(_Gladys stands on a chair endeavoring to festoon a rope of evergreen
over the doorway or window frame._)
_Gladys._ Well, somebody has to get up enough energy for a little bit
of Christmas decorating, with father and Joe both away. Maybe I’ll get
a tumble, but it will be in a good cause.
(_Enter Marie, with tray._)
_Gladys._ O Marie put your tray down and help me fix up this place so
it will look more like Christmas and less like an apartment.
_Marie._ (_politely_). Yes, Miss Gladys, (_aside_). It is a pleasure
to see some cheerfulness. The madame! (_imitating_). Marie, the coffee
is weak, the rolls are cold, the grapefruit is impossible! (_sets down
tray_).
_Gladys._ You hang a wreath in the window, and I’ll fix this rope of
green over the door. (_Marie and Gladys arrange greens._)
_Gladys._ Now that is something like.
_Marie._ Miss Gladys, I will remove the tray, for madam would
disapprove of it remaining here.
_Gladys._ (_stepping down from chair_). Yes, and I might put my foot in
her blue and gold coffee cup, and she would disapprove still more.
(_Exit Marie with tray._)
(_Enter Mrs. Worthington._)
_Mrs. W._ (_languidly_). Good morning, Gladys.
_Gladys._ (_cheerfully_). Good morning, mother. Just in time to open
Aunt Louisa’s Christmas box.
(_Mrs. W. seats herself and takes up bottle of smelling salts._)
_Mrs. W._ (_listlessly_). I really am not interested especially in your
Aunt Louisa’s box. It is past my comprehension why when she is a woman
of such plain, not to say plebeian taste, she and your uncle should
enjoy a comfortable income, when we are obliged to strive so hard to
keep up the appearance which our social position demands.
_Gladys._ (_calling_). Marie! Bring a screwdriver or a nail file or
something and we’ll open the box. Well, mother, maybe Aunt Louisa
economizes more than we do, but my definition is that economy is
spending your money in such a manner that you don’t get any pleasure
out of it.
(_Enter Marie._)
_Gladys._ Thank you, Marie. Now let’s open the box. (_Both try to pry
up lid, and finally are successful._)
_Gladys._ Now mother, brace up, there’s a nice lady, and take some
interest in your pretty gifts.
_Mrs. W._ (_carelessly_). Gladys, I have told you I am too nervous to
take an interest in anything today. (_changing tone_). How shocking!
Why your aunt has stuffed the box with newspapers! Newspapers for
packing Christmas gifts! What execrable ignorance! Marie, take them out
quickly!
_Marie._ (_respectfully_). Yes madam. (_aside_). Madam is not too
nervous to take an interest now.
(_Exit Marie._)
_Gladys._ (_smiling_). O that’s a novelty mother. Holly seals and red
ribbon are monotonous.
_Gladys._ (_taking out parcel, and unwrapping it_). O how charming,
mother! Here is a hat for me to wear on Fifth Avenue! I’ll try it on!
_Mrs. W._ (_paralyzed with indignation_). O what can your aunt Louisa
be thinking of! To insult me in this manner! That hat! How atrocious!
Marie take it out of my sight!
_Marie._ (_respectfully_). Yes madam. (_aside, holding up hat to
audience_). A charming token from the beloved relatives!
(_Exit Marie._)
_Mrs. W._ (_gasping_). Gladys! My smelling salts! It is
incomprehensible! What will your father say!
_Gladys._ (_laughing_). He will say that it is exclusive and that you
won’t find another in New York like it. (_unwraps parcel, and takes out
moth-eaten cape_). This is an evening wrap, which you can wear to the
opera to-morrow evening. (_examining cape_). It looks as if the moth
family and their relatives had been having an informal supper on this
stylish garment.
_Mrs. W._ Gladys how can you laugh? I shall not recover from this shock
for a year!
(_Enter Marie._)
_Mrs. W._ Marie, take that thing and tell the ashman to give it to his
poor relations!
_Marie._ (_respectfully_). Yes madam! (_aside_). Such a charming wrap,
I almost fear to touch it! (_carries it gingerly_).
(_Exit Marie._)
_Gladys._ My dear brother is not forgotten I am glad to see! These ties
will cultivate a love of beauty.
_Mrs. W._ And my poor boy must be insulted too! Terrible, terrible!
(_uses smelling salts_).
(_Enter Marie._)
_Mrs. W._ Marie give these ties to your cousin, the policeman that
comes to call. He can wear them when he is off duty.
_Marie._ Thank you for your kindness, Madam. (_aside_). Alphonse wear
ties like these? Never!
_Gladys._ (_satirically_). Aunt Louisa remembers that you are an
invalid, and has sent this negligee (_hands shabby eiderdown robe to
her mother_).
_Mrs. W._ (_in agitation_). Gladys, how you can laugh at my poor
health, is more than I can comprehend, and why your Aunt Louisa should
have chosen to make me the target of her insults is more than I can
understand. Marie, give it to the rag man.
_Marie._ Yes madam. (_aside_). I fear he would not accept it.
(_Exit Marie._)
_Gladys._ Well, mother, brother and I are some targets too. Here’s a
dress to wear to the Van Schuyler’s tea, and here’s a very nifty suit
for Rob. (_exhibits faded gingham, and patched suit_). The gingham
however is a bit decollette, but it has the fashionable short skirt.
_Mrs. W._ I am mortified beyond expression that Marie should witness
this frightful scene. Marie!
_Gladys._ What makes you subpoena her as a witness then?
(_Enter Marie._)
_Marie._ You called Madam?
_Mrs. W._ (_with dignity_). Marie put these shocking garments where I
shall never see or hear of them again.
_Marie._ Yes, madam.
_Gladys._ (_rummaging in box_). Wait a minute Marie, and save your
steps. Here are a couple more offerings that will need your kind care.
(_unwraps shawl_). Dearest mother, a fleecy shawl for your shoulders,
to shield you from the chill winds. (_attempts to place shawl about her
mother’s shoulders_).
_Mrs. W._ (_screaming_). Gladys! Take it away. How horrible! The thing
isn’t a shawl, it’s a moth-hole!
_Gladys._ (_continuing_). I feared that my dear father was to be
forgotten, but he too is remembered. (_holds up overcoat_). An
overcoat, neat but not gaudy, with a pleasing openwork effect in the
lining.
_Mrs. W._ (_sinks back in chair_). I am overcome. Marie, take these
abominable things away. I shall never recover from this shock, and I
shall never forget this insult. (_dries her eyes_). And I shall write
your Aunt Louisa at once and tell her in unmistakable language, my
opinion of her, in sending to me, to _me_ a box evidently intended for
the almshouse!
CURTAIN.