It is almost a stereotyped remark, that the women of the more fashionable
and worldly class, in America, are indolent, idle, incapable, and live
feeble and lazy lives. It has always seemed to me that, on the contrary,
they are compelled, by the very circumstances of their situation, to lead
very laborious lives, requiring great strength and energy. Whether many of
their pursuits are frivolous, is a different question; but that they are
arduous, I do not see how any one can doubt. I think it can be easily shown
that the common charges against American fashionable women do not hold
against the class I describe.
There is, for instance, the charge of evading the cares of housekeeping,
and of preferring a boarding-house or hotel. But no woman with high aims in
the world of fashion can afford to relieve herself from household cares in
this way, except as an exceptional or occasional thing. She must keep house
in order to have entertainments, to form a circle, to secure a position.
The law of give and take is as absolute in society as in business; and the
very first essential to social position in our larger cities is a household
and a hospitality of one's own. It is far more practicable for a family of
high rank in England to live temporarily in lodgings in London, than for
any family with social aspirations to do the same in New York. The married
woman who seeks a position in the world of society must, therefore, keep
house.
And, with housekeeping, there comes at once to the American woman a world
of care far beyond that of her European sisters.
Abroad, everything in domestic life is systematized; and services of any
grade, up to that of housekeeper or steward, can be secured for money, and
for a moderate amount of that. The mere amount of money might not trouble
the American woman; but where to get the service? Such a thing as a trained
housekeeper, who can undertake, at any salary, to take the work off the
shoulders of the lady of the house,--such a thing America hardly affords.
Without this, the multiplication of servants only increaseth sorrow; the
servants themselves are often but an undisciplined mob, and the lady of the
house is like a general attempting to drill his whole command personally,
without the aid of a staff-officer or so much as a sergeant. For an
occasional grand entertainment, she can, perhaps, import a special force;
some fashionable sexton can arrange her invitations, and some genteel
caterer her supper. But for the daily routine of the household--guests,
children, door-bell, equipage--there is one vast, constant toil every day;
and the woman who would have these things done well must give her own
orders, and discipline her own retinue. The husband may have no "business,"
his wealth may supersede the necessity of all toil beyond daily billiards;
but for the wife wealth means business, and the more complete the social
triumph, the more overwhelming the daily toil.
For instance, I know a fair woman in an Atlantic city who is at the head of
a household including six children and nine servants. The whole domestic
management is placed absolutely in her hands: she engages or dismisses
every person employed, incurs every expense, makes every purchase, and
keeps all the accounts; her husband only ordering the fuel, directing the
affairs of the stable, and drawing checks for the bills. Every hour of her
morning is systematically appropriated to these things. Among other things,
she has to provide for nine meals a day; in dining-room, kitchen, and
nursery, three each. Then she has to plan her social duties, and to drive
out, exquisitely dressed, to make her calls. Then there are constantly
dinner-parties and evening entertainments; she reads a little, and takes
lessons in one or two languages. Meanwhile her husband has for daily
occupation his books, his club, and the above-mentioned light and easy
share in the cares of the household. Many men in his position do not even
keep an account of personal expenditures.
There is nothing exceptional in this lady's case, except that the work may
be better done than usual: the husband could not well contribute more than
his present share without hurting domestic discipline; nor does the wife do
all this from pleasure, but in a manner from necessity. It is the condition
of her social position: to change it, she must withdraw herself from her
social world. A few improvements, such as "family hotels," are doing
something to relieve this class to whom luxury means labor. The great
undercurrent which is sweeping us all toward some form of associated life
is as obvious in this new improvement in housekeeping, as in coöperative
stores or trades-unions; but it will nevertheless be long before the "women
of society" in America can be anything but a hard-working class.
The question is not whether such a life as I have described is the ideal
life. My point is that it is, at any rate, a life demanding far more of
energy and toil, at least in America, than the men of the same class are
called upon to exhibit. There is growing up a class of men of leisure in
America; but there are no women of leisure in the same circle. They hold
their social position on condition of "an establishment," and an
establishment makes them working-women. One result is the constant exodus
of this class to Europe, where domestic life is just now easier. Another
consequence is that you hear woman suffrage denounced by women of this
class, not on the ground that it involves any harder work than they already
do, but on the ground that they have work enough already, and will not bear
the suggestion of any more.