LXVI.

MY DEAR CHARLES,--Here is a war, producing great men, and here am I

writing to you from time to time about it and never mentioning one of

them. I have touched upon Commanding Officers, Brigadiers, Divisional,

Corps, even Army Commanders; I have gone so far as to mention the

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF once and I have mentioned myself very many times.

But the really great men I have omitted. I mean the really, really

great men, without whom the War could not possibly go on, and with

whom, I am often led to suppose, the decision remains as to what day

Peace shall be declared. Take the A.M.L.O. at ---- for example.

Now, Charles, be it understood that I am not saying anything for or

against the trade of Assisting Military Landing Officers; I have no

feeling with regard to it one way or the other. For all I know it may

require a technical knowledge so profound that any man who can master

it is already half-way on the road to greatness. On the other hand,

it may require no technical knowledge at all, and, the whole of a

Military Landing Officer's duties being limited to watching other

people working, the Assistant Military Landing Officer's task may

consist of nothing more complicated than watching the Military Landing

Officer watching the military land. If this is so, the work may be so

simple that, once a man has satisfied the very rigid social test to be

passed by all aspirants to so distinguished a position, he must simply

be a silly ass if he doesn't automatically become a great man, after

a walk or two up and down the quay. I repeat, I know nothing whatever

of the calling of A.M.L.O., and I could not tell you without inquiry

whether it is an ancient and honourable profession or an unscrupulous

trade very jealously watched by the Law. I have some friends in it and

I have many friends out of it, and the former should not be inflated

with conceit nor the latter unduly depressed when I pronounce the

deliberate opinion that the best known and greatest thing in the

B.E.F. is without doubt the A.M.L.O. at ----.

Though it is months since I cast eyes on him, I can see him now,

standing self-confidently on his own private quay, with the most chic

of Virginian cigarettes smouldering between his aristocratic lips

and the very latest and most elegant of Bond Street Khaki Neckwear

distinguishing him from the mixed crowd about him. Every one else

is distraught; even matured Generals, used to the simple and

irresponsible task of commanding troops in action, are a little

unnerved by the difficulties and intricacies of embarking oneself

militarily. He on whom all the responsibility rests remains aloof.

A smile, half cynical, plays across his proud face. He knows he has

but to flick the ash from his cigarette and the Army will spring to

attention and the Navy will get feverishly to work. He has but to

express consent by the inclination of his head and sirens will blow,

turbine engines will operate as they would never operate for anybody

else, thousands of tons of shipping will rearrange itself, and even

the sea will become less obstreperous and more circumspect in its

demeanour, adjusting, if need be, its tides to suit his wishes.

I take it my condition is typical when I am "proceeding" (one will

never come and go again in our time; one will always proceed)--when

I am proceeding to the U.K. The whole thing is too good to believe,

and I don't believe it till I have some written and omnipotent

instructions, in my pocket and am actually moving towards the sea.

The youngest and keenest schoolboy returning home for his holidays

is a calm, collected, impassionate and even dismal man of the world

compared to me. I see little and am impressed by nothing; all things

and men are assumed to be good, and none of them is given the

opportunity of proving itself to be the contrary. As for the A.M.L.O.

at any other port but this one, I remark nothing about him except

his princely generosity in letting me have an embarcation card. He

is just one more good fellow in the long series of good fellows who

have authorised my move. I am borne out to sea in a dream--a dream

of England and all that England means to us, be that a wife or a

reasonable breakfast at a reasonable hour. Not until I am on my way

back does it occur to me that landing and transport officers have

identities, and by that time I have lost all interest in transport

and landing and officers and identities and everything else.

At the port of ----, however, it is very different. I may arrive on

the quay in a dream, but I'm at once out of it when I have caught

sight of Greatness sitting in its little hut with the ticket window

firmly closed until the arrival of the hour before which he has

disposed that it shall not open. Thoughts of home are gone; I can

think of nothing but Him. When at last I have obtained his gracious,

if reluctant, consent to my obeying the instructions I have, and have

got on to the boat, I deposit my goods hurriedly, anywhere, and fight

for a position by the bulwark nearest the quay, from which I may gaze

at his august Excellency for the few remaining hours during which it

is given us to linger in or near our well-beloved France.

How came it about, I ask myself, that the Right Man got to be in

the Right Place? It cannot have been merely fortuitous that he was

not thrust away into some such obscure job as the command of an

Expeditionary Force or the control of the counsels of the Imperial

General Staff. It must have been the deliberate choice of a wise

chooser; Major-General Military Landing himself, the SECRETARY OF

STATE FOR WAR on his own, even His MAJESTY in person? Or was a

plebiscite taken through the length and breadth of the British Isles

when I was elsewhere, and did Britain, thrilled to the core, clamour

for him unanimously?

I watch him keep a perturbed and restless Major from the line waiting

while he finishes his light-hearted badinage with a subordinate. It is

altogether magnificent in its sheer _sangfroid_. Why is it that such

a one is labelled merely A.M.L.O., when he should obviously be the

M.L.O.? He has his subordinate, happily insignificant and obsequiously

proud to serve. Let the subordinate be the a.m.l.o., and let It,

Itself, be openly acknowledged to be It, Itself.

By the way, where _is_ his M.L.O.? Has anybody ever seen him? I

haven't. Does he exist?... Has he been got rid of?

There is a convenient crevice between the quay and the boat with a

convenient number of feet of water at the bottom of it. Is the M.L.O.

down there, and is the "A.M.L.O." brassard but the modesty of true

greatness?

If the M.L.O. has been thrown down there, who threw him?

Was it my idol, the A.M.L.O., in a moment of exasperation with his

M.L.O.?

Or was it the M.L.O., in a moment of exasperation with my idol, the

A.M.L.O.? Yours ever, HENRY.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Old Lady_. "IS THIS THE RESULT OF A BOMB, CONSTABLE?"

_Constable (fed up)_. "BLESS YOU, NO, MA'AM. THE GENT THAT LIVES

HERE'S GOT HAY FEVER."]

* * * * *

"Naval Officer's (Minesweeping) Wife would be grateful for the

opportunity of purchasing a Baby's Layette of good quality at a

very reasonable price."--_Morning Post_.

Our congratulations to the mine sweeping wife upon having captured a

Baby Mine.

* * * * *

Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, October 10, 1917 · 第 18 / 43 题