wind was from the north; and they who were obliged to go abroad on
business walked rapidly, and sometimes took the risk of running, in
order to return the sooner to their homes.
However, in that sharp atmosphere, which is not uncommon toward the end
of December, two young men were crossing Pont-Neuf very slowly, noses in
air, looking from side to side, stopping before the most trivial
objects, scrutinizing with a curious eye even the dogs that passed, and
which they sometimes seemed inclined to follow; in a word, these two
individuals sauntered along like people with nothing better to do,
albeit their garments were ill calculated to protect them from the
inclement weather.
Their short-clothes, which were threadbare through long service,
displayed here and there an occasional rent which had been awkwardly
patched with material of a different color; their jackets, which took
the place of doublets, were too long for them, lacked several buttons,
and were worn through at the elbows; and lastly, the caps which covered
their heads were entirely shapeless, and did not even conceal the tips
of their ears.
In these two companions in idling and evil fortune the reader will
already have recognized the two clerks whom Maître Bourdinard had
dismissed from his employment.
"Do you know that it's terribly cold this morning, Bahuchet?"
"Pardieu! do I know it? I feel it quite as keenly as you; except on the
head, however, as I have hair to protect me, whereas you--naught!--You
must regret your plaster at this moment; you were wrong to take it off,
Plumard, for it made a sort of little skullcap for you."
"Do you propose to begin your wretched jests again, Bahuchet? I give you
warning that I am in no mood to put up with them!"
"Come, come! let us not quarrel, my dear fellow; that won't give us a
breakfast, and that is what we must have. My stomach has a shockingly
hollow ring, and fasting doesn't warm one's blood."
"No, indeed--far from it!"
"I thought that you would go to see your uncle the clothes dealer,
Plumard. What the devil! if he should give you nothing but a cloak to
carry you through the winter,--and that would be the least he could do
for his nephew,--you might try to get a cloak large enough to make each
of us one."
"I went to my uncle's this morning, while you were still asleep in that
dram shop where we passed the night. But he received me so unkindly that
I have no desire to go there again. He called me vagabond,
good-for-nothing, robber--all on account of that miserable
orange-colored suit that we consumed together, and for which he arrested
that long-legged Chevalier Passedix!--Oh! he has that episode on his
stomach!"
"What a fuss to make over a few faded duds! What's the use of having
uncles if they let you freeze to death?"
"Holy forks! how hungry I am!"
"Rascally solicitor, to turn us into the street!"
"It's all the fault of that lanky, ill-built Gascon, who went to him and
told him the story of the orange costume!"
"And all the offices are supplied with clerks--no place to be found!"
"If we could only find some other business!"
"It's all one to me; I would take anything that was open!"
"Even if it was a cook's place?"
"Pardieu! I would take it, I would turn cook with all my heart! Can you
imagine a more alluring trade at this moment? To stand in front of a
nice hot oven and smell the odor of a number of saucepans from which
you always select the choicest bits?"
"Yes, I agree that that would be more agreeable than walking on
Pont-Neuf in such weather as this! But as it isn't probable that we can
find places even as scullions, I think that, in order to avoid
starvation, we had best allow ourselves to be kidnapped by a sergeant in
the king's service, and decide to serve our country as best we can!"
"What do you say, Plumard? Enlist--go into the army--carry a musket!
Nay, nay! by all the devils, that is not my vocation! Though I should
have to take another turn in my saddle girth and drink nothing but
water, I propose to retain my liberty."
"Oh, well! don't be so disturbed, my poor Bahuchet! you won't be
enlisted. Indeed, you know very well that, even if you wanted to go for
a soldier, they wouldn't take you! you're too small! you haven't the
build!"
Bahuchet bit his lips and elevated his nose, as he rejoined, with a
mocking smile:
"If they don't want short men in the army, I fancy they don't care much
about having bald-headed ones either."
"You are an ass, my boy; as a soldier never goes bareheaded, either in
battle or on parade, he is entitled to have no hair if he pleases."
"You lie; it's part of the uniform; soldiers have their hair
dressed--they wear pigtails."
"I have some hair at the back of my head, to make a pigtail if need be."
"Oh! that would be very pretty! a pigtail hanging from a pate as bald as
one's knee!"
"It would be quite as pretty as a dwarf in uniform, whose sword dragged
on the ground!"
"Plumard, I believe that you are pining for a drubbing!"
"No; but I am pining to administer one; that will warm me."
"Indeed!--Well, I don't choose to receive one.--Look you, dear boy, it
is hunger that embitters our dispositions and makes us quarrelsome. The
proverb is very true: when there's no hay in the manger, the donkeys
fight."
"So you liken us to donkeys, eh?"
"Plumard, that proverb was made for men as well as for beasts.--Speaking
of beasts, cast your eye on that little dog running along yonder; how
clean and plump he is!"
"Are you inclined to eat that dog, I should like to know?"
"I' faith! in default of other viands, it might not be so bad. You, who
had an idea of going for a soldier, ought to know that in a town
beleaguered and besieged by the enemy they eat everything: dogs, cats,
rats!--Indeed, an old archer told me that one time, when he was in a
besieged place, he ate birds that had been stuffed and kept under glass
several years."
"They must have made a sorry feast.--But the dog has stopped; if we
could induce him to follow us, even if we had to use a little force, we
could sell him to a dog fancier and get the wherewithal to gnaw a
crust."
"You are right--come; let us act as if we did not see him. I will go
ahead, you stay behind, and we will surround the cur."
The two clerks quickened their pace, walking in the direction of the dog
they coveted, which had stopped to sniff a multitude of things. Bahuchet
was very near him, and was trying to coax him by talking to him in an
endearing tone; but just as he was about to put his hand on the animal's
collar, a heavy, callous hand roughly pushed his away, and a hoarse
voice exclaimed:
"Don't touch my dog, little jackanapes! He hasn't done anything to
you--why do you put your hand on him?"
"Pardon me, monsieur," replied Bahuchet, bowing low to the dog's owner,
a man of the people, with square shoulders and a face as rugged as his
hands; "I had no intention to injure this pretty spaniel; but he is so
handsome, so well trimmed, that I admired him and felt a desire to pat
him--that is all!"
"Oh, yes! oh, yes! I've heard that before! They make believe to pat our
dogs, and then, when no one is looking, they carry 'em off under their
cloaks. Pont-Neuf is always crowded with a pack of pickpockets, sneak
thieves, cutpurses!"
"Monsieur! I believe that you are insulting me! Do I look like a sneak
thief? I couldn't put your dog under my cloak, because I have none."
"Why did you put your hand on him? You don't look as if you had any too
much cash; go and have your elbows patched--that will be better than
patting other people's dogs!"
The owner of the spaniel walked away with his animal, and Bahuchet
returned with a crestfallen air to Plumard, who had deemed it prudent to
stand aloof.
"Did you hear that clown, that clodhopper, that pig?--If I had not held
myself in check, I should have gashed his face!"
"You did well to restrain yourself; that man would have made but one
mouthful of you!--It's a shot that missed fire, that's all!"
"Yes, let us try to find something better. Bigre! how cold I am!"
"Fichtre! how hungry I am!"
The two comrades walked on, exploring Pont-Neuf with famished eyes.
Suddenly Bahuchet stopped and uttered an exclamation of delight.
"It is he! it is certainly he!"
"Who, pray? do you see another dog?"
"I see someone who, unless we are fools, will pay for our breakfast, and
perhaps even more than that."
"Who is it?"
"Look, over yonder! Do you see that long beanpole dressed in
apple-green? Don't you recognize him?"
"Yes, indeed; it's our heir, the Chevalier de Passedix; but it seems to
me that he has changed his color."
"Come, Plumard, come; imitate me, second me, talk as I do--and a new
fortune will shine upon us!"
Thereupon little Bahuchet doubled the length of his strides, his comrade
followed his example, and they soon stood in front of Passedix, who was
strutting nonchalantly across Pont-Neuf, glancing out of the corner of
his eye to see whether the women who passed admired his bearing and his
attire, and casting upon the common herd patronizing glances which
seemed to say:
"Stand aside! I am rich--you must make room for me; I require a great
deal."
The Gascon chevalier was, in truth, in very comfortable case; six
thousand livres at that period were equivalent to fifteen thousand in
these times. Passedix, not being a gambler, did not find it easy to
spend his income; for the women did not welcome his homage; moreover,
his passion for Miretta still smoldered in the depths of his heart and
prevented him from falling in love with other charmers. So that he could
spend his money only at the table; and, despite his hearty appetite, he
could not succeed in eating his whole income, especially as his stomach,
as a result of overwork, began to show symptoms of sloth and to demand
rest from time to time.
Passedix therefore seemed but little surprised when he saw two persons
halt in front of him, bow to the ground, and remain in that humble
posture, which prevented him from going forward.
"What is it? what is the matter? what do you want, little fellows?"
queried the chevalier, caressing his chin with one hand and placing the
other on his hip.
"Monsieur le Chevalier de Passedix, permit us to offer you our respects;
we are so happy to have this honor! Does not monsieur le chevalier
recognize us?"
"Sandis! how do you suppose that I can recognize you? you show me only
your posteriors!--Rise, if you wish me to see your faces!"
Bahuchet and Plumard stood erect, the latter having decided to uncover
his head.
"Ah! cadédis! now I recognize you, my knaves!--This is the little
bald-head!--It was you who sold me the famous orange costume that you
filched from the dealer in second-hand clothes!"
"He was my uncle, monsieur le chevalier--an old skinflint, who gave it
to me and then accused me----"
"Oh! it matters little now; I have forgotten that trifle!--But you seem
to me, both of you, to be in rather a sorry plight!"
"Alas! monsieur le chevalier, we are without employment. Maître
Bourdinard--er--discharged us, on the pretext that we ate too much!"
"The idiot! I would like to be able to eat too much, myself; but for
some time past my appetite has fallen off; it is becoming as whimsical
as a woman."
"We are looking for places, monsieur le chevalier, and, i' faith!
Plumard and I were strolling along Pont-Neuf, when some ladies, as they
passed us, cried: 'Oh! see that handsome man over there, dressed all in
apple-green! Just see, my dear, what a fine figure! how well he carries
that elegant costume!'--Then we looked in the direction in which the
ladies were looking, and on recognizing you, monsieur le chevalier, we
were not surprised at the outburst of admiration from those
bourgeoises."
Passedix's face fairly beamed with pleasure. He placed his hand on
Bahuchet's shoulder, murmuring:
"Really! some ladies said that?"
"Yes, monsieur le chevalier;--isn't it so, Plumard?"
"It is the unadulterated truth; and there was one of them--the
younger--who stopped and said in a faltering tone: 'Let us walk toward
him!' but her companion, who was older, dragged her away, saying: 'No,
no; I see that that cavalier has turned your head; come, you will do
some foolish thing!'"
This time Passedix patted the second clerk's skull.
"Ah! capédébious! that young woman was attracted to me.--Ha! ha! these
two little rascals are very nice fellows. I rather like this bald head,
it reminds me of Dutch cheese, of which I am very fond.--Speaking of
cheese, tell me, young men, have you breakfasted, or dined?"
"Neither, monsieur le chevalier; we have fasted since yesterday noon."
"And we have a devilish appetite."
"Why didn't you say so at once!--Come with me; at the end of Rue
Saint-Jacques there's a wine shop where the wine is excellent; you will
tell me what you think about it."
"Oh! with great pleasure, monsieur le chevalier; but what a beautiful
cloak, what an exquisite doublet you have!"
"And these short-clothes! how dainty they are!"
"How this color becomes you! See! there is another fine lady stopping to
look at you!"
"Sandis! I am accustomed to it.--Come, my friends, and put on your caps;
I give you leave! Parbleu! I propose to regale you in the good old way!"
The two ex-clerks walked beside the Gascon chevalier, like two soldiers
escorting a marshal of France. They arrived at the wine shop at the end
of Rue Saint-Jacques. Passedix was known there, and, as he was now a
good customer, the waiters served him with the greatest zeal. The
chevalier selected a table, ordered three covers to be laid, and seated
himself between his two guests, saying:
"What vexes me is that I cannot eat with you. I have already breakfasted
twice, and I do not feel capable of dining at this moment. Formerly it
would have been easy for me. On my honor, it is pitiful! When one
becomes rich, one's capacities should be enlarged accordingly. But it is
just the opposite! When I had not a sou, I ate four times as much; to be
sure, I didn't eat every day. However, one can always drink, and that is
something."
Bahuchet and Plumard conducted themselves in such wise as to augment the
chevalier's regret for his lost appetite. The dishes simply appeared and
disappeared before the ex-clerks; their plates were no sooner filled
than they were as clean as if they had been washed; and this lasted for
a considerable time. The two friends hardly took time to drink.
"Bravo! sandioux! this is magnificent! it is superb!" cried Passedix;
"this is what I call eating--this is the way I used to work! It spurs
one on! it sets one on edge! I am sure that in your company I should
soon recover my former appetite!"
"Nothing prevents it, monsieur le chevalier; we are entirely at your
service; and there is a very simple way to make sure that we shall
always be at hand."
"What way is that, little one?"
"Attach us to your illustrious person! I believe that you have no
esquire; you need one--a chevalier of your rank cannot do without an
esquire; give me that post, and I will show myself worthy of the honor,
on the faith of Plumard!"
"Eh! why, in truth, that is not a bad idea! An esquire--yes, that looks
well; I will make him wear my livery."
"And I, seigneur," said Bahuchet, in his turn, "I offer myself as your
page; for an esquire is not enough--you need a page to carry your
billets-doux, your love messages--for you must send many of them!"
"Oh! to be sure, I send and receive a great many--that is to say, not so
many as you might think, perhaps, because---- Look you, I am going to
open my heart to you, to make you my confidants."
"That is too much honor for us, seigneur!"
"Understand that I nourish in the depths of my heart a passion which I
have tried a hundred times to banish; but it is impossible; the witch
constantly returns to torment me night and day!"
"Is monsieur le chevalier in love?"
"Pardieu! I should say as much! So much in love that I have lost my
sleep, my wits, and even my appetite! for it probably is this infernal
love that weighs on my stomach and impairs my digestion."
"Can it be that monsieur le chevalier's heart is fixed on a cruel fair!
That is not possible."
"You are right, Plumard; it is not possible! There can be no cruel fair
for monsieur le chevalier!"
"Mon Dieu! my boys,--what nice little fellows they are!--it is an
extraordinary case, most assuredly! But if you knew the history of my
love!--My heart is set upon a lovely female demon, whom I cannot see
when I wish--who eludes me, flies from me! who vanishes when I think
that I have her!"
"Monsieur le chevalier, whoever the object of your love may be, if you
take me for your page, I will undertake, ere long, to make you the happy
vanquisher of your inamorata!"
"And I take the same oath if I become esquire to Monsieur le
Chevalier--apple-green--I mean de Passedix; he will see how we will
forward his love affairs!"
"Very good! shake hands! it is a bargain; I attach you both to my
person; you are my page, and you my esquire."
"Vive monsieur le chevalier!"
"I say nothing of wages--but whatever you receive will be yours."
"That is enough for us."
"Are you still hungry?"
"Always!"
"They are admirable!--Waiter, a succulent dish to close the repast; a
fricassée of hare! that is your forte. And let us drink--let us even
touch glasses--I will condescend so far.--Moreover, I know that you are
young men of good breeding, ex-Basochians; for that reason, when I am
alone, I will always admit you to my table."
"And we will give you an appetite, seigneur!"
"I rely upon it!"
The goblets were filled; they touched and drank. At that moment the
waiter arrived with the last dish ordered; he came toward them and was
on the point of placing it on the table, when Plumard, in a renewed
outburst of enthusiasm, raised his arm and his glass so suddenly that he
overturned upon Passedix the dish that the waiter had in his hands.
In an instant the chevalier was covered from top to toe with the
fricassée of hare; his doublet and his short-clothes were drenched with
it. Passedix swore like one possessed, and would have thrashed the
waiter, who declared that it was not his fault. Plumard shouted even
louder, so that no one should guess that it was his. Bahuchet, who alone
had remained calm, observed, when the others had ceased their outcries:
"It was an accident! But since the harm has been done, monsieur le
chevalier, it seems to me that, instead of losing your temper, which
will do no good at all, it would be much better to think of repairing
the disaster."
"Repair the disaster! Sandis! my doublet and my breeches are covered
with grease. Such an elegant costume!--spoiled--ruined!--Can I show
myself in this condition?--Luckily, I had taken off my cloak; otherwise
it would undoubtedly have received its share of the fricassée!"
"I say again, seigneur, that the damage is not so great as you think; I
know a dyer and cleanser on Rue Saint-Denis, who is renowned for his
skill in removing spots from every kind of fabric; he will cleanse your
clothes perfectly, and it will not cost you overmuch."
"Eh! cadédis! what care I for the cost? As if I ever looked at money!
That is not what disturbs me! But in order to have my doublet and
breeches cleansed, I must certainly take them off; so I shall be left
almost naked--in shirt and cloak--and I cannot go home in that airy
costume."
"Another suggestion, seigneur," said Plumard; "suppose we should go to
some bathing establishment? You have eaten nothing, so you may safely
take a bath; and while you are taking it, Bahuchet will run to the
cleanser's with your clothes."
"Ah! that is not badly thought of! I approve my esquire's suggestion; I
was just thinking that I should like to bathe."
"Master Hugonnet's baths are on this street, not far away; let us go
there, seigneur."
"In that case, I must go out with this sauce all over me! That annoys
me!"
"We will walk close beside you, seigneur, one on the right, the other on
the left; and with your cloak, in addition, no one will see anything!"
"Very well, so be it!--Let us start at once for the baths; I am in haste
to be cleansed!"
Passedix paid the bill and left the wine shop, flanked by his page and
his esquire.
LI
A BATH
The chevalier and his bodyguard arrived at Master Hugonnet's.
"A bath for me instantly," said Passedix; "and while I am in the water,
my page here will take my garments to the cleanser's."
Master Hugonnet escorted the Gascon to the hot baths.
"I do not see your daughter Ambroisine, La Belle Baigneuse," Passedix
said to him on the way.
"She is rarely here now, seigneur chevalier; she passes a great part of
her time with Madame la Comtesse de Marvejols, who, although she has
become a _grande dame_, has not ceased to be a most affectionate friend
to my daughter."
"Oh, yes! I know; I have heard the story of the interesting Bathilde."
"But, in any event, monsieur le chevalier, even if my daughter was here,
you would hardly expect her to act as bath attendant for you, I
presume?"
"Eh? who the devil said anything about that? Everybody knows that La
Belle Baigneuse is as virtuous as she is cruel. I would like my bath to
be rather hot; my page and my esquire will help me to get into it."
In a twinkling the ex-clerks undressed their new master, who entered the
water without observing the grimaces and contortions to which the young
men were obliged to resort in order to avoid laughing at the aspect of
the Gascon's thin, yellow body. Bahuchet hastily made a bundle of the
doublet and breeches, took it under his arm, and started for the
cleanser's.
"Does monsieur le chevalier wish his esquire to remain in attendance
while he is in the bath?" inquired Plumard, when his comrade had gone.
"I do not see the necessity; go out into the street and take the air;
but do not go far away, so that you may be at hand to hasten hither if I
require your services."
"I will remain below, at the shop door, where I can hear if you ring."
Plumard left the cabinet in which Passedix was bathing. He went
downstairs and chatted with Master Hugonnet, who, taking advantage of
his daughter's absence, had already emptied several jars of wine with
his neighbors, and was consequently in the mood for talking and for
drinking more.
A half-hour passed. The Gascon was thinking of Miretta, of his wealth,
and of the effect he would produce with a page and an esquire. But after
giving sufficient thought to all these subjects, he began to find the
time rather long. He pulled a bellrope, and the bath attendant
appeared; he was a new servant, who had been in Master Hugonnet's employ
but a short time, and seemed as yet unfamiliar with his duties.
"Was it monsieur who rang?"
"To be sure it was I!"
"Does monsieur want anything?"
"As I rang, it is probable that I want something--but not you, sandis!
for you seem to me not to be very bright! Send my _écuyer_ [esquire] to
me."
"You want your _écu_--"
"I said nothing about my _écu_! I want my _écuyer!_--An _écu_ is a
shield--perhaps you don't know that, blockhead! A gentleman takes his
_écu_ only when he is about to go into the lists or into battle. What in
the devil do you suppose I want of my _écu_ when I am in the bath? Do
you imagine that I am going to wield a lance while I bathe?"
"Why, I don't know!"
"Begone, and send my esquire to me!"
The attendant went down into the shop, where he found his master
drinking with Plumard and several shopkeepers of the neighborhood.
"Who is the esquire of that tall, lanky, ugly gentleman bathing
upstairs?" the attendant asked.
There was no reply; they were all too busily occupied, drinking,
talking, and laughing, to pay any heed to what he said. Finding that no
one answered him, the attendant calmly took a seat at the rear of the
shop, saying to himself:
"The esquire doesn't seem to be here. No matter! it isn't my fault."
After waiting five minutes for his esquire to appear, Passedix concluded
to ring again.
"That bath attendant looks so stupid," he thought, "that I'll wager he
didn't understand what I said!"
The attendant, seated at the rear of the shop, heard the bell
distinctly, but he did not stir; he settled down comfortably in his
chair and said to himself:
"There's that tall skeleton ringing again; it can't be anybody else, for
there's nobody else in the baths just now.--But it isn't worth while for
me to go there, as he wants his esquire and not me.--As if I knew where
his esquire is! it's probably that little bit of a fellow that ran off
with a bundle under his arm, and he hasn't come back!"