Despite what Earth-bound professors tell you about the Martian
atmosphere, we know better. They weren't there.
It is a dogma that Mars has no oxygen. Baloney. While it is true that
there is considerably less than on Earth in the surface atmosphere,
the air underground, in caves, valleys and tunnels, has plenty to
support life lavishly, though why Martians want to live after they
look at each other we cannot tell you, even confidential.
For this reason Martian cities are built underground, and travel
between them is carried on through a complicated system of subways
predating the New York IRT line by several thousand centuries, though
to the naked eye there is little difference between a Brooklyn express
and a Mars express, yet the latter were built before the Pyramids.
When the first load of Black Handers arrived, they naturally balked
against living underground. It reminded them too much of the days
before they went "legitimate" and were constantly on the lam and
hiding out.
So the Mafia put the Martians to work building a town. There are no
building materials on the planet, but the Martians are adept at making
gold dust hold together with diamond rivets. The result of their
effort--for which they were paid in peppermint sticks and lump
sugar--is named Little New York, with hotels, nightclubs, bars,
haberdashers, Turkish baths and horse rooms. Instead of
air-conditioning, it had oxygen-conditioning. But the town had no
police station.
There were no cops!
Finally, a meeting was held at which one punk asked another, "What the
hell kind of town is it with no cops? Who we going to bribe?"
After some discussion they cut cards. One of the Bergen County boys
drew the black ace. "What do I know about being a cop?" he squawked.
"You can take graft, can't you? You been shook down, ain't you?"
* * * * *
The boys also imported a couple of smart mouthpieces and a ship of
blank habeas corpus forms, together with a judge who was the brother
of one of the lawyers, so there was no need to build a jail in this
model city.
The only ones who ever get arrested, anyway, are the Martians, and
they soon discovered that the coppers from _Terra_ would look the
other way for a bucket full of gold.
Until the arrival of the Earthmen, the Martians were, as stated,
peaceful, and even now crime is practically unknown among them. The
chief problem, however, is to keep them in line on pay nights, when
they go on sugar binges.
Chocolate bars are as common on Mars as saloons are on Broadway, and
it is not unusual to see "gone" Martians getting heaved out of these
bars right into the gutter. One nostalgic hood from Seattle said it
reminded him of Skid Row there.
V