Concerning the proverb of the highly-accomplished horse. The
various perils to be encountered in the Beneath Parts. The
inexplicable journey performed by this one, and concerning
the obscurity of the witchcraft employed.
Venerated Sire,--Among these islanders there is a proverb, “Do not place
the carte” (or card, the two words having an identical purport, and
both signifying the inscribed tablet of viands prepared for a banquet,)
“before the horse.” Doubtless the saying first arose as a timely rebuke
to a certain barbarian emperor who announced his contempt for the
intelligence of his subjects by conferring high mandarin rank upon a
favourite steed and ceremoniously appointing it to be his chancellor;
but from the narrower moral that an unreasoning animal is out of place,
and even unseemly, in the entertaining hall or council chamber, the
expression has in the course of time taken a wider application and is
now freely used as an insidious thrust at one who may be suspected of
contrariness of character, of confusing issues, or of acting in a vain
or illogical manner. I had already preserved the saying among other
instances of foreign thought and expression which I am collecting for
your dignified amusement, as it is very characteristic of the wisdom and
humour of these Outer Lands. The imagination is essentially barbaric. A
horse--doubtless well-groomed, richly-caparisoned, and as intellectual
as the circumstances will permit, but inevitably an animal of degraded
attributes and untraceable ancestry--a horse reclining before a lavishly
set-out table and considering well of what dish it shall next partake!
Could anything, it appears, be more diverting! Truly to our more refined
outlook the analogy is lacking both in delicacy of wit and in exactitude
of balance, but to the grosser barbarian conception of what is
gravity-removing it is irresistible.
I am, however, reminded of the saying by perceiving that I was on the
point of recording certain details of recent occurrence without first
unrolling to your mind the incidents from which it has arisen that the
person who is now communicating with you is no longer reposing in the
Capital, but spending a period profitably in observing the habits of
those who dwell in the more secluded recesses on the outskirts of the
Island. This reversal of the proper sequence of affairs would doubtless
strike those around as an instance of setting the banquet before the
horse. Without delay, then, to pursue the allusion to its appropriate
end, I will return, as it may be said, to my nosebag.
At various points about the streets of the Capital there are certain
caverns artificially let into the bowels of the earth, to which any
person may betake himself upon purchasing a printed sign which he must
display to the guardian of the gate. Once within the underneathmost
parts he is free to be carried from place to place by means of the
trains of carriages which I have already described to you, until he
would return to the outer surface, when he must again display his
talisman before he is permitted to pass forth. Nor is this an empty
form, for upon an occasion this person himself witnessed a very bitter
contention between a keeper of the barrier and one whose token had
through some cause lost its potency.
In the company of the experienced I had previously gone through the
trial without mischance, so that recently when I expressed a wish to
visit a certain Palace, and was informed that the most convenient manner
would be to descend into the nearest cavern, I had no reasonable device
for avoiding the encounter. Nevertheless, enlightened sire, I will
not attempt to conceal from your omniscience that I was by no means
impetuous towards the adventure. Owing to the pugnacious and unworthy
suspicions of those who direct their destinies, I have not yet been
able to penetrate the exact connection between the movements of these
hot-smoke chariots and the Unseen Forces. To a person whose chief object
in life is to avoid giving offence to any of the innumerable demons
which are ever on the watch to revenge themselves upon our slightest
indiscretion, this uncertainty opens an unending vista of intolerable
possibilities. As if to emphasise the perils of this overhanging doubt
the surroundings are ingeniously arranged so as to represent as nearly
as practicable the terrors of the Beneath World. Both by day and night a
funereal gloom envelops the caverns, the pathways and resting-places are
meagre and so constructed as to be devoid of attraction or repose, and
by a skilful contrivance the natural atmosphere is secretly withdrawn
and a very acrimonious sulphurous haze driven in to replace it.
In sudden and unforeseen places eyes of fire open and close with
disconcerting rapidity, and even change colour in vindictive
significance; wooden hands are outstretched as in unrelenting rigidity
against supplication, or, divining the unexpressed thoughts, inexorably
point, as one gazes, still deeper into the recesses of the earth; while
the air is never free from the sounds of groans, shrieks, the rattling
of chains, dull, hopeless noises beneath one’s feet or overhead, and the
hoarse wordless cries of despair with which the attending slaves of the
caverns greet the distant clamour of every approaching fire-chariot.
Admittedly the intention of the device is benevolently conceived, and
it is strenuously asserted that many persons of corrupt habits and
ill-balanced lives, upon waking unexpectedly while passing through
these Beneath Parts, have abandoned the remainder of their journey, and,
escaping hastily to the outer air, have from that time onwards led a
pure and consistent existence; but, on the other foot, those who are
compelled to use the caverns daily, freely confess that the surroundings
do not in any material degree purify their lives or tranquillise the
nature of their inner thoughts.
In this emergency I did not neglect to write out a diversity of charms
against every possible variety of evil influence, and concealing them
lavishly about my head and body, I presented myself with the outer
confidence of a person who is inured to the exploit. Doubtless thereby
being mistaken for one of themselves in the obscurity, I received the
inscribed safeguard without opposition, and even an added sum in copper
pieces, which I discreetly returned to the one behind the shutter, with
the request that he would honourably burn a few joss sticks or sacrifice
to a trivial amount, to the success of my journey. In such a manner
I reached an awaiting train, and, taking up within it a position of
retiring modesty, I definitely committed myself to the undertaking.
At the next tarrying place there entered a barbarian of high-class
appearance, and being by this time less assured of my competence in the
matter unaided, both on account of the multiplicity of evil omens on
every side, and the perverse impulses of the guiding demon, whereby
at sudden angles certain of my organs had the emotion of being left
irrevocably behind and others of being snatched relentlessly forward, I
approached him courteously.
“Behold,” I said, “many thousand li of water, both fresh and bitter,
flow between the one who is addressing you and his native town of
Yuen-ping, where the tablets at the street corners are as familiar to
him as the lines of his own unshapely hands; for, as it is truly said,
‘Does the starling know the lotus roots, or the pomfret read its way by
the signs among the upper branches of the pines?’ Out of the necessities
of his ignorance and your own overwhelming condescension enlighten him,
therefore, whether the destination of this fire-chariot by any chance
corresponds with the inscribed name upon his talisman?”
Thus adjured, the stranger benevolently turned himself to the detail,
and upon consulting a book of symbols he expressed himself to this wise:
that after a sufficient interval I should come into a certain station,
called in part after the title of the enlightened ruler of this Island,
and there abandoning the train which was carrying us, I should enter
another which would bring me out of the Beneath Parts and presently into
the midst of that Palace which I sought. This advice seemed good, for
a reasonable connection might be supposed to exist between a station
so auspiciously called and a Palace bearing the harmonious name of
the gracious and universally-revered sovereign-consort. Accordingly I
thanked him ceremoniously, not only on my own part, but also on behalf
of eleven generations of immediate ancestors, and in the name of seven
generations who should come after, and he on his side agreeably replied
that he was sure his grandmother would have done as much for mine, and
he sincerely hoped that none of his great-great-grandchildren would
prove less obliging. In this intellectual manner, varied with the
entertainment of profuse bows, the time passed cordially between us
until the barbarian reached his own alighting stage, when he again
repeated the various details of the strategy for my observance.
At this point let it be set forth deliberately that there existed no
treachery in the advice, still less that this person is incapable of
competently achieving the destined end of any hazard upon which he
may embark when once the guiding signs have been made clear to his
understanding. Whatever entanglement arose was due merely to the
conflicting manners of expression used by two widely-varying races, even
as our own proverb says, “What is only sauce for the cod is serious for
the oyster.”
At the station indicated as bearing the sign of the ruler of the country
(which even a person of little discernment could have recognised by
the highly-illuminated representation bearing the elusively-worded
inscription, “In packets only”), I left this fire-chariot, and at once
perceiving another in an attitude of departure, I entered it, as the
casual barbarian had definitely instructed, and began to assure myself
that I had already become expertly proficient in the art of journeying
among these Beneath Regions and to foresee the time, not far distant,
when others would confidently address themselves to me in their
extremities. So entrancing did this contemplation grow, that this
outrageous person began to compose the actual words with which he would
instruct them as the occasion arose, as thus, “Undoubtedly, O virtuous
and not unattractive maiden, this fire-engine will ultimately lead your
refined footsteps into the street called Those who Bake Food. Do not
hesitate, therefore, to occupy the vacant place by this insignificant
one’s side”; or, “By no means, honourable sir; the Cross of Charing
is in the precisely opposite direction to that selected by this
self-opinionated machine for its inopportune destination. Do not rebuke
this person for his immoderate loss of mental gravity, for your mistake,
though pardonable in a stranger, is really excessively diverting. Your
most prudent course now will assuredly be to cast yourself from the
carriage without delay and rely upon the benevolent intervention of a
fire-chariot proceeding backwards.”
Alas, it is truly said, “None but sword-swallowers should endeavour to
swallow swords,” thereby signifying the vast chasm that lies between
those who are really adroit in an undertaking and those who only think
that they may easily become so. Presently it began to become deeply
impressed upon my discrimination that the journey was taking a more
lengthy duration than I had been given to understand would be the case,
while at the same time a permanent deliverance from the terrors of the
Beneath Parts seemed to be insidiously lengthening out into a funereal
unattainableness. The point of this person’s destination, he had been
assured on all hands, was a spot beyond which even the most aggressively
assertive engine could not proceed, so that he had no fears of being
incapably drawn into more remote places, yet when hour after hour passed
and the ill-destined machine never failed in its malicious endeavours to
leave each successive tarrying station, it is not to be denied that
my imagination dwelt regretfully upon the true civilisation of our
own enlightened country, where, by the considerate intervention of an
all-wise government, the possibilities of so distressing an experience
are sympathetically removed from one’s path. Thus the greater part of
the day had faded, and I was conjecturing that by this time we must
inevitably be approaching the barren and inhospitable country which
forms the northern limit of the Island, when the door suddenly opened
and the barbarian stranger whom I had left many hundred li behind
entered the carriage.
At this manifestation all uncertainty departed, and I now understood
that to some obscure end witchcraft of a very powerful and high-caste
kind was being employed around me; for in no other way was it credible
to one’s intelligence that a person could propel himself through the
air with a speed greater than that of one of these fire-chariots, and
overtake it. Doubtless it was a part of this same scheme which made it
seem expedient to the stranger that he should feign a part, for he
at once greeted me as though the occasion were a matter of everyday
happening, exclaiming genially--
“Well, Mr. Kong, returning? And what do you think of the Palace?”
“It is fitly observed, ‘To the earthworm the rice stalk is as high as
the pagoda,’” I replied with adroit evasion, clearly understanding from
his manner that for some reason, not yet revealed to me, a course of
dissimulation was expedient in order to mislead the surrounding
demons concerning my movements, and by a subtle indication of the face
conveying to the stranger an assurance that I had tactfully grasped
the requirement, and would endeavour to walk well upon his heels,
“and therefore it would be unseemly for a person of my insignificant
attainments to engage in the doubtful flattery of comparing it with
the many other residences of the pure and exalted which embellish your
Capital.”
“Oh,” said the one whom I may now suitably describe by the name of Sir
Philip, “that’s rather a useful proverb sometimes. Many people there?”
At this inquiry I could not disguise from myself an emotion that
the person seated opposite was not diplomatically inspired in so
persistently clinging to the one subject upon which he must assuredly
know that I experienced an all-pervading deficiency. Nevertheless,
being by this more fully convinced that the disguise was one of critical
necessity, and not deeming that the essential ceremonies of one Palace
would differ from those of another, no matter in what land they stood
(while through all I read a clear design on Sir Philip’s part that
the opportunity was craftily arranged so that I might impress upon any
vindictively-intentioned spirits within hearing an assumption of high
protection), I replied that the gathering had been one of unparalleled
splendour, both by reason of the multitude of exalted nobles present
and also owing to the jewelled magnificence lavished on every detail.
Furthermore, I continued, now definitely abandoning all the promptings
of a wise reserve, and reflecting, as we say, that one may as well be
drowned in the ocean as in a wooden bucket, not only did the sublime and
unapproachable sovereign graciously permit me to kow-tow respectfully
before him, but subsequently calling me to his side beneath a canopy of
golden radiance, he conversed genially with me and benevolently assured
me of his sympathetic favour on all occasions (this, I conjectured,
would certainly overawe any Evil Force not among the very highest
circles), while the no less magnanimous Prince of the Imperial Line
questioned me with flattering assiduousness concerning a method of
communicating with persons at a distance by means of blows or stamps
upon a post (as far as the outer meaning conveyed itself to me), the
houses which we build, and whether they contained an adequate provision
of enclosed spaces in the walls.
Doubtless I could have continued in this praiseworthy spirit of delicate
cordiality to an indefinite amount had I not chanced to observe at this
point that the expression of Sir Philip’s urbanity had become entangled
in a variety of other emotions, not all propitious to the scheme,
so that in order to retire imperceptibly within myself I smiled
broad-mindedly, remarking that it was well said that the moon was only
bright while the sun was hid, and that I had lately been dazzled with
the sight of so much brilliance and virtuous condescension that
there were occasions when I questioned inwardly how much I had really
witnessed, and how much had been conveyed to me in the nature of an
introspective vision.
It will already have been made plain to you, O my courtly-mannered
father, that these barbarians are totally deficient in the polite
art whereby two persons may carry on a flattering and highly-attuned
conversation, mutually advantageous to the esteem of each, without it
being necessary in any way that their statements should have more than
an ornamental actuality. So wanting in this, the most concentrated form
of truly well-bred entertainment, are even their high officials,
that after a few more remarks, to which I made answer in a spirit of
skilfully-sustained elusiveness, the utterly obtuse Sir Philip said at
length, “Excuse my asking, Mr. Kong, but have you really been to the
Alexandra Palace at all?”
Admittedly there are few occasions in life on which it is not possible
to fail to see the inopportune or low-class by a dignified impassiveness
of features, an adroitly-directed jest, or a remark of baffling
inconsequence, but in the face of so distressingly straightforward a
demand what can be advanced by a person of susceptible refinement when
opposed to one of incomparably larger dimensions, imprisoned by his side
in the recess of a fire-chariot which is leaping forward with uncurbed
velocity, and surrounded by demons with whose habits and partialities he
is unfamiliar?
“In a manner of expressing the circumstance,” I replied, “it is not to
be denied that this person’s actual footsteps may have imperceptibly
been drawn somewhat aside from the path of his former design. Yet
inasmuch as it is truly said that the body is in all things subservient
to the mind, and is led withersoever it is willed, and as your engaging
directions were scrupulously observed with undeviating fidelity, it
would be impertinently self-opinionated on this person’s part to
imply that they failed to guide him to his destination. Thus, for all
ceremonial purposes, it is permissible conscientiously to assume that he
HAS been there.”
“I am afraid that I must not have been sufficiently clear,” said Sir
Philip. “Did you miss the train at King’s Cross?”
“By no means,” I replied firmly, pained inwardly that he should cast the
shadow of such narrow incompetence upon me. “Seeing this machine on the
point of setting forth on a journey, even as your overwhelming
sagacity had enabled you to predict would be the case, I embarked with
self-reliant confidence.”
“Good lord!” murmured the person opposite, beginning to manifest an
excess of emotion for which I was quite unable to account. “Then you
have been in this train--your actual footsteps I mean, Mr. Kong; not
your ceremonial abstract subliminal ego--ever since?”
To this I replied that his words shone like the moon at midnight with
scintillating points of truth; adding, however, as the courtesies of
the occasion required, that I had been so impressed with the many-sided
brilliance of his conversation earlier in the day as to render the
flight of time practically unnoticed by me.
“But did it never occur to you to ask at one of the stations?” he
demanded, still continuing to wave his hands incapably from side to
side. “Any of the porters would have told you.”
“Kong Li Heng, the founder of our line, who was really great, has been
dead eleven centuries, and no single fact or incident connected with his
life has been preserved to influence mankind,” I replied. “How much less
will it matter, then, even in so limited a space of time as a hundred
years, in what fashion so insignificant a person as the one before you
acted on any occasion, and why, therefore, should he distress himself
unnecessarily to any precise end?” In this manner I sought to place
before him the dignified example of an imperturbability which can be
maintained in every emergency, and at the same time to administer a
plain yet scrupulously-sheathed rebuke; for the inauspicious manner in
which he had first drawn me on to speak confidently of the ceremonies of
the Royal Palace and then held up my inadequacy to undeserved contempt
had not rejoiced my imagination, and I was still uncertain how much to
claim, and whether, perchance, even yet a more subtle craft lay under
all.
“Well, in any case, when you go back you can claim the distinction of
having been taken seven times round London, although you can’t really
have seen much of it,” said Sir Philip. “This is a Circle train.”
At this assertion I looked up. Though admittedly curved a little about
the roof the chariot was in every essential degree what we should
pronounce to be a square one; whereupon, feeling at length that the
involvement had definitely passed to a point beyond my contemptible
discernment, I spread out my hands acquiescently and affably remarked
that the days were lengthening out pleasantly.
In such a manner I became acquainted with the one Sir Philip, and
thereby, in a somewhat circuitous line, the original purpose which
possessed my brush when I began this inept and commonplace letter
is reached; for the person in question not only lay upon himself the
obligation of leading me “by the strings of his apron-garment”--in the
characteristic and fanciful turn of the barbarian language--to that same
Palace on the following day, but thenceforth gracefully affecting to
discern certain agreeable virtues in my conversation and custom of habit
he frequently sought me out. More recently, on the double plea that they
of his household had a desire to meet me, and that if I spent all my
time within the Capital my impressions of the Island would necessarily
be ill-balanced and deformed, he advanced a project that I should
accompany him to a spot where, as far as I was competent to grasp
the idiom, he was in the habit of sitting (doubtless in an abstruse
reverie), in the country; and having assured myself by means of discreet
innuendo that the seat referred to would be adequate for this person
also, and that the occasion did not in any way involve a payment of
money, I at once expressed my willingness towards the adventure.
With numerous expressions of unfeigned regret (from a filial point of
view) that the voice of one of the maidens of the household, lifted
in the nature of a defiance against this one to engage with her in a
two-handed conflict of hong pong, obliges him to bring this immature
composition to a hasty close.