The next day they met for dinner at a little place near Washington Square
where it was certain that none of Julia’s friends ever went. Julia was a
singularly contented-looking criminal. Never, Ramon thought had her skin
looked more velvety, her eyes deeper or more serene. He was a trifle
haggard, but happy, and both of them were hungry.
“Do you know?… I’ve made a discovery,” she told him. “I haven’t any
conscience. I slept peacefully nearly all day, and when I waked up I
considered the matter carefully … I don’t believe that I have any proper
appreciation of the enormity of what I’ve done at all. I have always
thought that if anything like this ever happened to me I would go off and
chloroform myself, but as a matter of fact I have no such intention … of
course, though, it was not my fault in the least. You’re so terrible!… I
simply couldn’t help myself, and I don’t see what I can do now … that’s
comforting. But one thing is certain. We’ve got to be awfully careful.
Thank Heaven, mother and Gordon are still in Florida and they won’t dare
to come North on Gordon’s account until it gets a good deal warmer. But we
must be careful. I’m not sorry, like I should be, but I sure am scared.…”
They sat for a long time after the meal, Ramon smoking a cigar, their
knees touching under the table. He was filled with a vast contentment. He
thought nothing of the troubled past, nor did he look into the obviously
troubled future. He merely basked in the consciousness of a possession
infinitely sweet.
Now began for them a life of clandestine adventure. Julia had a good many
engagements, but she managed to give him some part of every day. They
never met in the hotel, but usually took taxicabs separately and met in
out-of-the-way parts of that great free wilderness of city. Ramon spent
most of the time when he was not with her exploring for suitable meeting
places. They became patrons of cellar restaurants in Greenwich Village, of
French and Italian places far down town, of obscure Brooklyn hotels. If
the regular fare at these establishments was not all they desired, Ramon
would lavishly bribe the head waiter, call the proprietor into
consultation if necessary, insist on getting what Julia wanted. He spent
his money like a millionaire, and usually created the general impression
that he was a wealthy foreigner. Every morning he had flowers sent to
Julia’s room. Often they would take a taxi and spend hours riding about
the streets with the blinds drawn, locked in each others’ arms.
For a week they were keenly, excitedly happy, living wholly in the joy of
the moment. Then a flaw appeared upon the glowing perfect surface of their
happiness.
“When is your husband coming back?” he enquired once, when they were
riding through Central Park.
“I don’t know. In a week or two. Why?”
“Because we must decide pretty soon what we’re going to do.”
“Do? What can we do?”
“We must decide where we’re going. You must go with me somewhere. I’m not
going to let you get away from me again … not even for a little while.”
“But Ramon, how can we? I’m married. I can’t go anywhere with you.…”
He seized her fiercely by the shoulders and held her away from him,
looking into her eyes.
“Don’t you love me, then?” he demanded.
“Ramon! You know I do!”
“Then you’ll go. We can go to Mexico City, or South America … I’ll sell
out at home.…”
“O, Ramon … I can’t. I haven’t got the courage. Think of the fuss it would
raise. And it would kill Gordon, I know it would.…”
“Damn Gordon!” he exclaimed, “he’s not going to get in the way again!
You’re mine and I’m going to keep you. You will go. I’ll take you!”
He had seized her in his arms, was holding her furiously tight. She put
her arms around him, caressed his face with soft fluttering hands.
“Please, Ramon! Please don’t make me miserable. Don’t spoil the only
happiness I ever had! I will go with you if ever I can, if I can get a
divorce or something. But I can’t run off like that. I haven’t got it in
me … please let me be happy!”
Her touch and her voice seemed to overcome his determination, seemed to
sheer him of his strength. Weaker she was than he, but her charm was her
power. It dragged him away from his thoughts and purposes, binding him to
her and to the moment.… She drew his head down to her breast, found his
lips with hers and so effectively cut his protests short.
The cream of his happiness was gone. Always when he was alone, he was
thinking and planning how he could keep her. All of his possessiveness was
aroused. He wanted her to have a baby. Somehow he felt that then his
conquest would be complete, that then he would be at peace.…
He said nothing more to Julia because he saw that it was useless. He began
to understand her a little. It was futile to ask her to make a decision,
to take any initiative. She could hold out forever against pleas which
involved an effort of the will on her part. And yet as he knew she could
yield charmingly to pressure adroitly applied. If he had asked her to meet
him in New York this way, he reflected, she would have been horrified, she
would never have consented. But when he came, suddenly, that had been
different. So it was now. If he could only form a really good plan, and
then put her in a cab and take her … that would be the only way. The
difficulty was to form the plan. He had capacity for sudden and decisive
action. He lacked neither courage nor resolution. But when it came to
making a plan which would require much time and patience, he found his
limitations.
What could he do? he asked himself, not realizing that in formulating the
question he acknowledged his impotence. If he went away and left her while
he settled his affairs, she was lost as surely as a bird released from a
cage. The idea of Mexico City allured him. But he had hardly enough money
to take them there. How could he raise money on short notice? It would
take time to settle his estate in New Mexico and get anything out of it.…
Two unrealized facts lay at the root of his difficulty. One was that he
had no capacity for large and intricate plans, and the other was that he
felt bound as by an invisible tether to the land where he had been born.
As he struggled with all these conflicting considerations and emotions,
his head fairly ached with futile effort. He was glad to lay it upon
Julia’s soft bosom, to forget everything else again in the sweetness of a
stolen moment.