"CROESUS" has vanished! We can scarcely find it in our heart to
add anything to this distressing statement; but for the sake of our
readers whom he may have induced to patronise his financial schemes,
we give a few slight details of the disaster.
[Illustration: Portrait of "Croesus."]
Four days ago enormous piles of letters began to arrive at our office.
They were addressed to "CROESUS," and had been sent on to us from
his last address marked "gone away; try office of _Punch_." We opened
them. They were all threatening letters.
"Why," wrote one angry gentleman, "have I heard nothing from you since
I sent you my cheque for £10,000? Unless I receive a reply within a
week, legal proceedings will be taken." The rest were similar in
tone. Thereupon we resolved to call at the last address given to us by
"CROESUS." It was somewhere in the Mile End Road. We arrived, entered,
ascended the stairs, and found in a dingy back bed-room, three used
half-penny stamps, a false nose, a pair of whiskers, and a large sheet
of paper on which were written only these words: "Sold Again"--which
obviously referred to some financial scheme or other. On inquiring of
the landlady, we heard that her lodger had departed two days before,
taking with him two large and heavy wooden chests. He had promised
to return. We then consulted the police. They are very reticent, but
consider they have got a clue.
And here we owe it to our readers to make a confession. We have never
set eyes on "CROESUS." We engaged him entirely on the strength of
the most glowing recommendations from a whole bevy of Bank-Managers,
including the Managers of the Bank of Lavajelli, of the Pei-ho
Provinces, of Samarcand, of Ashanti and of Dodge County, U.S.A. All
these gentlemen wrote in the most complimentary terms of "CROESUS."
"He is a man," wrote the Manager of the Dodge County Bank, "whom I
have had the honour to know intimately for a considerable number of
years. Indeed, we were educated together, and not a day has passed
since then without our meeting. I beg to state that I consider him
thoroughly fitted for the responsible position of financial director
of a high-class Metropolitan paper. His personal appearance is
aristocratic and prepossessing, his manners have about them a
distinction which impresses all who meet him, and his dress, though
modest, is always pleasing. His complete command of twenty-four
languages must be of the highest advantage to him in unravelling the
tangled skein of international finance." Acting upon such testimonials
we engaged "CROESUS." We have now reason to believe that we have
been made the victims of a gross and cruel deception. An expert in
handwriting, whom we have consulted, gives it as his opinion, that
every single one of these recommendations is in the handwriting of
"CROESUS" himself, and the police, after protracted inquiries, have
assured us that the Banks, whose supposed managers addressed us in
favour of "CROESUS," never had any actual existence at all.
All we can do now is to assist justice by publishing herewith
the photograph of "CROESUS." We apologise to all whom he may have
deceived, but we do not hold ourselves responsible for any damage he
has caused. We shall publish no more financial contributions in the
meantime.