The Christmas guests began to arrive at Wodensbourne on the same day
that Colin concluded this sacrifice; and for some days the tutor had
scant measure of that society which had lured him to the relinquishment
even of his “life.” When the house was full of people, Matty found a
thousand occupations in which of necessity Colin had no share,--not to
say that the young lady felt it a matter of prudence, after she had
accepted his sacrifice, to be as little as possible in his society. It
was pleasant enough to feel her power, and to know that for her
invaluable smile the boy had bartered his independent career; but to put
him in the way of claiming any reward for his offering would have been
exceedingly inconvenient to Matty. He paid the full penalty accordingly
for at least a week thereafter, and had abundant opportunity of counting
the cost and seeing what he had done. It was not exhilarating to spend
the mornings with Charley, to answer his sharp questions, to satisfy his
acute but superficial mind--in which curiosity was everything, and
thought scarcely existed--and to feel that for this he had given up all
that was individual in his life. He had left his own University, he had
given up the chance of going to Oxford, he had separated himself from
his companions and given up his occupations--all for the pleasure of
teaching Charley, of standing in a corner of the Wodensbourne
drawing-room, and feeling acutely through every fibre of his sensitive
Scotch frame that he was the tutor, and stood accordingly in about as
much relationship to the society in which he found himself as if he had
been a New Zealand chief. Colin, however, had made up his mind, and
there was nothing for it now but to consent and accept his fate. But it
was astonishing how different things looked from that corner of the
drawing-room--unspeakably different from the aspect they bore when Colin
himself was the only stranger present, and even different from the state
of affairs after Harry came home, when he had been thrown into the
shade, and a fever of excitement and jealousy had taken possession of
Colin’s breast. He was very young, and was not used to society. When
Matty addressed to her cousin the same witcheries which she had expended
on her worshipper, the young man was profoundly wretched and jealous
beyond description. But when he saw her use the same wiles with others,
lavishing freely the smiles which had been so precious to his deluded
fancy upon one and another, a painful wonder seized the mind of Colin.
To stand in that corner possessed by one object was to be behind the
scenes. Colin was mortal; he had made a great sacrifice, and he was glad
to have made it; but he could not forget it, nor stand at his ease,
accepting the civilities that might be offered to him as to another. At
first he expected the equivalent which he imagined had been pledged to
him, and when he found out his mistake in that, he discovered also how
impossible it was to refrain from a feeling of injury, a jealous
consciousness of inadequate appreciation. He himself knew, if nobody
else did, the price at which he had bought those siren smiles, and under
these circumstances to stand by and see them bestowed upon others, was
an experience which conveyed wonderful insight to Colin’s inexperienced
eyes. If Miss Matty saw him at all, she saw him in the corner, and gave
him a nod and a smile in passing, which she thought quite enough to keep
him happy for the time being. For, unluckily, the professors of this art
of fascination, both male and female, are apt now and then to deceive
themselves as to the extent of their own powers. While Matty was so
perfectly easy in her mind about the tall figure in the corner, he, for
his part, was watching her with feelings which it would be very hard to
describe. His very admiration, the sincerity of his love, intensified
the smouldering germs of disappointment and disgust of which he became
uneasily conscious as he stood and watched. He saw by glimpses “the very
heart of the machine” from that unnoticed observatory. He saw how she
distributed and divided her bright looks, her playful talk; he perceived
how she exerted herself to be more and more charming if any victim
proved refractory, and was slow to yield. Had Colin been kept more
perfectly in hand himself, had she devoted a little more time, a little
more pains to him, it is probable that the sweet flattery would have
prevailed, and that he might have forgiven her the too great readiness
she showed to please others. But, as it was, the glamour died out of
Colin’s eyes ray by ray, and bitter in the consciousness of all he had
sacrificed, he began to find out how little the reward, even could he
have obtained it, was worth the price. The process was slow, but it went
on night by night--and night by night, as the disenchantment progressed,
Colin became more and more unhappy. It was wretchedto see the sweet
illusion which had made life so beautiful disappearing under his very
eyes, and to feel that the enchantment, which had to him been so
irresistible, was a conscious and studied art, which could be used just
when the possessor pleased, with as much coolness as if it had bean the
art of embroidery or any other feminine handicraft. A wise spectator
might, and probably would, have said, that to learn this lesson was the
best thing possible for Colin; but that did not make it the less cruel,
the less bitter. In his corner the young man gradually drew nearer and
nearer to the fierce misanthropy of outraged youth, that misanthropy
which is as warm a protest against common worldliness as the first
enthusiasm. But his heart was not yet released, though his eyes were
becoming enlightened; reason works slowly against love--and bitter at
the bottom of all lay the sense of the sacrifice, which was only his
life.
A few days after Christmas, a party of the young men staying at
Wodensbourne were bound upon a boating expedition, to decide some bet
which bore remotely upon one of the greatest events of the University
year--the great match between Oxford and Cambridge. Harry Frankland, who
was an Oxford man, though the spires of Cambridge might almost have been
visible from his father’s park, had there been any eminence high enough
to afford a view, was deeply interested on the side of his own
University; and some unfortunate youths belated at Cambridge during the
holidays for want of friends, or money, or some other needful adjunct of
festival-keeping, were but too glad to seize the opportunity of a day’s
pleasure. Colin never knew how it was that he came to be asked to join
the party. Though Harry’s jealousy was gone, for the moment at least,
there was not even a pretence of friendship between the tutor and the
heir. Nor could Colin ever explain how it was that he consented to go,
for scores of objections naturally presented themselves at the first
proposal. He was sensitive, affronted, feeling deeply his false
position, and ready to receive with suspicion any overtures of
friendliness from any man possessed by a benevolent wish to be kind to
the tutor. It was, however, his fate to go, and the preliminaries
arranged themselves somehow. They started on a frosty bright morning,
when the trees of the park were still only emerging from mists tinted
red by the sunshine, a joyous, rather noisy party; they were to walk to
the river, which was about six miles off, and when their business was
decided, to lunch at a favourite haunt of the Cambridge undergraduates.
Lady Frankland, who did not much approve of the expedition, gave them
many counsels about the way. “I wish you would drive and get back by
daylight,” she said; “otherwise I know you will be taking _that_ path
across the fields.”
“What path?” said some one present; “if there is one specially
objectionable we will be sure to take it.”
“I would not if I were you,” said Miss Matty. “There is a nasty canal in
the way; if you pass it after dark, some of you will certainly fall in.
It would be a pity to be drowned in such a slimy, shabby way. Much
better have all sorts of dog-carts and things, and drive back in time
for a cup of tea.”
At which speech there was a general laugh. “Matty would give her soul
for a cup of tea,” said her cousin. “What a precious fright you’ll all
be in if we’re late for dinner. I ought to know all about the canal by
this time. Come along. It’s too cold to think of drowning,” said Harry
Frankland, with a filial nod of leave-taking to his mother. As for
Matty, she went to the door with them to see them go off, as did some
others of the ladies. Matty lifted her pretty cheek sideways and
stretched out her hand into the frosty atmosphere as if to feel for
rain.
“I thought I saw some drops,” she said; “it would be frightful if it
came on to rain now, and spoiled our chances of skating. Good morning,
and, whatever you do, I beg of you don’t get drowned in the canal. It
would be such a shabby way of making an end of one’s self,” said Matty.
When she looked up she caught Colin’s eye, who was the last to leave the
house. She was in the humour to be kind to him at that moment. “Shall I
say good-bye, or farewell?” she said softly, with that confidential air
which Colin, notwithstanding his new enlightenment, had no heart to
resist.
“You shall say what you please,” said Colin, lingering on the step
beside her. The young man was in a kind of desperate mood. Perhaps he
liked to show his companions that he too could have his turn.
“Good-bye--farewell,” said Matty, “but then that implies shaking hands,”
and she gave him her pretty hand with a little laugh, making it appear
to the group outside that the clownish tutor had insisted upon that
unnecessary ceremony. “But whatever you please to say, I like _au
revoir_ best,” said Miss Matty; “it does not even suggest parting.” And
she waved her hand as she turned away. “Till we meet again,” said the
little enchantress. It might be to him especially, or it might be to
all, that she made this little gesture of farewell. Anyhow, Colin
followed the others with indescribable sensations. He no longer believed
in her, but her presence, her looks, her words, had still mastery over
him. Ha had walked half the way before the fumes of that leave-taking
had gone out of his brain; though most part of the time he was keeping
up a conversation about things in general with the stupidest of the
party, who kept pertinaciously by the tutor’s side.
The day went off with considerable satisfaction to all the party, and,
as Colin and Frankland did not come much in contact, there was little
opportunity for displaying the spirit of opposition and contradiction
which existed between them. Fortunately, Colin was not at hand to hear
Harry’s strictures upon his method of handling the oars, nor did
Frankland perceive the smile of contemptuous recollection which came
upon the tutor’s face as he observed how tenderly the heir of
Wodensbourne stepped into the boat, keeping clear of the wet as of old.
“That fellow has not a bit of science,” said young Frankland; “he
expects mere strength to do everything. Look how he holds his oar. It
never occurs to him that he is in anything lighter than a Highland
fishing cobble. What on earth, I wonder, made us bring him here?”
“Science goes a great way,” said the most skilled oarsman of the party,
“but I’d like to have the training of Campbell all the same. He talks of
going to Balliol, and I shall write to Cox about him. What a chest the
fellow has,” said the admiring spectator. Meanwhile Colin had not
hesitated to explain his smile.
“I smile because I recollect smiling years ago,” said Colin. “See how
Frankland steps into the boat. When he was a boy he did the same. I
remember it, and it amused me; for wet feet were a new idea to me in
those days;” and Colin laughed outright, and the eyes of the two met.
Neither knew what the other had been saying, but the spectators
perceived without more words that the young men were not perfectly safe
companions for each other, and took precautions, with instinctive
comprehension of the case.
“Those two don’t get on,” said one of the party, under his breath. “It
_is_ hard upon a fellow, you know, to have another fellow stuck up at
his side who saved his life, and that sort of thing. I shouldn’t like it
myself. Somebody keep an eye on Frankland--and on the Scotch fellow,
too,” said the impartial peace-maker. Luckily, neither of the two who
were thus put under friendly surveillance was at all aware of the fact,
and Colin submitted with as good a grace as possible to the constant
companionship of the stupidest and best-humoured of the party, who had
already bestowed his attentions and society upon the tutor. This state
of things, however, did not endure after the luncheon, at which it was
not possible for Colin to remain a merely humble spectator and sharer of
the young men’s entertainment. He had not been broken in to such duty;
and, excited by exercise and the freedom round him, Colin could no more
help talking than he could help the subsequent discovery made by his
companions that “the Scotch fellow” was very good company. The young men
spent--as was to be expected--a much longer time over their lunch than
was at all necessary; and the short winter day was just over when they
set out on their way home through the evening mists, which soon deepened
into darkness, very faintly lighted by a few doubtful stars. Everybody
declared, it is true, that there was to be a moon; indeed, it was with
the distinct understanding that there was to be a moon that the party
had started on foot from Wodensbourne. But the moon showed herself
lamentably indifferent to the arrangements which depended on her. She
gave not the least sign of appearing anywhere in that vast, windy vault
of sky, which indeed had a little light in itself, but could spare
scarcely any to show the wayfarers where they were going through the
dreary wintry road and between the rustling leafless hedges. When they
got into the fields matters grew rather worse. It was hard to keep the
path, harder still to find the stiles and steer through gaps and
ditches. The high road made a round which would lead them three or four
miles out of their way, and Frankland insisted upon his own perfect
knowledge of the by-way by which they could reach Wodensbourne in an
hour. “Mind the canal we were warned of this morning,” suggested one of
the party, as they paused in the dark at the corner of a black field to
decide which way they should go. “Oh, confound the canal; as if I didn’t
know every step of the way,” said young Frankland. “It’s a settled
principle in the female mind that one is bent upon walking into canals
whenever one has an opportunity. Come along; if you’re afraid, perhaps
Campbell will show you the other way.”
“Certainly,” said Colin, without the least hesitation. “I have no wish
to walk into the canal, for my part;” upon which there was a universal
protest against parting company. “Come along,” said one, who thrust his
arm through Colin’s as he spoke, but who was no longer the stupid member
of the party, “we’ll all take our chance together;” but he kept the
tutor as far as possible from the heir of Wodensbourne. “Frankland and
you don’t seem to get on,” said Colin’s companion; “yet he’s a very nice
fellow when you come to know him. I suppose you most have had some
misunderstanding, eh? Wasn’t it you who saved his life?”
“I never saved any one’s life,” said Colin, a little sharply; “and we
get on well enough--as well as is necessary. We have no call to see much
of each other.” After this they all went on through the dark as well as
they could, getting into difficulties now and then, sometimes collecting
together in a bewildered group at a stile or turning, and afterwards
streaming on in single file--a succession of black figures which it was
impossible to identify except by their voices. Certainly they made noise
enough. What with shouts from the beginning to the end of the file, what
with bursts of song which came occasionally from one or another or were
taken up in uproarious chorus, the profound stillness which enveloped
and surrounded them was compelled to own their human presence to the ear
at least. In the natural course of their progress Colin and his
immediate companion had got nearly to the front, when the laughter and
noise was suddenly interrupted. “I don’t quite see where we are going,”
said Harry. “Stop a bit; I shouldn’t mind going on myself, but I don’t
want to risk you fellows who are frightened for canals. Look here; the
road ought to have gone on at this corner, but here’s nothing but a
hedge. Keep where you are till I look out. There’s a light over there,
but I can’t tell what’s between.”
“Perhaps it’s the canal,” said some one behind.
“Oh, yes, of course it’s the canal,” said Frankland, with irritation.
“You stand back till I try; if I fall in, it’s my own fault, which will
be a consolation to my friends,” cried the angry guide. He started
forward impatiently, not, however, without being closely followed by two
or three, among whom was Colin.
“Don’t be foolish, Frankland,” said one voice in the darkness; “let us
all go together--let us be cautious. I feel something like gravel under
my feet. Steady, steady; feel with your foot before you put it down. Oh!
good heavens, what is it?” The voice broke off abruptly; a loud splash
and a cry ensued, and the young men behind saw the figures in advance of
them suddenly drop and disappear. It _was_ the canal, upon which they
had been making unawares. Two out of the four had only stumbled on the
bank, and rose up again immediately; and as those behind, afraid to
press forward, not knowing what to do, stood watching appalled, another
and another figure scrambled up with difficulty, calling for help, out
of the water, into which they had not, however, plunged deeply enough
to peril their lives. Then there was a terrible momentary pause.
“Are we all here?” said Colin. His voice sounded like a funeral bell
pealing through the darkness. Hehe knew they were not all there. He,
with his keen eyes, rendered keener by opposition and enmity, had seen
beyond mistake that the first of all went down and had not risen again.
The consciousness made his voice tragic as it rang through the darkness.
Somebody shouted, “Yes, yes, thank God!” in reply. It was only a second,
but years of life rolled up upon Colin in that moment of time--years of
sweet troublous existence behind; years of fair life before. Should he
let him die? It was not his fault; nobody could blame him. And what
right had _he_ to risk his life a second time for Harry Frankland? All
that a murderer, all that a martyr could feel rushed through Colin’s
mind in that instant of horrible indecision. Then somebody said,
“Frankland, Frankland! where is Frankland?” That voice was the touch of
fate. With a strange shout, of which he was unconscious, Colin plunged
into the black invisible stream. By this time the others of the party
saw with unspeakable relief lights approaching, and heard through the
darkness voices of men coming to their assistance. They were close by
one of the locks of the canal; and it was the keeper of it, not unused
to such accidents, who came hurrying to give what help was possible. His
lantern and some torches which the anxious young men managed to light
threw a wild illumination over the muddy, motionless stream, in which
two of their number, lately as gay and light-hearted as any, were now
struggling for their life. The same light flared horribly over the two
motionless figures, which, after an interval which seemed like years to
the bystanders, were at length brought out of the blackness; one of them
still retaining strength and consciousness to drag the other with him up
the stony margin before his senses failed. They lay silent both, with
pallid faces, upon the hard path; one as like death as the other, with a
kind of stony, ghostly resemblance in their white insensibility, except
that there was blood on the lips of one, who must have struck, the
lockman said, upon some part of the lock. They were carried into the
cottage, and hurried messengers sent to the nearest doctor and to
Wodensbourne. Meanwhile the two lay together, pallid and motionless,
nobody knowing which was living and which dead.