Concerning warfare, both as waged by ourselves and by a
nation devoid of true civilisation. The aged man and the
meeting and the parting of our ways. The instance of the one
who expressed emotion by leaping.
Venerated Sire,--You are omniscient, but I cannot regard the fear which
you express in your beautifully-written letter, bearing the sign of the
eleventh day of the seventh moon, as anything more than the imaginings
prompted by a too-lavish supper of your favourite shark’s fin and peanut
oil. Unless the dexterously-elusive attributes of the genial-spoken
persons high in office at Pekin have deteriorated contemptibly
since this one’s departure, it is quite impossible for our great
and enlightened Empire to be drawn into a conflict with the northern
barbarians whom you indicate, against our will. When the matter becomes
urgent, doubtless a prince of the Imperial line will loyally suffer
himself to Pass Above, and during the period of ceremonial mourning
for so pure and exalted an official it would indeed be an unseemly
desecration to engage in any public business. If this failed, and an
ultimatum were pressed with truly savage contempt for all that is sacred
and refined, it might be well next to consider the health even of the
sublime Emperor himself (or, perhaps better, that of the select and
ever-present Dowager Empress); but should the barbarians still advance,
and, setting the usages of civilised warfare at defiance, threaten an
engagement in the midst of this unparalleled calamity, there will be no
alternative but to have a formidable rebellion in the Capital. All
the barbarian powers will then assemble as usual, and in the general
involvement none dare move alone, and everything will have to be
regarded as being put back to where it was before. It is well said, “The
broken vessel can never be made whole, but it may be delicately arranged
so that another shall displace it.”
These barbarians, less resourceful in device, have only recently emerged
from a conflict into which they do not hesitate to admit they were drawn
despite their protests. Such incompetence is characteristic of their
methods throughout. Not in any way disguising their purpose, they
at once sent out an army of those whom could be the readiest seized,
certainly furnishing them with weapons, charms to use in case of
emergency, and three-coloured standards (their adversaries adopting
a white banner to symbolise the conciliation of their attitude, and
displaying both freely in every extremity), but utterly neglecting to
teach them the arts of painting their bodies with awe-inspiring forms,
of imitating the cries of wild animals as they attacked, of clashing
their weapons together with menacing vigour, or any of the recognised
artifices by which terror may be struck into the ranks of an awaiting
foeman. The result was that which the prudent must have foreseen. The
more accomplished enemy, without exposing themselves to any unnecessary
inconvenience, gained many advantages by their intrepid power of
dissimulation--arranging their garments and positions in such a way that
they had the appearance of attacking when in reality they were effecting
a prudent retreat; rapidly concealing themselves among the earth on the
approach of an overwhelming force; becoming openly possessed with the
prophetic vision of an assured final victory whenever it could be no
longer concealed that matters were becoming very desperate indeed; and
gaining an effective respite when all other ways of extrication were
barred against them by the stratagem of feigning that they were other
than those whom they had at first appeared to be.
In the meantime the adventure was not progressing pleasantly for those
chiefly concerned at home. With the earliest tidings of repulse it was
discovered that in the haste of embarkation the wrong persons had been
sent, all those who were really the fittest to command remaining behind,
and many of these did not hesitate to write to the printed papers,
resolutely admitting that they themselves were in every way better
qualified to bring the expedition to a successful end, at the same time
skilfully pointing out how the disasters which those in the field
had incurred could easily have been avoided by acting in a precisely
contrary manner.
In the emergency the most far-seeing recommended a more unbending policy
of extermination. Among these, one in particular, a statesman bearing
an illustrious name of two-edged import, distinguished himself by the
liberal broad-mindedness of his opinions, and for the time he even did
not flinch from making himself excessively unpopular by the wide
and sweeping variety of his censure. “We are confessedly a barbarian
nation,” fearlessly declared this unprejudiced person (who, although
entitled by hereditary right to carry a banner on the field of battle,
with patriotic self-effacement preferred to remain at home and encourage
those who were fighting by pointing out their inadequacy to the task and
the extreme unlikelihood of their ever accomplishing it), “and in order
to achieve our purpose speedily it is necessary to resort to the methods
of barbarism.” The most effective measure, as he proceeded to explain
with well-thought-out detail, would be to capture all those least
capable of resistance, concentrate them into a given camp, and then
at an agreed signal reduce the entire assembly to what he termed, in
a passage of high-minded eloquence, “a smoking hecatomb of women and
children.”
His advice was pointed with a crafty insight, for not only would such a
course have brought the stubborn enemy to a realisation of the weakness
of their position and thus paved the way to a dignified peace, but by
the act itself few would have been left to hand down the tradition of
a relentless antagonism. Yet with incredible obtuseness his advice was
ignored and he himself was referred to at the time by those who regarded
the matter from a different angle, with a scarcely-veiled dislike, which
towards many of his followers took the form of building materials and
other dissentient messages whenever they attempted to raise their voices
publicly. As an inevitable result the conquest of the country took
years, where it would have been moons had the more truly humane policy
been adopted, commerce and the arts languished, and in the end so little
spoil was taken that it was more common to meet six mendicants wearing
the honourable embellishment of the campaign than to see one captured
slave maiden offered for sale in the market places--indeed, even to this
day the deficiency is clearly admitted and openly referred to as The
Great “Domestic” Problem.
At various times during my residence here I have been filled with a
most acute gratification when the words of those around have seemed to
indicate that they recognised the undoubted superiority of the laws and
institutions of our enlightened country. Sometimes, it is true, upon a
more detailed investigation of the incident, it has presently appeared
that either I had misunderstood the exact nature of their sentiments
or they had slow-wittedly failed to grasp the precise operation of the
enactment I had described; but these exceptions are clearly the outcome
of their superficial training, and do not affect the fact my feeble and
frequently even eccentric arguments are at length certainly moving the
more intelligent into an admission of what constitutes true justice
and refinement. It is not to be denied that here and there exists a
prejudice against our customs even in the minds of the studious; but as
this is invariably the shadow of misconception, it has frequently been
my sympathetic privilege to promote harmony by means of the inexorable
logic of fact and reason. “But are not your officials uncompromisingly
opposed to the freedom of the Press?” said one who conversed with me on
the varying phases of the two countries, and knowing that in his eyes
this would constitute an unendurable offence, I at once appeased his
mind. “By no means,” I replied; “if anything, the exact contrary is
the case. As a matter of reality, of course, there is no Press now, the
all-seeing Board of Censors having wisely determined that it was not
stimulating to the public welfare; but if such an institution was
permitted to exist you may rest genially assured that nothing could
exceed the lenient toleration which all in office would extend towards
it.” A similar instance of malicious inaccuracy is widely spoken of
regarding our lesser ones. “Is it really a fact, Mr. Kong,” exclaimed a
maiden of magnanimous condescension, to this person recently, “that
we poor women are despised in your country, and that among the
working-classes female children are even systematically abandoned as
soon as they are born?” Suffering my features to express amusement at
this unending calumny, I indicated my violent contempt towards the one
who had first uttered it. “So far from despising them,” I continued,
with ingratiating gallantry, “we recognise that they are quite necessary
for the purposes of preparing our food, carrying weighty burdens,
and the like; and how grotesque an action would it be for poor but
affectionate parents to abandon one who in a few years’ time could be
sold at a really remunerative profit, this, indeed, being the principal
means of sustenance in many frugal families.”
On another occasion I had seated myself upon a wooden couch in one
of the open spaces about the outskirts of the city, when an aged man
chanced to pass by. Him I saluted with ceremonious politeness, on
account of his years and the venerable dignity of his beard. Thereupon
he approached near, and remarking affably that the afternoon was good
(though, to use no subtle evasion, it was very evil), he congenially sat
by my side and entered into familiar discourse.
“They say that in your part of the world we old grandfathers are
worshipped,” he said, after recounting to my ears all the most intimate
details of his existence from his youth upwards; “now, might that be
right?”
“Truly,” I replied. “It is the unchanging foundation of our system of
morality.”
“Ay, ay,” he admitted pleasantly. “We are a long way behind them
foreigners in everything. At the rate we’re going there won’t be any
trade nor work nor religion left in this country in another twenty
years. I often wish I had gone abroad when I was younger. And if I
had chanced upon your parts I should be worshipped, eh?” and at the
agreeable thought the aged man laughed in his throat with simple humour.
“Assuredly,” I replied; “--after you were dead.”
“Eh?” exclaimed the venerable person, checking the fountain of his mirth
abruptly at the word. “Dead! not before? Doesn’t--doesn’t that seem a
bit of a waste?”
“Such has been the observance from the time of unrecorded antiquity,” I
replied. “‘Obey parents, respect the old, loyally uphold the sovereign,
and worship ancestors.’”
“Well, well,” remarked the one beside me, “obedience and respect--that’s
something nowadays. And you make them do it?”
“Our laws are unflinching in their application,” I said. “No crime is
held to be more detestable than disrespect of those to whom we owe our
existence.”
“Quite right,” he agreed, “it’s a pleasure to hear it. It must be a
great country, yours; a country with a future, I should say. Now, about
that youngest lad of my son Henry’s--the one that drops pet lizards down
my neck, and threatened to put rat poison into his mother’s tea when she
wouldn’t take him to the Military Turneyment; what would they do to him
by your laws?”
“If the assertion were well sustained by competent witnesses,” I
replied, “it would probably be judged so execrable an offence, that
a new punishment would have to be contrived. Failing that, he would
certainly be wrapped round from head to foot in red-hot chains, and thus
exposed to public derision.”
“Ah, red-hot chains!” said the aged person, as though the words formed a
pleasurable taste upon his palate. “The young beggar! Well, he’d deserve
it.”
“Furthermore,” I continued, gratified at having found one who so
intelligently appreciated the deficiencies of his own country and the
unblemished perfection of ours, “his parents and immediate descendants,
if any should exist, would be submitted to a fate as inevitable but
slightly less contemptuous--slow compression, perchance; his parents
once removed (thus enclosing your venerable personality), and remoter
offsprings would be merely put to the sword without further ignominy,
and those of less kinship to about the fourth degree would doubtless
escape with branding and a reprimand.”
“Lordelpus!” exclaimed the patriarchal one, hastily leaping to the
extreme limit of the wooden couch, and grasping his staff into a
significant attitude of defence; “what’s that for?”
“Our system of justice is all-embracing,” I explained. “It is reasonably
held that in such a case either that there is an inherent strain of
criminality which must be eradicated at all hazard, or else that those
who are responsible for the virtuous instruction of the young have been
grossly neglectful of their duty. Whichever is the true cause, by this
unfailing method we reach the desired end, for, as our proverb aptly
says, ‘Do the wise pluck the weed and leave the roots to spread?’”
“It’s butchery, nothing short of Smithfield,” said the ancient person
definitely, rising and moving to a more remote distance as he spoke the
words, yet never for a moment relaxing the aggressive angle at which
he thrust out his staff before him. “You’re a bloodthirsty race in my
opinion, and when they get this door open in China that there’s so much
talk about, out you go through it, my lad, or old England will know
why.” With this narrow-minded imprecation on his lips he left me, not
even permitting me to continue expounding what would be the most likely
sentences meted out to the witnesses in the case, the dwellers of the
same street, and the members of the household with whom the youth in
question had contemplated forming an alliance.
Among the many contradictions which really almost seem purposely
arranged to entrap the unwary in this strangely under-side-up country,
is the fact that while the ennobled and those of high official rank are
courteous in their attitude and urbane--frequently even to the extent
of refusing money from those whom they have obliged, no matter how
privately pressed upon them--the low-caste and slavish are not only
deficient in obsequiousness, but are permitted to retort openly to those
who address them with fitting dignity. Here such a state of things
is too general to excite remark, but as instances are well called the
flowers of the tree of assertion, this person will set forth the manner
in which he was contumaciously opposed by an oblique-eyed outcast who
attended within the stall of one selling wrought gold, jewels, and
merchandise of the finer sort.
Being desirous of procuring a gift wherewith to propitiate a certain
maiden’s esteem, and seeing above a shop of varied attraction a
suspended sign emblematic of three times repeated gild abundance I drew
near, not doubting to find beneath so auspicious a token the fulfilment
of an honourable accommodation. Inside the window was displayed one
of the implements by which the various details of a garment are joined
together upon turning a wheel, hung about with an inscription setting
forth that it was esteemed at the price of two units of gold, nineteen
pieces of silver, and eleven and three-quarters of the brass cash of the
land, and judging that no more suitable object could be procured for the
purpose, I entered the shop, and desired the attending slave to submit
it to my closer scrutiny.
“Behold,” I exclaimed, when I had made a feint of setting the device
into motion (for it need not be concealed from you, O discreet one, that
I was really inadequate to the attempt, and, indeed, narrowly escaped
impaling myself upon its sudden and unexpected protrusions), “the
highly-burnished surface of your dexterously arranged window gave to
this engine a rich attractiveness which is altogether lacking at a
closer examination. Nevertheless, this person will not recede from a
perhaps too impulsive offer of one unit of gold, three pieces of silver,
and four and a half brass cash,” my object, of course, being that after
the mutual recrimination of disparagement and over-praise we should in
the length of an hour or two reach a becoming compromise in the middle
distance.
“Well,” responded the menial one, regarding me with an expression in
which he did not even attempt to subdue the baser emotions, “you HAVE
come a long way for nothing”; and he made a pretence of wishing to
replace the object.
“Yet,” I continued, “observe with calm impartiality how insidiously the
rust has assailed the outer polish of the lacquer; perceive here upon
the beneath part of wood the ineffaceable depression of a deeply-pointed
blow; note well the--”
“It was good enough for you to want me to muck up out of the window,
wasn’t it?” demanded the obstinate barbarian, becoming passionate in his
bearing rather than reluctantly, but with courteous grace, lessening the
price to a trifling degree, as we regard the proper way of carrying on
the enterprise.
“It is well said,” I admitted, hoping that he might yet learn wisdom
from my attitude of unruffled urbanity, though I feared that his angle
of negotiating was unconquerably opposed to mine, “but now its many
imperfections are revealed. The inelegance of its outline, the grossness
of the applied colours, the unlucky combination of numbers engraved upon
this plate, the--”
“Damme!” cried the utterly perverse rebel standing opposite, “why don’t
you keep on your Compound, you Yellow Peril? Who asked you to come into
my shop to blackguard the things? Come now, who did?”
“Assuredly it is your place of commerce,” I replied cheerfully,
preparing to bring forward an argument, which in our country never fails
to shake the most stubborn, “yet bend your eyes to the fact that at no
great distance away there stands another and a more alluring stall of
merchandise where--”
“Go to it then!” screamed the abandoned outcast, leaping over his
counter and shouting aloud in a frenzy of uncontrollable rage. “Clear
out, or I’ll bend my feet--” but concluding at this point that some
private calumny from which he was doubtless suffering was disturbing
his mind to so great an extent that there was little likelihood of
our bringing the transaction to a profitable end, I left the shop
immediately but with befitting dignity.
With a fell-founded assurance that you will now be acquiring a really
precise and bird’s-eye-like insight into practically all phases of this
country.