Dress.—A Character.—Remarks on Mrs. Trueman’s Manner of
dressing.—Trifling Omissions undermine Affection.
Mary’s procrastinating temper produced many other ill consequences; she
would lie in bed till the last moment, and then appear without washing
her face or cleaning her teeth. Mrs. Mason had often observed it, and
hinted her dislike; but, unwilling to burden her with precepts, she
waited for a glaring example. One was soon accidentally thrown in her
way, and she determined that it should not pass unobserved.
A lady, who was remarkable for her negligence in this respect, spent a
week with them; and, during that time, very frequently disconcerted the
economy of the family. She was seldom fit to be seen, and if any company
came by chance to dinner, she would make them wait till it was quite
cold, whilst she huddled on some ill-chosen finery. In the same style,
if a little party of pleasure was proposed, she had to dress herself, and
the hurry discomposed her, and tired those, who did not like to lose time
in anticipating a trifling amusement.
A few hours after she had left them, Mrs. Mason enquired of Mary, what
effect this week’s experience had had on her mind? You are fond of
ridicule, child, but seldom in the right place; real cause for it you let
slip, and heed not the silent reproof that points at your own faults: do
not mistake me, I would not have you laugh at—yet I wish you to feel,
what is ridiculous, and learn to distinguish folly. Mrs. Dowdy’s
negligence arises from indolence; her mind is not employed about matters
of importance; and, if it were, it would not be a sufficient excuse for
her habitually neglecting an essential part of a man’s as well as a
woman’s duty. I said habitually; grief will often make those careless,
who, at other times, pay a proper attention to their person; and this
neglect is a sure indication that the canker-worm is at work; and we
ought to pity, rather than blame the unfortunate. Indeed when painful
activity of mind occasions this inattention, it will not last long; the
soul struggles to free itself, and return to its usual tone and old
habits. The lady we have been speaking of, ever appears a sloven, though
she is sometimes a disgusting figure, and, at others, a very taudry
flirt.
I continually caution Caroline not to spend much time in adorning her
person; but I never desired you to neglect yours. Wisdom consists in
avoiding extremes—immoderate fondness for dress, I term vanity; but a
proper attention to avoid singularity does not deserve that name. Never
waste much time about trifles; but the time that is necessary, employ
properly. Exercise your understanding, taste flows from it, and will in
a moment direct you, if you are not too solicitous to conform to the
changing fashions; and loiter away in laborious idleness the precious
moments when the imagination is most lively, and should be allowed to fix
virtuous affections in the tender youthful heart.
Of all the women whom I have ever met with, Mrs. Trueman seems the freest
from vanity, and those frivolous views which degrade the female
character. Her virtues claim respect, and the practice of them engrosses
her thoughts; yet her clothes are apparently well chosen, and you always
see her in the same attire. Not like many women who are eager to set off
their persons to the best advantage, when they are only going to take a
walk, and are careless, nay slovenly, when forced to stay at home. Mrs.
Trueman’s conduct is just the reverse, she tries to avoid singularity,
for she does not wish to disgust the generality; but it is her family,
her friends, whom she studies to please.
In dress it is not little minute things, but the whole that should be
attended to, and that every day; and this attention gives an ease to the
person because the clothes appear unstudily graceful. Never, continued
Mrs. Mason, desire to excel in trifles, if you do—there is an end to
virtuous emulation, the mind cannot attend to both; for when the main
pursuit is trivial, the character will of course become insignificant.
Habitual neatness is laudable; but, if you wish to be reckoned a well, an
elegantly dressed girl; and feel that praise on account of it gives you
pleasure, you are vain; and a laudable ambition cannot dwell with vanity.
Servants, and those women whose minds have had a very limited range,
place all their happiness in ornaments, and frequently neglect the only
essential part in dress,—neatness.
I have not the least objection to your dressing according to your age; I
rather encourage it, by allowing you to wear the gayest colours; yet I
insist on some degree of uniformity: and think you treat me
disrespectfully when you appear before me, and have forgotten to do, what
should never be neglected, and what you could have done in less than a
quarter of an hour.
I always dress myself before breakfast, and expect you to follow my
example, if there is not a sufficient, and obvious excuse. You, Mary,
missed a pleasant airing yesterday; for if you had not forgotten the
respect which is due to me, and hurried down to breakfast in a slovenly
manner, I should have taken you out with me; but I did not choose to wait
till you were ready, as your not being so was entirely your own fault.
Fathers, and men in general, complain of this inattention; they have
always to wait for females. Learn to avoid this fault, however
insignificant it may appear in your eyes, for that habit cannot be of
little consequence that sometimes weakens esteem. When we frequently
make allowance for another in trifling matters, notions of inferiority
take root in the mind, and too often produce contempt. Respect for the
understanding must be the basis of constancy; the tenderness which flows
from pity is liable to perish insensibly, to consume itself—even the
virtues of the heart, when they degenerate into weakness, sink a
character in our estimation. Besides, a kind of gross familiarity, takes
place of decent affection; and the respect which alone can render
domestic intimacy a lasting comfort is lost before we are aware of it.