_Mare_ No. 2.--Description of it--Not sought after by the sportsman--The
sick banker--The doctor's prescription--The patient's disgust at it--Is
at length obliged to yield--Leaves Paris for Le Morvan--Consequences to
the inmates of the château--The banker convalescent.
If the great _Mares_ No. 1, situated in the dark and silent depths of
the forest, far from every habitation, and where you find you are left
as much to yourself as the poor shipwrecked sailor supporting his
exhausted frame upon a single plank on the angry billows, are so
attractive, and so much coveted, though dangerous and difficult to
secure, the same cannot be said of those which lie in the vicinity of a
village, and which I shall call _Mare_ No. 2.
These last are to be met with easily enough; but being so very readily
discovered, it is therefore rare to find near them the larger
descriptions of game,--though the sportsman may see a few thrushes, some
dozen of water-wagtails, and flocks of little impudent chaffinches,
greenfinches, &c., which come there to imbibe, hopping from stone to
stone, and singing in the willows; beyond these he will see nothing
worth the cap on the nipple of his gun. Nevertheless to him who is
without experience,--to the hunter who cannot read the language of the
forest on the bark of the trees, on the freshly trodden ground, or the
bent grass and broken flowers,--these pieces of water seem quite as
beautiful and well situated, indeed quite as desirable, as the others.
Perhaps such an ignoramus might prefer them; for they are always more
open, more free from weeds, rushes and flags, and less dark; and at the
hour of _la chasse au poste_, the hour of twilight, they are as solitary
as the _Mare_ No. 1. But the savage beasts of the forest are not to be
deceived; their instinct tells them that at a quarter, or perhaps half a
mile from them, there is, though unseen and hidden in the thickness of
the trees, a farm, or two or three houses; and when they are not pressed
onward by the winter snows, or by maddening hunger, they stop,--for the
smell of man is not pleasant to their nostrils, the neighbourhood is not
agreeable to them, and they immediately withdraw from the spot.
It is thus that these _Mares_ are always at any person's disposal; the
passing sportsman rarely makes more than a circuit round them; and if
one is occasionally found on their banks, he may at once be set down as
a beginner, who, having found the _Mares_ No. 1 in the vicinity all
occupied, has here installed himself for the evening in sheer vexation
and despair. Over these pools of troubled water, frequented during the
whole day by the inhabitants of the adjoining cottages, that eternal
stillness and imposing solitude, which are the delight of the wolf and
the boar, never reigns.
The day has scarcely dawned ere the wood-cutters' wives, in their red
petticoats, with brown jugs on their heads, come to fill them there, or
to wash their vegetables; the cows to drink, the children to play at
ducks and drakes, or the men to water the horses. But a little before
nightfall all this going and coming, this trampling of heavy _sabots_,
the bellowings, oaths, and cracking of whips subside, and cease, as if
by magic, when the sun is down. The poultry and the peasants are equally
silent, their huts are closed, their beds are gained, and their dogs,
stretched motionless behind the door, snore and sleep soundly with open
ear, and every leaf without is still.
The _chasseur à l'affût_, if inexperienced or not acquainted with the
country, while reconnoitring the spot during the last few minutes of the
twilight that remain, would never imagine that he was near an inhabited
spot; not a bark, not a sound, not one twinkling light in a cottage
window, not one wreath of ascending smoke is to be heard or seen.
Thinking therefore that he has made a grand discovery, he rubs his hands
with no little satisfaction, squats down at the foot of some tree, or in
the temporary shed on the bank, and believes he is going to kill a dozen
wolves at least.
But, alas! it is in vain for him to open his eyes and his ears; nothing
is to be seen but one or two hideous bats, which flap their wings in his
face, and frighten him in the midst of a reverie. Nothing is on the
move; no newt or tadpole is playing in the water, and nothing can be
descried there but the rays of the moon, as she moves slowly o'er its
surface; nor is anything to be heard except the wind whistling through
the trees, or an occasional shot from the rifle of a brother sportsman,
who, more happy, more clever, and better placed than himself, may be
heard in the distance. I should not have thought of mentioning the
_Mares_ No. 2, so little do they deserve attention, if one of them had
not been the scene of a very strange adventure of which I was witness;
and as the description of it will give me an opportunity of speaking of
the _Mares_ No. 3, and of the third mode of taking woodcocks, I shall
profit by the circumstance to relate it.
One day a _millionnaire_, a Lucullus, a rich banker of Paris, found
himself dreadfully ill: his body grew larger every twenty-four hours;
his neck sunk into his shoulders, his breathing became difficult, and
three or four times in the course of a week he was within a little of
being suffocated; as many times in the course of a month the gout, which
in the morning had been tearing his toes and his heels as if with hot
pincers, in the evening twisted his calves and his knees as if they were
being made into ropes. What was to be done under these circumstances?
The best physicians consulted together, and recommended him to order a
pair of hob-nailed shoes from a country shoemaker, and instantly leave
the capital.
"Hob-nailed shoes, with donkey heels!" cried the banker, all amazed;
"and for what, in the name of goodness?"
"Why, to run with in search of health over the wild moors and heaths,
and improve your figure by long walks in the mountains," was the reply.
And as the only hope of health was obedience, he prepared his mind to
set off. It is true the doctors permitted him to carry with him his
cane, his flute, and his eye-glass; but he was obliged to leave behind
his carriages, his horses, his luxurious arm-chairs and his cooks; in
short, he was informed that, under the penalty of being quickly placed
under ground, and obliged to shake hands with his respectable ancestors,
and enjoy with them the nice white marble monuments under which they
reposed, he must, for the next year at least, make use of his own legs,
forget there were such things as _Rentes_, eat only when he felt hungry,
and drink when he was thirsty.
What a sentence for a rich Parisian banker! to leave his splendid hotel
and his apartments, redolent with delicious perfumes, and play the
pedestrian up and down the footpaths in the woods, the mossy glades and
highway of the forest, or sit on a large stone at the top of a hill
under the mid-day sun, and inhale from the valleys the soft breezes,
laden with the odours of the new-mown hay, or the clover-fields in full
blossom. His box at the grand opera, lined with velvet, must too be left
behind, and many an adieu be given to the gauze-clad sylphides and
painted nightingales of that gay establishment.
Yes, all these were to be exchanged for morning walks to the summit of
some mountain; to make his bow to Aurora, and listen to the joyous carol
of the larks chanting high in the air their hymns of praise, or
listening to their blithe little brothers of song, awakening in the
bushes, and fluttering, amidst a shower of pearls and rubies--those dewy
gems which hang in the sunny rays upon every branch. "Ah, it is all over
with me!" wheezed the plethoric banker, when the junior doctor of the
consultation of three informed him of their unanimous opinion.
"It is all over with me, gentlemen; in the name of mercy what will
become of me, if I am put on the peasant's daily fare of buck-wheat and
roasted beans? Consider again, gentlemen."
"It is a matter of necessity, sir," replied the trio; "your life is at
stake."
"Dear doctors, withdraw these unwholesome words; open the consultation
afresh; pass once more in review all your scientific acquirements, your
great knowledge of chemistry, your hospital experience. Press, dear
gentlemen, between both your hands the pharmacopean sponge, and in the
name of mercy squeeze out for me some more agreeable remedy."
"There is no other," replied the funereal-looking physicians.
"What, is the house then really in danger?"
"Danger! sir, why it is nearly on fire. Your heart is getting diseased,
your lungs are touched, your blood is actually scented and coloured with
the truffles you have eaten. Why, your very nose (pray excuse the
freedom of our remark), your roseate nose bears testimony to what we
say."
"Alas, alas! this is I fear the truth; but, gentlemen, if I leave Paris,
what on earth will become of the Great Northern and the Orleans
Railways, and the funds,--my dividends, rents, and bad debts?"
"And your feverish pulse, sir, your wrinkled liver, and your digestion,
which scarcely ever allows you to close your eyes?"
"Yes! yes,--but my Spanish fives and Mexican bonds?"
"And your bilious eyes and eyelids full of crows' feet, and the gout and
the rheumatism which excruciate you?--those horrid spiders which are
weaving their threads in the muscles of your calves?"
"But my carrier-pigeons, gentlemen, source of my tenderest care; the
brokerage, the speculation for the account, and my good friend, the
Minister of the Interior, and of the _Travaux Publics_; and the snowball
of my fortune, which must stop unproductive till I recover;--how can I
leave all these to fate?"
"Think of your respiration, which is disorganized, and the vital
principle, the torch of life, which flickers up and down in the socket,
and ere many weeks will be extinguished, unless you at once take our
advice."
"What!" continued the votary of wealth,--"what! cannot gold purchase
health, most sapient doctors?"
"No, sir; doctors are paid, that's all, and people cure themselves."
"You persist, then, in saying that I am not even to take my head cook
with me?"
"On no account whatever."
"Then I am defunct already."
"That you will be so, sir, in two months, if you remain here, there
cannot be a doubt."
"Then, good heavens! where can I go? What am I to do without carriages,
without opera nightingales, and, above all things, without a head cook?"
The night succeeding the consultation, the banker felt as if twenty
cork-screws had been driven into his calves, and he made, ere dawn, a
vow that he would leave the capital. This determination taken, the next
point to be decided was in what direction to go,--for it was not a
journey of pleasure he was about to take, but one of health; and for
once his riches were of no further use to him than to provide the means
of transit. His physicians, fashionable men, strange to say, were
sincere, and did not order him to Nice or Lucca, hot-baths, or mineral
waters, or even to the orange-groves of Hyères, to which, when a rich
man cannot recover, they send him, in order that he may die comfortably
under Nature's warm blanket, the sun, inhaling with his last
inspirations the delicious scent of her flowers. To Spain, where, said
the invalid, they talk so loud and drink water, he would not go; nor to
Germany, the land of meerschaums and sour crout. Which direction
therefore was he to take? to which point of the compass was he to turn
the vessel's prow?
Several times did the unhappy banker pass his geography in review, but
his knowledge of this science was indeed finite, and the Landes,
Picardy, and such like spots, alone presented themselves to his
imagination. In this predicament the light of friendship suddenly threw
a ray over his thinking faculties; he remembered my father, the
companion of his boyhood, with whom he had been brought up,--his great
friend, without doubt, but of whom he had not thought for the last ten
years.
"By all the blue devils that dance in my brain!" said the unhappy
_millionnaire_, starting up on his bed of pain, as if he had a spring in
his back, and throwing at the nose of his astonished apothecary, who was
watching him, the draught presented to him,--"by the wig of my respected
grandfather,--by the beard of Æsculapius, I have found the real friend
who will pour over my head the oil of health."
"My good sir," said his attendant, "pray calm yourself, and take this
pill" ...
"Yes, that dear friend, he will set me all to rights--he will bring to
my heavy eyelids those peaceful slumbers which now, alas! I never
enjoy."
"But, Sir," repeated the apothecary, "pray be so good as to lay down and
swallow this."
"Back, felon of hell! horse-leech, son of a poultice! go, doctor of the
devil, and join your friend in black below."
"But _Monsieur le Banquier_"----
"Off I say, off!--sinister raven, cease your croaking! Silence--take the
abominable drugs yourself--poison yourself, you wretch. Give me my
trousers, and let me dress myself. Hey, Bilboquet!--bring my hot water,
razors, and shaving soap. Hurrah! Phoebus, light the sun and put out
the stars; arise day! Into the saddle, postillions,--here, bring some
cigars. Hurrah! the wind is up; now, my stout boatmen, down to your
oars." "Halloo! halloo!" shouted his attendant, "help! help!" and he got
at both bells and rang away with might and main; but before any one came
the banker was out of bed, struck his attendant a blow in the eye, which
made him see one hundred and forty-six suns, and laid him upon the
floor, after which he commenced waltzing _en chemise_ in his delirium,
all round the room with a chair, dragging after him the unfortunate hero
of the pestle and mortar, and roaring at the top of his voice these
lines of Racine:
Peut-être on t'a conté la fameuse disgrâce
De l'altière Vasthi dont j'occupe la place,
Lorsque le Roi, centre elle enflammé de dépit,--
followed by--
Quel profâne en ces lieux ose porter ses pas?
Holà, gardes!--
At this moment a reinforcement most luckily arrived; but as in this
access of fever he defended himself against all comers like a bear, and
boxed away like an Englishman, they had no little difficulty in
securing him; at length, in spite of his violence, he was replaced in
his bed, like a sword into its sheath. There, however, he would not lay
quiet; first he tore the satin curtains, then he hugged his
richly-worked pillow to his breast, calling it his best and dearest
friend, and performed fifty other such antics. He obtained, in short, no
repose, until his secretary, who entered at his bidding half-dressed and
with one eye half shut, had written the following note to my father,
under his dictation,--a letter evidently written in a paroxysm of high
fever:
"Friend of my heart, jessamine of my soul, bright party-coloured tulip
of my _souvenirs_, may the Creator pour upon your gray and venerable
head a stream from his flower-pot of blessings!
"Dear Friend,--Several atrocious doctors, with pale noses, the very
sight of which gives one the cholic, and with black searching eyes, that
make one tremble, say that I am very ill,--that I shall die. They say
too that there is only one mode of cure, and that is to take my valuable
body into your beautiful province. It is the east wind they say, and
blue-bottles, corn-flowers, field-poppies, and the green turf; the song
of the nightingale and the beautiful moonlight nights; the hum of bees
and the bleating of sheep, which will effect this marvellous cure. It is
amongst the rocks and streams of your mountains, in long walks in your
forests, and in your valleys; in the innocent candour of your pretty
peasant girls, the pure water of your fountains, and the cream cheeses
of your dairies that I am told resides the power to retain here below my
soul, just ready to fly away. Alas! yes, I am forced to admit the fact;
I must say I am very ill, and it is my own fault;--yes, my own undoubted
fault. I have drank too deeply of voluptuous ease; I have tasted too
often the luscious grapes of forbidden pleasures. I am no longer
virtuous enough to wish to see the sun rise, and hence it is that I am
suffering intensely in the capacity of a human pincushion, in which, one
after the other, the sharpest and most pointed pins have stuck
themselves, namely, every infirmity and every disease that mortal man is
heir to.
"In this delicate and distressing position, dear friend, I thought of
you: yes, to you, to you only, shall I owe my restoration to health. Do
not therefore be surprised if, in the course of a few days, you should
see my shadow approach your hospitable door; and prepare for it, I beg
you, a small room and a bed of dried leaves, coarse bread, and a jug of
water. It seems that in order to regenerate my blood I shall want all
these; and I shall be fortunate if, in seeking a perfect restoration to
health, I am not obliged to be a swine-herd or keep sheep, to dig, cut,
and saw wood, pick spinach, or weed the flower-beds! Quick, my friend;
light with all convenient haste the altar on which we will burn again
the incense and benjamin of friendship. Blow again the sparks now so
nearly extinguished of our happy boyish days; revive again the holy
flames of our youthful affections; and, above all things, have the
scissors ready which are to cut the Gordian knot of my complicated
diseases. Soon, in shaking you by the hand, my shadow shall say much
more."
Yours, &c.,
Fifteen days after the receipt of this extraordinary composition, the
banker, escorted by a lean and cadaverous-looking doctor, arrived at our
_château_, half strangled with a churchyard cough, and in a state of
apparently hopeless debility. He was evidently very, very ill; and if it
had not been for the sincere friendship my father had for him, I really
do not know how we could have supported the dark cloud which his
presence seemed to throw upon our house for nearly nine mortal weeks.
No one dared either to move or speak: if you wished to laugh, it could
only be on the terrace; if to blow your nose, it was to be done in the
cellar; and as to sneezing, one was obliged to go to the bottom of the
garden. The horses' feet were wrapped up in hay-bands, so that no sound
should be heard in the court-yard; the servants went about the house in
list shoes, and all the approaches to it were knee-deep in straw. There
was an end to the _fanfares_ of the huntsman's horn, and the rollicking
chorus; guns, shot and powder, were all placed under lock and key; the
kennel was mute, and the muzzled dogs looked piteously at one another,
and hung their heads, as if they had given themselves up to the certain
prospect of being drowned. The very hares knew how matters were, and
passed to and fro before the garden-windows; and a stray wolf, which
came one evening into the court-yard, sat on his hind-quarters and
looked us impudently in the face; as to the birds, they ate up very
nearly every peach and apricot we had. The silence of the grave reigned
everywhere--the house seemed a very sepulchre, in which nothing could be
heard but the monotonous liquid bubblings of the fountains, the ticking
of the clocks, and the sighing breezes that whistled through the
casements.
Fairly worn out with this state of things, I was thinking seriously of
leaving for the gay swamps of Holland, when a crisis occurred in the
banker's disorder, and after a severe struggle, in which every bone of
his body seemed to twist itself round, he was declared by his pallid
doctor out of danger--saved. Surrounding his bed, we drank with no
little joy to his perfect recovery, and during one entire week we
suspended on the walls of his bed-room, according to the custom in Le
Morvan, garlands of lilies and _vervenia_, interwoven with green foliage
and wild thyme. From this time he improved daily, and three months after
no one would have recognized the sick man; his face became quite rosy,
and his eyes looked full of returning health. With a gun on his
shoulder, he followed us nimbly through the vineyards, never flinched
from his bottle, sang barcarolles with the ladies, made declarations of
love to all the young girls, promised to marry each, once at least, and
danced away in the evening under the acacias with the nymphs of the
village, to whom he had always some secret to tell behind the trees, or
in some snug little corner. The woodcock season having arrived during
his stay, which was now nearly over, we determined that he should be
introduced to _la chasse aux Mares_.
Pardon me, kind reader, for all this gossip by the way, but this is the
point at which I wished to arrive.