Khlestakov and the Judge.
JUDGE [comes in and stops. Talking to himself]. Oh, God, bring me safely
out of this! How my knees are knocking together! [Drawing himself up
and holding the sword in his hand. Aloud.] I have the honor to
present myself--Judge of the District Court here, College Assessor
Liapkin-Tiapkin.
KHLESTAKOV. Please be seated. So you are the Judge here?
JUDGE. I was elected by the nobility in 1816 and I have served ever
since.
KHLESTAKOV. Does it pay to be a judge?
JUDGE. After serving three terms I was decorated with the Vladimir of
the third class with the approval of the government. [Aside.] I have the
money in my hand and my hand is on fire.
KHLESTAKOV. I like the Vladimir. Anna of the third class is not so nice.
JUDGE [slightly extending his balled fist. Aside]. Good God! I don't
know where I'm sitting. I feel as though I were on burning coals.
KHLESTAKOV. What have you got in your hand there?
AMMOS [getting all mixed up and dropping the bills on the floor].
Nothing.
KHLESTAKOV. How so, nothing? I see money has dropped out of it.
AMMOS [shaking all over]. Oh no, oh no, not at all! [Aside.] Oh, Lord!
Now I'm under arrest and they've brought a wagon to take me.
KHLESTAKOV. Yes, it IS money. [Picking it up.]
AMMOS [aside]. It's all over with me. I'm lost! I'm lost!
KHLESTAKOV. I tell you what--lend it to me.
AMMOS [eagerly]. Why, of course, of course--with the greatest pleasure.
[Aside.] Bolder! Bolder! Holy Virgin, stand by me!
KHLESTAKOV. I've run out of cash on the road, what with one thing and
another, you know. I'll let you have it back as soon as I get to the
village.
AMMOS. Please don't mention it! It is a great honor to have you take it.
I'll try to deserve it--by putting forth the best of my feeble powers,
by my zeal and ardor for the government. [Rises from the chair and draws
himself up straight with his hands hanging at his sides.] I will not
venture to disturb you longer with my presence. You don't care to give
any orders?
KHLESTAKOV. What orders?
JUDGE. I mean, would you like to give orders for the district court
here?
KHLESTAKOV. What for? I have nothing to do with the court now. No,
nothing. Thank you very much.
AMMOS [bowing and leaving. Aside.]. Now the town is ours.
KHLESTAKOV. The Judge is a fine fellow.