317. It may come to be a matter of question, whether conjugial love,
which is that of one man with one wife, after the death of one of the
parties, can be separated, or transferred, or superinduced; also whether
repeated marriages have any thing in common with polygamy, and thereby
whether they may be called successive polygamies; with several other
inquiries which often add scruples to scruples with men of a reasoning
spirit. In order therefore that those who are curious in such
researches, and who only grope in the shade respecting these marriages,
may see some light, I have conceived it would be worth while to present
for their consideration the following articles on the subject: I. _After
the death of a married partner, again to contract wedlock, depends on
the preceding conjugial love._ II. _It depends also on the state of
marriage, in which the parties had lived._ III. _With those who have not
been in love truly conjugial there is no obstacle or hindrance to their
again contracting wedlock._ IV. _Those who had lived together in love
truly conjugial are unwilling to marry again, except for reasons
separate from conjugial love._ V. _The state of the marriage of a youth
with a maiden differs from that of a youth with a widow._ VI. _The state
of the marriage of a widower with a maiden differs also from that of a
widower with a widow._ VII. _The varieties and diversities of these
marriages as to love and its attributes are innumerable._ VIII. _The
state of a widow is more grievous than that of a widower._ We proceed to
the explanation of each article.
318. I. AFTER THE DEATH OF A MARRIED PARTNER, AGAIN TO CONTRACT WEDLOCK,
DEPENDS ON THE PRECEDING CONJUGIAL LOVE. Love truly conjugial is like a
balance, in which the inclinations for repeated marriages are weighed:
so far as the preceding conjugial love had been genuine, so far the
inclination for another marriage is weak; but so far as the preceding
love had not been genuine, so far the inclination to another marriage is
usually strong. The reason of this is obvious; because conjugial love is
in a similar degree a conjunction of minds, which remains in the life of
the body of the one party after the decease of the other; and this holds
the inclination as a scale in a balance, and causes a preponderance
according to the appropriation of true love. But since the approach to
this love is seldom made at this day except for a few paces, therefore
the scale of the preponderance of the inclination generally rises to a
state of equilibrium, and from thence inclines and tends to the other
side, that is, to marriage. The contrary is the case with those, whose
preceding-love in the former marriage has not been truly conjugial,
because in proportion as that love is not genuine, there is in a like
degree a disjunction of minds, which also remains in the life of the
body of the one party after the decease of the other; and this enters
the will disjoined from that of the other, and causes an inclination for
a new connection; in favor of which the thought arising from the
inclination of the will induces the hope of a more united, and thereby a
more delightful connection. That inclinations to repeated marriages
arise from the state of the preceding love, is well known, and is also
obvious to reason: for love truly conjugial is influenced by a fear of
loss, and loss is followed by grief; and this grief and fear reside in
the very inmost principles of the mind. Hence, so far as that love
prevails, so far the soul inclines both in will and in thought, that is,
in intention, to be in the subject with and in which it was: from these
considerations it follows, that the mind is kept balancing towards
another marriage according to the degree of love in which it was in the
former marriage. Hence it is that after death the same parties are
re-united, and mutually love each other as they did in the world: but as
we said above, such love at this day is rare, and there are few who make
the slightest approach to it; and those who do not approach it, and
still more those who keep at a distance from it, as they were desirous
of separation in the matrimonial life heretofore passed, so after death
they are desirous of being united to another. But respecting both these
sorts of persons more will be said in what follows.
319. II. AFTER THE DEATH OF A MARRIED PARTNER, AGAIN TO CONTRACT
WEDLOOK, DEPENDS ALSO ON THE STATE OF MARRIAGE IN WHICH THE PARTIES HAD
LIVED. By the State of marriage here we do not mean the state of love
treated of in the foregoing article, because the latter causes an
internal inclination to marriage or from it; but we mean the state of
marriage which causes an external inclination to it or from it; and this
state with its inclinations is manifold: as, 1. If there are children in
the house, and a new mother is to be provided for them. 2. If there is a
wish for a further increase of children. 3. If the house is large and
full of servants of both sexes. 4. If the calls of business abroad
divert the mind from domestic concerns, and without a new mistress there
is reason to fear misery and misfortune. 5. If mutual aids and offices
require that married partners be engaged in various occupations and
employments. 6. Moreover it depends on the temper and disposition of the
separated partner, whether after the first marriage the other partner
can or cannot live alone, or without a consort. 7. The preceding
marriage also disposes the mind either to be afraid of married life, or
in favor of it. 8. I have been informed that polygamical love and the
love of the sex, also the lust of deflowering and the lust of variety,
have induced the minds (_animos_) of some to desire repeated marriages;
and that the minds of some have also been induced thereto by a fear of
the law and of the loss of reputation, in case they commit whoredom:
besides several other circumstances which promote external inclinations
to matrimony.
320. III. WITH THOSE WHO HAVE NOT BEEN IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THERE IS
NO OBSTACLE OR HINDRANCE TO THEIR AGAIN CONTRACTING WEDLOCK. With those
who have not been principled in conjugial love, there is no spiritual or
internal, but only a natural or external bond; and if an internal bond
does not keep the external in its order and tenor, the latter is but
like a bundle when the bandage is removed, which flows every way
according as it is tossed or driven by the wind. The reason of this is,
because what is natural derives its origin from what is spiritual, and
in its existence is merely a mass collected from spiritual principles;
wherefore if the natural be separated from the spiritual, which produced
and as it were begot it, it is no longer kept together interiorly, but
only exteriorly by the spiritual, which encompasses and binds it in
general, and does not tie it and keep it tied together in particular.
Hence it is, that the natural principle separated from the spiritual, in
the case of two married partners, does not cause any conjunction of
minds, and consequently of wills, but only a conjunction of some
external affections, which are connected with the bodily senses. The
reason why nothing opposes and hinders such persons from again
contracting wedlock, is, because they have not been the essentials of
marriage; and hence those essentials do not at all influence them after
separation by death: therefore they are then absolutely at their own
disposal, whether they be widowers or widows, to bind their sensual
affections with whomsoever they please, provided there be no legal
impediment. Neither do they themselves think of marriages in any other
than a natural view, and from a regard to convenience in supplying
various necessities and external advantages, which after the death of
one of the parties may again be supplied by another; and possibly, if
their interior thoughts were viewed, as in the spiritual world, there
would not be found in them any distinction between conjugial unions and
extra-conjugial connections. The reason why it is allowable for these to
contract repeated marriages, is, as above-mentioned, because merely
natural connections are after death of themselves dissolved and fall
asunder; for by death the external affections follow the body, and are
entombed with it; those only remaining which are connected with internal
principles. But it is to be observed, that marriages interiorly
conjunctive can scarcely be entered into in the world, because elections
of internal likenesses cannot there be provided by the Lord as in the
heavens; for they are limited in many ways, as to equals in rank and
condition, within the country, city, and village where they live; and in
the world for the most part married partners are held together merely by
externals, and thus not by internals, which internals do not shew
themselves till some time after marriage, and are only known when they
influence the externals.
321. IV. THOSE WHO HAD LIVED TOGETHER IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL ARE
UNWILLING TO MARRY AGAIN, EXCEPT FOR REASONS SEPARATE FROM CONJUGIAL
LOVE. The reasons why those who had lived in love truly conjugial, after
the death of their married partners are unwilling to marry again, are as
follow. 1. Because they were united as to their souls, and thence as to
their minds; and this union, being spiritual, is an actual junction of
the soul and mind of one of the parties to those of the other, which
cannot possibly be dissolved; that such is the nature of spiritual
conjunction, has been constantly shewn above. 2. Because they were also
united as to their bodies by the receptions of the propagation of the
soul of the husband by the wife, and thus by the insertion of his life
into hers, whereby a maiden becomes a wife; and on the other hand by the
reception of the conjugial love of the wife by the husband, which
disposes the interiors of his mind, and at the same time the interiors
and exteriors of his body, into a state receptible of love and
perceptible of wisdom, which makes him from a youth become a husband;
see above, n. 198. 3. Because a sphere of love from the wife, and a
sphere of understanding from the man, is continually flowing forth, and
because it perfects conjunctions, and encompasses them with its pleasant
influence, and unites them; see also above, n. 223. 4. Because married
partners thus united think of, and desire what is eternal, and because
on this idea their eternal happiness is founded; see n. 216. 5. From
these several considerations it is, that they are no longer two, but one
man, that is, one flesh. 6. That such a union cannot be destroyed by the
death of one of the parties, is manifest to the sight of a spirit. 7. To
the above considerations shall be added this new information, that two
such conjugial partners, after the death of one, are still not
separated; since the spirit of the deceased dwells continually with that
of the survivor, and this even to the death of the latter, when they
again meet and are reunited, and love each other more tenderly than
before, because they are then in the spiritual world. Hence flows this
undeniable consequence, that those who had lived in love truly
conjugial, are unwilling to marry again. But if they afterwards contract
something like marriage, it is for reasons separate from conjugial love,
which are all external; as in case there are young children in the
house, and the care of them requires attention; if the house is large
and full of servants of both sexes; if the calls of business abroad
divert the mind from domestic concerns; if mutual aids and offices are
necessary; with other cases of a like nature.
322. V. THE STATE OF THE MARRIAGE OF A YOUTH WITH A MAIDEN DIFFERS FROM
THAT OF A YOUTH WITH A WIDOW. By states of marriage we mean the states
of the life of each party, the husband and the wife, after the nuptials,
thus in the marriage, as to the quality of the intercourse at that time,
whether it be internal, that is of souls and minds, which is intercourse
in the principle idea, or whether it be only external, that is of minds
(_animorum_), of the senses, and of the body. The state of marriage of a
youth with a maiden is essentially itself initiatory to genuine
marriage; for between these conjugial love can proceed in its just
order, which is from its first heat to its first torch, and afterwards
from its first seed with the youth-husband, and from its first flower
with the maiden-wife, and thus generate, grow, and fructify, and
introduce itself into those successive states with both parties
mutually; but if otherwise, the youth or the maiden was not really such,
but only in external form. But between a youth and a widow there is not
such an initiation to marriage from first principles, nor a like
progression in marriage, since a widow is more at her own disposal, and
under her own jurisdiction, than a maiden; wherefore a youth addresses
himself differently to his wife if she were a widow, from what he does
if she were a maiden. But herein there is much variety and diversity;
therefore the subject is here mentioned only in a general way.
323. VI. THE STATE OF THE MARRIAGE OF A WIDOWER WITH A MAIDEN DIFFERS
ALSO FROM THAT OF A WIDOWER WITH A WIDOW. For a widower has already been
initiated into married life which a maiden has to be; and yet conjugial
love perceives and is sensible of its pleasantness and delight in mutual
initiation; a youth-husband and a maiden-wife perceive and are sensible
of things ever new in whatever occurs, whereby they are in a kind of
continual initiation and consequent amiable progression. The case is
otherwise in the state of the marriage of a widower with a maiden: the
maiden-wife has an internal inclination, whereas with the man that
inclination has passed away; but herein there is much variety and
diversity: the case is similar in a marriage between a widower and a
widow; however, except this general notion, it is not allowable to add
anything specifically.
324. VII. THE VARIETIES AND DIVERSITIES OF THESE MARRIAGES AS TO LOVE
AND ITS ATTRIBUTES ARE INNUMERABLE. There is an infinite variety of all
things, and also an infinite diversity. By varieties we here mean the
varieties between those things which are of one genus or species, also
between the genera and species; but by diversities we here mean the
diversities between those things which are opposite. Our idea of the
distinction of varieties and diversities may be illustrated as follows:
The angelic heaven, which is connected as a one, in an infinite variety,
no one there being absolutely like another, either as to souls and
minds, or as to affections, perceptions, and consequent thoughts, or as
to inclinations and consequent intentions, or as to tone of voice, face,
body, gesture, and gait, and several other particulars, and yet,
notwithstanding there are myriads of myriads, they have been and are
arranged by the Lord into one form, in which there is full unanimity and
concord; and this could not possibly be, unless they were all, with
their innumerable varieties, universally and individually under the
guidance of one: these are what we here mean by varieties. But by
diversities we mean the opposites of those varieties, which exist in
hell; for the inhabitants there are diametrically opposite to those in
heaven; and hell, which consists of such, is kept together as a one by
varieties in themselves altogether contrary to the varieties in heaven,
thus by perpetual diversities. From these considerations it is evident
what is perceived by infinite variety and infinite diversity. The case
is the same in marriages, namely, that there are infinite varieties with
those who are in conjugial love, and infinite varieties with those who
are in adulterous love; and hence, that there are infinite diversities
between the latter and the former. From these premises it follows, that
the varieties and diversities in marriages of every genus and species,
whether of a youth with a maiden, or of a youth with a widow, or of a
widower with a maiden, or of a widower with a widow exceed all number:
who can divide infinity into numbers?
325. VIII. THE STATE OF A WIDOW IS MORE GRIEVOUS THAN THAT OF A WIDOWER.
The reasons for this are both external and internal; the external are
such as all can comprehend; as: 1. That a widow cannot provide for
herself and her family the necessaries of life, nor dispose of them when
acquired, as a man can and as she previously did by and with her
husband. 2. That neither can she defend herself and her family as is
expedient; for, while she was a wife, her husband was her defence, and
as it were her arm; and while she herself was her own (defence and arm),
she still trusted to her husband. 3. That of herself she is deficient of
counsel in such things as relate to interior wisdom and the prudence
thence derived. 4. That a widow is without the reception of love, in
which as a woman she is principled; thus she is in a state contrary to
that which was innate and induced by marriage. These external reasons,
which are natural, have their origin from internal reasons also, which
are spiritual, like all other things in the world and in the body;
respecting which see above, n. 220. Those external natural reasons are
perceived from the internal spiritual reasons which proceed from the
marriage of good and truth, and principally from the following: that
good cannot provide or arrange anything but by truth; that neither can
good defend itself but by truth; consequently that truth is the defence
and as it were the arm of good; that good without truth is deficient of
counsel, because it has counsel, wisdom, and prudence by means of truth.
Now since by creation the husband is truth, and the wife the good
thereof; or, what is the same thing, since by creation the husband is
understanding, and the wife the love thereof, it is evident that the
external or natural reasons, which aggravate the widowhood of a woman,
have their origin from internal or spiritual reasons. These spiritual
reasons, together with natural, are meant by what is said of widows in
several passages in the Word; as may be seen in the APOCALYPSE REVEALED,
n. 764.
* * * * *
326. To the above I shall add TWO MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. After the
problem concerning the soul had been discussed and solved in the
gymnasium, I saw them coming out in order: first came the chief teacher,
then the elders, in the midst of whom were the five youths who had given
the answers, and after these the rest. When they were come out they went
apart to the environs of the house, where there were piazzas surrounded
by shrubs; and being assembled, they divided themselves into small
companies, which were so many groups of youths conversing together on
subjects of wisdom, in each of which was one of the wise persons from
the orchestra. As I saw these from my apartment, I became in the spirit,
and in that state I went out to them, and approached the chief teacher,
who had lately proposed the problem concerning the soul. On seeing me,
he said. "Who are you? I was surprised as I saw you approaching in the
way, that at one instant you came into my sight, and the next instant
went out of it; or that at one time I saw you, and suddenly I did not
see you: assuredly you are not in the same state of life that we are."
To this I replied, smiling, "I am neither a player nor a _vertumnus_;
but I am alternate, at one time in your light, and at another in your
shade; thus both a foreigner and a native." Hereupon the chief teacher
looked at me, and said, "You speak things strange and wonderful: tell me
who you are." I said, "I am in the world in which you have been, and
from which you have departed, and which is called the natural world; and
I am also in the world into which you have come, and in which you are,
which is called the spiritual world. Hence I am in a natural state, and
at the same time in a spiritual state; in a natural state with men of
the earth and in a spiritual state with you; and when I am in the
natural state, you do not see me, but when I am in the spiritual state,
you do; that such should be my condition, has been granted me by the
Lord. It is known to you, illustrious sir, that a man of the natural
world does not see a man of the spiritual world, nor _vice versa_;
therefore when I let my spirit into the body, you did not see me; but
when I let it out of the body, you did see me. You have been teaching in
the gymnasium, that you are souls, and that souls see souls, because
they are human forms; and you know, that when you were in the natural
world, you did not see yourself or your souls in your bodies; and this
is a consequence of the difference between what is spiritual and what is
natural." When he heard of the difference between what is spiritual and
what is natural, he said, "What do you mean by that difference? is it
not like the difference between what is more or less pure? for what is
spiritual but that which is natural in a higher state of purity?" I
replied, "The difference is of another kind; it is like that between
prior and posterior, which bear no determinate proportion to each other:
for the prior is in the posterior as the cause is in the effect; and the
posterior is derived from the prior as the effect from its cause: hence,
the one does not appear to the other." To this the chief teacher
replied, "I have meditated and ruminated upon this difference, but
heretofore in vain; I wish I could perceive it." I said, "You shall not
only perceive the difference between what is spiritual and what is
natural, but shall also see it." I then proceeded as follows: "You
yourself are in a spiritual state with your associate spirits, but in a
natural state with me; for you converse with your associates in the
spiritual language, which is common to every spirit and angel, but with
me in my mother tongue; for every spirit and angel, when conversing with
a man, speaks his peculiar language; thus French with a Frenchman,
English with an Englishman, Greek with a Greek, Arabic with an Arabian,
and so forth. That you may know therefore the difference between what is
spiritual and what is natural in respect to languages, make this
experiment; withdraw to your associates, and say something there: then
retain the expressions, and return with them in your memory, and utter
them before me." He did so, and returned to me with those expressions in
his mouth, and uttered them; and they were altogether strange and
foreign, such as do not occur in any language of the natural world. By
this experiment several times repeated, it was made very evident that
all the spiritual world have the spiritual language, which has in it
nothing that is common to any natural language, and that every man comes
of himself into the use of that language after his decease. At the same
time also he experienced, that the sound of the spiritual language
differs so far from the sound of natural language, that a spiritual
sound, though loud, could not at all be heard by a natural man, nor a
natural sound by a spirit. Afterwards I requested the chief teacher and
the bystanders to withdraw to their associates, and write some sentence
or other on a piece of paper, and then return with it to me, and read
it. They did so, and returned with the paper in their hand; but when
they read it, they could not understand any part of it, as the writing
consisted only of some letters of the alphabet, with turns over them,
each of which was significative of some particular sense and meaning:
because each letter of the alphabet is thus significative, it is evident
why the Lord is called Alpha and Omega. On their repeatedly withdrawing,
and writing in the same manner, and returning to me, they found that
their writing involved and comprehended innumerable things which no
natural writing could possibly express; and they were given to
understand, that this was in consequence of the spiritual man's thoughts
being incomprehensible and ineffable to the natural man, and such as
cannot flow and be brought into any other writing or language. Then as
some present were unwilling to comprehend that spiritual thought so far
exceeds natural thought, as to be respectively ineffable, I said to
them, "Make the experiment; withdraw into your spiritual society, and
think on some subject, and retain your thoughts, and return, and express
them before me." They did so; but when they wanted to express the
subject thought of, they were unable; for they did not find any idea of
natural thought adequate to any idea of spiritual thought, consequently
no words expressive of it; for ideas of thought are constituent of the
words of language. This experiment they repeated again and again;
whereby they were convinced that spiritual ideas are supernatural,
inexpressible, ineffable, and incomprehensible to the natural man; and
on account of this their super-eminence, they said, that spiritual
ideas, or thoughts, as compared with natural, were ideas of ideas, and
thoughts of thoughts; and that therefore they were expressive of
qualities of qualities, and affections of affections; consequently that
spiritual thoughts were the beginnings and origins of natural thoughts:
hence also it was made evident that spiritual wisdom was the wisdom of
wisdom, consequently that it was imperceptible to any wise man in the
natural world. It was then told them from the third heaven, that there
is a wisdom still interior and superior, which is called celestial,
bearing a proportion to spiritual wisdom like that which spiritual
wisdom bears to natural, and that these descend by an orderly influx
according to the heavens from the divine wisdom of the Lord, which is
infinite.
327. After this I said to the by-standers, "You have seen from these
three experimental proofs what is the difference between spiritual and
natural, and also the reason why the natural man does not appear to the
spiritual, nor the spiritual to the natural, although they are
consociated as to affections and thoughts, and thence as to presence.
Hence it is that, as I approached, at one time you, Sir, (addressing the
chief teacher), saw me, and at another you did not." After this, a voice
was heard from the superior heaven to the chief teacher, saying, "Come
up hither;" and he went up: and on his return, he said, that the angels,
as well as himself, did not before know the differences between
spiritual and natural, because there had never before been an
opportunity of comparing them together, by any person's existing at the
same time in both worlds; and without such comparison and reference
those differences were not ascertainable.
328. After this we retired, and conversing again on this subject, I
said, "Those differences originate solely in this circumstance of your
existence in the spiritual world, that you are in substantials and not
in materials: and substantials are the beginning of materials. You are
in principles and thereby in singulars; but we are in principiates and
composites; you are in particulars, but we are in generals; and as
generals cannot enter into particulars, so neither can natural things,
which are material, enter into spiritual things which are substantial,
any more than a ship's cable can enter into, or be drawn though, the eye
of a fine needle; or than a nerve can enter or be let into one of the
fibres of which it is composed, or a fibre into one of the fibrils of
which it is composed: this also is known in the world: therefore herein
the learned are agreed, that there is no such thing as an influx of what
is natural into what is spiritual, but of what is spiritual into what is
natural. This now is the reason why the natural man cannot conceive that
which the spiritual man conceives, nor consequently express such
conceptions; wherefore Paul calls what he heard from the third heaven
ineffable. Moreover, to think spiritually is to think abstractedly from
space and time, and to think naturally is to think in conjunction with
space and time; for in every idea of natural thought there is something
derived from space and time, which is not the case with any spiritual
idea; because the spiritual world is not in space and time, like the
natural world, but in the appearances of space and time. In this respect
also spiritual thoughts and perceptions differ from natural; therefore
you can think of the essence and omnipresence of God from eternity, that
is, of God before the creation of the world, since you think of the
essence of God from eternity abstracted from time, and of his
omnipresence abstracted from space, and thus comprehend such things as
transcend the ideas of the natural man." I then related to them, how I
once thought of the essence and omnipresence of God from eternity, that
is of God before the creation of the world; and that because I could not
yet remove spaces and times from the ideas of my thought, I was brought
into anxiety; for the idea of nature entered instead of God: but it was
said to me, "Remove the ideas of space and time, and you will see." I
did so and then I saw; and from that time I was enabled to think of God
from eternity, and not of nature from eternity; because God is in all
time without time, and in all space without space, whereas nature in all
time is in time, and in all space in space; and nature with her time and
space, must of necessity have a beginning and a birth, but not God who
is without time, and space; therefore nature is from God, not from
eternity, but in time, that is, together with her time and space.
329. After the chief teacher and the rest of the assembly had left me,
some boys who were also engaged in the gymnasian exercise, followed me
home, and stood near me for a little while as I was writing: and lo! at
that instant they saw a moth running upon my paper, and asked in
surprise what was the name of that nimble little creature? I said, "It
is called a moth; and I will tell you some wonderful things respecting
it. This little animal contains in itself as many members and viscera as
there are in a camel, such as brains, hearts, pulmonary pipes, organs of
sense, motion, and generation, a stomach, intestines, and several
others; and each of these organs consists of fibres, nerves,
blood-vessels, muscles, tendons, membranes; and each of these of still
purer parts, which escape the observation of the keenest eye." They then
said that this little animal appeared to them just like a simple
substance; upon which I said, "There are nevertheless innumerable things
within it. I mention these things that you may know, that the case is
similar in regard to every object which appears before you as one,
simple and least, as well in your actions as in your affections and
thoughts. I can assure you that every grain of thought, that every drop
of your affection, is divisible _ad infinitum_: and that in proportion
as your ideas are divisible, so you are wise. Know then, that every
thing divided is more and more multiple, and not more and more simple;
because what is continually divided approaches nearer and nearer to the
infinite, in which all things are infinitely. What I am now observing to
you is new and heretofore unheard of." When I concluded, the boys took
their leave of me, and went to the chief teacher, and intreated him to
take an opportunity to propose in the gymnasium somewhat new and unheard
of as a problem. He inquired, "What?" they said, "That every thing
divided is more and more multiple, and not more and more simple; because
it approaches nearer and nearer to the infinite, in which all things are
infinitely:" and he pledged himself to propose it, and said, "I see
this, because I have perceived that one natural idea contains
innumerable spiritual ideas; yea, that one spiritual idea contains
innumerable celestial ideas. Herein is grounded the difference between
the celestial wisdom of the angels of the third heaven, and the
spiritual wisdom of the angels of the second heaven, and also the
natural wisdom of the angels of the last heaven and likewise of men."
330. THE SECOND MEMORABLE RELATION. I once heard a pleasant discussion
between some men respecting the female sex, whether it be possible for a
woman to love her husband, who constantly loves her own beauty, that is,
who loves herself from her form. They agreed among themselves first,
that women have two-fold beauty; one natural, which is that of the face
and body, and the other spiritual which is that of the love and manners;
they agreed also, that these two kinds of beauty are often divided in
the natural world, and are always united in the spiritual world; for in
the latter world beauty is the form of the love and manners; therefore
after death it frequently happens that deformed women become beauties,
and beautiful women become deformities. While the men were discussing
this point, there came some wives, and said, "Admit of our presence;
because what you are discussing, you have learned by science, but we are
taught it by experience; and you likewise know so little of the love of
wives, that it scarcely amounts to any knowledge. Do you know that the
prudence of the wives' wisdom consists in hiding their love from their
husbands in the inmost recess of their bosoms, or in the midst of their
hearts?" The discussion then proceeded; and the FIRST CONCLUSION made by
the men was, That every woman is willing to appear beautiful as to face
and manners, because she is born an affection of love, and the form of
this affection is beauty; therefore a woman that is not desirous to be
beautiful, is not desirous to love and to be loved, and consequently is
not truly a woman. Hereupon the wives observed, "The beauty of a woman
resides in soft tenderness, and consequently in exquisite sensibility;
hence comes the woman's love for the man, and the man's for the woman.
This possibly you do not understand." The SECOND CONCLUSION of the men
was, That a woman before marriage is desirous to be beautiful for the
men, but after marriage, if she be chaste, for one man only, and not for
the men. Hereupon the wives observed. "When the husband has sipped the
natural beauty of the wife, he sees it no longer, but sees her spiritual
beauty; and from this he re-loves, and recalls the natural beauty, but
under another aspect." The THIRD CONCLUSION of their discussion was,
That if a woman after marriage is desirous to appear beautiful in like
manner as before marriage, she loves the men, and not a man: because a
woman loving herself from her beauty is continually desirous that her
beauty should be sipped; and as this no longer appears to her husband,
as you observed, she is desirous that it may be sipped by the men to
whom it appears. It is evident that such a one has a love of the sex,
and not a love of one of the sex. Hereupon the wives were silent; yet
they murmured, "What woman is so void of vanity, as not to desire to
seem beautiful to the men also, at the same time that she seems
beautiful to one man only?" These things were heard by some wives from
heaven, who were beautiful, because they were heavenly affections. They
confirmed the conclusions of the men; but they added, "Let them only
love their beauty and its ornaments for the sake of their husbands, and
from them."
331. Those three wives being indignant that the three conclusions of the
men were confirmed by the wives from heaven, said to the men, "You have
inquired whether a woman that loves herself from her beauty, loves her
husband; we in our turn will therefore inquire whether a man who loves
himself from his intelligence, can love his wife. Be present and hear."
This was their FIRST CONCLUSION; No wife loves her husband on account of
his face, but on account of his intelligence in his business and
manners: know therefore, that a wife unites herself with a man's
intelligence and thereby with the man: therefore if a man loves himself
on account of his intelligence, he withdraws it from the wife into
himself, whence comes disunion and not union: moreover to love his own
intelligence is to be wise from himself, and this is to be insane;
therefore it is to love his own insanity. Hereupon the men observed,
"Possibly the wife unites herself with the man's strength or ability."
At this the wives smiled, saying, "There is no deficiency of ability
while the man loves the wife from intelligence; but there is if he loves
her from insanity. Intelligence consists in loving the wife only: and in
this love there is no deficiency of ability; but insanity consists in
not loving the wife but the sex, and in this love there is a deficiency
of ability. You comprehend this." The SECOND CONCLUSION was; We women
are born into the love of the men's intelligence; therefore if the men
love their own intelligence, it cannot be united with its genuine love,
which belongs to the wife; and if the man's intelligence is not united
with its genuine love, which belongs to the wife, it becomes insanity
grounded in haughtiness, and conjugial love becomes cold. What woman in
such case can unite her love to what is cold; and what man can unite the
insanity of his haughtiness to the love of intelligence? But the men
said, "Whence has a man honor from his wife but by her magnifying his
intelligence?" The wives replied, "From love, because love honors; and
honor cannot be separated from love, but love maybe from honor."
Afterwards they came to this THIRD CONCLUSION; You seemed as if you
loved your wives; and you do not see that you are loved by them, and
thus that you re-love; and that your intelligence is a receptacle: if
therefore you love your intelligence in yourselves, it becomes the
receptacle of your love; and the love of _proprium_ (or self-hood),
since it cannot endure an equal, never becomes conjugial love; but so
long as it prevails, so long it remains adulterous. Hereupon the men
were silent; nevertheless they murmured, "What is conjugial love?" Some
husbands in heaven heard what passed, and confirmed thence the three
conclusions of the wives.
* * * * *