MAJOR ALLEN PAYS A VISIT AT BATH PRODUCTIVE OF IMPORTANT
RESULTS.--SYMPATHY BETWEEN HIMSELF AND THE WIDOW BARNABY.--EXCHANGE IS
NO ROBBERY.--VALEDICTORY COMPLIMENTS.
The adventures of Major Allen have no connexion with this narrative,
excepting as far as the widow Barnaby is concerned, and therefore with
his business at Bath, or anything he did there, we have nothing to do
beyond recording about ten minutes' conversation which he chanced to
have with one individual of a party with whom he passed the evening
after his arrival.
Among the many men of various ages who were accustomed to meet together
wherever those who live by their wits were likely to prosper, there was
on this occasion one young man who had but recently evinced the bad
ambition of belonging to the set. Major Allen had never seen him before;
but hearing him named as a famous fine fellow who was likely to do them
honour, he scrupled not to converse with perfect freedom before him. The
most interesting thing he had to record since the party last met, was
the history of his engagement with the widow Barnaby, whom he very
complacently described as extremely handsome, passionately in love with
him, and possessed of a noble fortune both in money and land.
The Nestor of the party asked him with very friendly anxiety if he had
been careful to ascertain what the property really was, as it was no
uncommon thing for handsome widows to appear richer than they were.
"Thank you for nothing, most sage conjuror," replied the gay Major; "age
has not thinned my flowing hair; but I'm not such a greenhorn neither as
to walk blindfold. In the first place, the lady is sister-in-law to old
Peters, one of the wealthiest of turtle-eaters, and it was from one of
his daughters that I learned the real state of her affairs,--an
authority that may be the better depended on, because, though they
receive her as a sister, and all that, it is quite evident that they are
by no means very fond of her.... In fact, they are rather a stiff-backed
generation, whereas my widow is as gay as a lark."
"Is she a Bristol woman?" inquired one of the party.
"No, she is from Devonshire," was the reply. "The name of her place is
'_Silverton Park_.'"
"Silverton in Devonshire?" said the young stranger. "May I ask the
lady's name, sir?"
"Her name is Barnaby," replied Major Allen briskly; "do you happen to
know anything about her?"
"The widow Barnaby of Silverton?... Oh! to be sure I do, and a fine
woman she is too,--no doubt of it. She is the widow of our apothecary."
"The widow of an apothecary?... No such thing, sir; you mistake
altogether," replied the Major. "Do you happen to know such a place as
Silverton Park?"
"I never heard of such a park, sir; but I know Silverton well enough,"
said the young man, "and I know her house, or what was her house, as
well as I know my own father's, which is at no great distance from it
neither. And I know the shop and the bow-window belonging to it, and a
very pretty decent dwelling-house it is."
Major Allen grew fidgety; he wanted to hear more, but did not approve
the publicity of the conversation, and contrived at the moment to put a
stop to it, but contrived also to make an appointment with his new
acquaintance to breakfast together on the following morning; and before
their allowance of tea and toast was dispatched, Major Allen was not
only fully disenchanted respecting Silverton Park, and the four
beautiful greys, but quite _au fait_ of the reputation for running up
bills which his charmer had enjoyed previous to her marriage with the
worthy apothecary.
It was this latter portion of the discourse which completed the
extinction of the Major's passion, and this so entirely, that he
permitted himself not to inquire, as he easily might have done, into
the actual state of the widow's finances; but, feeling himself on the
edge of a very frightful precipice, he ran off in the contrary direction
too fast to see if there were any safe mode of descending without a
tumble. It may indeed be doubted whether the snug little property
actually in possession of his Juno, would have been sufficient for his
honourable ambition, even had he been as sure of her having and holding
it, as she was herself; for, to say the truth, he rated his own price in
the matrimonial market rather highly,--had great faith in the power of
his height and fashionable _tournure_, and confidence unbounded in his
large eyes and _collier Grec_. It is true, indeed, that he had failed
more than once, and that too "when the fair cause of all his pain" had
given him great reason to believe that she admired him much;
nevertheless, his self-approval was in no degree lessened thereby, nor
was it likely to be, so long as he could oil and trim his redundant
whiskers without discovering a grey hair in them.
In short, what with his well-sustained value for himself, and his much
depreciated value for the widow, he left Bath boiling with rage at the
deception practised upon him, and arrived at Clifton determined to trust
to his skill for obtaining a peaceable restitution of the promise of
marriage, without driving his Juno to any measures that might draw upon
them the observation of the public, a tribunal before which he was by no
means desirous of appearing.
The state of Mrs. Barnaby's mind respecting this same promise of
marriage has already been described, wherefore it may be perceived that
when Major Allen made his next morning visit at Sion Row, a much greater
degree of sympathy existed between himself and the widow than either
imagined. It was in the tactics of both, however, to meet without any
appearance of diminished tenderness; and when he entered with the smile
that had so often gladdened her fond heart, she stretched out a hand to
welcome him with such softness of aspect as made the deluded gentleman
tremble to think how difficult a task lay before him.
Neither was Mrs. Barnaby's heart at all more at ease. Who could doubt
the sincerity of the ardent pressure with which that hand was held?...
Who could have thought that while gazing upon her in silence that seemed
to indicate feelings too strong for words, he was occupied solely in
meditating how best he could get rid of her for ever?
The conversation was preluded by a pretty, well-sustained passage of
affectionate inquiries concerning the period of absence, and then the
Major ejaculated ... "Yes, my sweet friend!... I have been well in
health, ... but it is inconceivable what fancies a man truly in love
finds to torment himself!"... Whilst the widow mentally answered him,...
"Perhaps you were afraid I might see your friend Maintry stuck up in the
pillory, or peeping at me through the county prison windows;" ... but
aloud she only said with a smile a little forced,... "What fancies,
Major?"
"I am almost afraid to tell you," he replied; "you will think me so
weak, so capricious!"
This word _capricious_ sounded pleasantly to the widow's ears ... it
seemed to hint at some change--some infidelity that might make her task
an easier one than she expected, and assuming an air of gaiety, she
said,--
"Nay ... if such be the case, speak out without a shadow of reserve,
Major Allen; for I assure you there is nothing in the world I admire so
much as sincerity."
"Sincerity!" muttered the half entrapped fortune hunter aside....
"Confound her sincerity!..." and then replied aloud,--"Will you
promise, dear friend, to forgive me if I confess to you a fond folly?"
Mrs. Barnaby quaked all over; she felt as if fresh grappling-irons had
been thrown over her, and that escape was impossible. "Nay, really,"
said she, after a moment's reflection; "I think fond follies are too
young a joke for us, Major; they may do very well for Agnes, perhaps ...
but I think you and I ought to know better by this time.... If I can but
make him quarrel with me," thought she, ... "that would be better
still!"
"If I can but once more coax her to let me have my way," thought he, ...
"the business would be over in a moment!"
"Beauty like yours is of no age!" he exclaimed; "it is immortal as the
passion it inspires, and when joined with such a heart and temper as you
possess becomes...."
"I do assure you, Major," said the widow, interrupting him rather
sharply, "you will do wrong if you reckon much upon my temper ... it
never was particularly good, and I can't say I think it grows better."
"Oh! say not so, for this very hour I am going to put it to the test....
I want you to...."
"Pray, Major, do not ask me to do anything particularly obliging; for,
to say the truth, I am in no humour for it.... It has occurred to me
more than once, Major Allen, since you set off so suddenly, that it is
likely enough there may be another lady in the case, and that the
promise you got out of me was perhaps for no other purpose in the world
but to make fun of me by shewing it to her."
"Hell and furies!" growled the Major inwardly, "she will stick to me
like a leech!"
"Oh! dream not of such villany!" he exclaimed; "it was concerning that
dear promise that I wished to speak to you, my sweet Martha.... Methinks
that promise...."
"I tell you what, Major Allen," cried the widow vehemently, "if you
don't let me see that promise this very moment, nothing on earth shall
persuade me that you have not given it in jest to some other woman."
"Good Heaven!..." he replied; "what a moment have you chosen for the
expression of this cruel suspicion! I was on the very verge of telling
you that I deemed such a promise unworthy a love so pure--so perfect as
ours; and therefore, if you would indulge my fond desire, you would let
each of us receive our promise back again."
The Major was really and truly in a state of the most violent
perturbation as he uttered these words, fearing that the fond and
jealous widow might suspect the truth, and hold his pledge with a
tenacity beyond his power to conquer. He had, however, no sooner spoken,
than a smile of irrepressible delight banished the frowns in which she
had dressed herself, and she uttered in a voice of the most unaffected
satisfaction,... "If you will really do that, Major Allen, I can't
suspect any longer, you know, that you have given mine to any one else."
"Assuredly not, most beautiful angel!" cried the delighted lover: "thus,
then, let us give back these paper ties, and be bound only by...."
The widow stretched out her hand for the document which he had already
taken from his pocket-book; but to yield this, though he had no wish to
keep it, was not the object nearest his heart; holding it, therefore,
playfully above his head, he said, "Let not one of us, dearest, seem
more ready than the other in this act of mutual confidence!... give
mine with one hand, as you receive your own with the other."
"Now then!..." said Mrs. Barnaby, eagerly extending both her hands, in
order at once to give and take.
"Now then!..." replied the Major joyously, imitating her action; and
the next instant each had seized the paper held by the other with an
avidity greatly resembling that with which a zealous player pounces
upon the king when she has the ace in the hand at "shorts."
"Now, Mrs. Barnaby, I will wish you good morning," said the gentleman,
bowing low as he tore the little document to atoms.... "I have been
fortunate enough, since I last enjoyed the happiness of seeing you, to
discover the exact locality of Silverton Park, and the precise pedigree
of your beautiful greys."
The equanimity of the widow was shaken for a moment, but no longer; she,
too, had been doing her best to annihilate the precious morsel of paper,
and, rising majestically, she scattered the fragments on the ground,
saying in a tone at least as triumphant as his own, "And I, Major Allen,
or whatever else your name may chance to be, have, since last I had the
felicity of seeing you, enjoyed the edifying spectacle of beholding your
friend Captain Maintry, alias Purdham, in the hands of justice, for
assisting your faithful servant William in breaking open my boxes and
robbing me.... Should the circumstance be still unknown to you, I fear
you may be disappointed to hear that both my money and plate have been
recovered. There may be some fanciful difference between Silverton Park
and a snug property at Silverton, ... but I rather suspect that, of the
two, I have gained most by our morning's work. Farewell, sir!... If you
will take my advice, you will not continue much longer in Clifton.... I
may feel myself called upon to hint to the magistrates that it might
assist the ends of justice if you were taken up and examined as an
accomplice in this affair."
The lady had decidedly the best of it, as ladies always should have; for
the crest-fallen Major looked as if he must, had he been poetically
inclined, have exclaimed in the words of Comus,--
"She fables not, I feel that I do fear,"...
and without any farther attempt to carry off the palm of victory, he
made his way down stairs; and it is now many years since he has been
heard of in the vicinity of Clifton.