. Amilcare, it is true, was
greatly occupied: one cannot be a duke for nothing. Not home affairs
only (though discontent was never far off) called him from home: the
times were full of the shock of alarms; thrones toppled; there were
rumours of moving hosts beyond the Alps. Cesare, the flame-coloured
Borgia, was still meditating his kingdom in Romagna; already the Lady of
Forlì was flogging her sulky lieges into some sort of action for her
defence. Now, Nona lay dead in the Borgia's way, and unless the Borgia
could be hoodwinked again as he had been hoodwinked before, Nona need
not cease to be a Duchy, but Amilcare would cease to be a Duke. No
wonder the man was a lacklove just now. He intended to play Molly for
his great stake; meantime he must be more of a duke than he was,
recognised as such by other powers, by dukes firmly rooted, by grudging
republics, or tyrants in thin veils.
And while he was consolidating his throne--ruffling here, fawning
there--Grifone was always before Molly's eye; always plucking at her
poor heartstrings; always holding up his grave patience, his bleeding,
his most eloquent refusals, for her wonder. Wonder, indeed, she did, and
much more than that. The thought sat upon her like a brooding evil
spirit, frayed her nerves to waste. He used to move her so much by this
policy of negation that she found herself panting as she sat among her
women; or when from her throned seat at table she saw his pale profile
burn like a silver coin in the dusk, the pain of her heart's beating
well-nigh made her suffocate. Her troubles came to be day-long; he
haunted her by night. When she began to ask the Virgin Mary how long she
could endure, it was the signal to herself that she could endure no
more. She sent for him then, and implored him brokenly--sobbing,
kneeling before him--that he would leave her. Grifone bowed his head.
Next day Amilcare (or some other) told her that the Secretary was to be
absent for some months arranging alliances abroad. He went without
seeing her or bidding any farewells. She was prostrate for three or four
days, could hardly drag herself to church, or away from it when she had
once gained its cool sanctuary aisles. After that she got better and
more her old self. The relief was as delicious as the grief had been;
she was really happy. Then she found that she was beginning to dread his
return. This was exactly what he had desired: he was a most astute young
man.