Concerning the virtuous amusements of both old and young.
The sit-round games. The masterpiece of the divine Li Tang,
and its reception by all, including that same Herbert.
Venerated Sire (whose breadth of mind is so well developed as to take
for granted boundless filial professions, which, indeed, become vapid by
a too frequent reiteration),--
Your amiable inquiry as to how the barbarians pass their time, when not
employed in affairs of commerce or in worshipping their ancestors, has
inspired me to examine the matter more fully. At the same time your
pleasantly-composed aphorism that the interior nature of persons does
not vary with the colour of their eyes, and that if I searched I should
find the old flying kites and the younger kicking feather balls or
working embroidery, according to their sex, does not appear to be
accurately sustained.
The lesser ones, it is true, engage in a variety of sumptuous
handicrafts, such as the scorching of wooden tablets with the semblance
of a pattern, and gouging others with sharpened implements into a crude
relief; depicting birds and flowers upon the surface of plates, rending
leather into shreds, and entwining beaten iron, brass, and copper into a
diversity of most ingenious complications; but when I asked a maiden of
affectionate and domesticated appearance whether she had yet worked her
age-stricken father’s coffin-cloth, she said that the subject was one
upon which she declined to jest, and rapidly involving herself in a
profuse display of emotion, she withdrew, leaving this one aghast.
To enable my mind to retranquillise, I approached a youth
of highly-gilded appearance, and, with many predictions of
self-inferiority, I suggested that we should engage in the stimulating
rivalry of feather ball. When he learned, however, that the diversion
consisted in propelling upwards a feather-trimmed chip by striking it
against the side of the foot, he candidly replied that he was afraid
he had grown out of shuttle-cock, but did not mind, if I was vigorously
inclined, “taking me on for a set of yang-pong.”
Old men here, it is said, do not fly kites, and they affect to despise
catching flies for amusement, although they frequently go fishing.
Struck by this peculiarity, I put it in the form of an inquiry to one
of venerable appearance, why, when at least five score flies were
undeniably before his eyes, he preferred to recline for lengthy periods
by the side of a stream endeavouring to snare creatures of whose
existence he himself had never as yet received any adequate proof.
Doubtless in my contemptible ignorance, however, I used some word
inaccurately, for those who stood around suffered themselves to become
amused, and the one in question replied with no pretence of amiable
condescension that the jest had already been better expressed a hundred
times, and that I would find the behind parts of a printed leaf
called “Punch” in the bookcase. Not being desirous of carrying on
a conversation of which I felt that I had misplaced the most highly
rectified ingredient, I bowed repeatedly, and replied affably that
wisdom ruled his left side and truth his right.
It was upon this same occasion that a young man of unprejudiced
wide-mindedness, taking me aside, asserted that the matter had not been
properly set forth when I was inquiring about kites. Both old and young
men, he continued, frequently endeavoured to fly kites, even in the
involved heart of the city. He had tried once or twice himself, but
never with encouraging success, chiefly, he was told, because his paper
was not good enough. Many people, he added, would not scruple to mislead
me with evasive ambiguity on this one subject owing to an ill-balanced
conception of what constituted true dignity, but he was unwilling
that his countrymen should be thought by mine to be sunk into a deeper
barbarism than actually existed.
His warning was not inopportune. Seated next to this person at a later
period was a maiden from whose agreeably-poised lips had hitherto
proceeded nothing but sincerity and fact. Watching her closely I asked
her, as one who only had a languid interest either one way or the
other, whether her revered father or her talented and richly-apparelled
brothers ever spent their time flying kites about the city. In spite of
a most efficient self-control her colour changed at my words, and her
features trembled for a moment, but quickly reverting to herself she
replied that she thought not; then--as though to subdue my suspicions
more completely--that she was sure they did not, as the kites would
certainly frighten the horses and the appointed watchmen of the street
would not allow it. She confessed, however, with unassumed candour, that
the immediate descendants of her sister were gracefully proficient in
the art.
From this, great and enlightened one, you will readily perceive
how misleading an impression might be carried away by a person
scrupulously-intentioned but not continually looking both ways, when
placed among a people endowed with the uneasy suspicion of the barbarian
and struggling to assert a doubtful refinement. Apart from this, there
has to be taken into consideration their involved process of reasoning,
and the unexpectedly different standards which they apply to every
subject.
At the house of the Maidens Blank, when the evening was not spent in
listening to melodious voices and the harmony of stringed woods, it was
usual to take part in sit-round games of various kinds. (And while it
is on his brush this person would say with commendable pride that a
well-trained musician among us can extort more sound from a hollow
wooden pig, costing only a few cash, than the most skilful here ever
attain on their largest instrument--a highly-lacquered coffin on legs,
filled with bells and hidden springs, and frequently sold for a thousand
taels.)
Upon a certain evening, at the conclusion of one sit-round game which
involved abrupt music, a barrier of chairs, and the exhilarating
possibility of being sat upon by the young and vivacious in their zeal,
a person of the company turned suddenly to the one who is communicating
with you and said enticingly, “Why did Birdcage Walk?”
Not judging from his expression that this was other than a polite
inquiry on a matter which disturbed his repose, I was replying that the
manifestation was undoubtedly the work of a vexatious demon which had
taken up its abode in the article referred to, when another, by my side,
cried aloud, “Because it envied Queen Anne’s Gate”; and without a pause
cast back the question, “Who carved The Poultry?”
In spite of the apparent simplicity of the demand it was received by
all in an attitude of complicated doubt, and this person was considering
whether he might not acquire distinction by replying that such an office
fell by custom to the lot of the more austere Maiden Blank, when the
very inadequate reply, “Mark Lane with St. Mary’s Axe,” was received
with applause and some observations in a half-tone regarding the
identity of the fowl.
By the laws of the sit-round games the one who had last spoken now
proclaimed himself, demanding to know, “Why did Battersea Rise?” but the
involvement was evidently superficial, for the maiden at whose memory
this one’s organs still vibrate ignobly at once replied, “Because it
thought Clapham Common,” in turn inquiring, “What made the Marble Arch?”
Although I would have willingly sacrificed to an indefinite extent to be
furnished with the preconcerted watchword, so that I might have enlarged
myself in the eyes of this consecrated being’s unapproachable esteem,
I had already decided that the competition was too intangible for
one whose thoughts lay in well-defined parallel lines, and it fell to
another to reply, “To hear Salisbury Court.”
This, O my broad-minded ancestor of the first degree--an aimless
challenge coupled with the name of one recognisable spot, replied to by
the haphazard retort of another place, frequently in no way joined to
it, was regarded as an exceptionally fascinating sit-round game by a
company of elderly barbarians!
“What couldn’t Walbrook?” it might be, and “Such Cheapside,” would be
deemed a praiseworthy solution. “When did King’s Bench Walk?” would
be asked, and to reply, “When Gray’s Inn Road,” covered the one with
overpowering acclamation. “Bevis Marks only an Inner Circle at The
Butts; why?” was a demand of such elaborate complexity that (although
this person was lured out of his self-imposed restraint by the silence
of all round, and submerging his intelligence to an acquired level,
unobtrusively suggested, “Because Aylesbury ducks, perchance”) it fell
to the one propounding to announce, “Because St. John’s Wood Shoot-up
Hill.”
Admittedly it is written, “When the shutter is fastened the girdle is
loosened,” but it is as truly said, “Not in the head, nor yet in the
feet, but in the organs of digestion does wisdom reside,” and even in
jesting the middle course of neither an excessive pride nor an absolute
weak-mindedness is to be observed. With what concrete pangs of acute
mental distress would this person ever behold his immaculate progenitor
taking part in a similar sit-round game with an assembly of worthy
mandarins, the one asking questions of meaningless import, as “Why
did they Hangkow?” and another replying in an equal strain of no
consecutiveness, “In order to T’in Tung!”
At length a person who is spoken of as having formerly been the captain
of a band of warriors turned to me with an unsuspected absence of
ferocity and said, “Your countrymen are very proficient in the art
of epigram, are they not, Mr. Kong? Will you not, in turn, therefore,
favour us with an example?” Whereupon several maidens exclaimed with
engaging high temper, “Oh yes; do ask us some funny Chinese riddles, Mr.
Kong!”
“Assuredly there are among us many classical instances of the light
sayings which require matching,” I replied, gratified that I should have
the opportunity of showing their superiority. “One, harmonious
beyond the blend of challenge and retort, is as follows--‘The Phoenix
embroidered upon the side of the shoe: When the shoe advances the
Phoenix leaps forward.’”
“Oh!” cried several of the maidens, and from the nature of their glances
it might reasonably be gathered that already they began to recognise the
inferiority of their own sayings.
“Is that the question, or the answer, or both?” asked a youth of
unfledged maturity, and to hide their conscious humiliation several
persons allowed their faces to melt away.
“That which has been expressed,” replied this person with an ungrudging
toleration, “is the first or question portion of the contrast. The
answer is that which will be supplied by your honourable condescension.”
“But,” interposed one of the maidens, “it isn’t really a question, you
know, Mr. Kong.”
“In a way of regarding it, it may be said to be question, inasmuch as it
requires an answer to establish the comparison. The most pleasing answer
is that which shall be dissimilar in idea, and yet at the same time
maintain the most perfect harmony of parallel thought,” I replied. “Now
permit your exceptional minds to wander in a forest of similitudes: ‘The
Phoenix embroidered upon the side of the shoe: When the shoe advances
the Phoenix leaps forward.’”
“Oh, if that’s all you want,” said the one Herbert, who by an ill
destiny chanced to be present, “‘The red-hot poker held before the Cat’s
nose: When the poker advances the Cat leaps backwards.’”
“Oh, very good!” cried several of those around, “of course it naturally
would. Is that right, Mr. Kong?”
“If the high-souled company is satisfied, then it must be, for there is
no conclusive right or wrong--only an unending search for that which
is most gem-set and resourceful,” replied this person, with an
ever-deepening conviction of no enthusiasm towards the sit-round game.
“But,” he added, resolved to raise for a moment the canopy of a mind
swan-like in its crystal many-sidedness, and then leave them to their
own ineptitude, “for five centuries nothing has been judged equal to
the solution offered by Li Tang. At the time he was presented with
a three-sided banner of silk with the names of his eleven immediate
ancestors embroidered upon it in seven colours, and his own name is
still handed down in imperishable memory.”
“Oh, do tell us what it was,” cried many. “It must have been clever.”
“‘The Dragon painted upon the face of the fan: When the fan is shaken
the Dragon flies upwards,’” replied this person.
It cannot be denied that this was received with an attitude of
respectful melancholy strikingly complimentary to the wisdom of the
gifted Li Tang. But whether it may be that the time was too short to
assimilate the more subtle delicacies of the saying, or whether the
barbarian mind is inherently devoid of true balance, this person was
panged most internally to hear one say to another as he went out, “Do
you know, I really think that Herbert’s was much the better answer of
the two--more realistic, and what you might expect at the pantomime.”
A like inability to grasp with a clear and uninvolved vision, permeates
not only the triviality of a sit-round game but even the most important
transactions of existence.
Shortly after his arrival in the Island, this person was initiated
by the widely-esteemed Quang-Tsun into the private life of one whose
occupation was that of a Law-giver, where he frequently drank tea
on terms of mutual cordiality. Upon such an occasion he was one day
present, conversing with the lesser ones of the household--the head
thereof being absent, setting forth the Law in the Temple--when one of
the maidens cried out with amiable vivacity, “Why, Mr. Kong, you say
such consistently graceful things of the ladies you have met over here,
that we shall expect you to take back an English wife with you. But
perhaps you are already married in China?”
“The conclusion is undeviating in its accuracy,” replied this person,
unable to evade the allusion. “To Ning, Hia-Fa and T’ain Yen, as the
matter stands.”
“Ning Hia-Fa An T’ain Yen!” exclaimed the wife of the Law-giver
pleasantly. “What an important name. Can you pardon our curiosity and
tell us what she is like?”
“Ning, Hia-Fa AND T’ain Yen,” repeated this person, not submitting to
be deprived of the consequence of two wives without due protest. “Three
names, three wives. Three very widely separated likes.”
At this in no way boastfully uttered statement the agreeably outlined
surface of the faces around variated suddenly, the effect being one
which I have frequently observed in the midst of my politest expressions
of felicity. For a moment, indeed, I could not disguise from myself that
the one who had made the inquiry stretched forth her lotus-like hand
towards the secret spring by which it is customary to summon the
attending slaves from the underneath parts, but restraining herself
with the manner of one who would desire to make less of a thing that it
otherwise might seem, she turned to me again.
“How nice!” she murmured. “What a pity you did not bring them all with
you, Mr. Kong. They would have been a great acquisition.”
“Yet it must be well weighed,” I replied, not to be out-complimented
touching one another, “that here they would have met so many fine and
superior gentlemen that they might have become dissatisfied with my less
than average prepossessions.”
“I wonder if they did not think of that in your case, and refuse to let
you come,” said one of the maidens.
“The various persons must not be regarded as being on their all fours,”
I replied, anxious that there should be no misunderstanding on this
point. “They, of course, reside within one inner chamber, but there
would be no duplicity in this one adding indefinitely to the number.”
“Of course not; how silly of me!” exclaimed the maiden. “What splendid
musical evenings you can have. But tell me, Mr. Kong (ought it not to be
Messrs. Kong, mamma?), if a girl married you here would she be legally
married to you in China?”
“Oh yes,” replied this person positively.
“But could you not, by your own laws, have the marriage set aside
whenever you wished?”
“Assuredly,” I admitted. “It is so appointed.”
“Then how could she be legally married?” she persisted, with really
unbecoming suspicion.
“Legally married, legally unmarried,” replied this person, quite
distressed within himself at not being able to understand the difficulty
besetting her. “All perfectly legal and honourably observed.”
“I think, Gwendoline--” said the one of authority, and although the
matter was no further expressed, by an instinct which he was powerless
to avert, this person at once found himself rising with ceremonious
partings.
Not desiring that the obstacle should remain so inadequately swept
away, I have turned my presumptuous footsteps in the direction of the
Law-giver’s house on several later occasions, but each time the word of
the slave guarding the door has been that they of the household,
down even to those of the most insignificant degree of kinship, have
withdrawn to a distant and secluded spot.
With renewed assurances that the enterprise is being gracefully
conducted, however ill-digested and misleading these immature
compositions may appear.