DOCTOR: And what can I do for _you_?
VISITOR: I come round yere to talk about the boy Cooper. I'm 'is
father. The child ain't to be took away, see? 'E ain't got diftheria
at all.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry to have to differ from your diagnosis, Mr. Cooper, but
the child _has_ got diphtheria. And I'm very much afraid that he's got
to be taken away. It doesn't rest with me; I merely have to report----
VISITOR: If you wanter know the troof, Doctor, we've called in Doctor
Popham. See? And Doctor Popham don't believe as the boy 'ave got
diftheria at all. And 'e's sent the boy some physic. And 'e's gointer
'ave another look at 'im termorrer. And we've took the case outer your
'ands, see? So you needn't trouble to send in no reports to nobody.
That child ain't bein' took away. You needn't trouble to interfere no
more. The boy is stoppin' 'ome, along of 'is lawful parents. See?
DOCTOR: Did Doctor Popham examine the child's throat?
VISITOR: What's that gotter do with you? The boy ain't got diftheria.
And 'e ain't gotter be moved.
DOCTOR: It has got this much to do with me--that I _did_ examine the
child's throat. I'm not suggesting to you that I think he has
diphtheria; I'm telling you that he jolly well _has_ got it. I _know_.
When you go home you can see for yourself. Look in the little chap's
throat and you will see a round white patch about the size of a
sixpence. That, my friend, is diphtheria.
VISITOR: The boy ain't gotter be moved.
DOCTOR: That's not my business. Somebody else will decide about that.
But I don't suppose he'll let you murder the child, even if you are its
father.
VISITOR: 'E's my child, ain't 'e? And 'e's in my 'ouse. Nobody ain't
gointer take my child away without I tells 'em to. See?
DOCTOR: It isn't only this one child we have to consider. What about
your two other children? What about all the other children in the
house?
VISITOR: Let other people look after their own, same's what I'm willing
to do fur _my_ own. A man's got a right to 'is own children and nobody
ain't gointer touch no child o' mine without I lets 'em.
DOCTOR: You stand on your rights, do you?
VISITOR: That's it. All the corpuscular 'ealth orficers in England
ain't gointer take my lawful child away from me. See?
DOCTOR: I don't know whether it's ever been mentioned to you before, but
you are rather by way of being a Social Problem.
VISITOR: It ain't your place to be saucy. I know me rights, and neither
you nor any man is going to tell me as it's right to rob a person of
their lawful child. And I don't want none of your sneers nor I don't
want none of your nicknames. You're out o' this job, see? I've called
in Dr. Popham. You and yere Latin nicknames!
DOCTOR: I can put it into English if you like. You're a pudding-headed
fool. Good-day.
VISITOR: What about my child? Are you gointer promise to leave 'im
alone?
DOCTOR: Of course I am. You can kill your whole family for all I care.
I've sent in my report to the authorities, and there's an end of it.
Good-day.
VISITOR: You've reported, 'ave ye? Oh, very well, then. We'll see.
That boy ain't gotter be shifted. See?
DOCTOR: All right. Get out.
VISITOR: We've called in Dr. Popham, and 'e's weighed _you_ up. See?
The boy ain't got diftheria at all. Nor 'e ain't gotter be shifted.
DOCTOR (_in simpler terms_): May Heaven administer to your requirements.
Get out.