Peace is only a matter of time, says Mr. HUGHES. The ex-Kaiser is said
to be of the opinion that Mr. HUGHES might have been more explicit as
to who is going to get that "time."
***
Meanwhile the ex-Kaiser is growing a beard. He evidently has no desire
to share the fate of "Wilhelmshaven."
***
After reading the numerous articles on whether he should be charged
with murder or not, we have come to the conclusion that the answer now
rests solely between "Yes" or "No."
***
Mr. DE VALERA has been appointed a delegate of the Irish Republic
to the Peace Conference. The fact that he has not ordered the Peace
Conference to come to Brixton prison should satisfy doubters like _The
Daily News_ that Sinn Fein can be moderate when it wants to.
***
People in search of quiet amusement will be glad to know that there
will be an eclipse of the sun on May 29th.
***
Owing to the overcrowding of Tube trains we understand there is
some talk of men with beards being asked to leave them in the ticket
offices.
***
It is reported that an All-Tube team has applied for admission to the
Rugby Union.
***
A large number of forged five-pound notes are stated to be in
circulation in London. The proper way to dispose of one is to slip it
between a couple of genuine fivers when paying your taxi fare.
***
The ancient office of Town Crier of Driffield, which carries with it a
retaining fee of one pound per annum, is vacant. Several Army officers
anxious to better themselves have applied for the job.
***
A large number of "sloping desks," made specially for Government
Departments, are offered for sale by the Board of Works. The bulk of
them, it is understood, slope at 3.30 P.M.
***
The mysterious disappearance of sheep from Barnstaple has led to the
report that some Government Department has fixed a price for sheep.
***
"It is not practicable," says the London Electric Railway Company,
"for passengers to enter Tube cars at one door and leave by the other,
because the end cars have only one door." The idea of reserving these
cars for persons getting in or out, but not both, appears to have been
overlooked.
***
There is no truth in the report that the lodging, fuel and light
allowance of Officers is to be raised from two shillings and
sevenpence to two shillings and sevenpence halfpenny per day, the
cost of living having increased since the Peninsular War.
***
"What is reported to be the largest sapphira in the world," says
a contemporary, "disappeared when the Bolshevists took Kieff." We
suspect that the largest living Ananias had a hand in the affair.
***
It is not surprising to learn, following the Police Union meeting,
that the burglars have decided to "down jemmies" unless the eight-hour
night is conceded.
***
The rumour that there was a vacant house in the Midlands last week has
now been officially denied.
***
With reference to the Market Bosworth woman who, though perfectly
healthy, has remained in bed for three years, until removed last week
by the police, it now appears that she told the officers that she had
no idea it was so late.
***
"What can be done to make village life more amusing?" asks _The Daily
Mirror_. We are sorry to find our contemporary so ignorant of country
life. Have they not yet heard of Rural District Councils?
***
An Oxted butcher having found a wedding ring in one of the internal
organs of a cow, it is supposed that the animal must have been leading
a double life.
***
"In order to live long," says Dr. EARLE, "live simply." Another good
piece of advice would be: "Simply live."
***
A Streatham man who has been missing from his home since November,
1913, has just written from Kentucky. This disposes of the theory that
he might have been mislaid in a Tube rush.
***
"Distrust of lawyers," Mr. Justice ATKIN told the boys of Friars
School recently, "is largely caused by ignorance of the law." Trust in
them, on the other hand, is entirely due to ignorance of the cost.
***
Giving evidence at Marylebone against a mysterious foreigner charged
with using a forged identity book, the police said they did not know
the real name and address of the man. The Bench decided to obviate the
difficulty in the matter of the address.
***
In a Liverpool bankruptcy case last week the debtor stated that he
had lost six hundred pounds in one day rabbit-coursing. The Receiver
pointed out that he could have almost bought a new set of rabbits for
that.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE PICTURE OF THE YEAR.
PROBABLE EFFECT AT THIS YEAR'S ACADEMY EXHIBITION OF THE ELECTION OF
SIR ASTON WEBB, THE FAMOUS ARCHITECT, TO THE PRESIDENCY.]
* * * * *