"Everything about the place was as ontidy as a bilge hole; and when our
ambassadors--"
"Our what?" said Bob.
"Well, them as carried the despatches, sir--got close up, they was told
to wait because the sultan was asleep. When seeing as a reg'lar party
of the Malays, every man with his bit of a toasting fork by his side,
come round to stare at 'em, Sergeant Lund he says to himself, `Lor'!
what a pity it is as I haven't got Private Tomkins, or Private Binns, or
two or three more nice smart, handsome chaps o' that kind with me,
instead of such a scuffy couple o' fellows as Sim and Mustard.'"
Here, of course, there was a roar of laughter, for Privates Tomkins and
Binns were amongst the listeners.
"Come away," said Tom Long, frowning. "I don't like mixing with our
men."
"No, no: stop," cried Bob. "They won't think any the less of us; we're
off duty now."
Tom Long wanted to hear what was said, so he remained.
"And one of our nice hansum young orficers," continued Dick, in the most
solemn way, "and a middy and some smart Jacks."
"And Dick Dunnage," said one of the soldiers.
"Well, he did mention me, but I was too modest to say so."
Here there was another laugh.
"`How so be,'" continued Dick, "he sez; `must make the best o' what
material we got,' so he pulls his men together, squares their yards, and
coils down all their ropes tidy, tightens the breechings o' their guns,
and lets the poor benighted savages of niggers have their fill o'
staring at real British sodgers. Then they turned civil, and brought
'em out drinks, and fruit, and pipes; and they was very comfortable,
till some one come out and said as the sultan was awake, and wanted his
cocks, so the chap as went as interpreter told them; and then there was
a bustle, and some three or four chaps went and fetched some
fighting-cocks, and took 'em inside the barn--I mean the palace; and our
fellows was kept waiting till the sergeant hears a reg'lar
cock-a-doodle-doo, just for all the world as if he was at home, and he
know'd by that as one of the birds had won. Just about a minute after
some one come and beckoned him, and he goes up the steps into the
palace, as had bamboo floors, and carpets lying about; and there was the
sultan up at one end, sitting on carpet, and all his wives and people
about him."
"How many wives had he got, Dick?" said the midshipman.
"About a dozen, sir. But I'll just tell you how many he'd have had if
my missus had been one on 'em."
"How many, Dick?"
"Just one, sir; she'd clear out all the others in a brace o' shakes.
She wouldn't stand none o' that nonsense. Why, bless yer 'art, there
was one had got a golden pestle and mortar--"
"Gently, Dick! gently!" said the midshipman.
"It's a fack, sir, and as sure as I stand here; and she was a bruising
up betel-nuts for him to chew, and another was mixing up lime, and
another spreading leaves, whilst--there, I dursn't hardly tell you this
here, because you won't believe it."
"Let it off gently, Dick," said the middy, "and we'll try and bear it."
"Well, sir, hang me if one of his wives--the oldest and ugliest of 'em--
wasn't sitting there holden a golden spittoon ready for him to use
whenever he wanted."