and a well lighted well cannot well be a dark well. But there may be
such a thing as a very dark well in the Horner Country, which is a
black spot on the face of the earth."
"Where is the Horner Country?" Ojo inquired.
"The other side of the mountain. There's a fence between the Hopper
Country and the Horner Country, and a gate in the fence; but you can't
pass through just now, because we are at war with the Horners."
"That's too bad," said the Scarecrow. "What seems to be the trouble?"
"Why, one of them made a very insulting remark about my people. He said
we were lacking in understanding, because we had only one leg to a
person. I can't see that legs have anything to do with understanding
things. The Horners each have two legs, just as you have. That's one
leg too many, it seems to me."
"No," declared Dorothy, "it's just the right number."
"You don't need them," argued the Hopper, obstinately. "You've only one
head, and one body, and one nose and mouth. Two legs are quite
unnecessary, and they spoil one's shape."
"But how can you walk, with only one leg?" asked Ojo.
"Walk! Who wants to walk?" exclaimed the man. "Walking is a terribly
awkward way to travel. I hop, and so do all my people. It's so much
more graceful and agreeable than walking."
"I don't agree with you," said the Scarecrow. "But tell me, is there
any way to get to the Horner Country without going through the city of
the Hoppers?"
"Yes; there is another path from the rocky lowlands, outside the
mountain, that leads straight to the entrance of the Horner Country.
But it's a long way around, so you'd better come with me. Perhaps they
will allow you to go through the gate; but we expect to conquer them
this afternoon, if we get time, and then you may go and come as you
please."
They thought it best to take the Hopper's advice, and asked him to lead
the way. This he did in a series of hops, and he moved so swiftly in
this strange manner that those with two legs had to run to keep up with
him.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The Joking Horners
It was not long before they left the passage and came to a great cave,
so high that it must have reached nearly to the top of the mountain
within which it lay. It was a magnificent cave, illumined by the soft,
invisible light, so that everything in it could be plainly seen. The
walls were of polished marble, white with veins of delicate colors
running through it, and the roof was arched and fantastic and beautiful.
Built beneath this vast dome was a pretty village--not very large, for
there seemed not more than fifty houses altogether--and the dwellings
were of marble and artistically designed. No grass nor flowers nor
trees grew in this cave, so the yards surrounding the houses carved in
designs both were smooth and bare and had low walls around them to mark
their boundaries.
In the streets and the yards of the houses were many people all having
one leg growing below their bodies and all hopping here and there
whenever they moved. Even the children stood firmly upon their single
legs and never lost their balance.
"All hail, Champion!" cried a man in the first group of Hoppers they
met; "whom have you captured?"
"No one," replied the Champion in a gloomy voice; "these strangers have
captured me."
"Then," said another, "we will rescue you, and capture them, for we are
greater in number."
"No," answered the Champion, "I can't allow it. I've surrendered, and
it isn't polite to capture those you've surrendered to."
"Never mind that," said Dorothy. "We will give you your liberty and set
you free."
"Really?" asked the Champion in joyous tones.
"Yes," said the little girl; "your people may need you to help conquer
the Horners."
At this all the Hoppers looked downcast and sad. Several more had
joined the group by this time and quite a crowd of curious men, women
and children surrounded the strangers.
"This war with our neighbors is a terrible thing," remarked one of the
women. "Some one is almost sure to get hurt."
"Why do you say that, madam?" inquired the Scarecrow.
"Because the horns of our enemies are sharp, and in battle they will
try to stick those horns into our warriors," she replied.
"How many horns do the Horners have?" asked Dorothy.
"Each has one horn in the center of his forehead," was the answer.
"Oh, then they're unicorns," declared the Scarecrow.
"No; they're Horners. We never go to war with them if we can help it,
on account of their dangerous horns; but this insult was so great and
so unprovoked that our brave men decided to fight, in order to be
revenged," said the woman.
"What weapons do you fight with?" the Scarecrow asked.
"We have no weapons," explained the Champion. "Whenever we fight the
Horners, our plan is to push them back, for our arms are longer than
theirs."
"Then you are better armed," said Scraps.
"Yes; but they have those terrible horns, and unless we are careful
they prick us with the points," returned the Champion with a shudder.
"That makes a war with them dangerous, and a dangerous war cannot be a
pleasant one."
"I see very clearly," remarked the Scarecrow, "that you are going to
have trouble in conquering those Horners--unless we help you."
"Oh!" cried the Hoppers in a chorus; "can you help us? Please do! We
will be greatly obliged! It would please us very much!" and by these
exclamations the Scarecrow knew that his speech had met with favor.
"How far is it to the Horner Country?" he asked.
"Why, it's just the other side of the fence," they answered, and the
Champion added:
"Come with me, please, and I'll show you the Horners."
So they followed the Champion and several others through the streets
and just beyond the village came to a very high picket fence, built all
of marble, which seemed to divide the great cave into two equal parts.
But the part inhabited by the Horners was in no way as grand in
appearance as that of the Hoppers. Instead of being marble, the walls
and roof were of dull gray rock and the square houses were plainly made
of the same material. But in extent the city was much larger than that
of the Hoppers and the streets were thronged with numerous people who
busied themselves in various ways.
Looking through the open pickets of the fence our friends watched the
Horners, who did not know they were being watched by strangers, and
found them very unusual in appearance. They were little folks in size
and had bodies round as balls and short legs and arms. Their heads were
round, too, and they had long, pointed ears and a horn set in the
center of the forehead. The horns did not seem very terrible, for they
were not more than six inches long; but they were ivory white and sharp
pointed, and no wonder the Hoppers feared them.
The skins of the Horners were light brown, but they wore snow-white
robes and were bare-footed. Dorothy thought the most striking thing
about them was their hair, which grew in three distinct colors on each
and every head--red, yellow and green. The red was at the bottom and
sometimes hung over their eyes; then came a broad circle of yellow and
the green was at the top and formed a brush-shaped top-knot.
None of the Horners was yet aware of the presence of strangers, who
watched the little brown people for a time and then went to the big
gate in the center of the dividing fence. It was locked on both sides
and over the latch was a sign reading:
"WAR IS DECLARED"
"Can't we go through?" asked Dorothy.
"Not now," answered the Champion.
"I think," said the Scarecrow, "that if I could talk with those Horners
they would apologize to you, and then there would be no need to fight."
"Can't you talk from this side?" asked the Champion.
"Not so well," replied the Scarecrow. "Do you suppose you could throw
me over that fence? It is high, but I am very light."
"We can try it," said the Hopper. "I am perhaps the strongest man in my
country, so I'll undertake to do the throwing. But I won't promise you
will land on your feet."
"No matter about that," returned the Scarecrow. "Just toss me over and
I'll be satisfied."
So the Champion picked up the Scarecrow and balanced him a moment, to
see how much he weighed, and then with all his strength tossed him high
into the air.
Perhaps if the Scarecrow had been a trifle heavier he would have been
easier to throw and would have gone a greater distance; but, as it was,
instead of going over the fence he landed just on top of it, and one of
the sharp pickets caught him in the middle of his back and held him
fast prisoner. Had he been face downward the Scarecrow might have
managed to free himself, but lying on his back on the picket his hands
waved in the air of the Horner Country while his feet kicked the air of
the Hopper Country; so there he was.
"Are you hurt?" called the Patchwork Girl anxiously.
"Course not," said Dorothy. "But if he wiggles that way he may tear his
clothes. How can we get him down, Mr. Champion?"
The Champion shook his head.
"I don't know," he confessed. "If he could scare Horners as well as he
does crows, it might be a good idea to leave him there."
"This is terrible," said Ojo, almost ready to cry. "I s'pose it's
because I am Ojo the Unlucky that everyone who tries to help me gets
into trouble."
"You are lucky to have anyone to help you," declared Dorothy. "But
don't worry. We'll rescue the Scarecrow somehow."
"I know how," announced Scraps. "Here, Mr. Champion; just throw me up
to the Scarecrow. I'm nearly as light as he is, and when I'm on top the
fence I'll pull our friend off the picket and toss him down to you."
"All right," said the Champion, and he picked up the Patchwork Girl and
threw her in the same manner he had the Scarecrow. He must have used
more strength this time, however, for Scraps sailed far over the top of
the fence and, without being able to grab the Scarecrow at all, tumbled
to the ground in the Horner Country, where her stuffed body knocked
over two men and a woman and made a crowd that had collected there run
like rabbits to get away from her.
Seeing the next moment that she was harmless, the people slowly
returned and gathered around the Patchwork Girl, regarding her with
astonishment. One of them wore a jeweled star in his hair, just above
his horn, and this seemed a person of importance. He spoke for the rest
of his people, who treated him with great respect.
"Who are you, Unknown Being?" he asked.
"Scraps," she said, rising to her feet and patting her cotton wadding
smooth where it had bunched up.
"And where did you come from?" he continued.
"Over the fence. Don't be silly. There's no other place I could have
come from," she replied.
He looked at her thoughtfully.
"You are not a Hopper," said he, "for you have two legs. They're not
very well shaped, but they are two in number. And that strange creature
on top the fence--why doesn't he stop kicking?--must be your brother,
or father, or son, for he also has two legs."
"You must have been to visit the Wise Donkey," said Scraps, laughing so
merrily that the crowd smiled with her, in sympathy. "But that reminds
me, Captain--or King--"
"I am Chief of the Horners, and my name is Jak."
"Of course; Little Jack Horner; I might have known it. But the reason I
volplaned over the fence was so I could have a talk with you about the
Hoppers."
"What about the Hoppers?" asked the Chief, frowning.
"You've insulted them, and you'd better beg their pardon," said Scraps.
"If you don't, they'll probably hop over here and conquer you."
"We're not afraid--as long as the gate is locked," declared the Chief.
"And we didn't insult them at all. One of us made a joke that the
stupid Hoppers couldn't see."
The Chief smiled as he said this and the smile made his face look quite
jolly.
"What was the joke?" asked Scraps.
"A Horner said they have less understanding than we, because they've
only one leg. Ha, ha! You see the point, don't you? If you stand on
your legs, and your legs are under you, then--ha, ha, ha!--then your
legs are your under-standing. Hee, hee, hee! Ho, ho! My, but that's a
fine joke. And the stupid Hoppers couldn't see it! They couldn't see
that with only one leg they must have less under-standing than we who
have two legs. Ha, ha, ha! Hee, hee! Ho, ho!" The Chief wiped the tears
of laughter from his eyes with the bottom hem of his white robe, and
all the other Horners wiped their eyes on their robes, for they had
laughed just as heartily as their Chief at the absurd joke.
"Then," said Scraps, "their understanding of the understanding you
meant led to the misunderstanding."
"Exactly; and so there's no need for us to apologize," returned the
Chief.
"No need for an apology, perhaps, but much need for an explanation,"
said Scraps decidedly. "You don't want war, do you?"
"Not if we can help it," admitted Jak Horner. "The question is, who's
going to explain the joke to the Horners? You know it spoils any joke
to be obliged to explain it, and this is the best joke I ever heard."
"Who made the joke?" asked Scraps.
"Diksey Horner. He is working in the mines, just now, but he'll be home
before long. Suppose we wait and talk with him about it? Maybe he'll be
willing to explain his joke to the Hoppers."
"All right," said Scraps. "I'll wait, if Diksey isn't too long."
"No, he's short; he's shorter than I am. Ha, ha, ha! Say! that's a
better joke than Diksey's. He won't be too long, because he's short.
Hee, hee, ho!"
The other Horners who were standing by roared with laughter and seemed
to like their Chief's joke as much as he did. Scraps thought it was odd
that they could be so easily amused, but decided there could be little
harm in people who laughed so merrily.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Peace Is Declared
"Come with me to my dwelling and I'll introduce you to my daughters,"
said the Chief. "We're bringing them up according to a book of rules
that was written by one of our leading old bachelors, and everyone says
they're a remarkable lot of girls."
So Scraps accompanied him along the street to a house that seemed on
the outside exceptionally grimy and dingy. The streets of this city
were not paved nor had any attempt been made to beautify the houses or
their surroundings, and having noticed this condition Scraps was
astonished when the Chief ushered her into his home.
Here was nothing grimy or faded, indeed. On the contrary, the room was
of dazzling brilliance and beauty, for it was lined throughout with an
exquisite metal that resembled translucent frosted silver. The surface
of this metal was highly ornamented in raised designs representing men,
animals, flowers and trees, and from the metal itself was radiated the
soft light which flooded the room. All the furniture was made of the
same glorious metal, and Scraps asked what it was.
"That's radium," answered the Chief. "We Horners spend all our time
digging radium from the mines under this mountain, and we use it to
decorate our homes and make them pretty and cosy. It is a medicine,
too, and no one can ever be sick who lives near radium."
"Have you plenty of it?" asked the Patchwork Girl.
"More than we can use. All the houses in this city are decorated with
it, just the same as mine is."
"Why don't you use it on your streets, then, and the outside of your
houses, to make them as pretty as they are within?" she inquired.
"Outside? Who cares for the outside of anything?" asked the Chief. "We
Horners don't live on the outside of our homes; we live inside. Many
people are like those stupid Hoppers, who love to make an outside show.
I suppose you strangers thought their city more beautiful than ours,
because you judged from appearances and they have handsome marble
houses and marble streets; but if you entered one of their stiff
dwellings you would find it bare and uncomfortable, as all their show
is on the outside. They have an idea that what is not seen by others is
not important, but with us the rooms we live in are our chief delight
and care, and we pay no attention to outside show."
"Seems to me," said Scraps, musingly, "it would be better to make it
all pretty--inside and out."
"Seems? Why, you're all seams, my girl!" said the Chief; and then he
laughed heartily at his latest joke and a chorus of small voices echoed
the chorus with "tee-hee-hee! ha, ha!"
Scraps turned around and found a row of girls seated in radium chairs
ranged along one wall of the room. There were nineteen of them, by
actual count, and they were of all sizes from a tiny child to one
almost a grown woman. All were neatly dressed in spotless white robes
and had brown skins, horns on their foreheads and three-colored hair.
"These," said the Chief, "are my sweet daughters. My dears, I introduce
to you Miss Scraps Patchwork, a lady who is traveling in foreign parts
to increase her store of wisdom."
The nineteen Horner girls all arose and made a polite curtsey, after
which they resumed their seats and rearranged their robes properly.
"Why do they sit so still, and all in a row?" asked Scraps.
"Because it is ladylike and proper," replied the Chief.
"But some are just children, poor things! Don't they ever run around
and play and laugh, and have a good time?"
"No, indeed," said the Chief. "That would be improper in young ladies,
as well as in those who will sometime become young ladies. My daughters
are being brought up according to the rules and regulations laid down
by a leading bachelor who has given the subject much study and is
himself a man of taste and culture. Politeness is his great hobby, and
he claims that if a child is allowed to do an impolite thing one cannot
expect the grown person to do anything better."
"Is it impolite to romp and shout and be jolly?" asked Scraps.
"Well, sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't," replied the Horner,
after considering the question. "By curbing such inclinations in my
daughters we keep on the safe side. Once in a while I make a good joke,
as you have heard, and then I permit my daughters to laugh decorously;
but they are never allowed to make a joke themselves."
"That old bachelor who made the rules ought to be skinned alive!"
declared Scraps, and would have said more on the subject had not the
door opened to admit a little Horner man whom the Chief introduced as
Diksey.
"What's up, Chief?" asked Diksey, winking nineteen times at the
nineteen girls, who demurely cast down their eyes because their father
was looking.
The Chief told the man that his joke had not been understood by the
dull Hoppers, who had become so angry that they had declared war. So
the only way to avoid a terrible battle was to explain the joke so they
could understand it.
"All right," replied Diksey, who seemed a good-natured man; "I'll go at
once to the fence and explain. I don't want any war with the Hoppers,
for wars between nations always cause hard feelings."
So the Chief and Diksey and Scraps left the house and went back to the
marble picket fence. The Scarecrow was still stuck on the top of his
picket but had now ceased to struggle. On the other side of the fence
were Dorothy and Ojo, looking between the pickets; and there, also,
were the Champion and many other Hoppers.
Diksey went close to the fence and said:
"My good Hoppers, I wish to explain that what I said about you was a
joke. You have but one leg each, and we have two legs each. Our legs
are under us, whether one or two, and we stand on them. So, when I said
you had less understanding than we, I did not mean that you had less
understanding, you understand, but that you had less standundering, so
to speak. Do you understand that?"
The Hoppers thought it over carefully. Then one said:
"That is clear enough; but where does the joke come in?'"
Dorothy laughed, for she couldn't help it, although all the others were
solemn enough.
"I'll tell you where the joke comes in," she said, and took the Hoppers
away to a distance, where the Horners could not hear them. "You know,"
she then explained, "those neighbors of yours are not very bright, poor
things, and what they think is a joke isn't a joke at all--it's true,
don't you see?"
"True that we have less understanding?" asked the Champion.
"Yes; it's true because you don't understand such a poor joke; if you
did, you'd be no wiser than they are."
"Ah, yes; of course," they answered, looking very wise.
"So I'll tell you what to do," continued Dorothy. "Laugh at their poor
joke and tell 'em it's pretty good for a Horner. Then they won't dare
say you have less understanding, because you understand as much as they
do."
The Hoppers looked at one another questioningly and blinked their eyes
and tried to think what it all meant; but they couldn't figure it out.
"What do you think, Champion?" asked one of them.
"I think it is dangerous to think of this thing any more than we can
help," he replied. "Let us do as this girl says and laugh with the
Horners, so as to make them believe we see the joke. Then there will be
peace again and no need to fight."
They readily agreed to this and returned to the fence laughing as loud
and as hard as they could, although they didn't feel like laughing a
bit. The Horners were much surprised.
"That's a fine joke--for a Horner--and we are much pleased with it,"
said the Champion, speaking between the pickets. "But please don't do
it again."
"I won't," promised Diksey. "If I think of another such joke I'll try
to forget it."
"Good!" cried the Chief Horner. "The war is over and peace is declared."
There was much joyful shouting on both sides of the fence and the gate
was unlocked and thrown wide open, so that Scraps was able to rejoin
her friends.
"What about the Scarecrow?" she asked Dorothy.
"We must get him down, somehow or other," was the reply.
"Perhaps the Horners can find a way," suggested Ojo. So they all went
through the gate and Dorothy asked the Chief Horner how they could get
the Scarecrow off the fence. The Chief didn't know how, but Diksey said:
"A ladder's the thing."
"Have you one?" asked Dorothy.
"To be sure. We use ladders in our mines," said he. Then he ran away to
get the ladder, and while he was gone the Horners gathered around and
welcomed the strangers to their country, for through them a great war
had been avoided.
In a little while Diksey came back with a tall ladder which he placed
against the fence. Ojo at once climbed to the top of the ladder and
Dorothy went about halfway up and Scraps stood at the foot of it. Toto
ran around it and barked. Then Ojo pulled the Scarecrow away from the
picket and passed him down to Dorothy, who in turn lowered him to the
Patchwork Girl.
As soon as he was on his feet and standing on solid ground the
Scarecrow said:
"Much obliged. I feel much better. I'm not stuck on that picket any
more."
The Horners began to laugh, thinking this was a joke, but the Scarecrow
shook himself and patted his straw a little and said to Dorothy: "Is
there much of a hole in my back?"
The little girl examined him carefully.
"There's quite a hole," she said. "But I've got a needle and thread in
the knapsack and I'll sew you up again."
"Do so," he begged earnestly, and again the Hoppers laughed, to the
Scarecrow's great annoyance.
While Dorothy was sewing up the hole in the straw man's back Scraps
examined the other parts of him.
"One of his legs is ripped, too!" she exclaimed.
"Oho!" cried little Diksey; "that's bad. Give him the needle and thread
and let him mend his ways."
"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed the Chief, and the other Horners at once roared
with laughter.
"What's funny?" inquired the Scarecrow sternly.
"Don't you see?" asked Diksey, who had laughed even harder than the
others. "That's a joke. It's by odds the best joke I ever made. You
walk with your legs, and so that's the way you walk, and your legs are
the ways. See? So, when you mend your legs, you mend your ways. Ho, ho,
ho! hee, hee! I'd no idea I could make such a fine joke!"
"Just wonderful!" echoed the Chief. "How do you manage to do it,
Diksey?"
"I don't know," said Diksey modestly. "Perhaps it's the radium, but I
rather think it's my splendid intellect."
"If you don't quit it," the Scarecrow told him, "there'll be a worse
war than the one you've escaped from."
Ojo had been deep in thought, and now he asked the Chief: "Is there a
dark well in any part of your country?"
"A dark well? None that ever I heard of," was the answer.
"Oh, yes," said Diksey, who overheard the boy's question. "There's a
very dark well down in my radium mine."
"Is there any water in it?" Ojo eagerly asked.
"Can't say; I've never looked to see. But we can find out."