THE COTTAGE _ORNÉE_
There must have been in the minds of those who have read so far, and
who have had some practical experience themselves, a dim enquiry, how
did this feeble tradesman keep out of the County Court? For to those
who have ever been in a like position to mine, the terror of the County
Court, the nearest approach to the Cadi under the palm tree that modern
jurisprudence can know, has been ever present. It is true that after
I became unable to pay my wholesale purveyor's bills as they came in,
I was put to great straits in writing, requesting, yes, begging, for
time to pay for what I had bought, because I had not yet sold it, nor
indeed had I any hope of doing so. These, however, were not the people
to sue me in a small debts court. Nor since I never had credit from the
neighbouring shopkeepers had I any difficulty with them, poor people,
whose only remedy, and that a weak one, with rogues lay in the County
Court.
Thus it came about that I only knew the charming little one-story
building in the Camberwell New Road, which some delightful writer, I
forget who, has characterised as the "Cottage Ornée," by sight, and
its inscription, cut into the stucco of its façade, "Lambeth County
Court," never gave me a qualm. Every day I passed it either on foot or,
when I was well to do, on the twenty-four a shilling tram, which ran
from Camberwell Green to Vauxhall Station, and it really never occurred
to me that one day I should be all too familiar with the precincts.
That day came, however, and in a peculiar manner. I had hinted that
I was on none too good terms with my landlord, who lived next door
be it remembered, and our closer acquaintance did not at all improve
our relations. The fact is, I suppose, that he never understood me,
and I am sure I never understood him. He was trying to make a living
out of his shop next door and the little property which I rented from
him, and resented any attempts I made to compel him to render my
premises more habitable. I naturally saw things from my own standpoint,
and reprobated him for a soulless despot, who, having secured me as
a lessee of his rotten, tumble-down premises, expected me, while
paying him a heavy rental, to keep them in repair, which I resented
accordingly; and at last matters came to the pitch of my refusing to
pay any more rent until that desirable messuage, which I was lessee of,
should have its roof repaired and made tenantable, as I put it, for
human beings.
He did not see eye to eye with me, and fell back upon the landlord's
best friend, a bum-bailiff, called in our vernacular, with every
inflection of emphasis that dislike could suggest, "th' bum." A most
unenviable occupation, and one requiring a front of brass, as well
as a great deal of callous energy. Such men should have no feelings,
and usually appear as if they had none, for they are willing for a
consideration that all the odium incurred by the landlord should be
transferred to them. There are, of course, exceptions to this general
rule, for some bailiffs are kindly and generous and honest, but I
unfortunately came across a bad specimen of the genus indeed. He
entered my shop one day, during my absence, and enquired for me, well
knowing that I was away at the Office, and gradually wormed his way
into the confidence of my wife by representing himself to her as a
friend who was deeply interested in my welfare, and anxious to arrange
amicably the little difference, as he put it, between my landlord and
myself. She was quite won by his manner, and entertained him with
tea until my arrival, when she introduced him to me in his assumed
character.
I was quite as easily gulled as she was, and after a few minutes
amicable conversation, during which he repeatedly professed to be
able to smooth matters between my landlord and myself, as it was so
undesirable that neighbours such as we were should be on bad terms,
I showed him over the house, and pointed out to him its deplorable
condition. In this connection I also mentioned my many difficulties,
and the impossibility of my undertaking the necessary repairs even if
I felt disposed to, which I most emphatically did not. This confidence
of mine corroborated what my wife had been telling him, though that I
did not then know, and should have made him sorry for the task he had
set himself. But presently, to my amazement, he said, quite casually,
"Well, about this quarter's rent, don't you think you'd better pay
it and save trouble?" I stared at him for a moment, not even then
realising that I had been entertaining a wolf in sheep's clothing, and
then replied, "I couldn't pay it anyhow before the end of the month"
(it was then about the twentieth), "but I shan't pay it until he makes
the place fit to live in."
"Oh well," he answered coolly, "you know your own business best, I
suppose. I've done all I can, and if you won't pay, I must leave a man
in possession, that's all. He's waiting outside. There's my card," and
with that he displayed to my horror-stricken gaze a piece of pasteboard
on which the words, "Broker and Appraiser" stood out apparently in
letters of fire. My eyes were opened indeed, but it was too late. I
could only promise to do what I could on the morrow, and plead that
in the meantime he would keep his man off the premises, in view of
the harm in a business sense it would undoubtedly do me. This, after
much apparent cogitation and very grudgingly, he consented to do on
my solemn promise to have the money there for him, with his fee in
addition, the next evening at six o'clock. And then he strode out with
the air of a conqueror, all his suavity of demeanour having vanished
with the necessity for it.
Eight pounds to be obtained by six o'clock the next day! No credit
anywhere, not a bit of portable property pawnable, and pay-day ten
days off. Yes, I know what you are thinking, reader, "Is it possible
that this man had let his rent fall due without making any provision
for it?" To go into explanations would take far too long, and would,
besides, not be over profitable, so the easiest way is to say that I
_had_ been so foolish and improvident, and whatever other epithet may
be chosen, and not for the first time either. But hitherto I had always
managed to pay up well within the usual days of grace allowed without
having a bailiff presented to me.
I'm afraid I did not get much sleep that night, which was unusual,
for although I did not sleep long I slept soundly as a rule. One
fact stood out prominently in my memory, the advertisement of a
philanthropist in one of the streets off the Adelphi, who was always
prepared to advance to gentlemen in permanent employment, who might
be temporarily embarrassed, £5 on their simple note of hand without
any bothering security whatever. Prudence whispered, "Don't do it."
Necessity growled, "You must." And so next day, during my luncheon
hour, I hurried with a thumping heart to the address given in the
advertisement. The matter was simplicity itself. The gentleman was a
well-fed young Hebrew of quiet manners, who merely asked me a civil
question or two and referred to a red book. "All right, Mr Bullen,
you can have £5 on your signing this promissory note to pay £5. 10s.
this day month." I accepted eagerly, shook hands cordially, and in
two minutes was speeding back to the office with this precious fiver
in my pocket. The making up of the other £3 was a matter of much more
difficulty, and I am not justified in giving details, but I hurried
home at five with £7. 19s. 6d. in my pocket, and a feeling of ability
to face anybody and anything.
But had I known it, I had just taken a step that cost me afterwards
more suffering than I even now care to think of. That simple little
fiver, so easily borrowed at 120 per cent. per annum, and parted with
directly to pay a debt that ought never to have become a debt! Well, I
cannot say that it the was beginning of sorrows, but it certainly was
the beginning of a great accession to the sorrows I already had. And I
went home as glad as a boy who had just passed his first examination,
as pleased as if I had just found five pounds instead of having added
some rivets to the chain already round my neck.
The broker was waiting for me when I got home--when I saw him I felt
with a chill that he knew all that I had been doing to get his claim
settled--and I greeted him manfully, but without effusion, lugging the
money out of my pocket and pushing it over towards him. He counted
it in silence and gave me a receipt, and then said, as if it was an
after-thought, "Oh, a friend of mine asked me to give you this as I
should be seeing you." _This_ was a summons to the Lambeth County Court
to give reasons why I should not summarily pay an account of £7 odd
incurred for attendance and medicine some five months before. What I
thought as I gazed at the document I do not know, what I said were the
banal words "All right, I'll attend to it." Yes _I_ could attend to it,
returnable in a week's time too. My pay of £9. 3s. 4d. never seemed to
go very far in the settling of the demands made upon me, but this month
it seemed as if it were a mere farce to take it up at all, so little
would it do. And then there were the poor rates, the gas account, the
water rate, and a few other little things of that kind, to say nothing
of the perfectly ridiculous yet nevertheless imperative necessity of
obtaining food for six persons.
However, as long as the demands were not made on the spur of the
moment, as it were, I felt, like the immortal Micawber, that something
might turn up, and so I went stolidly on my way, only carefully noting
the date of my enforced appearance at the County Court. My chief
difficulty at this troublous time, as it always was afterwards while I
was a shopkeeper, was the absence of ready money, even in such small
amounts as might suffice to pay the few pence required to pay my fare
to and from the office on a wet day. This gave an exquisite relish to
the farce of receiving not merely begging circulars, but visits of
calling beggars, whether they boldly asked alms, or in a confidential
manner requested the loan of a few shillings for a fortnight.
When the day of my appearance at Court arrived, I was punctual in my
attendance, having obtained a day's leave from the office, and I must
admit, that in spite of the urgency of my own private affair, I found
it possible to take a great amount of interest, and find a great deal
of amusement in what was going on. I must also confess that I was
really appalled at the utter disregard of the value of the oath taken
by those appearing as plaintiffs or defendants. It was rare, indeed,
to find in any case that the plaintiff did not swear one thing and the
defendant the exact opposite. The duty of the Registrar (I had not
made the acquaintance of the judge yet) seemed to consist of deciding
which was the most likely story out of each pair told him, and acting
accordingly. And as I was not called upon till midday, I heard a great
deal of this, so much indeed that I felt full of wonder how any man
could occupy such a position as that presiding officer did and retain
any belief in what anybody said.
At last my case was called, and it was simplicity itself. "Do you owe
this money?" queried the Registrar sharply. "Yes, sir," I replied.
"Then why don't you pay it?" was the next and most obvious question.
"Because I can't," I answered humbly, and was proceeding to explain
those reasons, although I could see the gentleman I was addressing was
taking no notice of me, when he suddenly stopped me and called upon my
creditor (who I may say, was not the doctor, but an agent to whom the
doctor paid a percentage for collecting his debts) to give evidence of
my means. He stated what he knew very fairly, viz. that I kept a shop
and had a permanent situation. Upon which the Registrar ordered me to
pay within a fortnight and called the next case. I was, of course,
mightily astonished at being so peremptorily silenced, especially as
I felt sure that from what I had seen that morning I should have got
on much better had I denied the debt altogether. But I was only then
commencing my acquaintance with our laws, as affecting debtor and
creditor, wherein at every turn a premium is placed upon dishonesty
and falsehood, and the honest debtor seldom obtains either justice or
mercy. Of that, however, later on.
That first experience of mine at the County Court, apart altogether
from my personal interest in it, was a serious revelation to me. I had
no idea before how futile were the oath-takings, with what lightness
of heart men and women perjured themselves. I do not mean by that
any reference to difficulty of expression or treachery of memory, but
deliberate lying upon oath, and that too about such trivial matters
as a few shillings, or even, as it appeared to me, for the sake of
preventing a friend from losing a case. Also I was amazed to see how
lightly this matter was regarded by the officials; for I had always
looked upon perjury as a crime of such magnitude as to be even spoken
of with bated breath. But these officials lived in an atmosphere of
perjury, and had I suppose, grown case hardened, at anyrate, they heard
it all day long and took no heed as far as I could see. I make no
excuse for referring to this matter again, because of what I believe to
be its tremendous significance.
Another thing in which I then first became much interested was the ease
with which anybody possessed of sufficient impudence and plausibility
could accumulate debt, repudiate it or ignore it, or delay paying any
part of it until summoned for it, and then quite easily, as it appeared
to me, get off by paying a ridiculous sum per month. Here in many cases
I failed to see any justice at all. To illustrate my meaning I will
quote two typical cases. The first was that of a man who did not appear
himself, but sent his young wife, who was rather good-looking, very
smartly dressed, and completely equipped with saucy self-confidence and
much power of repartee. The debt was £15 for meat supplied from day to
day. Small amounts had been paid off the ever-growing bill, but at
last the butcher, who was in a very small way of business, feeling that
his hopes of ever getting his money were growing so faint as almost to
disappear altogether, summoned the debtor for the amount. Undoubtedly
he had been very patient, but then if such patience were not common
among small traders, however would the poor live?
The debt was not denied, for a wonder, but the lady pleaded, "My
'usban's ben aht o' work fur a good many weeks, an' he aint earnin'
more'n fifteen shillin' a week nah, me washup, an' so we cahn't pye
this money." "But you have been still running up the bill," said the
judge. "Yus me washup," said the lady, "we 'ad ter live, yer see."
Upon being appealed to for leniency to the debtor under these sad
conditions, the butcher successfully proved that the consumer of his
meat had four carts and six horses, and kept four men in constant
employment. As to being ill or out of work, these statements were pure
embroidery, the whole concern was in flourishing order, and had been
for years. The butcher wound up by declaiming indignantly, "An' I
gotter find a bloke like that in grub wot I gotter pye my hard-earned
brass down on the nail fer, 'im as could buy an' sell me twicet over
any dye?" it did seem queer.
But the net result was that the debtor was condemned to pay his debt
of £15 and costs off at the rate of _five shillings_ per month, and
the lady danced out of the witness box with a _moue_ full of derision
at the hapless butcher. Lest this may seem to be an especially chosen
incident I here assert that such a case is peculiarly common and
typical as is the next case I quote, but the reason for the difference
in treatment I leave wiser heads than mine to determine.
A pale, slender man neatly dressed and giving his occupation as that
of a clerk, was summoned by a doctor for a debt and costs of £5. 10s.
This, by the way, was at another County Court and before a judge. Asked
why he did not pay the bill, the defendant pleaded that the amount
originally asked was excessive, inasmuch as it was for three visits and
two bottles of medicine. He further stated that he was just emerging
from a long period of unemployment, and that his wages were now £2 per
week.
Without calling upon the doctor the judge thundered at the unfortunate
debtor "who are you to assess the value of the doctor's services? Pay
the whole amount within a fortnight. That'll do, I won't hear another
word. Next case." And the hapless debtor went slowly down and out as
much surprised as I was, doubtless, at the strange inequalities of
justice. The case was peculiarly noticeable in that the defendant,
having moved a long way from the neighbourhood after incurring the
debt, had voluntarily returned to the doctor with the first money he
had earned to pay his bill, and only refused on account of what he
considered its exorbitant amount. I make no comment, I only wonder.
Now came for a time a blessed relief, not that is from any of the major
burdens, but from my most pressing necessities. Orders flowed in from
all quarters, and I found the utmost difficulty in keeping pace with
them. I used to get up at half-past two or three in the morning, and
after making myself a cup of tea get to work with such furious energy,
that I look back upon it now with utter amazement. Many and many a time
I have done what anybody might consider a really good day's work before
breakfast-_time_ (I never had any breakfast) or say eight o'clock, when
I must needs wash and dress and rush off to my office work where I was
due at nine. By the time one o'clock came, I had a decent appetite
which I stayed very cheaply, my early experience now standing me in
good stead. A half-penny loaf, a pennyworth of cheese, a half-penny
beetroot or a penny tomato with a half a pint of mother-in-law (stout
and bitter) to wash it down with, used to make me a very good meal at
a cost of threepence or fourpence. Or I would, if flush of money, have
a quarter of boiled pork and a ha'porth of pease pudding, which with
a halfpenny loaf or a ha'porth of potatoes made a sumptuous meal and
one that I enjoyed far more than any elaborate banquets I have ever
attended since. And the total cost never exceeded sixpence.
Such meals had a relish all their own, and if business drove me to a
cook-shop for the orthodox cut off the joint and two vegetables for
sixpence, I never enjoyed it as well, with one exception. A local
cook-shop made a speciality of stewed steak, at least that is what
they called it, though it was really shin of beef, and it was very
good and satisfying, with plenty of thick brown gravy. They only
charged fourpence for it, so that with a pennyworth of potatoes and a
pennyworth of pudding afterwards I could make a really good meal for
sixpence. Here I learned what was of great use to me, a lesson that I
now see inculcated on every hand, how small a quantity of food the body
really needs to do good work upon, and conversely how much more food
than is really necessary the average man or woman does consume. But I
cannot take any credit for this learning, for like so many other useful
lessons conveyed to us it was compulsory, I had no choice but to learn
it. The result has been at any rate that the "pleasures of the table"
have never since then meant anything to me, one plain meal in the
middle of the day sufficing for all my needs, and keeping me in such
health as the results of my overwork will allow me.
Still I should be very sorry to go about endeavouring to force other
people to go and do likewise, because I have learned very thoroughly
how great a factor is individuality, and how true is the old proverb
that one man's meat is another man's poison. And I humbly think that if
some of our vociferous propagandists would learn that lesson also it
would be much better for the general peace.