"I had plenty to say to her," he growled, "but after the first course
she never spoke to me."
"Oh, John," I said, "tell me just what happened."
"Well," he said, looking rather sheepish, "we did not hit it off."
"I hope you did not criticise England?"
"Certainly not," he indignantly replied. "Well, I will tell you just
what happened. As we were going into the dining-room she said to me,
in that wooden voice of hers: 'How do you manage in America, about
precedence, having no aristocracy?'
"I said, 'We are greatly troubled about it, and I fear will never
find a solution of the problem until we become again an English
colony.''
"John," I cried, "how could you?"
"Well, she looked so melancholy that I thought I would jolly her up a
bit."
"Yes," I retorted, "but haven't you been here long enough to learn
that what you call 'jollying' the English call 'ragging,' and leave
it to schoolboys, and do not indulge in it at dinner-parties?"
"Well, I learned to-night," he replied. Seemingly that was the end
of the matter, but I knew better, and insisted upon knowing all, so
he continued: "She asked what we were doing in the meantime, and I
said: 'Oh, we are just experimenting.'
"'How do you mean "experimenting,"' she said.
"Well, at one house the butler, when he announced dinner, said: 'The
oldest lady present will please go in first.' Of course, no one
would move; so that night we had no dinner. The next dinner we went
to, he said: 'This evening it is requested that the most beautiful
lady present will lead the way.' And as they all rushed together,
several people were injured, and again the dinner had to be given up.
And, when I left, I found that every one was standing as near the
door as possible, so as to slip in first and get the best seat at
table."
She gasped, and exclaimed, "How extraordinary!" and never spoke
another word during the dinner. I do not know now whether she is
thinking it over, or whether she suspects that I was engaged in that
interesting pastime of "pulling her leg," though from the glimpse I
caught-- But I spare you!