PADRE MONTY AND MAJOR HARDY COME ABOARD
§1
Doe and I have often looked back on our first glimpse of Padre Monty
and wondered why nothing foreshadowed all that he was going to be to
us. We had entered the Transport Office on one of the Devonport
Quays, to report according to orders. Several other officers were
before us, handing in their papers to a Staff Officer. The one in a
chaplain's uniform, bearing on his back a weighty Tommy's pack, that
made him look like a campaigner from France, was Padre Monty. We
could only see his back, but it seemed the back of a young man,
spare, lean, and vigorous. His colloquy with the Staff Officer was
creating some amusement in his audience.
"Well, padre," the Staff Officer was saying, as he handed back
Monty's papers, "I'm at a loss what to do with you."
"The Army always is at a loss what to do with padres," rejoined
Monty pleasantly, as he took the papers and placed them in a pocket.
"However, you needn't worry, because, having got so far, I'm going
on this blooming boat."
"But I've no official intimation of your embarking on the
_Rangoon_."
Padre Monty picked up a square leather case and, moving to the door,
said:
"No, but you've ocular demonstration of it."
And he was gone.
When our turn came, the Staff Officer consulted a list of names
before him and said:
"The _Rangoon_. She's at the quay opposite the Great Crane."
The _Rangoon_, as we drew near, showed herself to be a splendid
liner, painted from funnel to keel the uniform dull-black of a
transport. All over and about this great black thing scurried and
swarmed khaki figures, busy in the work of embarkation. We rushed up
the long gangway, and pleaded with the Embarkation Officer for a
two-berth cabin to ourselves. The gentleman damned us most heartily,
and said: "Take No. 54." We hurried away to the State Rooms and
flung our kit triumphantly on to the bunks of Cabin 54.
It was at this moment that a mysterious occupant of Cabin 55, next
door, who had been singing "A Life on the Ocean Wave," came to the
end of his song and roared: "Steward!"; after which he commenced to
whistle "The Death of Nelson." We heard the steps of the steward
pass along the alley-way and enter 55.
"Yes, sir?" his voice inquired.
But our neighbour was not to be interrupted in his tune. He whistled
it to its last note, and then said:
"I say, steward, I'm sure you're not at all a damnable fellow, so I
want you to understand early that you'll get into awful trouble if
I'm not looked after properly--_-what_. There'll be the most
deplorable row if I'm not looked after properly."
"Well, I'm hanged!" whispered Doe. "I'm going to see who the
merchant is." He disappeared; and was back in ten seconds,
muttering, "Good Lord, Rupert, it's a middle-aged major with a
monocle; and its kit's marked 'Hardy.'"
And, while we were wondering at such spirits in a major, and in one
who was both middle-aged and monocled, two bells sounded from the
bows, two more answered like an echo from the boat-deck above, and
Major Hardy was heard departing with unbecoming haste down the
alley-way.
"What's that mean?" asked Doe.
"Luncheon bell, I s'pose," replied I. "Come along."
We found our way down to the huge dining saloon, which was furnished
with thirty separate tables. Looking for a place where we could
lunch together, we saw two seats next the padre, whose conversation
in the Transport Office had entertained us. We picked a route
through the other tables towards him.
"Are these two seats reserved, sir?" I asked.
Padre Monty turned a lean face towards Doe and me, and looked us up
and down.
"Yes," he said. "Reserved for you."
I smiled at so flattering a way of putting it, and, sitting down,
mumbled: "Thanks awfully."
There were two other people already at the table. One was a long and
languid young subaltern, named Jimmy Doon, who declared that he had
lost his draft of men (about eighty of them) and felt much happier
without them. He thought they were perhaps on another boat.
"Are they _officially_ on board the _Rangoon_?" asked Padre Monty.
"Officially they are," sighed Jimmy Doon, "but that's all. However,
I expect it's enough."
"Well, your draft is better off than I am," said Monty. "It at least
exists officially, whereas I'm _missing_. I haven't officially
arrived at Devonport. The War Office will probably spend months and
reams of paper (which is getting scarce) in looking for me. But I
don't suppose it matters."
"Oh, what does anything matter?" grumbled Jimmy Doon. "We shall all
be dead in a month--all my draft and you and I; and that'll save the
War Office a lot of trouble and a lot of paper." He trifled with a
piece of bread, and concluded wearily: "Besides this unseemly war
will be over in six months. The Germans will have us beaten by
then."
At this point the other passenger at the table gave us a shock by
suddenly disclosing his identity. He put a monocle in his eye,
summoned a steward, and explained:
"This is my seat at meals--_what_. Do you see, steward? And
understand, there'll be the most awful bloody row, if I'm not looked
after properly."
Major Hardy dropped the monocle on his chest and apologised to
Monty: "Sorry, padre." Then he took the menu from the steward, and,
having replaced his monocle and read down a list of no less than
fourteen courses, announced:
"Straight through, steward--_what_."
The steward seemed a trifle taken aback, but concealed his emotion
and passed the menu to Jimmy Doon. Mr. Doon, it was clear, found in
this choosing of a dish an intellectual crisis of the first order.
"Oh, I don't know, steward, damn you," he sighed. "I'll have a
tedious lemon sole. No--as you were--I'll, have a grilled chop."
And, quite spent with this effort, he fell to making balls out of
pellets of bread and playing clock golf with a spoon.
During the meal Major Hardy and Padre Monty talked "France," as
veterans from the Western Front will continue to do till their
generation has passed away.
"I was wounded at Neuve Chapelle--_what_," explained the Major.
"Sent to a convalescent home in Blighty. Discharged as fit for duty
the day we heard of the landing at Cape Helles. Moved Heaven and
earth, and ultimately the War Office, to be allowed to go to
Gallipoli."
(Major Hardy might have said more. He might have told us that he had
been recommended once for a D.S.O., and twice for a court-martial,
because he persisted in devoting his playtime to sharpshooting and
sniping in No Man's Land, and to leading unauthorised patrols on to
the enemy's wire. But it was not till later that we were to learn
why he had been known throughout his Army Corps as Major
Fool-hardy.)
Padre Monty had not been wounded, it seemed, but only buried alive.
"The doctor and I had been taking cover in a shell-hole," he
explained, between the sweet and the dessert, "when a high-explosive
hurled the whole of our shelter on top of us, leaving only our heads
free. We were two heads sticking out of the ground like two turnips.
After about five hours the C.O. sent a runner to find the padre and
the M.O., alive or dead. The fellow traced us to our shell-hole, and
when he saw our heads, he actually came to attention and saluted.
'The C.O. would like to see you in the Mess, sir,' said he to me.
'And I should dearly like to see him in the Mess,' said I. 'However,
stand at ease.' 'Stand at the devil,' said the doctor. 'Go and get
spades and dig us out.'"
"Hum," commented Major Hardy, "if you weren't a padre, I should
believe that story. But all padre are liars, _what_."
Monty bowed acknowledgments.
"And then," suggested the Major, "you felt the pull of the
Dardanelles."
"Exactly, who could resist it? I wasn't going to miss the most
romantic fight of all. The whole world's off to the Dardanelles. I
knew the East Cheshire's chaplain was coming home, time expired, so
I applied--"
"How ripping! That's our brigade," interrupted I, unconsciously
returning his previous flattery.
"Is that so?" said he. "Well, let's go above and get to know one
another."
We went on deck, he, Doe, and I, and watched the new arrivals.
Troop-trains were rolling right up to the quay and disgorging
hundreds of men, spruce in their tropical kit of new yellow drill
and pith helmets. Unattached officers arrived singly or in pairs; in
carriages or on foot. Many of them were doctors, who were being
drafted to the East in large numbers. A still greater proportion
consisted of young Second Lieutenants, who, like ourselves, were
being sent out to replace the terrible losses in subalterns.
"The world looks East this summer," mused Monty. Then he turned to
me in a sudden, emphatic way that he had when he was going to hold
forth. "But there's a thrill about it all, my lads. It means great
developments where we're going to. Six new divisions are being
quietly shipped to the Mediterranean. You and I are only atoms in a
landslide towards Gallipoli. There's some secret move to force the
gates of the Dardanelles in a month, and enter Constantinople before
Christmas. Big things afoot! Big things afoot!"
"Jove! I hope so," said I, caught by his keenness.
"Just look round," pursued Monty, switching off in his own style to
a new subject, "isn't our Tommy the most lovable creature in the
world?"
I followed his glance, and saw that the decks were littered with
recumbent Tommies, who, considering themselves to have embarked, had
cast off their equipment and lain down to get cool and rested.
"Look at them!" spouted Monty, and by his suddenness I knew he was
about to hold forth at some length. "You'll learn that the Army,
when on active service, does an astonishing amount of waiting; and
Tommy does an astonishing amount of reclining. Lying down, while you
wait to get started, is two-thirds of the Army's work. Directly the
Army begins to wait, Tommy relieves his aching back and shoulders of
equipment, and reclines. Quite right, too. There's no other
profession in the world, where, with perfect dutifulness, you can
spend so much time on your back. Active Service is two-parts
Inaction--"
What more of his views Monty would have expounded I can't say, for a
voice yelled from the promenade-deck above us:
"You there! What's your rank?"
I jumped out of my skin, and Doe out of his, for we thought the
voice was addressing us, Monty turned without agitation and looked
up at the speaker. It was Major Hardy. He was leaning against the
deck-rail, and had fixed with his monocle the nearest recumbent
soldier. This soldier was just the other side of us, so the Major
was obliged to shout over our heads.
"What's your rank?" he repeated. "Come along, my man. Get a move on.
Jump to it. What's your rank?"
The Tommy, flurried by this surprise attack, climbed on to his feet,
came to attention, and said:
"Inniskillings, sir."
"Damn the man--_what_," cried the Major. "What's your _rank_? I
said."
"What, sir?" respectfully inquired the Tommy, whose powers of
apprehension had been disorganised by so sudden a raid.
The Major adopted two methods calculated to penetrate the soldier's
intelligence: he leant over the rail, and he spoke very slowly.
"What's--your--bloody--rank? Are you a general, or a private?"
"No, sir," answered the bewildered Tommy.
"Oh, God damn you to hell! What's your _rank_?"
"Oh, private, sir."
"Then, for Christ's sake, go and do some work. What are privates
for? Get that kit of mine from the quay."
The Major dropped his monocle on his chest, and looked down at us.
"Sorry, padre," he said, and walked away.
I watched till he was out of sight, and then said indignantly:
"So he jolly well ought to have apologised."
"And he _did_," retorted Monty. "Be just to him. It took me six
months--"
"He's off," thought I.
"--to get the Army's bad language into proportion. At first I opened
on it with my heavies in sermon after sermon. Then I saw proportion,
and decided on a tariff, allowing an officer a 'damn' and a man a
'bloody.' Winter and Neuve Chapelle taught me the rock-bottom level
on which we are fighting this war, and I spiked my guns. No one has
a right to condemn them, who hasn't floundered in mud under
shell-fire."
I think that, after this, we dropped into silence, and watched the
quay emptying itself of men, and the _Rangoon's_ decks becoming more
and more crowded, as the day declined. The Embarkation was
practically complete. The Devonport Staff Officers wished us "a good
voyage," and went home to their teas in Plymouth. And, just before
dinner, the gangway was hauled on to the quay. This was the final
act, for, though the ship was not yet moving, we had broken
communication with England.
§2
At dinner, it being the first night afloat, the champagne corks
began to pop, and the conversation to grow noisier and noisier. By
the time the nutcrackers were busy, the more riotous subalterns had
reached that state of merriness, in which they found every distant
pop of a cork the excuse for a fresh cheer and cries of "Take
cover!"
Major Hardy, too, was beaming. He had sipped the best part of three
bottles of champagne, and was feeling himself, multiplied by three.
He assured Monty that the padres had been the most magnificent
people of the war. He told three times the story of one who had died
going over the top with his men. That padre was a man. The men would
have followed him anywhere. For he was a man every inch of him. But,
of course, the victim and hero of the war, said Major Hardy, looking
at Doe, myself, and the weary Jimmy Doon, was the junior subaltern.
Everybody was prepared to take off his hat to the junior subaltern.
He had died in greater numbers than any other rank. He had only just
left school, and yet he had led his men from in front. The Major, if
he had fifty hats, would take them all off to the junior subaltern.
His heart beat at one with the heart of the junior subaltern. And,
steward, confound it, where was the drink-steward? There would be
the most awful bloody row, if he weren't looked after properly.
Dinner over, the riotous juniors rushed upstairs to the Officers'
Lounge, a large room with a bar at one end, and a piano at the
other. Some congregated near the bar to order liqueurs, while others
surrounded the piano to roar rag-time choruses that one of their
number was playing. This artist had a whole manual of rag-time
tunes, and seemed to have begun at Number One and decided to work
through the collection. Each air was caught up and sung with more
enthusiasm than the last. And see, there was Major Hardy, leaning
over the pianist that he might read the words through his monocle,
and singing with the best of them: "Everybody's doing it--doing
it--doing it," and "Hitchy-koo, hitchy-koo, hitchy-koo."
The Spirit of Riot was aboard to-night. The wines of Heidsieck and
Veuve Pommery glowed in the cheeks of the subalterns. It was the
last night in an English harbour, and what ho! for a rag. It was the
first night afloat, and what ho! for a rough-house. And there was
Elation in the air at the sight of Britain embarking for the
Dardanelles to teach the Turk what the Empire meant. So shout, my
lads. "Hitchy-koo, hitchy-koo, hitchy-koo."
Major Hardy was equal to any of them. He was the Master of the
Revels. He had a big space cleared at one end of the lounge, and
organised a Rugby scrum. He arranged the sides, interlocked the
subalterns in the three-two-three formation, forced their heads down
like a master coaching boys, and, when he had given the word "Shove
like hell," ran round to the back of the scrum, got into it with his
head well down, and pushed to such purpose that the whole of the
opposite side was rushed off its feet, and the scrum sent hurtling
across the lounge. A few chairs were broken, as the scrimmagers
swept like an avalanche over the room. Major Hardy was hot with
success. "A walk over! Absolutely ran them off their feet! Come and
shove for them, you slackers," he shouted to those, who so far had
only looked on and laughed. A score of fellows rushed to add their
weight to the defeated side, and another score to swell the pack of
the victors. "That's the style," cried the Major. "There are only
about sixty of us in this scrum. Pack well down, boys. Not more
than twenty in the front row. Ball's in! Shove like blazes!" Into it
he got himself, and shoved--shoved till the scrum was rolled back
across the lounge; shoved till the side, which was being run off its
feet, broke up in laughter, and was at once knocked down like
ninepins by the rush of the winning forwards; shoved till his own
crowd fell over the prostrate forms of their victims, and collapsed
into a heap of humanity on to the floor.
Wiping his brow and whistling, he organised musical chairs; and,
after musical chairs, cock-fighting. Already he was limping on one
knee, and his left eye was red and swollen. But he was enjoying
himself so much that his enjoyment was infectious. To see him was to
feel that Life was a riotous adventure, and this planet of ours the
liveliest of lively worlds. And really, in spite of all, I'm not
sure that it isn't.
Doe and I with our hands in our pockets had contented ourselves with
being onlookers. The high spirits of Major Hardy's disorderly mob
were radiating too much like electric waves through the room for us
not to be caught by an artificial spell of happiness. But neither of
us felt rowdy to-night. Monty, too, as he stood between us, looked
on and moralised.
"It's three parts Wine and seven parts Youth," he ruled (he was
always giving a ruling on something), "so I'm three parts shocked
and seven parts braced. But I say, Doe, we're a race to rejoice in.
Look at these officers. Aren't they a bonny crowd? The horrible,
pink Huns, with their round heads, cropped hair, and large necks,
may have officers better versed in the drill-book. But no army in
the world is officered by such a lot of fresh sportsmen as ours.
Come on deck."
When we got out into the warm air of a July evening, we found that
the quay, which before dinner had been alongside the ship, was
floating away from our port-quarter. Clearer thinking showed us that
it was the ship which was veering round, and not the shore. We were
really moving. The _Rangoon_ was off for the Dardanelles. There was
no crowd to cheer us and wave white handkerchiefs; nothing but a
silent, deserted dockyard--because of that policeman at the gate. It
was only as we crept past a great cruiser, whose rails were crowded
with Jack Tars, that cheers and banter greeted us.
"The Navy gives a send-off to the Army," said Doe; and the voice of
one of our Tommies shouted from the stern of the _Rangoon_:
"Bye-bye, Jack. We'll make a passage for you through them
Dardanelles."
"We will," whispered Monty.
"We will," echoed I.
Soon the _Rangoon_ was past the cruiser and abreast of the sinister
low hulls of the destroyers that were going to escort us out to sea.
But here, to our surprise, the noise of an anchor's cable rattling
and racing away grated on our ears.
"She's dropping anchor till the morning," said Monty. "All right,
then we'll sit down."
We placed hammock-chairs on a lonely part of the boat-deck. I
reclined on the right of Monty, and Doe took his chair and placed it
on his left. Just as, in the old world behind the dockyard gates, he
would not have been satisfied unless he had been next to Radley, so
now he must contrive to have no one between himself and Monty.
Meantime down in the lounge they seemed to have abandoned
cock-fighting for music. A man was singing "Come to me, Thora," and
his voice modified by distance could be heard all over the ship. The
refrain was taken up by a hundred voices: "Come--come--come to me,
Thora"; and, when the last note had been finished, the hundred
performers were so pleased with their effort that they burst into
cheers and whistling and catcalls. It sounded like a distant jackal
chorus.
Now that we were on deck, the spell, which the electric waves of
enjoyment had played on me in the lounge, was removed. Rather, an
emptiness and a loneliness began to oppress me, only increased by
the rowdyism below.
"It's going to degenerate into a drunken brawl," I complained.
Monty turned and slapped me merrily on the knee. "Don't be so ready
to think the worst of things," he said.
Something in the gathering darkness and the gathering sadness of
this farewell evening made me communicative. I wanted to speak of
things that were near my heart.
"I s'pose just nowadays I _am_ thinking the worst of people. I've
seen so much evil since I've been in the army that my opinion of
mankind has sunk to zero."
"So's mine," murmured Doe.
"And mine has gone up and up and up with all that I've seen in the
army," said Monty, speaking with some solemnity. "I never knew till
I joined the army that there were so many fine people in the world.
I never knew there was so much kindliness and unselfishness in the
world. I never knew men could suffer so cheerfully. I never knew
humanity could reach such heights."
We remained silent and thinking.
"Good heavens!" continued Monty. "There's beauty in what's going on
in the lounge. Can't you see it? These boys, a third of them, have
only a month or more in which to sing. Some of them will never see
England again. And all know it, and none thinks about it. Granted
that a few of them are flushed with wine, but, before God, I've
learnt to forgive the junior subaltern everything--
"Everything," he added, with passionate conviction.
Doe turned in his seat towards Monty. I knew what my friend was
feeling, because I was feeling the same. These words had a personal
application and were striking home.
"What do you mean by 'everything'?" asked Doe, after looking round
to see that the deck was deserted. "Just getting tight?"
"I said 'everything,'" answered Monty deliberately. "I learnt to do
it out in France. What's the position of the junior subaltern out
there? Under sentence of death, and lucky if he gets a reprieve. The
temptation to experience everything while they can must be pretty
subtle. I don't say it's right--" Monty furrowed his forehead, as a
man does who is trying to think things out--"To say I would forgive
it is to admit that it's wrong, but ah! the boy-officer's been so
grand, and so boyishly unconscious of his grandeur all the time. I
remember one flighty youth, who sat down on the firing-step the
night before he had to go over the top, and wrote a simple letter to
everybody he'd cared for. He wrote to his father, saying: 'If
there's anything in my bank, I'd like my brother to have it. But, if
there's a deficit, I'm beastly sorry.' Think of him putting his
tin-pot house in order like that. He was--he was blown to pieces in
the morning....
"They found he had £60 to his credit. It wouldn't have been there a
week, if the young spendthrift had known."
It was now dark enough for the stars and the lights of England and
the glow in our pipe-bowls to be the most visible things.
"Go on," said Doe. "You're thrilling me."
"I remember another coming to me just before the assault, and
handing me a sealed letter addressed to his mother. What he said was
a lyric poem, but, as usual, he didn't know it. He just muttered:
'Padre, you might look after this: I may not get an opportunity of
posting it.' So English that! A Frenchman would have put his hand on
his heart and exclaimed: 'I die for France and humanity.' This
reserved English child said: 'I may not get an opportunity of
posting it.' My God, they're wonderful!"
Monty stared across the stream at the thousand lights of Devonport
and Plymouth. He was listening to the voices in the lounge singing:
"When you come to the end of a perfect day"; and he waited to hear
the song through, before he pursued:
"There was one youngster who, the morning of an attack, gave me a
long envelope. He said: 'I'll leave this with you, padre. It's
my--it's my--' And he laughed. Laughed, mind you. You see, he was
shy of the word 'will'; it seemed so silly...."
Monty stopped; and finally added:
"Neither did that boy know he was a Poem."
"Go on," said Doe, "I could listen all night."
"It's a lovely night, isn't it?" admitted Monty. "Inspires one to
see only the Beauty there is in everything. Isn't there Beauty in
Major Hardy's black eye?"
"It's a Poem--_what_," laughed Doe.
"You may laugh, but that's just what it is. He said that his heart
beat at one with the heart of a junior subaltern; and it does that
because it's the heart of a boy. And the heart of a boy is matter
for a poem."
"By Jove," said Doe, "you seem to be in love with all the world."
"So I am," Monty conceded, pleased with Doe's poetic phrase; "and
with the young world in particular."
"I think I could be that too," began Doe--
Doe was carrying on the conversation with ease. I left it to him,
for these words were winning eternity in my memory: "I could forgive
them everything." With a sense of loneliness, and that I had lost my
anchor in those last days of the old world, I felt that one day I
would unburden myself to Monty. I would like an anchor again, I
thought. The same idea must have been possessing Doe, for he was
saying:
"Somehow I could forgive everything to those fellows you've been
telling us about, but I'm blowed if I can forgive myself
everything."
And here Monty, with the utmost naturalness, as though so deep a
question flowed necessarily from what had gone before, asked:
"Have you _everything_ to be forgiven?"
It is wonderful the questions that will be asked and the answers
that will be given under the stars.
Doe looked out over the water, and moved his right foot to and fro.
Then he drew his knee up and clasped it with both hands.
"Everything," he said, rather softly.
And, when I heard him say that, I felt I was letting him take blame
that I ought to share with him. So I added simply:
"It's the same with both of us."
Monty held his peace, but his eyes glistened in the starlight. I
think he was happy that we two boys had been drawn to him, as
inevitably as needles to a magnet. At last he said:
"I suppose we ought to turn in now. But promise me you'll continue
this talk to-morrow, if it's another lovely night like this."
"Surely," assented Doe, as we arose and folded up the chairs.
"I hope when we wake we shan't be out at sea," suggested I, "for I
want to watch old England receding into the distance."
Monty looked at me and smiled.
"Rupert," he said, and it was like him to use my Christian name
without as much as a "by your leave" within the first dozen hours of
our acquaintance, "you're one of them."
"One of whom?"
"One of those to whom I could forgive everything. You both are. Good
night, Rupert. Good night, Edgar."